The Moon is Coming to Me

I won’t try to pick the moon–

Gunmetal-colored eyes stared at the busy sky, watching as the clouds and lightning mimicked the conflict she was feeling inside. Although her fingers were clenched around the handlebar before her, there were a few millimeters of distance, as she remained in her memetic form that could not interact with the material world. 

She had been feeling restless and confused–that much she was aware–as several unfamiliar feelings and emotions coursed through her system these past few weeks. If it were any other person, maybe they would have been able to identify what the labels to these feelings were; if it were any other person, maybe they would have someone to talk to.

Unfortunately, the only person she had was Yue.

But what could she do when the source of all these unfamiliar emotions was the man himself?

“Yue,” she whispered under her breath, not realizing that it came off like a helpless whimper.

Yue had always been patient; he had always been a man worth admiring. 

Even before they got to know each other, the Memokeeper already knew how amazing of a person he was. He was someone powerful in both brains and brawn, as well as someone who would make use of everything he could account for, no matter how big of a risk, just for the sake of a better outcome. 

He was intelligent and wise.

Every time she was confused about something, no matter how seemingly stupid it was to be confused over, he would always carefully explain it to her; no matter what she does, he would always gently pat her on the head and flash her a smile.

Yue, despite how he views himself, had always been gentle and warm.

“Yue,” she repeated.

Although she was aware how the man saw himself as the fake moon, she had always thought his name fit him the best.

Yue, just like his name, was like a moon amidst the night sky: the source of light and guidance amidst the darkness concealed within Nix’s heart.

But just like his name, he was something Nix couldn’t and wouldn’t dare dream of reaching. 

To her, Yue was someone she would only reach her hand out to, but would never dare hope to get a response from.

–I want the moon to come to me.

Yet, deep down, she knew she had always had a sense of desire for his presence and companionship.

---

“Please,” the man’s voice was hoarse, desperation lacing his words, “don’t go.”

“Don’t leave me.”

For the first time in her life, the Memokeeper felt something tug in her heartstrings. The man, who always seemed so strong in the face of even the monstrous Erosion eating his memories, was holding her from behind, begging her not to go. 

She knew that he was not begging for her, but at that moment, she couldn’t help but want to stay.

But she understood what she had to do; hence, with a small apology, she slowly dematerialized despite his anguished cry.

---

“Ah,” she muttered under her breath, “Was this what he felt back then?”

Even though Yue was only in the opposite room, she couldn’t help but find the distance between them to be equal to the distance of Jarilo-VI and the Asdana Star System. It was massive, and seemingly unless, but she understands that the fault was no one else’s but hers. 

Yue, she once again repeated his name, only this time she kept it in her thoughts.

Although Yue had always been close to her, the Yue in her mind always had his back to her as she did that day. His back seemed upright yet lonely, but it also seemed like something she could never successfully chase. 

[ Mila is looking for you. She must have recovered another memory. ]

She only glanced at the message, not bothering to give a reply, and teleported into the other woman’s room. 

“I’m here,” she said, “Should I help you sift through your memories?”

“I told you, there’s no need to ask anymore,” Mila reassured her, leaning against the head of her bed, “Feel free to take the stage, Little Leopard.”

She stretched her hand out, her palm hovering Mila’s forehead, and carefully sifted through her memories. Like always, upon finding the newly sprouted memories, Nix copied them into a memory bubble, and held them out in front of Mila. 

And as always, she stayed, accompanying Mila in going through the new memory. 

To her surprise, this simple act of carrying out their usual routine was the key to her recent worries.

“I’m a cursed sinner, why are you even wasting your time on me?”

“Because I love you. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are. I just feel safe around you.”

“And if I can’t always protect you?”

“I never intended to be protected by you and only you. I just want you to be by my side, Eden.”

“Ah,” she gasped, falling into shock.

Love…?

She paused, digesting this information.

As a Memokeeper, she was no stranger to love. She had seen how people loved others; she had seen how love could bloom so beautifully like flowers, but she had also seen how love could bind you painfully like vines. But combining her life as a mortal and as a Memokeeper, she had never understood or experienced the concept of love. She never understood what it meant to love someone.

But looking back at all the memories related to love, she realized how similar her situation is.

I… love Yue?

At that moment, she almost wanted to deny it; to pretend that it wasn’t the case. She was a defective creature; what right did she have to long for something as wonderful as the moon? 

But at the same time, it felt like everything clicked in place.

She loves Yue just as the night loved the moon. 

“Nix, are you alright?” Mila’s voice finally sounded, a slight tremble lacing it as she slowly stepped out of the memory, “Sorry, did I bore you out?”

“No,” Nix shook her head, “In fact, you helped me.”

Nix watched as Mila’s expression slowly relaxed, her lips curving into a smile.

“You’re smiling,” Mila pointed out, making Nix pause, “You’re finally smiling. Yue would be glad to see this.”

It turned out that when I was running to the moon–

“Yue?” She repeated in askance. 

“Yeah, he approached me a while back. He noticed that there was something bothering you, but you seemed like you didn’t want him to know so he asked me to help keep an eye on you.”

Yue, she repeated in her mind.

Yue had always been caring; even when she heartlessly distanced herself from him, he had still worried about her well-being.

“If you want to talk to him, you can go. We can always continue this memory thing tomorrow.”

Normally, Nix would shake her head and reassure her. But at that moment, there was nothing Nix wanted more than to see Yue at the very moment.

She wanted to see the moon and relish in its gentle moonlight.

So she apologized and thanked Mila, stepping out of the room. 

Knowing that there were none of the other Stellaron Hunters that would go to their floor, Nix let herself break into a sprint. 

She ran, without a sound, just as the skirt slowly shortened up to her knees. The shadow behind her slowly lightened and shortened, just as her footsteps started to grow heavy. Soon enough, the soles of her shoes left a lasting echo across the hallway. 

Not long after, another set of footsteps reached her ears, the pace similar to her. Before she could even turn the corner, she felt herself collide against a sturdy chest just as a familiar pair of arms wrapped around her waist.

“Little Kitten's finally back from her hunt?” He chuckled, the vibration of his chest was enough to make Nix calm down.

–The moon was also running to her.

“Mhm,” she hummed, closing her eyes as she relished in his embrace, “Sorry.”

“No need for apologies,” he said, yet Nix felt his arms tighten around her, “What matters is you’re alright.”

She smiled, resting her forehead against his chest, “I’m more than alright.”

“Oh?”

“In fact,” she looked up at him, a grin gracing her face for the first time, “I feel really happy, Yue.”

She loves Yue, the moon amidst the night sky; she felt fortunate to be able to have the right to love him, even if it was a secret she would never be able to tell. 

Yue, there’s a lot of things I told you and want to tell you. But I’ll be selfish just this once… This secret, I’ll keep to myself, so you would always stay by my side.

That would be okay, right?