You'll Heal in Time

On the desk there was a note.

Meet me in the garden.

He knew who it was from. It was handwriting he had come to know all too well over the years.

Ninnies.

It had been a moment and a second since she’d spoken to him, look at him even. Why did she suddenly want to talk? To confront him perhaps? To finally cut the tension once and for all? He wouldn’t deny the request, he never would. It made him no less nervous however.

It was midday by this point, he slept in the library again. He cleaned himself up, and looked out into the garden. She was standing, facing away from the manor, looking into the depths of the garden. He headed out to meet her. He wanted to say something, anything, everything, but he couldn’t. He opened his mouth in an attempt, but shut it again.

She turned around.

She looked a bit surprised at first, as if she didn’t think he’d show up, but her face turned soft, sad. She didn’t look directly at him, and probably couldn’t bring herself to. He understood that, he wouldn’t want to look either.

“I...I’m glad you came.” she held her hands behind her back. Her hair blew faintly in the wind. She had it down today. It was different.

“I had no reason not to.” he was tense, but he wouldn’t show it in his voice.

She took a deep breath, exhaling quietly. “I want to talk.”

“I figured you feared me.”

“I did...but I’ve had some time to think. I thought of what Asmodeus told me once...about how he saved me from demons like you…about how demons would come back and take me away again if I didn’t follow God...” she paused, seemingly to collect her thoughts. “When I was alone...I didn’t know who to turn to. I thought of speaking to Zophiel, but then I thought of what Tottie had told me. The thought of Tottie lingered, then I thought of Rosie, and everyone else...none of them hurt me. I felt safe and happy around everyone, I felt safe around you. Perhaps it’s because you had no memories, but you didn’t hurt me then, so I will hear you out now. I want to know why you...why you did what you did. Why you took me away again.”

He didn’t know where to start. He wanted to lay everything out for her, but how could he? It hurt to think back on, but he needed to...but God where could he start?

“I never knew about you.” she looked up at him. “Amourius never mentioned having a child...he never even mentioned he loved someone else.” he smiled sadly, but it faded as fast as it came.

“...go on.”

“For a long time...we were together. I guess he never truly felt anything, and so he left.” he took a breath, “They tried to kill me Ninnie. God forbid I’m still here, and they did technically succeed in killing me but…” he stopped. The memories shot through his mind, the look Asmodeus gave him, the tone of his voice, the look of joy in his eyes when he knew he caused pain. It was terrible, it hit him 800 years too late on how scared he was. Now was not the time, and so he shook off the thought. “I’m still here. When I came to I saw nothing but red, nothing crossed my mind aside from the thought of their deaths, the thought of revenge. I did nothing to stop myself. I couldn’t. No one else could, but then again no one else was around to. Perhaps things would have been different if there was someone around who could, but that’s not how Fate wanted it.”

Ninnie was looking at the ground again. She had no shoes on, her bare feet gently rubbing the grass. She suddenly, but slowly, began to walk deeper into the garden. A few feet away she stopped and looked back at him, as if she wanted him to follow. So he did.

He walked close behind her.

“When I got my memories back…” she broke the silence. “I saw things I may not have remembered even if my memories were not taken...I had family before Asmodeus and Amourius...I thought about that for a long while. Asmodeus showed me no love, at least not love for me. Not even for Amourius.”

He looked over at as she walked ahead. She swayed gently, hands clasped together behind her back still.

“Amourius always looked happy, even though they fought so often. I guess I thought about things a lot more...like what if...they weren’t really my family? What of my family before them? I don’t remember them as well, but they were happier. They showed me love. It’s...hard still. It was vague...their laughter, their smiles, the night a fire broke out...I lived with Asmodeus after that.” she stopped. She gazed at the sky.

“Y...you were adopted by him?”

“No...not that.”

“...oh...oh.” he realized what she meant. She had been taken away from her family not once, but twice, and that’s only from what her memories showed her. What if even that wasn’t the first time? What had she gone through in her life? How many times was she taken in her short lifespan before he came in and really ruined it?

“I was still happy then...but I’m happy now too.” she glanced over at him, but still avoided his eyes. “You said you were together...did you love him?”

“Whom?”

“Amourius.”

“I did.”

“...I think he loved you too. It’s been a while, and I’m still young, but I’ve seen love. I don’t think that’s what they had.”

Othello never considered anything of the sort. He saw them- he saw their love. What was that then? If not love?

“I don’t want to doubt you- I couldn’t- but what I saw-”

“And I saw it too, but it wasn’t real.” anger tinged across her face. “It wasn’t real, and I know it wasn’t real. It didn’t feel right. I...I don’t know what it was but it wasn’t love.” He clenched his fist. He didn’t care what it was, it hurt him and they knew. Long gone and even now, they probably still know.

“I was angry. Both of them hurt me. Physically, emotionally, and even so...I regret every bit of what I did. When I saw you...when I saw you I felt true fear. I knew not of a child, and I knew not what to do with you. If not for you...I would never have snapped out of my blackened rage. I couldn’t hurt you, but I knew I already had.” he held his head, pushing his bangs aside. “In a panic I just-- I brought you back here. I didn’t know what else to do besides make you forget, but how could you live with a monster like me? So I took your memories. All of them. I figured if you had no memories, then you could live a happy life, but once I did, I felt worse. It was selfish of me to do that, and I felt so much guilt I decided to forget it all instead of facing it. I got rid of everything like a coward, and as a result you lived a life not knowing who you were, and I was hiding right under my families noses. They didn’t know what had happened to me...and they still cared for you when I hid as a doll. It wasn’t fair to them. I did nothing but act as a fool, a coward.”

“I...I don’t think you’re a bad person…” her hair drooped in her face as she looked down.

His hands loosened as he heard a small sob.

“I don’t think...you’re bad for what you did....” tears spilled down her cheeks and fell to the ground. She grasped her hands together tightly. “I don’t...I don’t think you’d ever hurt me…”

“I would never think of it.”

“I…” she looked at him for the first time in a while. She looked in his eyes, glossy with tears. “I don’t think you’re bad! I don’t think you meant any of it! I don’t care if you didn’t have you memories! You never hurt me and I don’t think you would! I...I forgive you!”

He was shocked. How could she say that? How could she say that him? How could she forgive him? He couldn’t even explain himself well- he murdered her family, even if they weren’t her true family, they were family nonetheless. He murdered them in cold blood, something unlike him. Was feeling regret truly enough to cast reason to forgive him?

“N...no I-”

“It’s not up to you to decide!” she screamed. It felt as if time stopped. “I want to forgive you...I don’t...I don’t want to live without you here...and I think I’m old enough to figure it out. I don’t....I still don’t understand why you did it I guess...it’s hard to understand, but I will forgive you! I am! I- I-” she clenched her fists and looked at him. He saw everything, her anger, her frustration, her confusion, everything she had never shown or felt before spilling out of her. “I forgive you Othello!”

He felt a tear trickle down his face. She looked down again, she couldn’t speak anymore. Her voice muddled by her tears and cries. He wanted to hug her, but stopped in hesitation as he reached out for her. No. This isn’t the moment for hesitation. He stepped towards her and brought her into his arms. If she didn’t want to be touched, she’d show it, and he would be fine with it. He knew she was upset, and it would be okay if she wanted to go untouched.

He felt two arms wrap around his waist.

In the moment he wanted to scream. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to, he felt his throat burn in anticipation, but instead he just began to cry. He felt everything at once. She did too.

“Pom.”

“Huh-” she looked up at him, face red with tears and confusion.

“You can still call me Pom.” he smiled down at her.

She gave one in return.

They stayed in the garden for a while.