Eighteen Winters
It was snowing again today. I found a boy in the woods. He had grey hair. He would not speak, so I brought him home.
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The priests called him Grey. They are not very creative with names. They called me Snow because they found me in the snow. They did not like it when I spelt it with an extra ‘e’ behind.
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Grey will not talk to the other children. When he talks to me, however, they shout that he’s consorting with the devil. Grey says he does not care what they say as long as we have each other. He is a strange one, but I wish I can be friends with him forever!
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Tomorrow, we are leaving the orphanage for good. The priests say that Lord Belmonde has been generous to take us all in, but it is hardly as if we were given a choice in the matter. Working our lives away for a sliver of a chance at freedom is no better than slavery.
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I cannot fathom why Lord Belmonde chose me to be his personal servant, but I am thankful for his kindness. Unfortunately, the other servants did not appreciate being usurped by an initiate, so they refuse to speak to me. Grey was named the executioner’s apprentice. He hates his duties, even though he would never voice his true feelings. I wish there is something I can do to ease his burden.
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Lord Belmonde gifted me with a gold necklace. He did not request that I wear it for him, so I sold it at the market. I purchased some new clothes for Grey with the coin I earned. He seemed happy with the gift, though he did not say anything. He simply turned bright red and walked away. It was quite an adorable sight.
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Lord Belmonde became dreadfully inebriated at the feast today. He ordered me to don a salacious silk outfit and to dance for him. I...had little choice but to entertain him to the best of my ability. I am only glad that Grey was not there to witness it.
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Lord Belmonde presented me with yet another silk outfit today, but I no longer feel comfortable receiving his gifts. The hunger in his gaze betrays his intent, and I feel nothing but abject disgust towards him. I do not know how long I can endure being in such close proximity to him. There is only one I hold feelings for, even if I dare not speak of these feelings.
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If only Grey could know of my desire to be alone with him, just the two of us together, far, far away from Lord Belmonde, his servants, and their poisonous words. But if Grey knew of this selfish desire, then perhaps he too will turn me away.
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Grey wants to run away together, but how will we ever earn enough to survive by ourselves? I have already sold most of Lord Belmonde’s gifts, and Grey keeps spending our money on ridiculous things. Yesterday, he bought me a pretty glass knife. It was a sweet gesture but I chided him for wasting precious coin.
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Grey is in the dungeons. He attacked Lord Belmonde to protect me, of all things! Lord Belmonde wanted him killed, but I pled for his life. That foolish boy! I cannot allow him, or anyone else, to suffer any more for my sake. I will be the one to protect him no matter what the cost.
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The plan is in motion. Lord Belmonde has left the city to pay a visit to the neighbouring monarch. Tomorrow, Grey will be released from the dungeons. All that is left is for me to pay a quick visit to the castle treasury. By the morning, we shall have enough coin to leave this wretched city.
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The servants only looked at me in disgust as the courtier pronounced my crimes. They called me an ungrateful wretch, a shame to Lord Belmonde’s court, and a succubus that poisoned his mind. The sentence for my attempted theft was execution. The crowd cheered. If they truly wish for my death, then I shall neither cry nor scream for mercy. I will simply accept my fate without protest. I will die so that they may spend the rest of their lives at peace, believing they are finally freed from the curse of the "demon's child". Perhaps there is just no place for me in this world. The only thing I wish for is to see Grey one last time, and apologise for no longer being able to protect him.
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I woke up in a different world all alone. A strange new world where people spoke and dressed differently. I don’t know if I am meant to be part of this world either, but I've never had a choice. I really didn’t want to leave Grey behind, yet it would have been far too selfish to wish for him to be here with me. I hope that wherever or whenever he is, he can forget me and be happy again, though I will never forget him.