ameris lácera's Links
Tratos was the one who bestowed upon Ameris the scars on his face, but Ameris is well aware he's not the only one who had been “blessed” by him in such a way. It's a terrible thing to have your face made into a gross reminder of your incompetence. Knowing you were not capable enough to even protect yourself. Ameris has never felt such visceral fear and hatred towards someone before. Tratos is nothing more than an overgrown child demanding everything be his and go his way and lashing out when it doesn’t. He truly despises him. He deserves every bad thing that comes his way and more. Ameris only wishes Malach had done even more damage that fateful night.
Tratos's jealousy of Ameris was blatant to all those around him, except maybe the person it was directed towards. It angered him, how obviously close he was getting to Phemos, how quickly Phemos could throw him to the side for something newer and more exciting. Ameris had just been hired, he was no one special, they didn't have the history him and Phemos did. And yet, what did he do? Phemos threw him away. Despite all their years together, despite all their shared horrors. When Ameris started sticking his nose in places it didn't belong, it just gave Tratos an excuse to cut into the very same face he was so jealous of. He should've taken a fin.
He trusts Phemos with his life. He's the one who opened his home to Ameris after he ran from the church, following his altercation with Tratos. Even before it all, he was always so kind to him. When Ameris had just been hired, he was lost. Lost and surrounded by people who whispered when he walked by, who closed their ranks to him and shut him out. It was like being a child all over again, excluded and discarded by everyone. Everyone, except him. Phemos was always so receptive to his attempts at friendship. Phemos was so on edge around him, puffing up like a terrified cat anytime Ameris would approach him, but he didn't shut him out entirely. He never shot him down, never refused any of his awkwardly worded questions and nervous attempts at getting to know him better. It was the small things that let Ameris know that even after all the injuries he sustained, after all the traumas he had so clearly endured, he needed someone. He needed someone and was willing for Ameris to be that someone. By then, Ameris was in the dark about what happened to him, but he could mostly piece it together. Putting his and Tratos's injuries side by side showed a clear enough picture for him. It was infuriating, at first. Sure, he didn't know the FULL story, but something happened to him, so where was the reaction? Compassion, at least? The parish ignored him. Phemos was one of their own, and the flock casted him out. Ameris could understand their distrust of a stranger, but he could never understand the way they treated Phemos. He should've known better than to expect compassion from a gaggle of religious zealots. The only good thing to come from that miserable place was his moirail, a true bleeding heart. They grew closer together following Ameris's exit from the church. When he couldn't sleep, from the night terrors he developed, Phemos was the one who suggested they sleep together. The first time they did, Ameris was a little embarrassed, but, miraculously, it was the first time he slept soundly. The pride Phemos felt the next morning was something to note too, proud of his arms and presence being the reason why Ameris slept so well. He’s always there for him, always willing to listen or just keep him company on the days that he feels like he can’t talk at all. He’s never really had that before. Ameris loves him, and doesn’t think he’s ever trust someone the way he does Phemos.
Ameris means so much to him. He started working at the church not long after everything that had transpired between Phemos and Tratos. Phemos asumed that they needed the help, that his injuries were too much just for the parish Doctor. He was the only one to acknowledge Phemos's injuries, the only one who went out of his way to extend kindness to him. The whole parish essentially ignored him. It was horrible, like he was being punished for something he didn't cause. Because of them, he was sure it was his fault. It must've been. They treated him like he was always blind, like he was in the infirmary for months and months on end for no reason. Phemos just went along with it too, accepted that it must have been the truth because it was easier than confronting what happened that night, what happened to him, what was done to him. The wounds were too fresh, still bleeding under its bandages, he couldn't bear to even look at them. He isn't even sure the Doctor that had been initially treating him saw him as anything other than another case file, another patient she had to deal with. She never acknowledged his personhood, like Ameris did. Ameris saw him. He hadn't told him what had happened then, but Phemos is sure he pieced it together himself. Ameris was always smart like that, gifted. It was strange, though. How kind he was to him. He doesn’t think he's ever had anyone be so adamant in being his friend. Remembering it all brings a smile to his face, completely uncontrollable. Ameris thought he was being so inconspicuous trying to figure out what books he liked, what hobbies he had. Just so they could talk about them together. It was so sweet. Funny, but sweet. Ameris has always been so sweet, without really trying to be. Most people wouldn’t think of him like that, Ameris himself wouldn't even think or describe himself as that. But he is. Phemos was and is still so grateful to have a genuine friendship, like the one he’s always needed so desperately as a child. Pure and reliable. He's so glad to have someone he trusts so implicitly in his life, someone he can rely on even on his worst days. He just wishes Ris and Mal would at least try to get along. They're the two most important people in his life, it breaks his heart to see them so hostile with the other.
Ameris has never hated Malach, but he's sure come close to. He dislikes him, rather strongly, though the feeling is clearly mutual. Ameris feels warranted in feeling so. Malach barely even respects Ameris's relationship with Phemos, of course he'd feel justified in disliking him. You couldn't possibly expect him to be overly friendly or even comfortable with someone who was so perspicuously stringing his moirail along, essentially playing with his feelings. Never mind Malach's blatant animosity towards him. It's entirely unrealistic. It certainly didn't help that Phemos would come running to Ameris, voicing every action and transgression that upset him. He came close to genuinely hating Malach those times that the two broke up, when his moirail was left shattered, so devastated all he could do was cry, and Ameris had to be the one to help him pick the pieces up. Since then, Malach has effectively grown into a pesky thorn in his side. Between Malach constantly needing to be around his moirail and regularly interrupting their hangouts, he feels as though he barely has any time to hang out with his friend anymore. He won't even let him have time with his OWN moirail. They have consistent arguments over who gets him that week. As if he wasn't his own person! As if either of them could make that decision for him! And Malach always acted like he could! So annoying. He's annoying.
He gets on my fucking nerves, I don't care if he's Phemos' moirail or whatever, I'm his matesprit. His boyfriend. And he needs to recognize that. He need to get a man of his own already and quit hogging mine. I don't know where all his attitude comes from either but I'm sick of it and I swear I'm gonna slap the damn stripes off his skin if he keeps taking my time with Phe away.
He seems nice. We’ve exchanged few words to one another but for the most part, I’ve enjoyed the conversations we've had as well as his company. I’ve taken notice on how Phemos clings to him in social settings when we’re all together, kind of how he tends to do with Malach. The two of them must be particularly close. Malach has stronger feelings towards Ameris than I do, for ...whatever reason. I wish I could apologize on behalf of him and his… intensities… he’s expressed to him, but I believe that’s just how the two of them are? I don’t think they’re capable of getting along as much as Phe would like to believe they could. I’d hate to burst his fantasy bubble about the two of them becoming even remotely cordial with one another, so I've decided to stay quiet about it. I can’t differentiate it from a running joke or if they’re seriously mildly ashen either. If it is a joke, it's a ridiculously long one. Malach’s always got some dumb shit going on with somebody, it’s ridiculous. I’d like to think Ameris is rather respectable though, real nice guy. I like how he dresses also. Very nice.