phemos kesahr's Links
Phemos feels a dizzying cocktail of emotion every time Tratos is brought up. A mixture of hatred, anger, and fear that makes his stomach twist up in knots. Phemos isn’t sure when exactly Tratos took a turn for the worst, or why exactly it happened. All he can remember is that Tratos wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t always this unshakable pillar of narcissism and unpredictable aggression, lashing out at the first person he saw. He was kind, considerate, all the things that Phemos struggles to see in him now. For a time, Tratos was the only one Phemos could turn to or fully trust. The only one who could really understand him and what they went through, together. Their bond was one that Phemos had never had before; it was tumultuous, but comforting. It was one that only strengthened each time they were victimized, when they found solace in one another. It was them vs everyone else. Phemos can’t reconcile the Tratos that he knows now with the sweet but troubled boy he once knew. They're two different people to him.
Tratos feels nothing short of utter betrayal. All that he's done for him, all that they've went through together and yet he still threw him out like garbage. Tratos helped him, saved him, protected him as much as he could when he was just some mewling pupa wailing about things his tiny brain couldn't comprehend. He did all he could, all Tratos' own child mind could muster. Why couldn't that have been enough? Tratos confided in him, he was so vulnerable with him, told him things he's never said to anyone else before. None of it mattered to Phemos. It never did, as he so clearly demonstrates now. Phemos left him when he needed him most, when he was at his lowest, like all their time together meant nothing, like all the nights they shared meant nothing. He hates him.
He misses her. She was always there for him, there to hold his hand, there to hold him when he cried until exhaustion, and to yell at Tratos for lashing out at him. Dythia always made sure he was okay. He has no reason to believe she is alive, but the hope is still there. He wonders what she'd look like now, what hobbies she'd have and if she still thought of him. Of all of them. He wonders if she even remembers him.
Dythia misses Phemos so much. She misses all of them, more than words can describe. The grief she feels is more than what her body can handle. She refuses to let go of them, or the memories she shares of them. She will never move on, not in this life nor in the next. Despite it all, the church was and still is their home as were the people there her family. She wonders how he is constantly.
Phemos has exchanged very few words with Latona but often acts as a messenger/mediator between her and Tratos. Even as children, he seldom talked to her, or anyone other than Tratos for that matter. He thinks she's scary, but he doesn’t dislike her.
As children, they never interacted much. She was attached to Dythia's hip, and it was only coincidentally that Phemos tended to be too. She was never mean to him purposefully, neither he was to her, they just never really spoke. Now, they keep a rather professional relationship. Latona sees him for what he is, meek, timid and easily walked over. Its pitiful really, and she does feel for him. She tries to be kinder to him than she normally would be, because the only sin he's ever committed was getting close to the wrong man. Part of her sees him as a young child, no matter his age or looks. There's just something about him that reminds her of a helpless grub.
Ameris means so much to him. He started working at the church not long after everything that had transpired between Phemos and Tratos. Phemos asumed that they needed the help, that his injuries were too much just for the parish Doctor. He was the only one to acknowledge Phemos's injuries, the only one who went out of his way to extend kindness to him. The whole parish essentially ignored him. It was horrible, like he was being punished for something he didn't cause. Because of them, he was sure it was his fault. It must've been. They treated him like he was always blind, like he was in the infirmary for months and months on end for no reason. Phemos just went along with it too, accepted that it must have been the truth because it was easier than confronting what happened that night, what happened to him, what was done to him. The wounds were too fresh, still bleeding under its bandages, he couldn't bear to even look at them. He isn't even sure the Doctor that had been initially treating him saw him as anything other than another case file, another patient she had to deal with. She never acknowledged his personhood, like Ameris did. Ameris saw him. He hadn't told him what had happened then, but Phemos is sure he pieced it together himself. Ameris was always smart like that, gifted. It was strange, though. How kind he was to him. He doesn’t think he's ever had anyone be so adamant in being his friend. Remembering it all brings a smile to his face, completely uncontrollable. Ameris thought he was being so inconspicuous trying to figure out what books he liked, what hobbies he had. Just so they could talk about them together. It was so sweet. Funny, but sweet. Ameris has always been so sweet, without really trying to be. Most people wouldn’t think of him like that, Ameris himself wouldn't even think or describe himself as that. But he is. Phemos was and is still so grateful to have a genuine friendship, like the one he’s always needed so desperately as a child. Pure and reliable. He's so glad to have someone he trusts so implicitly in his life, someone he can rely on even on his worst days. He just wishes Ris and Mal would at least try to get along. They're the two most important people in his life, it breaks his heart to see them so hostile with the other.
He trusts Phemos with his life. He's the one who opened his home to Ameris after he ran from the church, following his altercation with Tratos. Even before it all, he was always so kind to him. When Ameris had just been hired, he was lost. Lost and surrounded by people who whispered when he walked by, who closed their ranks to him and shut him out. It was like being a child all over again, excluded and discarded by everyone. Everyone, except him. Phemos was always so receptive to his attempts at friendship. Phemos was so on edge around him, puffing up like a terrified cat anytime Ameris would approach him, but he didn't shut him out entirely. He never shot him down, never refused any of his awkwardly worded questions and nervous attempts at getting to know him better. It was the small things that let Ameris know that even after all the injuries he sustained, after all the traumas he had so clearly endured, he needed someone. He needed someone and was willing for Ameris to be that someone. By then, Ameris was in the dark about what happened to him, but he could mostly piece it together. Putting his and Tratos's injuries side by side showed a clear enough picture for him. It was infuriating, at first. Sure, he didn't know the FULL story, but something happened to him, so where was the reaction? Compassion, at least? The parish ignored him. Phemos was one of their own, and the flock casted him out. Ameris could understand their distrust of a stranger, but he could never understand the way they treated Phemos. He should've known better than to expect compassion from a gaggle of religious zealots. The only good thing to come from that miserable place was his moirail, a true bleeding heart. They grew closer together following Ameris's exit from the church. When he couldn't sleep, from the night terrors he developed, Phemos was the one who suggested they sleep together. The first time they did, Ameris was a little embarrassed, but, miraculously, it was the first time he slept soundly. The pride Phemos felt the next morning was something to note too, proud of his arms and presence being the reason why Ameris slept so well. He’s always there for him, always willing to listen or just keep him company on the days that he feels like he can’t talk at all. He’s never really had that before. Ameris loves him, and doesn’t think he’s ever trust someone the way he does Phemos.
Phemos is completely and painfully in love with Malach. He’s in love with everything about him; his laugh, the way his hair curls, how his teeth are too big for his mouth. Every one of Malach’s little idiosyncrasies and quirks rooted themselves firmly in his memory and he never wants to forget them. Though he wasn’t aware of it, Phemos fell for him hard and fast, flattered and thrilled by the sudden onslaught of attention from someone so new to him. Eventually, every inch of his brain became consumed by thoughts of Malach and he found himself anticipating every text, every call, and every hello at the door. When he was at work or simply just alone for the night, without fail Malach made his way to the forefront of his mind. Phemos loved how Malach made his stomach twist up pleasantly with excitement, how he couldn't help the butterflies he felt whenever he even thought of him. It was something he hadn't truly felt in so long, even when he was regrettably, in a relationship. Malach was always so kind to him, so doting and loving. He always knew just what to say. When they were alone together, Phemos felt like the only person in the world, the only one that really mattered. He had never felt as loved, never as wanted, or as attractive as Malach made him feel. He is hopelessly devoted to him and would do anything he asked, just as Malach would for him. He had only shown the sheer lengths he would go for Phemos that petrifying night when shots rang out in the church. It was devastating, seeing him bandaged up in the aftermath and hissing in pain with every movement, knowing he couldn’t do anything to truly alleviate his pain. And yet, there was a darker, shameful part of him that relished in it. Enjoyed it even. He couldn’t help but obsess over it, how far Malach went for him, to protect him, to avenge him. All that Phemos needed to ignite such solicitous violence in his lover were his tearful words, a poignant history and Malach was overcome with an intense, vengeful desire for retribution. He wishes Malach had done more, had caved in his ribcage, and taken something Tratos could never get back. His heart. His life. Just as Tratos had taken something from him he could never get back. Malach would never do something like that, and in his good and right mind Phemos would never want him to, but the thought that he might kill him if Phemos so much as asked was enough to make Phemos feel like the most important thing in the world to him, valued and cherished above all else. But Malach is a good person. He’s always tried to be, and in Phemos’s eyes, Malach can do no wrong. He doesn’t think words can truly, fully describe how much Phemos cares for him. The love runs so deep that his name might as well be etched into his bones.
I met him in the worst period of my life, unfortunately. Not like unfortunate that I met him, just incredibly unfortunate for him that he got to meet me that way or whatever. I was drunk out of my mind and was looking for another fling to call it a night, I had never intended for me to get y’know.. any kind of serious emotion or thing for him, y’know? Wait, that makes it sound like I don’t love him. I do, a lot, I just thought after that night we would’ve broken off and kept it as like and every now and again kind of thing, something low-key, which it was at first. Then I started feeling like a serious attraction to the guy which I kept trying to deny, I kept trying to replace him? In a way but he was always this thought in the back of my mind so everything started to feel wrong and make less sense to me. We kept seeing each other more and more, not just for sex anymore. After a while I kinda knew he felt it too. We were kinda just going on dates though we never really called it that because we never really knew what we even were to each other after a certain point. I don’t know if he was more active than I was in that kinda “scene” but after a while, I had stopped trying to sleep with other people when we were doing what we were doing. I had gotten emotionally attached to him. I felt stupid, the whole situation felt stupid and I didn’t know how to balance all that at the time because like I said, I was at a shitty time in my stagnant life. I kept accidentally hurting him, I never knew what I was dealing with was ever serious, y’know? But I took the first leap and now he’s my boyfriend! And we go together real bad. So that’s pretty awesome, and we’ve been together for quite some time now, we’ve had on and off periods but I think we locked in for real. If he leave me I’m gon’ find him. Kidding. (He’s not) I don’t know about you but I think that Kesahr guy’s in love with me, just a hunch though.
He was really nervous about meeting her, he wanted more than anything to make a good impression. She was gorgeous, kind, and most of all, Seethe's wife. Or soon to be wife, he supposes. It's hard for him to remember, they seem so domestic, practically married already. He's never really met anyone so boisterous and fun to be around in the way that Zephir is. Phemos finds it funny how naturally bashful seethe is, almost like a total opposite to her. Opposites attract and they are proof of it. Its so very sweet, how much they love each other. Phemos has seen how Seethe dotes on her, and how Zephir smothers them in love almost constantly. He doesn’t think he's ever seen Zephir without Seethe, or Seethe without Zephir at their side. They're so very charming. Of course, he could never comprehend the love the two of them share as an outsider to their relationship, but even he can see how deeply they care for each other. They go together wonderfully, they’re like two halves of the same star finally finding their missing piece in the other. Zephir always seems so happy just to be around them. He looks up to her in a way, she's so beautiful, so confident in herself and so kind to everyone around her. He admires her, really. Especially when she makes such an effort to make him feel comfortable around her, always lending an ear and a shoulder for him to lean on if he needs it. Zephir reminds him so much of Dythia, from the way she looks out for him to the way she laughs. It's painful sometimes, but it just makes him want to cling onto the friendship they share with an iron fist.
Oh, Phemos!!! I think he’s just adorable! He’s just so smaaall and shyyy and stuff, I think he's real cute. I've always had a little thing for shy guys. His little clicks and chirps and shit he makes all the time are real cute too. Seethe don't click like he does but he does hiss a little sometimes, it's the cutest thing ever, I swear. One thing about Phe though, he's real bumpy, y'know? He makes a few accidents here and there, which is totally normal! I'm pretty accident prone myself, havin' three eyes isn't exactly the ideal number to be seein' out of either. I have to watch him real close sometimes when he's doin' stuff so he don't get knocked over or spill somethin', it'd break my heart seein' the lil' guy fall and get all embarrassed. I feel bad thinkin' about it now, christ. I give him gentle nudges and stuff here and then too. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea, I'm sure he's capable of doing all those things on his own, he's able-bodied for crying out loud, I'm not babying the lil' dude, alright? It's just nice havin' somebody there with your best interest in mind. I had to teach *myself* to stop bumping into stuff, I didn't have anybody teaching *me* about how to walk right with three eyes or whatever. Clearly I'm not the best anyhow for being self taught, but I would've appreciated *someone* to have been there to have helped *me*. I wonder how Malach does it with him. Maybe I should ask. He probably picks him up by the scruff of his neck like a purrbeast, ha ha! That'd be real funny. Mo practically clings to his clothes like he's a sucker fish when they're both out somewhere together so I guess that explains that.
Phemos doesn’t speak much with Deji, or has many opportunities to at all. He’s grateful for it, in a sense, as he’s always found him very intimidating. He’s easily the tallest person Phemos knows and it’s so easy to be afraid of him. He’s seen how Deji is with the grubs, however, especially with Latona’s baby fuchsia. Or, Deji’s baby too now, he guesses? Any way it is, it was surprising definitely, to see someone like him–covered in scars and so, so scary–being so gentle and doting. Phemos thinks its nice he has a softer side to him, but absolutely cannot shake the tenseness he feels near him.
I believe that churchmouse has managed to become lost in all of this. He has been here much, much longer than I, and it is blatant to even some non-believer like me that his faith has been led astray and quite frankly, stolen for quite some time. I have a suspicion he's only cemented here by overly complicated personal relations and obligations he no longer wishes to fulfill. Obligations to people who smile in his face one moment just to turn around and belittle and speak ill of him with the same tongue in the very same breath. They're draining his essence. He feels too much for others. I also know about his… for lack of a better word, "entanglements", with Father Iscara through the disloyal mouths of his aforementioned over divulging and serpentine sisters just to further prove my point for what little regard and respect that they have for him. I can tell he is honest and intends to do no wrong by anyone, so it truly perplexes me how they can show such blatant disdain for this pitiful boy. They’ve practically shunned him. He seems far too meek to do anything detrimental or even remotely larger than himself, really. His feebleness is merely a casted shadow looming over the true potential that is within him that has yet to be witnessed, whether he chooses to acknowledge his strengths or not. There is great strength and contempt within him, I'm sure of it. I will work it out of him myself in time. I don’t wish to cause any bodily harm to little churchmouse, I’ve grown quite fond of him honestly, but if I am left no other choice, I'll have to go about my ways by other more assertive means if necessary. And I really don't want it to come down to that, but he's proven to be close mouthed and stubborn at the worst of times. Even the smallest of rain clouds have to release their rain eventually. I will get him his entitled justice first. He may not necessarily like the ways I go about it, but I reassure it is all in his and everyone else who happens to be in my good graces best interest.
Phemos thinks Dolosá is okay, she’s nice enough. They don’t talk much and he doesn’t know much about her either, just what he overhears and what he knows from Malach. He doesn’t think of her often, or really he tries not to. He doesn’t like how touchy the two of them are, and their history certainly doesn’t make it any better, though that part is less about her and maybe more about his own issues. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him so terribly jealous, sexual history or not. It’s irrational, he knows its so ridiculously irrational. Nothing could possibly ever happen between the two of them, not just because they’re both dating other people now, but because Dolosá is so obviously not interested in men. He would never think that Malach would do that to him either. Still, he can’t help how even the most innocuous of touches ticks him off; seeing Malach’s arm around her, holding her hand, all he can think about is how he should be doing that with him instead. He almost doesn’t want to admit how cool he thinks she is.
He’s fine, I think. I don't really have much of an opinion or much to say about him. We don't really usually interact much or like at all when we're all in one group. I don’t really know him like that besides the stuff I know that Mal’s told me about him and all. Some of it I could've definitely lived without knowing, some stuff I really didn't care for, but he likes the guy so I'm not overly concerned about it as long as he seems content, which he does. Y'know, I’ve never voiced it before, but I think it's a little more than a coincidence that we look similar. I never really noticed it before until I saw pictures of all of us together. He's coined himself a type I suppose. Mal’s stupid. And real strange. We act nothing alike though, I dunno if Phe likes me all too much either, I don’t want him to think that I’m like, actively trying to take his time from Mal or anything? I've already had my time of dating an Avérsi and I'm most certainly through. Hanging with Mal is no competition to me though, I dunno if I can say the same about her though, clearly the jealous type. Oh wait, shit–– sorry, I meant him. Only reason I say that is because he’s given me a few glares sometimes when Mal pays more attention to me than him or we're doing our own stuff together when we’re all out together or something. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it has anything to really do with me specifically, but I feel it's pretty obvious. Think that whole jealousy things more of a them two typa thing. Mal’s words, not mine. He's always been a jealous guy too. I guess while I'm getting stuff off my chest here, to be honest when Malach first introduced me to him I thought he was like... one of Mal’s other little girl friends, because–– well, él...estaba un poco construido como una señoraaa, I mean like *look* at him, can you blame me? Not tryna be rude or nothin’, he's cool, seriously, I just really didn't know he wasn't a girl til’ Mal introduced him as his boyfriend. It was just a little embarrassing. Yeah. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
He seems like a nice guy, way better than the last. It's been a long time since Ameris has been with that awful ex of his, but I think Kyenyx being a lot more.. um, tame, is good for him. He's way less intense, or at least that's what Ris tells me. More easygoing and even-tempered, I hear. Ris likes him a lot. I think he’s really into his whole... struggling sad artist vibe. I'm not sure if he's even aware of how much he actually likes Kyenyx. I've seen it firsthand. From the couple of times I’ve hung out with them both, his affections are really clear. He makes sure Kyenyx has food in front of him before Ris even thinks of servin' himself.. He's always doing these little things for him. It’s really sweet. But, yes, Kyenyx does seem good for him, he’s never spoken an ill word about him–and Ameris has something bad to say about everybody and anybody–so I think that's a good sign? I'm not supposed to say... but, um, I know a lot more about him than Kyenyx does about me. Ameris tells me a lot. I have to try and pry it out of him, but it’s sweet how embarrassed he gets when he starts on about Kyenyx. Once he gets going, he'll go on and on and on about Kyenyx until he.. realizes what he's doing. Last time, I swear he went on for hours about what... um, books.. and music Kyenyx recommended and how he's been wearing his hair recently... Oh, right, um, the two of us don't actually talk much. Only a few times really. It'd be nice to get to know him better for Ameris's sake but... that's a lot easier said than done.
Oh ummm… Phemos, right? I think he’s alright. He’s pretty nice I think, I don’t know? I don't wanna sound like a jerk, I really don't have a problem with him. He and Ameris are moirails I’m pretty sure. He probably told me before that they were and I just forgot to be honest. I didn’t expect Ameris to have had any other quadrants occupied if I'm being honest. He seems pretty separate from the whole quadrant filling scene. I think they've been moirails for a pretty long time though judging by how they treat each other. Ameris hasn’t really mentioned much of him to me before though unless it was like, a brief mention in a conversation or some vaguely important information to know before talking to him or something like that. Like one time he told me about his face, he makes this face, like...all the time, like a really scared wide-eyed looking face. I thought he was just like, nervous or scared or something, but Ami told me he just kind of does that. Which is weird, but I get it. I make faces all the time, too. We’ve only ever met and hung out a few times before and if I’m being honest some of the times were really fucking awkward. The first time we met I shook his hand and I don't know why I did that to begin with either. I don't really shake peoples hands, I usually just wave. Anyway, I shook his hand and I shocked him real bad on accident. The shock was quick, probably not even longer than like a second but he made some sort of weird cricket sound or... something like that, is that rude to say..? I'm still not really sure what it was but it was like a chirpy squeak. He hasn't really make any kind of direct contact with me anymore after that, or if we do, he seems real apprehensive about it. I try to stay out of his way or keep from touching him if we're together now. I felt pretty bad about it. Like I kicked a tiny little dog by accident or something. Ami told me not to take too much of it to heart and that he probably understood it was just a accident, but I dunno. I think he’s like, seriously scared to touch me now. Which is fair honestly, I wouldn’t want to touch me either if I didn’t know I could get electrocuted just by bumping elbows. He kinda reminds me of a guy I used to know when I look at him, he was like, half blind too. Not how his eye is though, his eyes red. It's kinda cool but I just never know which eye to look at. It's not cool that he's blind, I mean––his eye just looks kinda cool. *sigh* Sorry.
Phemos doesn't know much about Pricus, or anything more than his name really. He stays away from him as much as he can. Pricus is always with Tratos, and on those off chances he isn't and their paths meet, Phemos swears he can physically feel the animosity and malice coming off Pricus in waves. That guy hates him. He doesn't need to be able to see out of both eyes to see that. Just being near him is enough to cause the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He doesn't even know what his problem with him is or why Pricus so clearly hates him, Phemos doesn't think they've exchanged even a word.
Pity party! Bad news! Tattle-tale! He's a traitor. Good for nothing. I wish to hurt him badly, squash the weak little blue bug into a fine paste for my pretty paints. It'll make him good for something for once. But Mr. Iscara says no can do. I never get what I want.
Phemos really likes Seethe and doesn’t have an ill word to speak of them. He gets so nervous around them, though. Often. He usually feels just a little skittish talking to anyone he isn’t used to, but Seethe seems just to exacerbate this feeling. He wants to do right by them and craves their approval more than what's usual for him. With Malach and Seethe being brothers, Phemos naturally wants to have a friendly relationship with them, as hard as striking up and keeping a conversation is for him. He wants to make a good impression on them and feels extra pressure to be liked. To their credit, Seethe has always been very kind to him; offering him food, looking out for him, and always being so understanding. Before meeting them, Phemos had only ever heard of Seethe in passing conversations with Malach. He never volunteered information about them early on. It was obvious from day one how much Malach loved them and valued what they thought. It was sweet. Enough to tug at his heartstrings, really. He can’t help but imagine them with their own grubs, though. One on each hip. The thought always came so naturally, he wouldn’t bat an eye if Seethe were to ever share a desire to raise their own charge. They remind him of the Church’s Mother Superior, Latona, almost unnervingly so; strong, protective, and benevolent. It seemed like an instinct for them to dote on and scold their loved ones as if they were meant to be a father. They’d be a very good one, he thinks.
I like him, I think he’s very nice. He’s got a serious thing for Mal, that’s for sure. He clings to him just about everywhere we go together. He’s very respectful though, he always asks to use or take something when he’s over even though I’ve reassured him multiple times that he’s fine and to help himself. He practically lives here anyway. I think I make him feel a little awkward or nervous though so I try to keep my distance sometimes. I think that’s why he does that. I don’t mean to frighten him, but Malach’s told me that’s just sort of how he is with most people so I guess it’s not entirely my fault. He’s just a pretty nervous guy in general. I never thought that was really Malach’s type of guy. Compared to the last guys, he’s much more likable. Likable and much more tolerable. Much more… everything. For the better, that is. I always ask Malach how he’s doing if he’s not with him, I care about the little guy. He’s a kind boy. Ma would’ve liked him a lot. He’s like family now, I’ve started making extra plates for Malach to take to him when he’s not here and everything. He’s got an interesting taste in movies as well. I bought a couple recently and I asked Malach if he thinks Phemos has seen them already or if he thinks he’d like any of them. I’m still waiting for him to get back to me on that. I think that he’s forgotten. I was hoping that maybe we could all watch them together some time one night. I haven’t seen any of them myself, I was just wondering.