Ryan Fryan's Links
“I… I fucked up so bad.. I just… I shouldn’t be forgiven for it. I’m just so STUPID. I was so STUPID. How fucking stupid could I get… my epithet was… controlling our lives… fuck. FUCK. DID I EVEN LOVE HER FOR HER? WAS THERE EVER SOMETHING? OR WAS I HOOKED ON THE FEELING OF BEING SURROUNDED BY LIVING CREATURES THAT I COULDNT BE AWAY FROM HER? WHO AM I?”
“I do believe I loved him at one point. It wasn’t just us hurtling through the dark. The wedding was… one of the happiest days of my life… but I just… I can’t. I can’t feel a single good thing about them anymore. My personality is locked in a cage because of you, I couldn’t write for the longest time because of you, I’m cursed with nightmares and paranoia because of you, I lost all of my friends because of you. I’m not the same person my family knew because of you. I can’t even trust those close to me anymore because of you. You have destroyed my concept of love. So I hope you get some help but if I ever see you again, I’m running. I’m running as fast as I can. You can’t hurt me again.”
His guilt to hurting Mildred and never truly understanding exactly how complex of a being they are weighs heavy on him. He was so focused on having a child with Petunia that he hurt the one she had already.
Mildred is terrified of fire now, unable even see candles. Their body recalls the pain quite well. Mildred has never really cried before (hard when you don’t have eyes) but that’s the one thing to consistently get them to their equivalent of crying.
“I’m sorry con. You.. you did the right thing.”
“I hope he’s getting help. Somewhere else.”
Ryan had developed this idea what Sena was a predator and wanted to hurt Petunia. He isn’t quite sure how much of that is really what he thought wasn’t just “you are imposing on this woman I like.”
Needless to say, that’s another person who he beats himself up over ruining their life.
“Stupid fucking idiot man child. Selfish fucking asshole. Fuck you and die.”