Carol

art byelflovin

After finally leaving her toxic workplace, Carol finds herself in a forwarding agency, since she did her apprenticeship in accounting and the position seems close enough to be a good match. The pay is better albeit not great, but first and foremost: she's done with the bakery. Ready for her fresh start, she expects to turn her life over, find her path, make career, possibly find new friends...but mostly, she's just trying to get through her first day. She's nervous and has no idea what to expect from the work itself, much less from her new team, and she's worried that they'll be just like the colleagues she has just managed to leave behind.
But then, she meets AJ, an agender, grumpy-looking coworker of hers, who is surprisingly sweet, helpful and understanding, and also a bit of an artist. Carol, loving art for as long as she can remember, is thrilled to find somebody who shares her interest, and jumps at the chance to ramble on and on about her own hobbies, finding it easy to talk to AJ.

Their friendship develops quickly, but deepens very slowly in Carol's opinion, and much to her dismay. She tries very hard to bond with AJ beyond their friendship at work, but AJ doesn't quite react to her advances the way she would hope. She keeps bringing them coffee (still trying to figure out their favorite, but they just seem to drink anything she gives them...) and sitting at their table to make conversation, yet she can count the times AJ comes over to her desk or invites her to lunch...on one hand.
Months later, when she finds herself working out a plan to ask AJ out to a karaoke night that is bound to be fun, Carol first has to confront the realization that it might not just be friendship that she's after, bringing with it an entirely different set of complications. When did she fall in love? Was she actually in love? Why AJ, who wasn't anything like her ex-girlfriends, much less her type? Was AJ even interested in girls? How to best find out without being too obvious?

Carol feels lost again, worried she could lose her friendship with AJ if she messes this up, but also that there might be complications at work. Also, she wanted love to take a backseat until she had her life under control, not throw herself into another relationship that could very well end poorly. Not to mention, Carol considers herself gay, and AJ is very much not a female, so what does that say about Carol's sexuality? Does it even matter? If not to her, then it might to AJ, who might feel like Carol is only interested because she views them as a female - which isn't the case, at all, but how to explain that if it ever came up?
There are a lot of questions, but Carol has never been good at finding the right words at the right moment, much less at being the one to initiate things or ask people out. She was always the one to follow along with others, not take the lead.

She tries a few times to go through with her dating plans, but ends up chickening out every time, telling herself she needs more time to plan things out a little better, or find something different they could do, or a different approach, at a different time. It leaves her pretty unsatisfied and gives her many sleepless nights in which she frets at waiting too long and losing her chance, if she ever even had one. Her painting takes a backseat, unable to finish her works-in-progress, much less start new ones, her muse seemingly having left her to struggle with the onslaught of uncertainty and stress on her own.

Her fears seem confirmed when AJ suddenly starts being overly distracted at work, spending a lot of time looking at their phone and typing away on it in a manner that indicates conversation, rather than their usual note-taking. Suddenly, there's a new 'friend' of theirs that they text with, and meet up with, some girl who seems to have exactly the sort of relationship with them that Carol so badly wants. In a desperate attempt to not lose her chance with AJ, she asks them out, everything else be damned - and her heart plummets when AJ regretfully rejects her, having already made plans with this other friend. There's an upside though: AJ offers to take her along. She jumps at the idea, just about ready to do anything as long as it gives her a chance to get closer to AJ. Their journey takes them to the gym, which seems like a strange place to Carol - until she sees Amber. AJ's friend, as it turns out, is a muscled goddess with the voice of an angel and the confidence of a honey badger, who can give hugs made of dreams. Granted, she's not Carol's type at all, but she can totally see why AJ is looking at her like she put the stars in the sky.
She's immediately put out, realizing at once that Amber has the same intentions as she does, and with the way AJ is looking at her, it's obvious the feeling is mutual. Carol, never one for jealousy and competition, is just about ready to admit defeat, when Amber surprises her once again by approaching her about this very thing, but coming from a strangely kind and supportive angle. She doesn't wish to fight or make a big deal out of it. Instead, she proposes the two support each other and do their best to woo AJ, because, hey, they deserve it, and what's the harm in both of them being into them? Carol has never seen it this way before, nor been confronted with any situation close to this, so she's as taken aback as she is relieved to avoid drama. She agrees, albeit hesitantly, wondering faintly whether it might just be a scheme to get her out of the picture in the long run.

However, Amber proves to be genuine, and her kind nature soon has Carol trusting her blindly. After that first meeting that turns into an all-day outing with a trip to a café and even Amber's home, the two exchange phone numbers and also create a group chat with AJ, which they regularly use to make more plans for 'dates', though Amber and Carol also solely write each other. It's a friendship unlike any other Carol has had before, but she enjoys Amber's open display of emotion even in written form, and despite Carol not being too good at texting and with words, she enjoys their conversations. They meet up often, with and without AJ, and even though they first bond over their shared feelings for AJ, they soon find that they have similar opinions on various topics and can have plenty of fun together just hanging out and chatting. It also helps that Amber is very open about her feelings for AJ and is more than willing to listen to Carol's sob stories from work or give advice and comfort when needed. She takes her 'support' very seriously, and it's thanks to Amber that Carol grows confident enough to finally ask AJ out to that karaoke night.

Originally meant to be a thing for the three of them, Amber ends up having a surprise shift that night due to somebody falling ill, so Carol and AJ go on their own. Carol relishes in having AJ all to herself, but also feels a little bad, since this is the first time she's really alone with AJ. After an encouraging text message from Amber though, she decides to make the best of the night, which includes: karaoke. AJ seems a little stiff still, but after a few cocktails, even they loosen up - which is great, because Carol is feeling more than a little tipsy, and where the heck did AJ learn how to hold their liquor, because damn. Still, karaoke happens, and it is the greatest, especially when AJ starts complimenting her like crazy and makes her feel all aflutter. They sing together, loud and wrong, and AJ even spins her a couple times, their hands for once warm when grasping her own.
All in all, Carol considers herself on cloud nine, laughing the whole way 'home' to AJ's place, as they had agreed beforehand. Only when they're there does the awkwardness come back a little, as she realizes even in her sliiiightly drunk state that they've never agreed on sleeping arrangements, and she's wholly convinced that the blanket AJ brings to the couch is for her, not for them, because there's no way Carol is going to let AJ sleep on the couch in their own apartment when their bed is big enough for the both of them.
Carol blames the alcohol for this thought process, as well as for everything that came after, like the way she snuggled closer to AJ in their bed and told them in a near-bragging voice how she had read up on binding and totally knew that AJ was supposed to remove that for the night. Or the way she asked them in a slurred voice whether they 'loved', since she had heard from Amber that they were asexual, but she had never heard of that before, and she didn't quite understand, and the internet was a big and confusing place. Or the way that she kissed AJ, right before falling asleep. All those things were most definitely the alcohol, and when Carol finally awakes from her slumber and Amber is over and both Amber and AJ look like they haven't slept all night, she knows full well just how badly she has messed up.
She also swears off of alcohol, but that's not much of a loss.

The entire weekend is filled with her freaking out over her actions, and Amber being there for her to calm her down and walk her through the best and worst case scenarios to decide on the best course of action. Carol is ever grateful for her help, but she's still scared, and she knows she will keep being scared until all of this is over, and she has done what she should have done long before kissing AJ like that.
So, when Monday rolls around and it's time to see AJ again, she knows it's time to confess. It's still mind-wrecking, and she's more than a little nervous, especially because she has to wait a little longer even at work because of all the work that had piled up, but Amber is still there for her even then, texting her and encouraging her to pull through with this. They have made a plan, and even though Carol's plans never work out, she desperately hopes Amber's will.
Thus, she finds herself at AJ's table, asking them to come along for a moment, and AJ does, and then they're in the cafeteria, and after a lot of stammering and awkward silences and AJ taking all her words the entirely wrong way and apologizing for something that Carol had done...she finds herself pouring out her heart. It is as liberating to get it all off her chest, as it is nerve-wrecking, because AJ is just standing there and listening to her, but it also looks like they're not understanding anything she is saying. They are taken aback, shocked even, and when they speak, it is in a cautious, guarded way, as if they believe this to be a joke. It is very much not a joke, though it takes all of Carol's bluntness to get that across.
Then, luckily, Amber enters the scene, armed with hot chocolate for AJ and a coffee for Carol, who desperately needs it and who also readily passes the lead to Amber, who joins in on the confessing, of course doing much better than Carol, though she's beyond caring at this point. It takes all of this for AJ to slowly, almost reluctantly, admit their own feelings, and Carol finds all doubts and fears washed away as relief and euphoria take over. Amber and Carol propose what they had talked about over the weekend, the chance for AJ to date them both, and AJ seems surprised with themselves as they agree.
Amber kisses them first, but Carol totally doesn't care, and is absolutely above it, and will not ruin that by tugging on Amber's sleeve and then taking AJ from her, nope, not at all - which is just what she does, but nobody is mad at her for it, so it's all good.

Thus, their relationship starts, and while it was messy to get there, and still is quite messy and fragile and they all know it will require quite a bit of work, Carol is happy, because that's just like them, and everything has finally fallen into place. She has a lot to learn, especially when it comes to sharing AJ with Amber, but Amber's kindness and supportive nature make that surprisingly easy to handle and get used to. It's takes a while, but eventually she realizes that, surprisingly enough, she could also imagine being with Amber, romantically speaking, and for Amber to approach her about the same thing, which brings with it an entirely different set of changes and new things to get used to, but Carol doesn't mind. As much as she fears change and still hasn't quite found out what she wants to do with the rest of her life, she knows she has grown more confident in herself, and that she'd very much like to figure all of that out with AJ and Amber by her side.

Past

Carol had what she considers a perfectly normal childhood, with lots of friends, lots of love from her parents, and lots of drama with her big brother, who is seven years older than her and a prick, but they love each other dearly. They just never show it, because, well, who would?

They have a lot in common, including their spirited natures, their love in nature, and their stubbornness, and have been through many fights and struggles over toys in their time. However, when Carol was facing some hardships in school with some bullies, her big brother was the first to throw fists and protect her, showing that she might be a nuisance to him, but she was his nuisance, and nobody else was allowed to be mean to her.

Thus, she grew up fairly safe and sound, and when she found out during her teenage years that boys never interested her, but girls most certainly did, her brother was the first person she told, and the first person who supported her. "Just don't steal my girlfriends," he had warned, and since they most definitely didn't share their taste in girls, she has never given him reason to worry.

Her parents were supportive as well, just wanting her to be happy, though she could tell it was hard for her mom to let go of her vision of having her find the perfect boy and get married and have children. Carol already knew at this time that she didn't want kids, instead picturing herself as a cool cat mom with a badass wife.

She was always taller than most of her classmates, no matter if male or female, which made it easier to deal with the guys, since they mostly weren't interested in her like that. The girls, however, also more saw her as a friend or somebody worth envying, but not necessarily dating material, and it took quite a while and many unrequited crushes for her to finally find her first girlfriend, who was older than her, freshly kicked out of school, and totally her type.

Carol loved feeling the thrill of adventure when she was out and about, skipping school to be with her girlfriend and getting up to no good, trying cigarettes and driving on her motorbike with her. Her parents, obviously, hated that time, and hated her girlfriend, which led to her distancing herself from them a little bit as she finally felt free and ready to live her life on the road, picturing it....a lot better than it would actually be. However, when her girlfriend got into other drugs, Carol quickly got cold feet, not liking the change in her, or the way she was behaving when she wasn't on those drugs, and it was at that time that she consulted her brother. They momentarily got into a fight because he was worried she had also taken drugs and wouldn't immediately believe her, but once he did, he suggested talking it over with her girlfriend.
Since she was never that great at confrontation, and didn't know how to really go about this, he offered to come along to be there for her and support her, and she accepted. Unfortunately, when he came with her to her girlfriend's place and they found her high and disturbingly suicidal, there was no confrontation and no conversation, because her brother took the girl and drove her to the hospital to make sure she wasn't going to hurt herself, hadn't overdosed, and was going to be safe. This ultimately ended her relationship with Carol, partly because she was put into rehab, and partly because she gave Carol a last, condescending call full of yelling and cursing and calling her a traitor for doing this to her. Carol made sure to be a good girl after that, and also hasn't touched a cigarette since, much less thought of ever taking drugs.

As she finished school, she had another girlfriend, a short girl with a bit of a bad girl vibe, always up to mischief, and with refreshingly dark and morbid humor that was so different from all the other girls around Carol. They didn't have a lot in common, but most of their time was spent in the bedroom anyways, where Carol learned a lot about her own body and preferences, but also realized that she wanted more than just a physical relationship. Her girlfriend didn't share her opinion on that matter though, and they quickly went separate ways after that.

While Carol was doing her apprenticeship in an office, she met a girl in vocational school that took her interest, and after a bit of back and forth and some heavy flirting during breaks, they started dating. She was just as fun-loving as Carol, and the two did a lot of stuff together, mostly outside and on the road. Carol loved her carelessness and free spirit, but as their relationship went on, things changed. Her girlfriend started being...weird, and didn't want her to spend time with her other friends anymore, followed by the strangest arguments over silly things like where she had been, or why she hadn't immediately replied to a specific text message. At the time, Carol was fairly stressed due to finals coming up for her apprenticeship, and the additional stress only tired her out even more and confused her. She couldn't understand why her girlfriend was behaving like this. Things only got weirder. Since Carol was still living with her parents at the time, she couldn't always be at her girlfriend's, and with all the studying she had to do, she also couldn't constantly have her over. Her girlfriend, at first understanding, started accusing her of having an affair, or talking to her ex again, which Carol had briefly mentioned in the beginning stages of their relationship, not thinking it would really matter. Suddenly, she would get spammed with tons of text messages out of nowhere, demanding her to send absurd selfies or give her a facetime call to prove her innocence. Then, she started showing up unannounced, but not only at Carol's home. Sometimes, she would pick her up from work, or appear during lunchtime, or when Carol briefly stopped for coffee on the way home, her girlfriend would suddenly walk into the coffeeshop and despite acting surprised to see her there, Carol started feeling...followed. At first, she told herself that her girlfriend's behavior had something protective and sweet to it, but that didn't help her growing unease and the paranoia that started growing inside her. She still liked her, and didn't want to break up over something like this, but at the same time, she didn't know how to voice this out.

When she talked to her brother, he was shocked and immediately wanted her to tell her parents and drop that girl, but she tried to argue with him that it might not all be as bad as she was making it out. Unfortunately, her girlfriend gave her a call right at that moment, demanding to know where she was and who she was with, and upon finding out she was with 'a guy' - and despite Carol's attempts to explain that this was her brother - Carol was suddenly confronted with a screaming and screeching girlfriend in her ear and her brother telling her that girl was most definitely trouble and she should think really hard about how much she liked her, not to mention that behavior.

Carol tried to distance herself, which was the absolutely worst thing to do, because it made her girlfriend even more paranoid, which in turn made Carol paranoid, because she kept showing up everywhere she was and made a fuss - or acted like everything was just peachy and clinging to Carol like she expected her to float off into the abyss if she didn't hold onto her. Carol started finding weird little 'love notes' in the strangest places and started getting a little scared, but she didn't want to ask her brother for help, feeling like she had to deal with this, herself. Unfortunately, when she tried to finally confront her girlfriend shortly before her finals, her girlfriend made a giant scene, breaking down into a sobbing mess and claiming all she had ever done was love Carol, and that this wasn't fair, and that she might as well die. Worried she was going to really harm herself, Carol promised to stay, which momentarily soothed the situation and calmed things down. The day before her finals though, her girlfriend sent her pictures of herself sleeping in the middle of the night, taken from her window, and showing that she must have shown up several times before to watch her sleep. Now unnerved all over again, Carol asked her to delete those, which resulted in more accusations of her cheating on her or somehow wanting to keep her a secret from the world. Since Carol was both out to her parents and everyone she knew, she didn't understand this whatsoever, but also was beyond caring at this point, because she was about to have her finals and already had so much on her plate without all of this.
Carol tried to defend herself as they fought, which made her girlfriend ultimately cut off the phone call. Carol first thought this was the end of it, but in the evening, she received cryptid goodbye-messages and started worrying sick when she wouldn't answer Carol's calls. She struggled through her finals, barely able to concentrate and still trying to call her any free chance she had. She was just about to call her brother to send him over to check on her, when her girlfriend finally replied to her texts, acting like nothing was amiss, and last night had never happened.

At this point, Carol was furious. She wasn't sure whether she had passed, and if she hadn't, it would be because of her girlfriend pulling such a dumb stunt for nothing but attention. She wanted to tell her as much, but when they next met, she couldn't make herself do it, not when her girlfriend was being all nice again. So she told herself it would be okay, and that things were going to get better. They even did, for a short time. But only a very short time.
Soon, the notes came again, and the calls, and the paranoia, and her parents started being very concerned for her, because she lost a lot of weight during this time and was generally very stressed out. When she got her results back and knew she passed, she was beyond relieved, but at the same time couldn't quite work up her usual enthusiasm she knew she would have had, if it weren't for all this stuff with her girlfriend.

When she approached her brother for help again, he took her shopping together with his girlfriend to get her mind off things for a bit, which was a great reprieve. She loved being out and about with him again, teasing and taunting each other as per usual, and his girlfriend was the sweet sort that was likeable and fun to be around, too. Her joy didn't last very long though, because the next thing she knew, she received messages from her girlfriend, with photos attached of Carol and company, showing she was being followed even at that moment.
Her brother noticed the change in behavior and checked her phone, and upon seeing the photos and scrolling through the messages for a bit, he merely shook his head and told her she needed to get away from that girl. They cut the outing short, though Carol felt watched the entire way home and started worrying whether there might be a tracker on her somehow, though she couldn't see how or where her girlfriend could have gotten something like that from, much less why.
It was also now that she realized she had kind of left all her other friends behind in favor of her girlfriend when things had first started turning weird. It hadn't mattered much back then, but by now, she felt lonely, and like a really shitty friend for abandoning everybody like that. While she tried to ignore her girlfriend's texts and calls at her brother's suggestion to have some downtime to think, she tried to chat some of her old friends up again, tried to reconnect.
They seemed happy to hear from her again, but many told her weird things about her girlfriend, about how she had sought them out and warned them to 'stay away from Carol', and similar things, even threatening a few. It felt like another punch in the face for Carol, and she couldn't quite deal with all of this anymore. She reached out to her parents and told them everything one evening, when they were watching a show on TV. They immediately turned that off and pulled her closer and let her cry on their shoulders as she told them how, despite her girlfriend never hurting Carol, Carol still felt scared of her by now, because that girl was suddenly everywhere, and constantly accusing her of things she had never done or even thought of doing.
She had to end the relationship, though it wasn't easily done. First, she had to start talking to her again, though that wasn't too difficult, because  that girl started hammering against the door the very next day, the very moment her parents were out grocery shopping. Carol at first refused to open the door, yelling at her to go away, but that led to her girlfriend moving around the house to try and break in through her window, claiming Carol either had somebody else in there with her, or that her brother or somebody else must have manipulated her into staying away from her.
Carol called her brother, crying when she heard glass shattering, and hiding in the bathroom with the door locked, feeling legitimately scared. Her girlfriend started hammering against the door, screaming and yelling, but sometimes also talking in a calm and soothing voice, trying to lure her into opening the door. Carol told her she didn't want this anymore, that this was just too much and that she couldn't be with her anymore, but her girlfriend didn't listen, or maybe didn't care, because she just kept going on and on about how Carol was being 'manipulated', and that the two of them were 'meant to be together' and all other sorts of things.

At this point, her brother came to her rescue, storming into the house and threatening to call the cops if she didn't get lost, followed by the sounds of a struggle and her girlfriend screaming that she knew it had been him all along to brainwash Carol. By the time Carol ultimately opened the door, her girlfriend - now ex-girlfriend, hopefully - was gone, and her brother held her and told her everything was going to be alright.

It still took a long time for her ex to stop calling and texting her, and even longer for her to stop following Carol around. Her parents went to the police because of the broken window and their fear for their daughter, which resulted in a lawsuit against her ex, though Carol tried to stay out of all of that, momentarily moving in with her brother and his girlfriend. Mostly because his apartment was on the 6th floor, and she felt like it might be a little more difficult for her ex to find her there and watch her sleep. She still didn't feel completely safe, but it got easier with time.

As time passed, she started working at a bakery, mostly because the office she had done her apprenticeship at had closed down shortly after she passed her finals, making it impossible for her to continue working there, but also keeping her from gaining much experience in the field for similar jobs in the area. She enjoyed the work with the customers and the preparing of the food, but not so much the work hours and her colleagues. She started getting into art again, and photography, and the more she was out and about and did the things she loved, the easier it felt for her to breathe and leave behind that paranoia that still had her looking over her shoulders occasionally, half-expecting her ex to pop up out of nowhere.

She did appear a few more times, mostly at that bakery, and every time made Carol severely uneasy, though there wasn't much she could do. Her ex didn't start a scene, and didn't scream at her, but her overly faked cheerfulness was just as scary. She also outed Carol to her coworkers, something that Carol hadn't wanted to do because her relationship with those was already strained enough as it was. This quickly turned her time there to living hell, with the constant snide remarks or invasive questions. One coworker, an older woman, even made it her personal mission to point out every 'suitable' man among the customers to Carol and making it plain obvious that Carol should totally try to date one of them to 'get fixed'.
Carol absolutely hated her time there, but since she couldn't find anything different on a whim, and because she didn't want to keep living off her brother or parents forever, she stayed, intent on saving up as much money as possible to get her own place.

She did find a good place, thanks to her brother's girlfriend, with fairly affordable rent and enough space to allow her to freely practice her art and photography. Moving there felt like a big step for Carol, even more so because it was a place that her ex would never know about, and would hopefully also never find. It gave Carol back the last bit of freedom she had missed, and from that moment on, she felt like she finally had her life back for real. Now, if only she knew what to make of it, things would be a lot simpler.

Present Day

art bySacredNanners

Dating Amber and AJ for a while now, Carol has calmed down a little. She's still easily excited and wants to be out and about 24/7, but she has also learned to sit down and just do nothing for a little while, which helps her relax much more than before and remember to breathe. She enjoys spending time with her SO and girlfriend, and is still the one insisting on going out for some partying every now and then. She also still has to initiate a lot with AJ, but somehow she has grown into that, and feels a lot more secure in herself because of that, though she can't explain why.

She is always happy about hugs, but the cuddles at night sometimes get too much for her, because it just gets way too warm in bed, with Amber being a furnace and AJ being a hogger. She also doesn't appreciate those two constantly having midnight-chats in bed about the weirdest things just because Amber has very light sleep and AJ still struggles with insomnia. However, those are sacrifices Carol is willing to make, because the rest of the time with them is absolutely worth it.

Next to all of this, Carol does feel like she's slowly lagging behind though. Amber is aspiring to become a manager at the café, and AJ is thinking about leaving the forwarding agency and also possibly starting to transition, and somehow, it feels like both of them know exactly what they want from life, while Carol is just...there. She doesn't know what she wants, where she wants to take her art, or her photography, or whether she wants to stay at a workplace that doesn't have AJ in it. She also doesn't know how to voice any of this out, but she knows that if she did, her SO and girlfriend would support her and help her to the best of their abilities. Unfortunately, she wants to find the answers on her own.

Also: Maybe she should get a cat. Amber and AJ are practically living together now that AJ got evicted (long story), and even though Carol is with them 80% of the time, that leaves 20% of her being home all alone, by herself, lonely and lonesome. Plus, she's always wanted a cat. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that, right?