Amber

art byCibGuts

Fresh out of another failed relationship, Amber is heartbroken and at a newfound low. She hadn't meant to cling and overdo it with her affections, but somehow, she did, and now she's on her own. Again.
Instead of wallowing in too much self-pity this time, though, she decides she has had enough of living for others and trying to appease everybody. She is going to do something just for herself, and thus finds herself in front of the gym. It's been a dream of hers to become a muscled badass that is untouchable by criticism and pain, and now it's finally time to make that into reality. There, she meets Steven, who is more than happy to become her personal trainer and do his best to help her make it happen.

This is her first step of the fresh start she's working towards, and she makes a point to continue this by unfollowing all the people she has followed on her social media app to start over there, as well. Instead, she follows fitness-related and motivational/inspirational content. It's at that moment that she stumbles over an artist's page - ScatteredToast. Intrigued by the name and the funny doodle, she checks it out, and quickly decides to stay.

Months later, she has successfully buffed up enough to feel comfortable, though she wants to go way further. However, it's also now that people start seeing her less as a woman, which annoys her. She is still following that artist, having developed a bit of a liking for the person behind the art that seems so kind and sweet. She takes all her courage and writes them a private message, a heartfelt exclamation of her admiration and gratitude for the many smiles their art has given her in the past months that had been so hard for her. Amber hopes for a reply but at the same time doesn't really expect one - until she does get one, and it's so much better than anything she could have ever hoped for. They start writing back and forth, and quickly exchange phone numbers because texting is much easier and faster, and a friendship blooms between Amber and AJ, who is exactly the sweetheart Amber had assumed them to be. She quickly becomes smitten and tries to take things a little further, posting a selfie in the hope for one in return, and isn't disappointed. AJ turns out to be much like their art: absolutely adorable. Also, just Amber's type, because Amber loves all things soft and cute and good for hugging and cuddling, and AJ is all those things, and in definitive need of loads of hugs.

After finding out per sheer luck that they live in the same area and her workplace is right around the corner of AJ's, they plan to meet up for real, and Amber is more excited than she has been in a long time. She can't wait to see AJ for real, but can't quite believe it's happening until AJ is right in front of her at her café. She's thrilled by the short size and softness, wanting so badly to wrap them into the biggest bearhug and never let go, but she manages to restrain herself somewhat, instead taking them to the staff room. AJ is a little awkward and stiff, but Amber has learned enough through their chats to know how to put them at ease. What follows is a super fun evening that goes well into the night and has the two not just drinking hot chocolate and eating cake, but also taking a walk around the neighborhood, just chatting and laughing and having a splendid time. Amber feels better than she has in a long time, and definitely wants to make this a regular thing, wants to see more of AJ, and strengthen that friendship that means so much to her already. AJ seems a little more hesitant, but every time Amber begins to worry she might be reading too much into their time together or could be a little too much for AJ, AJ manages to magically reassure her with some perfectly-timed praise or words of support and understanding.

When Amber asks them out on a sort-of date in her gym to share her most important place of comfort with them, she is at first a little confused and disappointed when AJ brings somebody else - a coworker and friend of theirs, called Carol. One glance at Carol, and she knows that this friend wants much more than friendship from AJ, much like Amber. She immediately brings it up the moment AJ is distracted, intent on not letting drama or jealousy take root. Carol seems surprised, but open to the idea of being supportive of each other instead of competing, and Amber knows she's found a new friend. The three spend the rest of the day together and share many laughs, and even check out Amber's café again on the way to her place, where they ultimately end up to watch a movie together and just generally have a great time. When Carol and AJ leave in the middle of the night, Amber and her end up exchanging numbers and quickly start writing each other, as well as forming a group chat with AJ for future dates and get-togethers. 

They know of their feelings for AJ, but getting AJ to notice and understand is an entirely different matter, and something that requires a lot of trial and error. Carol wants so badly to ask them out but always chickens out, while Amber takes a more direct approach and does ask them out, but somehow, no matter how direct she is, AJ never seems to grasp her intentions, and only seems mildly confused at her advances. It's frustrating at best, and fills her with doubts in regards to whether AJ is even interested, but at the same time, she knows those looks AJ gives Carol when they believe nobody is watching, and Carol claims to have noticed those same looks directed towards Amber, so they have to be interested to some extent, right?
However, she knows she'll also gladly take friendship with AJ, if that's all she'll ever get, unwilling to miss that wonderfully awkward bundle of suppressed sunshine in her life.

It takes a messed up outing of AJ and Carol to a karaoke night for the big blow to happen. Amber just finishes up her nightshift when she gets unusually short and clipped text messages from AJ, who, for once, isn't using smileys and emoticons in their messages and even has some typoes in them. She knows at once something is up and gives them a call, worried something had happened. As it turned out, something had: Carol had overstepped a line, apparently, though it takes Amber coming over to AJ's place to learn that it was a kiss that put them in such disarray. She holds them and tries her best to soothe her anxiety-riddled friend, spending most of the night just calming them down. When Carol wakes up from her drunken slumber, the two are still awake, albeit exhausted, and Amber offers to drive Carol home to allow AJ some rest. The moment they're in the car, Carol is the next to suffer a near breakdown, confident she has successfully ruined her friendship with AJ and possibly even with Amber because of her dumb blunder. Amber, however, isn't so sure this is such a bad thing, though it's certainly unfortunate that it had be happen now, like this, and that there's a whole weekend between now and when Carol and AJ will next interact. She tries to message AJ a few times, but only gets short and clipped replies, showing AJ needs some time alone to come to terms with everything, especially the fact that Carol might be interested in them, which, for some reason, seems absolutely wild and impossible to AJ.

Amber turns to Carol, who is in just as much disarray and panic and needs all the comfort and reassurance she can get. Amber knows they're at an impasse, unable to go back to how things were, but scared of moving forward. She tells as much to Carol, and the two talk back and forth about their hopes and fears, evaluating worst-case-scenarios and trying to decide on the best course of action. Ultimately, they decide that denying anything would be pointless, and it's time to come clean with AJ. Ask them out directly, without a chance of being misunderstood or vague with their intentions or feelings. If AJ rejected them, then so be it, but at least they would know for real just how much Amber and Carol felt for them, and who knew, maybe their friendship would grow through it, if nothing else. No matter what, it was still much better than the alternative of Carol trying to lie or act like nothing had happened, which would just be hurtful for both parties and damage their friendship way beyond control, especially since AJ had only just left their shell and would undoubtedly retreat right back into it and barricade themselves ten times over before letting Carol back in - which would also strain and possibly ruin their friendship with Amber, and most certainly destroy any possiblity for the happy ending Amber so badly yearns for.

The two put together a plan to ensure that AJ will not be confronted out of the blue and not in front of others to minimize everybody's discomfort, and Amber feels like this could actually work out really well - at least, she's hopeful that it will. Carol seems a little more doubtful, but agrees to give it her best shot.

On the fateful Monday, Amber has the opening shift at work and is a bundle of nerves well before her shift starts at 5am, hoping against hope that things will work out alright and preparing everything for her part. She checks her phone a million times and reassures Carol throughout the morning for whenever she will be leaving for work and possibly start her conversation of truth with AJ. Luckily, Amber's coworkers are more than understanding and help her out while she gets ready to leave upon Carol's signal, armed with coffee for AJ's coworkers and comfort drinks for AJ and Carol, both to celebrate in case things go over well, and to comfort and ease things over in case they go south. Once she's there, she finds the two in the cafeteria, where Amber joins the confessing-her-feelings-train and offers her comfort drinks.
After a bit back and forth and many awkward moments, AJ finally ends up admitting their feelings, albeit hesitantly, as if half-expecting this to be an elaborate joke and for things to go wrong any moment. However, Amber and Carol make sure to let them know that they are, in fact, very, very serious, and thus, they find themselves in a very new yet also fragile relationship.

Their relationship takes a lot of work, especially in the beginning, since Carol and AJ have never been in a relationship with more than one partner before, and Amber badly wants to avoid anybody feeling left out and has to make a point at bringing up communication and honesty as often as possible so it sticks. AJ is still very hesitant, but it's something Amber and Carol are more than willing to work on and help them out with through lots of affirmation and open affection. But other than that, or even because of all that, it really pays off. Amber is happier than she has been for ages, and the three of them make a great couple that lift each other up and work through hardships one step at a time. It's the healthiest relationship in Amber's life, and she's more than grateful for it. Finally, she can fully be herself and still feel accepted and loved, and all the things past partners saw as flaws and burdens, her SO and girlfriend see as just another lovable part of her.
It's refreshing, as much as it helps Amber grow more confident in herself again.

Past

Amber is an only child, raised by her dad mostly after her mother died when she was young. It hit hard, but she's come to live with the loss and tries to make the best of it. Her dad took it much worse than her, though he tried to be strong for her. He is of Asian heritage, though she didn't take many of his traits, looking more like her mother with her strong jaw, straight nose and many freckles. She has his hair though, and his love for order, love and happy endings. He's fairly soft and sensitive though he tries to act tough, something she tried and still tries to imitate, with varying success.

During her childhood, Amber was overweight and only had a few friends, mostly getting bullied and called names in school, which left her very unhappy and gave her body image issues. Back then, she wanted to become big and strong to ward off such attacks and show everybody that she was not one to mess with.
Instead, she developed an eating disorder and became underweight in the course of her teens, which made her severely unhappy but led to the bullying to stop and more people seeking her out, suddenly taking notice of her wit and humor and kind nature. She has never had more friends than at that time, and she tried to tell herself this is what she wanted, but she still felt unhappy and unhealthy and like she was betraying herself.

She started dating fairly young, her first relationship being with a boy from another class that caught her interest. She quickly realized that she didn't have any preference when it came to gender, and also made her first experiences with that guy, who was just as awkward as she was. Her father wasn't too happy about her dating so young, but accepted it nonetheless and was as supportive as he could be, and made sure she knew everything in regards to staying safe and true to herself. He figured that, if he forbid it or reacted averse, she would do it behind his back anyways, so this was his way of making sure she would always be honest with him and know she could come to him for anything. It worked.

The two broke up a few months later as their interests took them on different paths. She was at first a little down and heartbroken, but quickly recovered and soon found herself a new boyfriend. This one she was more than a little infatuated with, but unfortunately, it was also the first time she learned that her overly affectionate nature could be seen as bothersome and bad. He nagged a lot, and in her lovestruck state she tried so hard to appease him that she gave up a lot of herself for him. Her interests and hobbies at the time, most of her friends, all gone for the sake of a guy, and yet, he still wasn't happy with her, wanted more and wanting it now. More than she was willing to give. When they broke up, it took a big toll on her, especially because the guy made sure to let her know how much it was her fault because of her clingy behavior and unwillingness to go further than she felt ready to go.
Her father was there for her and tried to explain to her the rightness of her actions and the importance of consent, but she still doubted herself.
Shortly after this, she started dating a girl from her class, mostly just rushing into the relationship to get over her old one, which ended up being as much a blessing as it was a curse. It gave her more experience with girls and she loved the softness, but the relationship also brought all sorts of hardships with it. Her classmates didn't understand why she was suddenly dating a girl and her ex felt hurt in his pride, while her girlfriend constantly wanted to know that she was the only one in Amber's life and that she wasn't interested in guys anymore. All of that put a lot of pressure on Amber as she had to confront her sexuality and explain said sexuality to others, even though it shouldn't matter.

The relationship also fell apart, followed by a few more relationships that all ended poorly, mostly because Amber was 'too much' and 'clingy'. She found momentary reprieve with a guy from one of her first part-time jobs, an asexual boy a bit younger than her, just trying to figure out his life, much like her. They made a great couple, and despite the lack of sexual intimacy, she much enjoyed their platonic intimacy and the comfort he gave her. She still considers that relationship one of her healthiest, and sometimes wonders what would have happened if he hadn't moved away, or if they had managed to make the long-distance relationship work that had followed. Alas, they went separate ways, and she was alone again.

After this, she went in and out of relationships, realizing while dating a poly girl that she was poly, herself, and they started a relationship with her girlfriend's other best friend, giving her a first taste of dating more than one person. It went well at first, then quickly derailed as jealousy took hold and the best friend wasn't open enough with her wishes and feelings, bottling a lot up and then getting frustrated when neither of them picked up on it. It got so bad that she started being intentionally hurtful and spiteful towards Amber, wanting her gone, and after a lot of back and forth and fighting, Amber got dumped without the chance to clarify anything.

Her father was open to her sexuality, just wanting her to be happy, but being poly was not something he understood, and it bothered him for a long time, though he tried his best to remain neutral. She knew he was happy when that relationship ended though, and it hurt her a lot because it felt like he wasn't actually accepting her, at all, but after a momentary pause in contact, she realized he undoubtedly was doing his best, and they started talking again.

Shortly before she found a job as barista, she met the guy who would ultimately be her worst relationship yet, though she didn't know that at the time. He was sweet and amazing and just her type, being a bit of a gamer and rather witty and smart. They hit it off right away, and things seemed to be going so well, until they didn't. He made a point to tell her how pretty she was and how much he liked her thin and frail nature, and even though she hated those things about herself, it felt good to be praised, and she wanted him to continue liking her. So began their downfall. She made sure to give him everything he could possibly want, and he got used to it, taking her for granted and expecting more. He introduced her to his friends and expected the best, but the smallest things irked him, like her dress or the way she had her hair tied back instead of braided as he had requested. He started petty arguments that she couldn't possibly win, twisting her words to put him in the right, and manipulate her soft side to give her the blame. The more the relationship was slipping, the more attached and clingy she became, trying so hard to hold onto him and make it work out. She tried to be the best she could possibly be and do everything he wanted, but again it was never enough, and he became aggressive, upset about even the smallest of mistakes or issues. Even as she realized the relationship was going nowhere, she still tried to hold on, remembering the good times they had in the beginning and wanting those to return, wanting them to work.

It took almost a whole year of drama and her boyfriend cheating on her several times until they finally broke up, and even then it left her heartbroken and a wreck. It didn't help that the final straw was her suggesting to openly date that girl he was cheating on her with, in a frantic attempt from her to reconcile and make things work. He hated this, hated how she dared not even being jealous, and saw her openness as a sign that she didn't truly love him, after all, and that she was nothing but a clingy nuisance.

Despite knowing most of his words were from a place of anger and pain, she still took a lot of it to heart, and combined with her other past relationships, it really took a toll on her to hear all this again, so many times. It has made her fearful of being too much, but at the same time she can't manage to push everything down and act like 'normal' people might. Because of all of this, she feels like she might never find true happiness, though she still dreams of finding the perfect partner, maybe even partners, to spend the rest of her life with.
Her dad still supports her to the best of his abilities, and no matter what she does or how she looks, she will always be his little girl.

Present Day

art by Andrea Tamez

Dating AJ and Carol for a while now, Amber really grows into herself and is much more relaxed and content in daily life. She still tends to overshare, mostly because she's always excited to talk about the loves of her life, but her coworkers love her and respect her and her oversharing nature, so it's all good. She does grow a little unhappy at work though because there's a lot of new people starting out that don't even wanna be there, and management has taken a turn for the worse. This makes her first consider applying for the manager position there, something she wouldn't have thought possible before.

Other than that, she loves to spend time with her SO and girlfriend and makes a point of doing things that they'll all enjoy, though her gym takes a backseat because of that. She momentarily falls back into old patterns and cancels her membership, feeling like she has to make sacrifices in order to have more time with her loved ones. Once AJ and Carol realize this though, AJ quickly fixes that by signing the three of them up, and Amber is flabbergasted yet overjoyed when she learns that the three of them can just as well spend their time together doing something that's more Amber's thing than theirs.

With things working out so well, Amber is the first to start planning ahead a little, looking for a place the three of them can move in together. Since AJ lost their apartment (long story) and things have been a little chaotic in general, she feels like a bit of a constant, some sort of safe haven they can all call home, is in order.
She tries to keep this secret until she finds a suitable place that meets their needs (big bathroom for AJ, enough space for Carol's art supplies, and afforable for all three of them) but it miiiiight be possible that AJ is beginning to figure things out...