Falsely's Links
Of course Clarissa recognizes Dylan - he was on just about every gameshow and talkshow of the early 2000s. But they've never spoken in person, and after watching behind the scenes footage of Beat the Buzzer she's kind of grateful for that.
Who? No, Dylan doesn't know anyone named Clarissa Dunst. He's quite sure of that.
...Or he was. It... sounds almost familiar?
Swisse isn't exactly the worst talent Randall has ever had to deal with, but he's not the charmer he is on TV either. Guy won't stick to his lines and is constantly demanding reshoots. (Like, come on, isn't it usually the directors who do that?)
Maybe that's why it took Randall so damn long to notice he was acting strangely...
Who? Oh, yeah. The sound guy. Yeah, Dylan's seen him around but they've never talked.
Why bother? This is work.
Eugh, man. This squirrel.
If the field of robotics had a concept of "family trees", then Ub would be something akin to his sister or cousin. Both U-line guardbots. A lot of similar internal wiring. But while Un's managed to cling onto his sense of self, Ub completely glitched out. No personality, just a fallback list of protocols.
Ub seriously freaks him out. She's a reminder of everything his circuits could become if he doesn't take precautions. And he doesn't know if "fixing" her is the same as helping her.
He hopes she stays in the halls of the Death Ray where she belongs.
if (!identification.txt)
print("404: FILE NOT FOUND.");
Un rescued Sparkle from his creator's original world domination attempt. It's part of the reason he's hailed as a hero, but in his eyes "don't kill kids" is a perfectly sensible standard for a villain to have.
He's kidnapped her countless time since - the first attempt backfiring when he realised her father (the city's Mayor) does not prioritize her life, and thus can't be blackmailed in that fashion. They got to know each other quite a bit during that awkward evening, and subsequent "kidnappings" are purely to get her out of other villains' line of sight. The emotional equivalent of faking a phone call to get a friend out of a bad date.
Sparkle's friendship with Un the robot is... complicated. On one hand, he saved her life when she was just a little girl. On the other hand, he did break her trust and kidnap her for ransom purposes about a decade later. On the other other hand, when that fell through he let her go willingly, and then promptly beat up the next villain that kidnapped her. (She'd already escaped by that point. But y'know. Thought that counts.)
Seriously. He is so fucking weird. But she's come to accept that of all Didera's villains, he's one of the least dangerous. They hang out sometimes, mostly at his Evil Lair when there's more of a bounty on her head than usual.
Sparkle has been Kel's best friend for about twenty-two years now, if his memories check out. Excluding that one time in third grade where he wanted to kill her for stealing his fruit-shaped erasers, but that's playground drama for you.
Ever since the Death Ray crashed outside town, he's been worried sick about her - and her social life. Spakel may as well be a leper, given the frequency her family is targeted by superheroes and villains, so he tries not to treat her weird. Tries to be normal.
It's a lot of pressure, being the fun one.
Kel the cat is her best friend, and has been for... gosh, almost as long as she can remember. She wonders, sometimes, if she's the reason he got into podcasting. If his research doubles as a way to find some scrap of information, anything, that would help her stay safe this week.
She knows better than to ask. So they usually go bowling. Argue about whether or not capes are cool. Break arcade machines from overuse. That sort of thing.
Un is a semifrequent listener of Kel Sundae's super-podcast. He thinks it's laughably inaccurate, and Sparkle's futile attempts to correct Kel on the facts are even more hilarious.
He's broken into Kel's recording booth several times to record impromptu interviews. He found the cat's frustration very entertaining... until Kel started showing up to fights to interview him there. These days, he tries - and fails - to avoid Kel at all costs.
Oh yeah. Kel likes Un. Superpowers? Sure, those are cool. But there's nothing cooler than a well-engineered robot. He has to hand it to the Mad Scientist - the guy could build a killing machine like no-one else. And it's nice that a hero like green mohawk is so deadset on protecting his buddy Sparkle.
Kel a lot of thoughts about the guy's moveset, though. Like, beam swords? Seriously? Stick to rayguns dude, melee is *not* your forte.
The Shopper is probably the only non-colleague Ingrid talks to on a regular basis. Go figure they're a customer, huh. Ingrid thinks the Shopper is kind of dumb, but at least they know how to dodge a gorilla.
The Shopper doesn't really know anyone in the area, aside from Ingrid. ...And honestly, making friends with her was kind of a total accident. She's nice enough, but it seems like they only hang out when shit is about to hit the fan.
Jitendra is usually pretty good with kids, so it worries him how weird Bee acts around him. Where are her parents? Why does she keep telling him to get better friends???
Bee doesn't trust him. Sure, he SEEMS nice. But he's friends with a serial killer. SO HE MUST BE BAD.
Jitendra thinks Ingrid's great! She seems like a hard worker and a good sister, though he gets the feeling she's avoiding him. Actually he's quite sure she is. One time he visited the Buyer's Direct and Ingrid just straight-up walked out on him. Well, he doesn't blame her. He'd probably feel awkward if all his friends were twice his age, too.
Ingrid doesn't really get this Jitendra guy. He's odd as hell, talks too much, and never seems to pay attention unless his life is in danger. Still, he's the only guy she's EVER seen get a smile out of Clarissa, so she gives him the benefit of the doubt.
Ingrid is Jack's co-worker at the Rabbiteye Motel, and god, she fucking hates this guy. Doesn't understand why he's still such a stuck-up asshole to her. Were it not for the laws of this land she would toss him back in the lake he crawled out of
Jack is Ingrid's co-worker at the Rabbiteye Motel. He might've tried to kill her when they first met, but in his defense, he was very freaked out and unbelievably confused at the time. She won the fight and he's been kind of afraid of her ever since.
Best friends since college. Fell out of contact after he moved overseas for work. Is getting progressively more uncomfortable with Marshal's bullshit, but hasn't worked up the courage to call him out on it.
Best friends since college. Barely even registered Joseph left the country for a few years. Spends most of their limited conversations talking about himself.
Besties! Probably? Izzie's great, but his dormmates keep giving him shit for hanging out with her. What's it matter that all his friends just HAPPEN to be girls, anyway??
Besties! Sure, she gives him a lot of shit. But that's because they're friends and he gives it right back.
Besties! Probably? Annabelle's gotten kind of weird around her lately. Maybe Isadora did something wrong and Annabelle's just too much of a good person to say anything.
Besties! Probably? It's, um, a little confusing. Isadora's so smart and pretty, Annabelle doesn't know if she wants to *be* her, or...
Besties! Probably? He doesn't know. Sometimes he worries he's just leeching off Annabelle's popularity. She doesn't need dead weight like him.
Besties! Fuck with him, you get the bat!
Friendly(?) acquaintances who met through the town's Vigilante chat. Honestly? She thinks he's a total tool. Fun to mess with, though.
Friendly(?) acquaintances. Sprocket actually first met Ingrid on Ao3, and over time worked out her civilian identity and superpowers. He keeps quiet about this, though: mostly because she's saved Maya's life so many times. It's the least he can do.
Ingrid is Bee's sorta-sister (approx. 12 years older than Bee). Being responsible for Bee's happiness scares the shit out of Ingrid, and she constantly worries about doing something that could screw her up for life. The end result is that Ingrid often leaves Bee alone for long periods of time -- which in itself creates a whole slew of problems...
Bee is Ingrid's sorta-sister (approx. 12 years younger than Ingrid). To be honest, Bee is a little intimidated by her, and rarely comes out of her shell while she's around. She wants to go home and doesn't understand why she's stuck at this stupid motel.
Ingrid is an employee of Finch. Ingrid met Finch at an absolute low point in her life, so their working relationship was... rough, at first. It's taken years for her to get comfortable working at the motel, but now they're pretty ride-or-die.
Finch is Ingrid's boss & terrible mentor figure. To be honest, the Rabbiteye Motel wasn't doing so well financially when she and Ingrid met, so her letting Ingrid work for room and board instead of pay was... less charitable than she pretended it was. But that's not to say she didn't genuinely worry for the kid -- and now their friendship is stronger than ever.
Clarissa is absolutely SICK of this kid spreading rumors about her.
Bee is positive Clarissa is a serial killer. Can't fool HER, old lady!
Clarissa was Ingrid's boss, way back in the day. She fired Ingrid after the hauntings started, to help keep her safe. She hasn't heard from Ingrid in months, and assumes Ingrid resents her.
Ingrid used to work for Clarissa at Video Nine back in high school, until Clarissa crawled out of a sink pipe. Long story. Ingrid respects her, but doesn't realize the feeling was mutual. Ingrid left town without saying goodbye and has no idea what she's up to these days.
Former best friends and college roommates. Has been intentionally holding him at arm's length after he got obsessed with cryptid hunting.
Former best friends and college roommates. Has no idea Clarissa's been avoiding him, or has even stopped considering him a friend. Has no idea about the ghosts.
Clarissa's been Joseph's best friend since college, but she fell out of contact with him after he moved overseas for work. She has no idea about the whole "sinking office building" thing, or that he's been struggling to stay employed.
Joseph has been Clarissa's best friend since college, but he fell out of contact with her after he moved overseas for work. He no idea about the whole "flunked psychology exams and now lives in a haunted video store" thing, or that she's been struggling to maintain a social life.