Ziah_Benn's Links
Would not trust around pet alpaca. Hit with a motorcycle.
Has a proper license, most people don't expect werewolves in the street.
Do not trust with vehicles. Can't fucking drive.
Does this look familiar? https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81DmRBxUh9L._AC_SL1500_.jpg
I don't like the look she gives me. Like she expects something better. I wish she'd stop looking in my window like that. I just want peace and quiet.
Strangely enough, I'm actually quite attached to my teeth. I'd rather not part with them for idle curiosity.
A pretty pathetic vampire compared to her former master she served as a butler for. Her master was a powerful, rich vampire. A silly little groomer seems pitiable next to him. Maybe if he just aimed a little higher and got out of the house more...
Hmm I wonder why Luke wants your teeth? Maybe you should give one to him, I want to see what he concocts!
Off-putting to say the least. Insists I get over my fears. Insults me and my career thinking I don't realize she is. It's easier to just avoid her. She's more focused on the less human neighbors anyway.
A human whose job is to scare off pesky birds and seems rather happy with a sad career like that. But who is she to judge? But scared of the vampire? Dear, there are lots of things to be scared of in this world, she thinks you should try to get bit once. She worked for a vampire before, they're not so scary!
Seems kind of confused? Don't they know where they're at? Well, he's going to show them all kinds of fun magic! Might add some glittery stars to their face, would go well with the stickers! He really likes their stickers! He wants to put more stickers on them.
You should get Oliver blood oranges! A fruit basket full of them! He'll love them!
A cute little magician. He's probably the nicest in town and is easy to be around. He says odd things sometimes but who doesn't here? At least he likes my stickers.
I may try that! Thank you for the suggestion!
When Sunny moved into the neighborhood, decided it'd be fun to give a potted plant to them as a housewarming gift. Yeah, the kind that will bite at human flesh if given the chance. Meant as a joke. Seems harmless though, and not annoying, she's cool with them.
You might want to get rid of the plant. Unless you want to die.
Seems a little cold but was one of few that actually welcomed me to the neighborhood. Even if it was with a plant that bit me quite hard. Those do seem pretty common around here though. Maybe it's the traditional housewarming gift? Hard to say but it stopped biting me when I started feeding it mice. Unfortunately it does seem to be getting bigger so I'm not too sure how much longer mice will satisfy it...
I kinda want to offer to play games with her but she seems a bit aggressive even for me. Maybe we can start with something simple?
O-oh? Is it poisonous? Uh... I guess I'll just put it in the compost then.
They seem nice, if a little shy. Sometimes they come hang out with me in the fields. I think they might be lonely. Makes sense since they're new to the neighborhood and all.
Probably the most normal person I've met here. Even if they do hang around in fields a lot, chasing birds. They seem happy though so what harm could it be?
I don't see them much other than when they're out talking to other neighbors. Luke speaks nicely about them but I personally don't know enough to comment.
He's a shut-in so I don't know much about him. Ruby insists he's dangerous but he never even leaves his house so... For now I'll keep my distance.
Luke seems to think highly of him though so maybe I'll go say hello at some point. I wonder what kind of food he likes? Or maybe something else? Luke seems to think he wouldn't like a food gift very much.
Cute at a glance but I don't know... she gives me weird vibes. Seems friendly enough to talk to. Seems like she buys into the weird neighborhood belief systems though.
A fellow human who seems in utter denial of the world around them. A pity, considering the absolutely fascinating world they live in. She kind of finds them funny to watch and chat with. How far can they take it?
Keeps their distance so I don't know them well. I get the distinct feeling they're afraid of me. A bit insulting but at least they leave me alone.
Mmmmnope.
Is that the person I constantly hear yelling at her television? God I wish she'd get better at those games. Clearly she needs improvement if they're causing that much frustration.
Next time I find a weed in my yard I'm taking all the fleas I get off the dogs at work and I'm throwing them in her house.
Woman, I swear to God, and I do not do so lightly, if I find another weed in my yard there will be consequences.
Pale..?! Alright, but remember you started this.
Oh yeah, totally. Hang on.
What plants?
What, are you going to call on your army of flying monkeys to help? Because I very much doubt you could do much on your own.
The kind that harasses someone for no reason? Had you just thrown out your weeds properly we wouldn't be having this conversation.
How do you think I even noticed the weeds? I came outside before you started trashing my yard. You don't do anyone around here any favors with your presence. You're more of a weed than a relentless Dandelion.
As if you're any better? Does anyone in this town actually like you?
Was that supposed to be a dig? Because if so your shovel's broken. If I wanted people to like me I sure as hell would have an easier time of it than you.
How many ages has it been since a vampire actually had to drink blood from a live source? It's a shame witch trials are a thing of the past. Much like vampire hunting. Then maybe we'd both get our way. It's also rather juvenile to blow smoke in the face of someone that doesn't even breathe.
I think he's the guy who has the yard I throw the weeds into? I don't know, guy slouches, stop it, looks lame. Good glasses choice though.
Hey fuckface.
You wanna fight? Come at me, pale bitch.
Actually, before we fight, you're like Luke's keeper or something right? Got any like, vampire hypnosis to get him to get the fuck out of my garden?
Ok yeah, we need to fight now for sure. Gonna feed you to my plants, get ready disheveled fuckface.
You'll be the fertilizer for the new plants. Your werewolf clients aren't ever going to see you again. Going to tie you up and leave you in the sun to burn.
What kind of witch do you think I am? Hope you're ready to have spiky vines wrapped around your neck.
Look just be a good neighbor and help out. You can deal with a few little weeds, right? It's good for you to get out anyway, see, doing you a favor, buddy.
And no one needs some bloodsucking parasite in the neighborhood either. Probably be a favor if the weeds drove you out.
Same goes for you, pal. Hell you don't seem like you want anyone around you, but lucky you, you got Luke following you around like some puppy after your teeth. That's all you got, but I guess it's fine for some loner for no one to like them.
Yeah who is going to trust something that feeds on blood? That they need to live too? *Cigarette to mouth, puffs smoke out in his face over the fence* We really shouldn't let vampires just run around freely if you ask me.
Maybe they'll come back one day, hell we can always start them back up _now_ if you want. And don't care, you smell like smoke now, get it all over your house, all I needed.
You're a giant. Lift me up, and help me tie down Oliver for his teeth. You can have one too. He's got two of them after all!
Aw you know Oliver isn't that scary, you should get to know him!
You know he doesn't seem to want to scare you, we need to get you over your fear of getting your blood sucked out of you! What if one day he REALLY needs a drink of blood? Someone needs to step up for him!
I look at you and think, wow, if I was a vampire, you'd probably have really tasty blood I bet. Mine not so much. So it's up to you!
Sorry kid, I don't have a death wish. Come get me when you need some birds scared off. Or to chill. Without assaulting our neighbor. Who I would like to remind you is a blood-sucking vampire. I like having my blood, thank you.
I like you Luke... but I have no interest in getting to know your vampire friend. Feel free to pass along a friendly hello from me though.
You are aware you have blood as well, right? Why wouldn't you just offer yours?
...Right. I'll _definitely_ keep that in mind should such an occasion arise.
You can tie yourself to a post, and make yourself useful. For minimum wage.
Vampires can smell fear you know. Might wanna work on that.
You know if we work together we could get rid of the neighborhood bloodsucking parasite. Then you'd be safe. Wanna team up, scarecrow?
Potential friend.
Oh.
I feel less than inclined after your previous statement. That and I have no experience dealing with vampires. I think I'll choose to sit this one out.
A nuisance. Obsessed with my teeth for some reason? Seems nice enough when he puts down the pliers.
I honestly couldn't say I dislike the kid but he's a bit overwhelming. Maybe in time.
...A friendly... hello..?
I see. Well I don't think approaching someone who is afraid of me would be very kind. Thank you for passing along the message though. You can let go now.
Hey kid, that lady over there said she needs help clearing out her old garden so she can replant. You should go help her.
Luke, now is most certainly not the time.
I... yeah. Sure.
...
...
Blood is blood, kid. If it's not rotting it all tastes the same.
I hate to break it to you but blood is not food. It doesn't have the same varieties at all.
Give me your teeth. I mean we can hang out and all, but you don't have to wear a muzzle around me! How about just one tooth? Also, I think you need a hug. No one seems to like you. But I do!
Ruby says a friendly hello!
Ruby is too scared to say hi, so told me to pass along a friendly hello! You should try going to say hi to Ruby, show Ruby you're not that scary!
Ooooh really? I can take the chance to get all kinds of ingredients if she doesn't need them! Thanks for telling me, Oliver! I'll be of much help.
Like a good neighbor, Oliver is here!
But if I ever need you, if I call for you like that, will you appear?
Oliver, question. Whose blood do you think would taste better? Mine or Ruby's?
So you don't have like, a favorite blood type? Does it even taste good? If you can't even enjoy the taste that'd be tragic! That's the best part of food!
Well, that just sounds boring! Don't you miss like... food? With all kinds of flavors and textures?