So I woke up this morning and apparently pinched a nerve between my neck and shoulder in my sleep. I couldn't even turn on my bedroom light without screaming as I reached up for the pull chain. Getting dressed took forever. When I finally got fully dressed I went downstairs to find my older cat crying and stiff. He is an epileptic but also has an infection which at his age could be lethal. I couldn't tell if he had seized and was just coming out of it or something far worse. Luckily it was a seizure. I left him with my sister who is a vet tech and went to work. And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day my best friends 16 year old brother committed suicide. That moment was very life changing for me as someone who wasn't really dealing with their depression. To see a kid I watched grow up die. My own suicidal thoughts have been very heavy lately. Not the idea of hurting myself but just the need to end it all and no longer exist. I also found out my ex best friend finally removed me off fb, we got into a fight over her making very destructive life choices and lieing to me back in September and we haven't talked since. My fiance and therapist said she'd come around. Obviously she did not. So I deleted her number finally. I'm in a very, very bad place right now. Thank you to everyone who has helped me.