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I've been searching all over for the original thread, but it seems to be gone so here's a new one!
This thread is similar to the rate the character design above you thread, but it focuses more on the written aspect of the character. Written info, links, relationships, powers, all of that.
Some basic rules and guidelines
▶︎ Claim first posting IC as the character you want rated, then edit with your rating /10 and explanation to avoid being ninjad. @ the person you claim!
▶︎ You can give some extra info about the character you'd like rated if wanted.
▶︎ This is a feedback thread, meaning that posting in it won't always yield praise. Keep in mind your character may be criticised.
▶︎ That being said, stay polite! Low ratings are allowed as long as you constructively explain why you rated the character that without attacking or insulting the creator. Rude behaviour will result in a ban from the thread.
▶︎ It's hard to avoid personal taste in feedback. Still try to make largest part of your rating come from a critical standpoint. You can dislike a character but still acknowledge they are well written.
▶︎ This thread is about profile info over design. Design can be given feedback in relation to what is written in the profile, but for a full design review go to the design rating thread.
▶︎ A good rule of thumb is to write a minimum of three sentences of feedback. More is always allowed and encouraged!
First poster gets a free rating <:
Story:
I'm personally the type of person that wants more and craves more from a story rather than a few sentences vaguely describing what happened. I want more about what happened between Sam and Rhodes, I want to feel what turmoil Sam went through while being with Rhodes and then becoming numb to it. I want to know more about Rhodes as a person (but you made a note that I've kept in mind). There's also nothing about his childhood at all, there's no real substance to his character so whatever he went through, I can't be sympathetic or care about him enough to be like, 'We need to get Sam out of this situation'. From the way the story is described, it feels like he's not a 'whole' character and that he's only complete with Rhodes. That being said, I did take his age into account and the fact that Rhodes, other than his family, is all he knows. So, him not being a 'whole' character would make sense in this context.
Personality:
I also find it strange that while he's very prone to breakdowns, he has a sharp tongue for being somewhat anxious. His wit gets him in trouble? Knowing what Rhodes does to him, wouldn't that make him do it less? I'm making an assumption that particular trivia bit is related to Rhodes as well but wouldn't that cause him to recluse and take it? 'Getting used to' Rhodes could mean just that rather than 'Oh, I know how you work now, so I can be snarky'. Knowing when to talk and when not to. So, to me, he comes off a little bit as an anxious teenager who can't take what he dished out rather than someone with (potentially) stockholm syndrome, if that's what you were going for.
Design:
I think he's cute. The design is the strong point of this character, imo. I also do think, however, if he's the victim of physical abuse, he would be wearing something less revealing most of the time as to not show the bruises if he's allowed outside with permission from Rhodes/goes out with Rhodes. I know they're on his chest for the most part and that's covered well and good. If Rhodes hits the same area all the time, then this works.
Suggestions:
I think there's a good start but would be a phenomenal character with more fine tuning and detail. I would first, of course, finish Rhodes. Then write Sam's backstory up until Rhodes takes him in and develop that a bit further. Make sure there's a descent there in behavioral changes. Make sure we feel for Sam, convince us to hate Rhodes with an absolute passion. I would also make sure the reader knows what kind of world this dystopia is and what caused Sam to lose his parents anyway because that was unexplained as well. I do want this character to be fleshed out considering I have one very similar to Sam in terms of the situation he's in and I do like the concept a lot but there's not a lot there for it to seem whole.
Overall:
3/10
Just a note, I have a very minor backstory, like a plotline of sorts. You're free to read under the spoiler for extra information, I'd like the most advice on how to put the backstory in a readable manner.
- Actual parents left him to protect him with adoptive human family.
- Grew up unsure of what he was when he realized he wasn’t like other kids.
- Realizing that he’s literally stronger than the other kids, his adoptive parents told him not to use his strength to hurt others. Despite that, he was bullied and pushed to the edge.
- Nearly hurt the bully but bully ran away because he saw the fangs. This pegged Rowan as a monster for the rest of his educational years. He finds out who his real parents are, also that he’s kindred.
- Higher education happens, he’s a smart cookie and gets interested in philosophy, meets his first lover, his boyfriend Flynn. They’re taken with each other despite it being taboo.
- Lover dies prematurely 10 years later at 29, it sucks, Rowan’s heartbroken.
- This repeats with a woman, except he gets married to her and doesn’t tell her he’s kindred. Rowan’s still messed up about Flynn. He gets insecure about being a ‘softer’ vampire. Tries to be something he’s not.
- It works, for a bit. But now his wife is concerned about him going out late. She gets suspicious and thinks he’s cheating on her. He’s actually meeting with other kindred and hunting.
- She follows him, he gets caught digging into a human, it’s a shitshow. His comrades want to drain her, Rowan convinces them not to, she immediately leaves him and a 5? year marriage.
- Becomes ostracized by other vampires, aka, “We knew a Delacroix couldn’t be like us. They’re a load of human worshippers.”
- Basically says fuck it and goes back to take care of his adoptive parents. They die eventually while he still looks young and beautiful.
- Meets his real parents at the funeral of his adoptive father. They end up taking him back after his adoptive mother’s funeral. He’s not well for months, doesn’t even have the motivation to get out of bed.
- Learns some wise lessons from his real parents, they’re both very compassionate and sophisticated vampires, so much unlike him. He learns they’ve always wondered about him. He learns to become more the way he was supposed to be.
- After that there’s a bunch of mundane events leading up to him being a Marquis and then a Duke. He’s been the witness of a lot of deaths, especially his friends. He’s learned to be numb and focus on his hobbies as well as take in other kindred who believes humans aren’t just fodder.
- Basically him now.
A lot of this will be kept in mind as I write the backstory.
slushrushed
Thank you so much <3 He's a very important character to me so to see that what I was trying to convey really shone through makes me really happy to read. I'll keep everything you've said in mind as I write out the full backstory. I just get so carried away with them.
Lemon-Cricket
I'm sorry if it came off as rude. It's the idea of 'not thinking about the consequences of what you say before you say it'. I don't know if you thought it was petty because you may personally have a tendency to 'act first, think later' but I personally don't agree with the thought that everyone should 'think first, act later', no questions asked. People process things in different ways and manners so while it would be ideal that people think first and act later, it's not possible. If you submit Jellybean in the future with more information, please keep in mind that while personal preferences can't and shouldn't be omitted from a rating, it shouldn't be the sole thing you base your rating off of. In the same vein, if you do like a character, let the person know why you gave a higher rating. As slush said, the design thread would be better for you.
7/10
-nice backstory ,though a tad too complicated for my liking. I love his design espiecally the braids and the fact that hes a pureblood vampire is cool
-The reason hes a 7 and not a 9 would prob be because of the fact that in his dislikes he has "those who talk but don't think" it just rubbed me the wrong way , i hate charakter like that and the quote sound very weird ( sorry if this is a bit petty , i didnt know what else to say about him)
EDIT: cnjisocibwcoidwbcocuboa i misunderstood what that quote meant i thought he said he hated people who talk a lot not people who say mean things
(ive noticed that alot of peoples ocs have backstories , this guy doesnt really have a story but the jellybeans on his body are alien ticks )
So I would give Mahari around a 7-8/10. I like the concept of his story and character, it really makes you interested! Wish I knew more about his final kiss though! I enjoy more stoic characters personally and its understandable with his situation how he needs to kind of close off himself and his emotions. He seems really well written and not exactly cliche, honestly I'd love to know more about him! I'm not familiar with godly themes or like heaven/hell stuff in the slightest, but the story is really interesting and I wish I could write such a complex character, while also keeping it simple and not confusing. I make no sense but yeah!
5/10 bisexualmakoto
Design: I love his casual clothes! His aesthetic defininetly fills the spellcraft quirk category! He really looks like his own character with his own interests and tastes. He gives that very chill vibe that fits his personality. I like that you address his bangs when he is in combat and how they affect his life.
Personality/Story: It would be nice to see more to his personality than just being a chill dude. Does he have ambitions? End goals other than being a hero? How does he socialize with other people? I also find it odd that he puts such little effort into getting into UA considering how hard it is to get into the school. Is this a nod to just how powerful he his? I do love the quirk you gave him though! I've seen the idea before but this one has more depth to it. It makes me curious not only about Wenna, but also about his ancestors who have also had the quirk. I'd love to see more that he puts such little effort into getting into UA considering how hard it is to get into the school. Is this a nod to just how powerful he his? I do love the quirk you gave him though! I've seen the idea before but this one has more depth to it. It makes me curious not only about Wenn details about how Wenna would go about making his own spells. His story seems to lack depth. What does he want from being a pro-hero? Has he had to deal with any trauma? How does he deal with it? If being a pro hero is a past-time then what is his main goal?
Overall I'd like to see more about Wenna's ambitions and goals. Explanations about his relationships with his family and classmates is left up in the air. His design is strong, but I'd also like to see his hero outfit and name, just to implement him in the universe more.
Claim! Spanish_Senpai
Sorry I didn't edit this sooner- I've been quite busy.)
10/10
I'm not the best at critisizing stuff, but I do find this character interesting. You've given him a good amount of detail and I can guess on the character's personality just by his design! I think that's a good thing -w- I don't have much to say honestly, I think this character is pretty much perfect :> I'm personally not too attached to humanoids, but I do find intrest in this guy.
8/10
A cute boi, I love that he's sweet yet he can grow the amount of teeth he has in his mouth and probably be overall terrifying.
I would like to learn more in depth about him, and also who the Hunter is. Also maybe a bit more about the lab? I think the concept and backstory you have is very interesting
Raiting https://toyhou.se/7672048.lucy
8/10
design-
i actually really like the design myself, i like how the ears are a more cold color while the outfit and body is a more warm color. Makes the ears stick out. The dress is lovley too.
personality
she has a very diva, kinda attention seeking, mean girl kinda personality from what i read. Which isnt bad itself!! But your design seems made up of more friendlier rounder shapes, which visually gives no hints to her personality.
lore
not much to say, i love the idea of a scilent movie star. I dont see many ocs with that proffesion.
really great and cute oc!! :-)
5/10
Design!
I love her design super much, she honestly reminds me of neapolitan ice cream which im going to take a wild guess and say she's based off that! I love her hair swell! Just how its so puffy and also how the clothes match her perfectly
Personailty
I gotta say the only thing I got from her personality is that she is energetic, this leave me to wondering more about the character. For example other traits! What does she get mad at? What does she like?
Backstory
There is none! :") I wanna know how'd she meet her wife? What made her live such a happy life? Does she work anywhere? If so where? Etc!
10/10
design
I fakin love his design and colors, such lovely custom made outfit too hah, snake-belt is a nice idea
The yellow teeth and chubby body add a lot to him too
personality
"Yes he may be a villian but he has a soft spot. SIKE!!!" YES haha good to see villains that are just hella chaotic and evil
Nice nasty personality very fitting for his design. Who doesn't love a humorous villain yo
backstory
damn bg lil fucked up but I can see why its fitting of him, nice that it turns around after he got adopted, can't have pure dark lore always ay
I like that he is some kind of zombie that fucks up his body with alcohol and drugs cuz he is immortal, never seen an immortal do that to themselves hah
I wonder how his story will continue, there is a lot of potential in him, good luck working on it!
Next person: If Romin ain't your thing, you can rate Žimer