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I've been searching all over for the original thread, but it seems to be gone so here's a new one!
This thread is similar to the rate the character design above you thread, but it focuses more on the written aspect of the character. Written info, links, relationships, powers, all of that.
Some basic rules and guidelines
▶︎ Claim first posting IC as the character you want rated, then edit with your rating /10 and explanation to avoid being ninjad. @ the person you claim!
▶︎ You can give some extra info about the character you'd like rated if wanted.
▶︎ This is a feedback thread, meaning that posting in it won't always yield praise. Keep in mind your character may be criticised.
▶︎ That being said, stay polite! Low ratings are allowed as long as you constructively explain why you rated the character that without attacking or insulting the creator. Rude behaviour will result in a ban from the thread.
▶︎ It's hard to avoid personal taste in feedback. Still try to make largest part of your rating come from a critical standpoint. You can dislike a character but still acknowledge they are well written.
▶︎ This thread is about profile info over design. Design can be given feedback in relation to what is written in the profile, but for a full design review go to the design rating thread.
▶︎ A good rule of thumb is to write a minimum of three sentences of feedback. More is always allowed and encouraged!
First poster gets a free rating <:
Character: + Original Sales Strategy: You could just have went and made him a smooth-talking asshole to sell his stuff, but instead he just intimidates his customers! A very funny scenario to picture and it fits his character.
+ Inclusion of Nicknames: I just find that to be a very cute idea and it gives the reader a general idea of how he is percieved by his friends. I'd love to know why only Ruby is allowed to call him Emmyru, has the name some special meaning? Does he dislike the connotation of anyone else calling him that?
- Random Likes / Dislikes: Maybe that's just a personal thing but i like it when there is a clear connection between the likes and dislikes, they must be pretty important if they're highlightedin this short list. So, why does he like cats so much? Did he have one as a kid that reminds him of a time when life wasn't as stressful? Video games, does he use them to procrastinate? Why does he hate most people, does he have difficulties trtusting them after the bullying? Has he a sugar addiction or does he likes all these sweet foods because his sister used to spoil him with them? You don't need to answer all that in your profile in case you want to keep it simple, but remember to alsways ask yourself why he likes what he likes.
- Unspecific Age: I get that it's difficult to give a concrete age for some characters but you don't have to do that. Just maybe give a general age range (in his twenties, young adult, 114 - 360 y/o etc.) or just write something like "Y/C appears to be well past his young, adventurous days and yet, if one where to look really closely, there still seems to be that impish sparkle in his eyes that warns the obervant watcher not to underastimate this old man." for example.
Backstory: + Original Reason for Bullying: I can see that happen in real life and it kind of gives his bullies a motive that isn't the 'ol overplayed "They're just jealous!". Kids are jerks, and his story could prove that.
- Well, What Did Happen Next?: So he stabbed Candy and then...? The bullying stopped? She died? He went to jail? She was sorry and realized her wrongdoings? As someone not really familliar with your storys there are many ways in which i could imagine the story ending.
- Good With The Company or Not?: If he's such a slacker it would be nice to kow why it's still so sucsessful. Does he give most of the workload to Calem and his other employees?
Other General Advice (And Personal Opinions): The last thing i'd like to say is to not play down your own story while you're writing it. Sure, his whole profile hasn't got the most serious tone but using words like "crap" or "shit" to describe what happens next can make it harder for the reader to enjoy it.
Rating: Overall i'd give a solid 7/10, i don't get to see a lot of CEO ocs on here and his backstory, while tragic, is still believable. There is room for improvement but i trust you'll figure that out as you go. :)
On Rating Mia: I know there are propably some grammatical,- or spelling errors but i am aware of that and will fix it as soon as possible. I'm not a native speaker and editing my stuff takes me a long time. :)
Claim slushrushed .
im going to be honest. I had to look skim through it mostly. mainly cuz, wow, you put a lot of detail into this bio. Honestly, i envy you for that. Most of my bios are mainly meant to be simplistic and hopefully understandable. But based on what i saw/read....
9/10
I wouldve gave a full 10/10. But like i said, im not really comfortable with that much details to read. not that its bad. I just got overwhelmed personally. Maybe one day ill take the time to fully read it. :)
he!! reminds me of a fire emblem char!! jkdsjndksdnksbh 👀👀👀also i think hes like my height sorrny if this nfo is kinda stupid ksdjfkjdsskksks
id give him a 8/10?? sndjdnsndjn
(skipp)
haiiroko im not reallty into doing bios sinc im not really someone who types?? bios?? all that much?? jsdnfsjfsb salso sorry ksdmslndndskdm
Ey, glad to see this game has been revived!
5/10
It's nice to see more Boku no Hero OCs! Also, I don't think I've bumped into a non-hero OC yet, so seeing a U.A. student-turned-villain is refreshing.
Personally, I'm a sucker for heroes-turned-anti-heroes, and Yoru seems to have all the building blocks for the role: a tragic past, a general feeling of alienation from her peers, the loss of an important friend - the standard stuff that sends a hero stumbling toward the dark side. I feel like you've handled the setup stage well / that there's a lot of potential for her to be a multi-faceted villain that's both tragic and terrifying, but for now, her CS is still pretty bare-bones.
You have the bones in place, but you still need to flesh her out. You mention her having PTSD and her uncle being brainwashed to kill her entire family (that's a pretty big life event) but you don't really explain how it affected Yoru emotionally / how she's been trying to cope with such a tragic event. I feel like focusing on how these events have impacted her life would do a lot to humanize her more and make her a more sympathetic villain.
Yoru's quirk was also mentioned a few times, including how her mental state affects it, but I don't know what her quirk is or what it does.
Overall, the concept is there, but it's still more of a general character mold than anything specific. Don't worry though, nothing a few edits can't fix ^^! Also, in now way is Yoru bad btw, I'm just saying it feels a bit more like a Work in Progress right now. It's a bit difficult to grasp who she is as a character, aside from a villain with a tragic past right now. She's got the potential for a really compelling and sympathetic backstory though!
If Anna isn't your cup of tea, anyone from this folder would be great :)!
9/10
First off I love the amount of detail on Anna's page, everything is very well written and in depth. There are a few references to your headworld/story that aren't immediately apparent but after reading through her page everything makes a bit more sense, I am super interested in her story as well! I love characters that blend fantasy with modern reality and you've done a wonderful job at that! The level of development of her family and history is also fantastic and gives a lot of opportunities to expand on her overall character!
There was only two small things that caused me to not give her a solid 10/10, first off art wise she didn't seem to have a definite reference sheet, which can be slightly problematic when commissioning esp if you're very set on the character looking exactly "right"
The only other thing was that she seemed to me a little bit steryotypical "smart awkward teenager" if that makes sense but I feel like that very well might just be because you didn't want to dive to deeply into her personality on her profile.