The first user begins! I will claim the first user after this!
The thread went too fast-- welp, I'll still claim the last user who posted nevertheless!
...from generator linked in this thread. Title's too long.
What kind of weapon though? Let's make this item generator choose! ALWAYS SET THE QUANTITY TO ONE!
Claim (there's no character above me!)
Silas stared at the strange mechanism. The object was a generator of some sort, and his curiosity got the better of him. Glancing quickly around, he pressed his paw down on the handle, causing the machine to churn and despense an entire strip of sidewalk. "Well, that's uh...strange.." He spoke, glancing up in confusion. "Hey, I might as well hit someone with this." He chuckled, looking mischievously at his victim. "Sorry about this, but I just really want to use it.." He somehow managed to lift the sidewalk, and swung it like a bat. Nearly falling over himself.
Dave pulls out a pair of tweezers and lets out a small chirp. [I know this is probably mean...] he says, [but I really hate plants. They stick to me, so back up... please? I'll... I'll pluck the petals off your tail if I have to.] He clicks the tweezers together weakly, attempting to sound threatening. [I won't hesitate... I think.] He reaches out and attempts to pluck a petal from Silas' tail. This isn't going to end well...
[I hope I did this right? ^^;]
Selas stared at the dripping... ghost (?) hovering in his cubicle and leaving black, goopy stains all over his paperwork.
...That. What was that? More importantly, though, how was he going to get it out of his cubicle?
He squared his shoulders.
"Er- i-if you don’t leave r-right now, I’ll, uh," he pulled the first thing he felt out of his pocket, which happened to be a bow tie, "I'll... Uh, m-make you wear this! And tie it y-yourself!" He waved the small ribbon of fabric as threateningly as he could. It flutted weakly.
"Sir, you look someone scary!" Howard tossed a videogame CD to the guy who seems to be unamused by his appearance. "I-I'm sorry about that...!! But!!" For a second, he seems to be guilty by the fact that he literally threw a videogame disc to the eldritch on his front. "Let's have fun! I found this in the garbage pile, and let's see who wins first!" He flashed a smile filled with determination, he couldn't really read the eldritch's mood, sadly.
Duck had a microphone in each hand. "I may not be the best at video games but...I am the best at karaoke." Even if she wasn't sure what "threatening someone" meant, Duck knew that her karaoke skills are something to be feared. "I've been trained by professionals...I will end you." She tried saying in the most menacing voice that she could produce. The robot threw one of the microphones towards him, almost hitting Howard's head. Duck quickly apologised and felt incredibly guilty.
Shoe looked down at the sock puppet covering his hands. He was told he was supposed to threaten this Duck... hyooman robot? Did hyoomans have robot forms too like Rex? In any case, a stranger had walked up to Shoe and told him to threaten Duck with a pair of socks before mentioning that he'd get candy for doing so. And Shoe wasn't about to say no to candy. But how were you supposed to threaten someone with socks?
'By making them scary, of course!' he thought, looking down at his sock puppets with a sense of pride and accomplishment. In reality, the sock puppets had the handiwork of a kid written all over them. The button eyes and paper teeth he'd glued to them were... quite off center, to say the least. It gave the puppets the look of melting faces, their body parts barely holding on with what was obviously far too much glitter glue smothered haphazardly over the face-ish area of the puppets. But, in Shoe's child eyes, the sock puppets were perfect, and would make great cronies for threatening duck robot hyoomans.
"Raarrrgghh!" He shouted, jumping out of a nearby bush to stand in front of Duck. "I am the gwr... great an mighty Shoe! And these are my fwrends. And wr... r..." He paused, scrunching his face up as he focused on pronouncing the 'w' sound. "...we... we'wre gonna beat you up!" And then, with strength antithetical to his small size and young age, he zoomed forward to try and punch Duck in the face with one of his sock puppet hands.
Because nothing was going to stand in between Shoe and his candy.
it would seem there was a minor trend of knife murderers being forced to improvise, as kitty had somehow managed to misplace their usual knife, despite the fact that they usually always have it with them.
in its place, they wield...beef.
beef. just a big hunk of beef. they'd been saving it to eat later. they're clearly attempting to resist eating it right now.
"hey! hey freaky bag man!! watch out!! or i'll! i'll shank you!!!" kitty starts laughing at the last sentence. "do you get it? like -- like a beef shank? i thought it was a really good joke!!"
there is some awkward silence. kitty licks the beef a little
((this was fun. also for clarification a beef shank is like the leg part. it's not usually eaten actually because it's too chewy it mostly goes in soup. but apparently kitty doesn't care. i researched beef cuts just to write this post))
Juno puffed out her chest. The little creature was infuriating, and as she reached to draw her whip, she found- a piano?
Whatever, it would have to do.
She stooped down to grab a corner of the massive instrument, grunting as it fell on her foot. She limped, dragging the piano with her, panting.
Juno tilted the piano and watched in satisfaction as it dropped on the victim's cloak, a clever trap- but wasn't prepared for it to come swinging back.
The small blue creature went back to licking his beef.
Oh no oh no she was so dead. She was so dead. She couldn't outrun something like a vampire, and definitely not someone who could move fast. Vampires moved fast, right? She remembered that much.
Emily's eyes darted around for something to defend herself with. Her pen wouldn't do any good, her actual fighting skills were laughable ... oh. Oh! A blunt object! Emily scrambled over towards the cinder block and tried to lift it. "Too ... heavy ..." She grunted and tried again to lift it. No dice.
"H-Hold on, I'm gonna -- hrk!" The second attempt to lift it went just as well as the first time. Which is, not at all. "I'm dangerous! Just -- let me try again to pick this up -- Gah!" Emily lost her balance while trying to lift the object for a third time, and she landed flat on her butt. "Owww!"
... Hopefully she'd be teleported away soon. Otherwise, she was soooooo dead.
Holding the object in his hand, Rocco tilted his head down to look at the man once more, brows knitted over half-lidded eyes. He had already been slouching, good posture just wasn't.his.thing.but squinting in a critical manner, he held the apple out, in a way the novatt knew was so he didn't have to stare down at this guy's face, "Heeey there, boss."
Lifting it a little more, and allowing himself the view of the bottom half of this guy's face, "Ever wondered what it would be like to get stuffed like a roast pig? Because I got a free evening, and I'm not sure about you, but to me...already smells like dinner." He wasn't lying, the guy smelt good, but now he wondering if the guy was supposed to run off or call his bluff. Why was Rocco here, doing this again?
(hope all that threatmantic was alright, homie :v)
Boha sighed internally as he looked... up... at the young alien in front of him. Though he wasn't quite sure since this species wasn't quite human, his target looked remarkably young. Not as young as Shoe, but still young, early adulthood at best. He really did dislike jobs like this, where his target was someone who hadn't gotten the chance to truly experience life yet. If his target had been any younger Boha would have refused the job outright. But as is times were kind of desperate, and he needed the money, to continue his search for that.... something, the something he sees in his dreams, just beyond the reach of his fingers, just past the extent of his memory. And it wasn't like he had to kill this... Rocco. His client had specifically asked for Rocco's capture. Apparently he was some sort of rare alien of a rare species. And his client was some kind of collector.
Boha tried not to think about the implications of what he was doing and why his client would want Rocco captured instead of killed, and instead turned his attention to the broken sword in his hands. He'd brought something other than his usual sword of choice (which was far too lethal for a job like this), and, unfortunately, his replacement had been very poorly made, snapping in half when a missed blow hit the ground, giving his target a chance to begin to run off. He needed to block off his target's escape, and fast- and his eyes fell upon the perfect object to do so in the form of a sailboat, attached to the back of a nearby car, presumably for some excursion later. Lifting the boat easily with enhanced strength, he threw it, and it, along with the car it was attached to, crashed into the ground in front of Rocco, stopping the alien in his tracks. Hopefully the impact would be enough to deter future resistance.
"There will be no escape for you today." Boha said, as he began walking towards his now cornered target, broken sword in hand. "...I'm sorry."
(An intimidating jesture, but in the end, he would let the child go.)