Captains' Logs
What of a captain who can't approach his crew? [Paragraph form]
Captain's Log
“Captain’s Log 0001
Systems: Operational.
Ship: On Course.
Mission: In Progress.
Captain’s Ability to Function: ”
…
…
…
“Debatable.
I’ve been capable of achieving any goal given to me, academic or physical. The official Interstellar Forces Captain Training Course only lasted a year, but truth be told, I’ve been preparing for this position all my life.
Still, as much as I hate to admit it, there are still some things I don’t understand. I’ve never been a socialite. My closest acquaintances, besides my brother, are all at least 20 years my senior. They encouraged me to excel in my studies and the occasional sport, and my job was to not disappoint them. I don’t consider my relationships with these people to be close. I can’t afford that. I can’t afford to trust anyone but myself.
‘You can only read your own mind.’ That’s something Dad always told us. It’s his way of teaching us the dangers of trusting outsiders. He manages to understand how to interact with others in a way that hides how little faith he has in them. This is a skill I lack. Sometimes, he shows an outward display of trust and cordiality towards people I would never expect, like Mom and her new husband, and when I ask him why, he tells me that he actually trusts them. I don’t understand how he can do that. The one person I thought I could understand is unknowable to me.
All of this brings me to my dilemma. I don’t trust my crew. I can’t trust my crew. However, the official Interstellar Forces Captain Training Course tells me that I have to trust my crew. Even if it didn’t, the general idea is expected from me.
What do I do?
‘You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.’ is what people told me whenever I used to have questions at school. They proved to be right again and again, and I took pride in never needing to ask for anything. Asking for help is a form of trusting others, anyway. As far as I was concerned, I understood everything I needed to know. People weren’t on that list. My crew happens to be made up of people, people who expect me to understand and trust them when I can do neither. This is a problem.
Sometimes I wonder, even if I were able to read minds, would other people make sense?”
Crack.
Ctrl+A. Delete.
The sound of the door opening startled me more than I’d like to let on, and my instincts led me to delete everything I had written. No one must know of my doubts, and I’m probably overthinking anyway.
Being a captain is just another test. It’s nothing that can’t be passed.
“Captain’s Log 0001
Systems: Operational.
Ship: On Course.
Mission: In Progress.
Everything is going as scheduled.”