The Misadventures of Ranger Kim and Ranger Kelly

“Wish I could’ve been there to see Jun annihilate everyone at laser tag.” Corey lamented. He and Jaleel, along with Jun, were sent to fix the light panels on one section of the Virgo.

“You didn’t miss much.” Jun assured him.

“Only because you murdered everyone before the games really got started.” chided Jaleel.

“It wasn’t like, that bad, right?” the rookie asked him.

“You always say stuff like that.” Corey began to mimic Jun. “‘Oh, I beat Kelly in a fight, no big deal, brah.’--”

“I never beat him in a fight. I only held him off from beating up some other guy!”

“As if that makes a difference! You still came out alive. That’s basically winning against him.”

“You know,” Jaleel added on, “at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jun were hiding some kind of secret.”

For a split second, Jun worried that he was onto her.

Corey picked up on it. “Ah! See? He just had a look that said, ‘Oh no, he’s onto me!’”

“Cough it up, man. Admit it, you were in special ops or something, weren’t you?”

Jun shook her head at that accusation. “You guys are imagining things...”

“It’ll come out sooner or later.” Corey’s words came off more threatening than he probably intended. “Anyway, since you’re so good at everything, why don’t you help me install this light coil.”

“Nah, that’s Jaleel’s specialty.--”

Before Jun had a chance to finish joking around, two guys barreled down the hallway clad in nothing but their… nothing, actually. What was it about the IF that made people want to become exhibitionists? Jun would never know. Someone once said the wise man covers his face upon being discovered in the nude. These were two very wise guys, wearing paper bags over their heads. A Venus symbol with a circle-backslash sign over it decorated each bag.

“Fellas,” Jaleel began with a sigh, “it’s that time again. Folks are about to get buck-wild.”

“And buck-naked.” Jun added on. “What was that about?”

“Oh yeah, this is your first trip here.” Corey acknowledged. “Since women aren’t allowed this far out in space, we call it No Woman’s Land. A buncha guys throw a big party when we arrive here. It’s not ‘official’,” he made air quotes, “but depending on which ship you’re on, the higher ups don’t care as much. And the Virgo? Really doesn’t care!”

“Correction.” Jaleel raised a finger. “They do care, they just wait until the next day to give punishment. Last year, my unit was put on clean-up duty.”

“Ughhh! Wasn’t last year when they--??”

“Yes.” He cut off Corey’s question before he could finish. Whatever happened last year, Jaleel’s haunted eyes told Jun that it was better left unsaid.

Corey turned to Jun. “You going to the party tonight?”

“I’m not really into wild parties like that.” Jun told the truth, but not the whole truth.

“Me neither.” Jaleel went back to screwing in the light panels. “It wasn’t like this on the Orion. The No Woman’s Land parties on that ship were more about brotherhood and camaraderie.” 

“Here, it’s more like a ‘no girls allowed’ party.” explained Corey. “Most of the guys really just want an excuse to party, but some dudes take it way seriously and try to make it into some kind of woman-hating religious experience and it gets weird.”

“But there’s no women here.” the rookie ranger lied.

“I know right? Still, even guys who look a little too feminine run the risk of getting smacked around if they bump into the wrong group on a day like today. The three of us should be fine, though.” Corey sat on his stepladder. “But I’m with you guys. If I do go, it’ll be to grab some snacks and get out, ‘cause last year was....” He shook his head and blew out a deep breath.

“Just a heads up,” added Jaleel, “I’d lock your doors if I were you guys. Last year, some guys busted into one of my friends’ dorms. They didn’t rob him or anything, but you never know.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Jun appreciated it.

The three parted ways after finishing their work for the day. Things were mostly normal around the ship. Sure, there were flyers posted with women crossed out on them, and sure, a few guys used a picture of a prominent anti-gender-ban protester as a dartboard, but other than that, everything was the same as usual. A couple star rangers were nice enough to give Jun candy, received with only slightly shaking hands! It came from a piñata shaped like a woman.

After reaching the dorm, Jun slammed the door shut and locked it.

“i’m in.” texted the dark-haired ranger. “i made it to ‘no woman’s land’”

Stephanie wouldn’t be able to see the text for probably a few days, and it would take about a week total for Jun to receive her message, assuming she texted right back.

“mission complete, i guess.” Jun continued texting. “if i were found out now, i’d be in big trouble though. i’d probably get killed or something.” Hmm. That sounded too serious. A few “lol”s were added for levity.

Jun felt conflicted. On one hand, she met a lot of pretty cool guys here, and got along with them well. They treated her more like a regular person than anyone before them. A few misconceptions about Jun stemmed from being seen as a man, but they were nowhere near as frequent or prominent as when people saw her as a woman. Her own mother didn’t even know her that well. The rookie ranger knew well enough that most of her peers weren’t the type to rip any woman they saw into shreds. On the other hand, there were enough of them that were that type, and so many more who were willing to turn a blind eye to such hatred. 

Could her new friends be trusted? Being on an all-male ship didn’t bring up many opportunities to bring up feminism, not that Jun cared much until now. Jaleel and Corey seemed to be alright, maybe Matthew too, but what about the others? Brandon may look up to her now, but would he be disgusted if he found out the truth? What about Aiden? She had to live with him! Even if they were all safe, would they see her differently when the truth came out? The obvious answer was yes. How differently, is the real question. Could they still be friends? No matter the answer, the ranger in disguise couldn’t afford to get too comfortable.

Jun stayed barricaded in the dorm. In order to pass the time, she practiced the Krav Maga techniques taught in police training. Using it against one attacker had proven to be easy, but doubt lurked in the back of her mind that she had enough skill to fend off multiple. Still, she kept on training for hours on end, long after tiring out. Strangely enough, Aiden hadn’t come in yet. Jun had reason to believe that Aiden was an alright guy, but that didn’t stop suspicion from growing.

A knock on the door put the dark-haired ranger on high alert. She pressed a shoulder up to it. 

“Who is it?” The rookie’s voice, though a little haggard, retained some terseness.

“Who else would it be? Let me in!”

Jun opened the door to reveal Aiden, looking annoyed as usual, but this time, he carried a bowl of assorted chips, a couple cans of soda, and some snack cakes. He hurried into the room.

“Lock the door before some losers show up!” Aiden didn’t have to say it twice. His roommate locked the door as soon as he entered.

Something hit Jun on the back of the head. She whipped around and got into a basic defense stance. A package of snack cakes lay on the ground.

“Calm down, it’s just some snacks.” Aiden held his hands out in front of him, eyes wide open. “What have you been doing in here all day, anyway? You look strung out.”

“Just practicing some fighting.” Jun shrugged. “Never know when you need it, haha. You know how it is...” She fingergunned at him.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of weirdos out tonight.” Good. He bought it. “That’s why I grabbed these chips and dipped.”

“Chip and dip.” Jun snickered and leaned on the door. Suddenly a thought occurred to her. “Those are stolen, aren’t they?”

“Pshhhh!” Aiden scoffed, eating a chip. “Please. Any semblance of laws you still thought we had is gone. Thrown out the window.”

“Oh no, I know it’s a lawless wasteland outside, I just didn’t want a bunch of guys pounding on the door because they want their chips back.”

“They’ll get over it.” He waved a hand. “Normally, I’d be all for a lawless wasteland, but… not like this.” He shook his head and opened a can of soda. “For a buncha dudes who complain about there not being women around, they sure do seem to hate ‘em.” 

“It really does seem like that.” Jun picked up the package of snack cakes. “They like, want them around for eye candy but don’t actually want them around.”

“Yeah.”

“But, like...If they just want a woman-shaped thing to look at without the, you know, actual human being attached…” Jun continued. “they could build one. Like that piñata I saw on the way here.”

Aiden raised his head. “Oh, so that’s what that leg was from. It still had candy in it. I meant to pick it up on the way here, but my hands were full.”

Jun probably would’ve been on edge if he did that, but still found something funny in the image of Aiden standing at the door holding a paper mache leg. 

The bearded ranger leaned his head back. “I don’t really get what the big deal about women is anyway. I’ve never seen a girl pretty enough for me to lose my mind over. And most dudes I know have a weird love-hate relationship with them that doesn’t even seem like it’s worth it...You probably don’t get what I’m talking about.”

Jun stopped in the middle of eating a snack cake. “Dude… I have never understood a thing in my life.”

Aiden cracked up.

“But yeah, no, I think I get you…” The dark-haired ranger finished one cake. “People make a big deal out of men and women being so different. I don’t think it’s that drastic at all.”

“Yeah.”

 Jun sat on the bottom bunk. “Like back in high school, I used to hang out with this group of skaters, and there was this one girl in our group. Some of the other guys would tell her things like ‘Wooah, you’re like, so chill. You’re like one of us, liiike a she-bro! Why aren’t there other chill she-bros like you?’ She wasn’t special or anything, she just liked the same things we did, but! Any time there were other girls skateboarding, the guys in our group would try to hit on them. So whenever they asked the girl in our group ‘Why aren’t there other girls like you?’ I remembered all the times they pretty much scared away all the other girls by clumsily flirting with them. It was so embarrassing to watch...”

Aiden snickered. “What would they do?”

“Well, you see, none of us were what you would call good, including the girl in our group. But whenever the others saw another girl, suddenly they thought they were the next pro skaters. It never worked out.”

He snickered some more.

“Usually, the girls they flirted with were better than us.”

The blond shook his head. “I hate when people act like chicks can’t do anything for themselves. This one girl? We were fighting over food or something and she picked me up and threw me in the dumpster.”

“I can’t believe you of all people would admit to getting beat up.”

“What? She won fair and square! And I found something in the dumpster anyway, so it all worked out.” Aiden shrugged.

Finding food in the dumpster wasn’t what most people would call ‘things working out,’ but Jun figured that in his circumstances, food was food. Now that she thought about it, he wasn’t a picky eater.

“But anyway,” Aiden continued, “One thing I know for sure is that when a woman’s gotta fend for herself,” he took a handful of chips. “she can do as good of a job as the rest of us. The only thing really stopping them is guys.” 

“Huh? What do you mean?” asked Jun, taking some more chips. Outside, a couple of guys were whooping and hollering.

“You know, like the IF. I wouldn’t be surprised if that whole exploding ovaries thing is made up to keep the IF a boys-only club.”

“Ohhh! Yeah…” The hollering died down, but Jun felt tense. “I don’t buy it either.” she whispered.

“What’s up with the whispering?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this too loud. Last time I brought the subject up, a guy tried to punch my lights out, haha. You never know who’s listening.” The shorter ranger stared at the door. Before, when Jun mentioned this subject in the cafeteria, she was younger, not as bright. The past few months have been a learning process, and most importantly, she learned that if she wanted to stay under the radar, it was best not to talk about that sort of thing. On a night like tonight, the last thing she needed was anyone else’s suspicion.

“Why are you so concerned now? They’ve got a security camera in our room!”

“Oh yeah…” Jun almost forgot about that. The security cameras were much bigger threats. Eyes and ears were everywhere. Safety was an illusion.

“You want a soda…?” Aiden held a can in Jun’s direction, looking concerned.

Jun snapped back to reality. “Cool, tha--Actually, no thanks. I don’t want to have to head to the bathrooms any time soon.”

“Oh, good call. ” Aiden put the can back. “Especially after what happened the last time...”

Suddenly, he stared at Jun, looking as if he was about to ask something. Did he notice something off about her? Did she finally slip up?

“Is there something you wanna ask…?”

“...Yeah, sure, why not?” he replied. “You did a lot of talkin’ about the guys in your friend group, but did you ever try to pick up chicks? You act like you were all cool in the background, but for all I know, you were right there with ‘em!”

“Nope. I’m not really into girls.” Normally, Jun would’ve pretended to be a straight man, but Aiden seemed to not be homophobic.

“Oh. I’d say I wasn’t, but I’m not into guys either.”The taller ranger sneered. “No one believes me when I say I’m not into anyone…”

Jun’s eyes widened. “...You either?”

“Either?” So did Aiden’s. “Wait, you’re--?”

“You’re also--?”

A smile crossed Aiden’s face. “I knew it. I knew it! I knew I wasn’t making things up!”

“Duuude! I thought I was just weird and confused!” This revelation blew Jun’s mind. She didn’t see this coming at all. “For a while, I accepted I was gay, but then I remembered that you had to be attracted to other--” The dark-haired ranger almost slipped up from being so honest. “--men for that to be true. I even dated a guy once. Didn’t work out.” That last part was true.

Aiden started to pace around the room. “Everyone else I told thought I was lying! That I was in the closet or that I was gonna find a girl to ‘heal’ me or whatever. As if I needed that!”

“So, you’re not attracted to anyone at all??”

“No!” He laughed.

“Me neither!!” This was the happiest Jun felt all day. “Brooo…”

Aiden stopped pacing. “So what does that make us…? Are we straight? Gay? Bisexualll…?”

Good question. The dark-haired ranger had no answer. “I…don’t know. But whatever we are, we’re not alone.”

Jun raised up a fist for a fistbump. Aiden rolled his eyes but bumped fists anyway. A night that started off with unbearable uncertainty ended in a joyful realization, both for Jun and Aiden. In times like this, Jun felt that maybe things weren’t so bad, after all.