The Misadventures of Ranger Kim and Ranger Kelly

Jun had a rough day. Hoping to get some peace, the rookie ate lunch alone. Aiden Kelly, the enemy of peace, plopped down across the table.

“Shup?” He was chomping on an apple.

“What brings you here…?” the new recruit asked wearily.

“I needed a place to sit, and you look like you’re not in the mood to bother me.”

Jun stared at him, then went back to eating. The tables had been turned. Now she knew how he felt all those times she ‘just happened to stop by’ during lunch. He was actually more considerate than she had been, since he just ate in silence instead of trying to start a conversation. When Aiden finished his apple, he tossed the core into a dumpster a few feet away.

The rookie nodded in approval. “Haha, nice.”

“Oh! I thought you’d be the type to be like,” Aiden started to do a nasally voice, “‘No throwing food in the lunch hall.’”

“I would’ve if you missed.” Jun stabbed a couple leaves of lettuce. “Or if someone else was walking by.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t’ve hit nobody on purpose. Unless I didn’t like ‘em.”

The rookie’s head shook disapprovingly.

“Whatever.” Aiden rested his face in one hand. “It’s just like a pig to think you can pick and choose when to enforce the law. You say you were an ex-cop?”

“I was almost a cop.”

“Just as bad.” He seemed to have a moment of clarity. “Oh. Ohhhhhhh~ Yeeeeah, now I see! Of course you agreed to babysit me. To play pretend, since you couldn’t be one of the real cops.”

“Hey man, you don’t gotta, like, psychoanalyze things. I was just tryin’ to get by. They told me to do something, and I did it.” the dark-haired ranger explained. “All part of the job.”

Aiden huffed dismissively. “Sounds like something a cop would say. You’re perfect for the military.”

“You really seem to have a thing against authority.” Jun raised an eyebrow.

“Sure do!”

The new recruit gave him an incredulous look. “Then why did you join the military?”

“Look, Jake--”

“Jun.”

“--Jun, whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “You might not understand, being raised in your cookie-cutter suburban house, but I didn’t have a lot of options.”

“Hey, you don’t know where I come from!”

“Then where did you live?”

The rookie smiled in shame. “...A cookie-cutter suburban house.”

The blond laughed snidely. “Thought so.”

“Where did you live?”

“Skid Row.” Aiden answered. “It’s in LA.”

“Did your family have an apartment there?” Jun wondered.

“Don’t have a family or an apartment.” He looked away. “In Skid Row, you’re lucky to have a tent.”

“Oh…” Jun hadn’t considered getting an answer like that. “You were homeless?”

Aiden nodded. “I was on the run when a recruitment officer told me to sign up for this. ‘Said the IF need some muscle like me around.” 

“Wait, you were on the run? From…” the rookie whispered, “th-the police??”

“Yep. Your people.” He looked at Jun condescendingly.

“They’re not my--Nevermind.” Jun dropped the argument. She went back to whispering. “Dude, are you sure you wanna say that out loud??”

“Why shouldn’t I? Everyone who needs to know knows already. They already approved my waiver.”

“You can get in with a criminal record??”

Aiden laughed. “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t.”

“Oh…” It seemed unfathomable to Jun that the Interstellar Forces would let this guy in. “W-What did you do?”

“Murder.” he answered with a stone face. He couldn’t hold it for long because he started laughing at Jun’s expression. “Theft. Petty theft that time around. ‘Cause it’s not like I had any, y’know, money to buy stuff.”

“Ohhh, that makes sense…” The rookie could sympathize with that, even though she couldn’t help but wonder who would lie about murder for kicks and giggles.

“Now I can get food and a place to rest without having to worry about getting stabbed in my sleep, and for free!” Aiden looked at Jun’s tray. “You gonna eat any of those carrots?”

“Nah.” Jun pushed the tray toward him, watching as he took a carrot. His life before joining the IF was something she could barely imagine. “Do you like, like this job?”

“It’s easy. I do some exercises, carry some boxes around, test out whatever new flying equipment they got for me.” Aiden crunched on a carrot. “I’m good at my job, and they know it.”

“They?”

“The guys up top. That’s why they sent you over here, ain’t it?” Aiden pointed a carrot at the new recruit. “If I was any old rando they would’ve gotten rid of me last year!”

Jun hadn’t thought about that. Why were they keeping this guy around? “But they just can’t have you breaking the rules all the time, can they? I mean, if other people saw you get away with it, and started thinking they could, wouldn’t it, like, mess up the whole structure of the ship?”

“It already has! How new are you??” Aiden finished the carrot and grabbed another one. “Wait, you said this was your first deployment?”

“Yeah.”

“Ohhhh.” He lifted his head up. “Figures they’d get a rookie to do their dirty work. A bootleg cop at that.” 

“I’m not a cop.”

“I didn’t say you were, that’s the only reason I haven’t kicked your teeth in. But don’t count your luck.” Aiden’s eyes narrowed. “You look too goofy to be a pig, though. You’re like a piglet. A pig-lite if you will. Is that why they kicked you out? Were you not cut out for them?”

“No, I quit.” The rookie absentmindedly pushed around a cherry tomato with a fork.

“Why?”

“Because I wasn’t cut out for them.” Jun smiled sheepishly.

“Pfff. Why not?”

“C’mon, could you imagine me using a gun? Arresting people?” The rookie laughed. “I’d look like a joke!”

Aiden simply stared. Jun couldn’t tell if he knew there was more than that to the story.

“Maybe there’s hope for you yet.” He shrugged. “Anyway, you’re probably wondering why the IF keeps a guy like me around.”

“Yeah, that’s been on my mind.” 

His hands propped his chin up. “So basically the situation is they can’t get rid of me.”

“Why not?”

“Enlistment to the IF is so low that they take what they can get. You heard that rumor that all the people who couldn’t make it into the other branches get sent here, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. But I thought that was just, like, just a rumor.”

Aiden cocked his head to the side. “I dunno if it’s real or not, actually. Doesn’t matter, I’m still one of the most fit dudes in the IF right now. And I don’t have any other skills, so they don’t have to worry about me ranking up to corporal or anything like that. I’m like their best test dummy.”

“So because of that, you do whatever you want?” asked the rookie.

“Yep.” The blond stared up into the distance, then stared back at Jun. “Anyway, the other guys noticed I was able to get away with stuff and now they’re becoming a little testy~” He wiggled his fingers. “And that’s why you’re here. If you can keep me in line, the higher ups get to claim that the were,” He began to speak in a whimsical falsetto voice, “‘enforcing the rules the whoooole time~’ They figure if they can control me, the rest will fall back in step.”

To be honest, Jun had no idea what to make of his conspiracy theory.

 “You don’t believe me, do ya?”

“Not really sure if I should.” Jun replied blankly.

“Doesn’t matter.” Aiden grabbed the rest of the rookie’s carrots, then stood up. “You’ll see it for yourself if you stick around long enough.”

“But it’s my job to not let that happen!”

“That’s your problem.” He held a carrot between his teeth.

The more Jun thought it over, the more Aiden’s story started to make sense. Other star rangers on the ship didn’t seem to be too concerned with the rules, least of all him. She still didn’t want to believe it. It sounded ridiculous for one, and Aiden hadn’t proved himself to be the most trustworthy guy. Also, one question still lingered on the rookie’s mind.

“What if they found someone that can do your job better than you?”

Aiden paused. 

“I dunno.” He took the carrot out of his mouth. “But I can tell you one thing: It hasn’t happened yet.”

He took the carrots and left Jun to wonder how she got into this situation.