The Humility of Higgy Nardin

After standing at the door for what felt like an eternity, Higgy finally gained the will to knock.

“Come in.”

Higgy opened the door. Inside, Jamie was lounging on his bed and just put down a figure-skating magazine. A wave of regret crossed his face.

“No. I’m not making the band practice any more than we have been.” Jamie closed his eyes.

“I didn’t come here for that.” Higgy stared the 17-year-old directly in the eyes. “I came… to apologize.”

Jamie blinked in surprise. 

“An apology? From Higgy?” The older boy sat upright. “Man, that vacation to your folks’ house must’ve done you some good!”

It sure did. Disappointing everyone he held dear in one day and making a complete fool of himself in the process did a lot to make Higgy rethink his choices in life, but Jamie didn’t need to know about that.

“Wait, did Kenji make you apologize?”

“No!” Higgy snapped. “He didn’t make me apologize. He just… implied that it would probably be a good idea if I did some thinking. And after giving it some thought, I… thought I should apologize for how I acted.” The 15-year-old’s voice quieted down as he went along. He told the truth; their teacher already knew Higgy was too stubborn to apologize if he didn’t think he did anything wrong. Telling him to reflect on what he did was the next best approach.

Jamie stifled a smirk. “So what exactly are you apologizing about?” He clasped his hands and leaned forward.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry for causing so much trouble for you. Doubting your leadership skills, arguing with you in front of the band… that kinda stuff.” Higgy looked over to his side. “I still think we should practice more, but if you don’t, then that’s that.” Higgy bowed toward Jamie. “You’re the boss.”

Jamie bursted into laughter. “Maaan, that last part must’ve been really hard for you, huh? I’m really sorry, just-- give me a moment.” He cleared his throat. “So, do you have any more to say, or was that it?”

“That’s pretty much it.”

Jamie’s face changed to a more serious expression. “Listen… I wanna say that I’m honestly really proud of you for even coming this far, but I’m not gonna give you a pat on the back just yet. As much as I had to put up with from you, that doesn’t even begin to cover the damage of your little attitude problem.” He leaned back. “So I’ll accept your apology, but… I can’t forgive you just yet. You understand.”

Higgy understood. This exchange made him remember something he long forgot: He and Jamie saw eye to eye on some things. If someone had wronged Higgy as much as he had Jamie, a simple apology, no matter how polite and thoughtful, just wouldn’t cut it. They would have to prove they changed with their actions. That’s what Jamie wanted from him.

 “I understand.”

Jamie took a deep breath. “I really want you to understand. Sammie told me that Jimmy thinks you want him kicked out of the band.” 

Higgy was surprised. He didn’t think Jimmy was that observant. Did his distaste for him really show through that much? Higgy felt a pang of guilt. He would’ve maintained his stance if he didn’t know staying in the band was a much better option for Jimmy than going home.

“It’s already hard enough to get him on stage in the first place. Did you really think it was a good idea to have that hanging over his head? We need to have each other’s backs! And the twins.” Jamie shook his head. His face showed sorrow. “You were such good friends with them, and now you guys don’t even hang out anymore!”

Higgy thought back to the falling out he had with Taiki a few months ago. He used to look up to Higgy, but finally built up the courage to tell him he didn’t like what he became. Don’t get mad at me for being the only one who cares about this group! That was the last thing Higgy said before Taiki walked away. They haven’t spoken much since, but Higgy didn’t care since he thought he was in the right. Only now did he think differently. As for Daichi, the more talkative twin, Higgy noticed he slowly distanced himself from him over time. Higgy had fond memories with both of them. Things would never be the same between the three, but the twins at least deserved an apology.

“That’s not even counting the other groups! Nicky’s group is worried about him. And Nicky’s worried about you! He told me he didn’t like how harsh you were being towards the others.”

“Nicky said that?”

“Yes, Nicky. Nicky Kezwick. That Nicky. Think about that. If Nicky’s complaining, then you know something’s wrong. People are trying to get him to stop hanging out with you, and I’ll admit, I was one of them! I didn’t wanna see you turn on him like you did the others.”

Since the twins stopped talking to him, Nicky had been Higgy’s best--and only--friend.  He’d politely listen to Higgy’s rants, offering feeble defense to Higgy’s band members and anyone else he complained about. Still, Higgy had no idea it bothered his tall friend. The main reason Higgy befriended him in the first place was to protect Nicky from his own naivety. He had no idea people were trying to protect Nicky from him. Were they right to do so? Normally, Higgy would have no problem saying no, but right now, he had doubts.

“I’m not sure if I should say anything about Teacher’s Nightmare, or if you even care.”

“I don’t.” Of all the hard reflections he had to make today, this one was by far the easiest. He couldn’t take back any of what he said about Teacher’s Nightmare, simply because he still meant it. They were still a trio of talentless hacks. Even that wouldn’t be so much of a problem to Higgy if they put in any work at all, but no. All they do after class is goof off around the building, and they barely even pay attention in class! Higgy had nothing to apologize to them about.

“I won’t harass them anymore, though.” Higgy conceded. “Unless Maxy bothers me again.” Higgy had a special distaste for the leader of that band.

The older boy smiled. “Well, I guess if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, right? But just sayin’, you did kind of start that whole rivalry.” Jamie clapped his hands together. “Anyway, that was all I had to lecture you about. I can’t entirely forgive you until you right your wrongs with the others. Or at least try to. I just wanted to put all that in perspective for you. But if you prove that you’re really sorry, then you have my full support!”

“Thank you, James.”

Jamie put a hand over his chest, surprised and flattered. “Why, you are very welcome, Nardin! If I knew all this was comin’, I would’ve had my camera ready.”

Higgy rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep from smiling.

“Good talk, Higgy!” the older boy gave Higgy a thumbs up.

“Good talk.” Higgy rested a hand on the doorframe. “I’m gonna go work on what I’m gonna say to the band tomorrow, as well as some other things. See ya.”

The two waved goodbye, and Higgy departed to his room. Inside, Taiki and Daichi crowded around a desk. They didn’t notice Higgy’s arrival.

“Daaang, he really screwed up with his family...” Daichi poured over the papers strewn across the desk.  Higgy stood behind him.

“I don’t know if we should be looking at this, Dai.” Though he said this, Taiki made no effort to look away from the paper. “What if Higgy comes back?”

“What if?”

Both twins screeched at the sound of Higgy’s voice.

“Oh, sorry Higgy, we were just--” Taiki fumbled for an excuse.

“Ronnie made us do it!” the other twin blurted out. His brother stared at him incredulously.

As Higgy looked around for any sign of Ronnie’s presence, the mysterious boy happened to be crawling out from underneath his bed. He glanced at the scene in front of him, despite the fact that his hair should be blocking his vision. No one quite understood Ronnie.

“Not my fault.” Ronnie immediately fled the room afterwards.

Higgy crossed his arms, returning his focus back to the twins. “Didn’t anyone tell you not to snoop through people’s things?”

“Yeah.”

“No??”

Taiki elbowed his brother.

“Yes...”

“We’re sorry.” both apologized.

Higgy’s eyes shifted between both of them. “You’re lucky I had a change of heart today.”

“Yeah, no kidding!” Daichi laughed. “That’s a really formal apology letter. I didn’t even know you could write like that!”

“How much did you read??”

“Oh shoot, I think I hear Jamie calling us! Let’s go, Dai!” Taiki hastily dragged his brother out of the room by his arm. 

Higgy shook his head at the spectacle. He shuffled the sheets of his letter together in a neat stack, and sat down to read them from the beginning. He couldn’t help but grimace as he recalled the events of that day, the day he turned his back on his own family. His feelings of shame were almost as fresh as they were then. Yet he knew he had to keep reflecting on it in order to prevent something like this from happening again. When he read to the part where he left off, he reached for his pen only to find that it wasn’t where he left it. 

Ronnie. Higgy’s roommate had a knack for ‘misplacing’ anything that wasn’t nailed down. It had to be somewhere around the room; Ronnie never outright stole from people. After checking Ronnie’s bed, Jimmy’s bed, the twins’ beds, and his own, Higgy decided it would be easier just to get another pen from the supply room.

When he entered the supply room, he wasn’t alone. Nicky sat at a table, attempting to stack some pens on top of each other. They kept toppling.

“Hey, Nick.” Higgy sat down beside him. “What’cha doin’ with those pens?”

“I’m trying to make a house.” As he said that, it toppled again. Higgy noticed that although Nicky smiled as usual, he seemed a little hesitant around him now. 

“Can I borrow one of those?” Higgy asked as kindly as he could. “I need to write some stuff.”

“Oh, actually--” Nicky gave Higgy a pen. It was the same pen Higgy was looking for earlier. “Ronnie stopped by. He said he forgot to put this back where he found it and wanted me to hold on to it for you. Here you go!” 

“Thanks”

“So…” Nicky avoided eye-contact. “How was your vacation?”

“Not the best.”

“Ah.” Nicky tapped his fingers on the table. “I heard.”

“From who?”

“Kenji.” He looked back down at his pens. “He didn’t tell me any specific details, but… I could tell some not-so-great stuff happened. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was my fault.”

Nicky briefly glanced at Higgy in surprise before shifting his eyes to other places. He almost seemed guilty.

“Hey, Higgy…” Nicky blurted out, quieting down as he went along. “I-- I wanna say I’m sorry.”

“For what??”

“I knew… I knew you were going down a bad route, and I was-- I was too much of a coward to say anything. If I’d spoken up, maybe I could’ve--”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down, Nick! What the heck are you talking about?” Higgy couldn’t believe of all the people, Nicky blamed himself for this. “Let’s get this straight. There was no way you could’ve convinced me I was wrong. Not back then. Don’t you dare try to take credit for my bad decisions!”

Nicky laughed. “I’m… sorry?”

“You better be.” Higgy smirked.

“But really, as your friend, I feel like I should’ve said something.”

“Maybe so. But I can guarantee I wouldn’t have listened to you. You wouldn’t have gotten through to me.” Higgy rested his head in his hand. “But if you’re so stubborn about it, you can start now. I’ve known you for what, 3 years now?”

Nicky nodded.

“I don’t say this to just anyone, but I trust you. If you have a problem with something I say or do, you tell me. Now I can’t guarantee I’ll agree, but I will think about whatever you have to say, deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good.” Higgy stood up. “Before I go, I already have a bunch of apologies to make tomorrow, so I might as well get this one settled. I’m sorry.” He bowed toward Nicky. “I’m sorry you had to put up with me being… a jerk.” It took a lot out of him to call himself that.

“No problem!” Nicky smiled as if everything was okay now. Higgy wanted to shake his head. He shouldn’t be so forgiving. Higgy could lecture him on that, but he had some apologies to write.

“Thanks for the pen.” Higgy began leaving the room. “See you later, Nick!”

“Bye, Higgy!”

Higgy left to return to his room.