SLABSLAUGHTER BATTLEARENA

Heeeeyyyaaaa~

So, yesterday was blast, wasn't it? I know I sure had fun! *The announcerslab* clears their throat. Anyway, yesterday was just a warmup! Today you are going up against the most magnificent, most awesome, most strong, most - *ahem*, you get the point. What I'm saying is, prepare to lose. Just prepare to. There's no way a puny little slab like you would make it to the finals. Impossible. Beating this awesome final boss? Myahaha IMPOSSIBLE!

*A small slabster skitters up to the announcer's podium and whispers into announcerslab's "ear"* COMMERCIAL BREAK? Of course not. Shut it down - what - JUST DO IT! We have no need for commercials today. Not when it's the most important battle! I mean it! SHUT IT OFF! Today needs to be all about me *erm* I mean, the final fight, yeah! No need for Don Rocko's face to steal the limelight again~

So, today's big boss is THE CHOSEN ONE! Oooohhh ahhhh how cool, right? Totally cool. Hmm, I wonder where he is... is he late? Did he forget? DID HE DIE? MYAHAHAHA

*The crowd looks around in confusion.*

*Announcerslab continues* Hmmm hmmmm hmmmmmmm I wonder where he is? Maybe he decided to stay home!

*Suddenly, announcerslab jumps up from their podium! They take off their glasses, tosses it to the side and rips off their boring announcer jacket.*

MYAHAHA! JUST KIDDING! It is I, the CHOSEN ONE! It was me all along! I have been watching you, challenger. I've seen all your moves. I know your patterns, your habits - now prepare to LOSE.

The crowd cheers in confusion...

Announcerslab leaps down into the ring! His eyes glow bright blue and he summons a magical flying blade! 

"MYAHAHA! Be honest, that was hella cool wasn't it? You had no idea! Should have took a picture of your shocked face! I sure am the best!"

You take a deep breath. This is it - the final battle. Do you dare challenge The Chosen One?

Keeper of the Hats bows a final time to her Queen and her opponent, unsure what to do since she was told that she was no longer attacking first. 

The Chosen One rolled 3(+4)

"MYAHAHAHA, WHAT A FANCY EVILDOER YOU ARE - YOUR SENSE OF FASHION IS OUT THERE AND DOES NOT COMPLY WITH SOCIAL SLABNORMS, AND I REALLY RESPECT YOU FOR THAT!" 

The Chosen One deals 4(-3) attack. Keeper has health 4 left.

You rolled 5(+4)

Keeper bows, it was a nice... compliment? From someone calling them an evildoer? She was confused. Still, she squares up and delivers a punch!

Keeper deals 10(-4) attack. It is critical! The Chosen One has 0 health left.

The Chosen One falls, only to get back up. 

"MYAHAHA! Nice punch! It's my turn now! Oooh I like that third hat you got - how much did you get it for?"

The Chosen One has 1 health left

The Keeper of the Hats feels her queen's presence in the crowd. She now has 4 shield.

"It was a gift from Wondland's esteemed Hatter. I can bring you with me to his shop when I go." Pleasantries during a fight was always a must. One must always hold themself to a high degree of etiquette at all times. Keeper of the Hats is impressed by the Chosen One's resilience, "I am very impressed by your quick recovery."

The Chosen One rolled 2(+4)

"OH HOW LOVELY! I WILL MAKE SURE TO STOP BY! WITHOUT YOU, OF COURSE BECAUSE YOU WILL BE IN A HUMANELY RUN JAIL! Unless you uh, post slabbail I guess, then you can come with me... that would be awkward though..."

The Chosen One deals 4(-3) attack. Keeper has 3 health left.

You rolled 6(+4)

The Keeper sighs. They weren't going to jail. EVER. They had too much work to do! Who would keep and protect their Queen's hats? Certainly not Steve... ugh. The Keeper focuses, and proceeds to attack!

Keeper deals 10(-4) attack. It is critical! The Chosen One has 0 health left.

The Keeper of the Hats has won the round! 

The Chosen One falls! Her queen cheers! It is a good end to a good day. She bows to the crowd, catching a few hats tossed to her in the process.

Your slabster has successfully beaten the enemy! The crowd goes wild and start to toss gifts into the ring. You find yourself with a leaf, congratulations!

"You are very rude, odd sir. If only you had extended some courtesy to me then we wouldn't have to go through this." Keeper of the Hats elegantly steps over the (un)Chosen One's body and glides towards her adoring crowd.