Looking for... well, anything!

Posted 7 years, 8 months ago by I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Yes, hello. I'll try to be brief. I consider myself an archivist. I track down information and preserve it, no matter how small.

I feel as if sections of my collection are lacking a sort of... character, let's say. Every item has a story, but bigger ones are always so dull. Everyone knows how the trojan horse was used, or who shot this nose off the sphinx. Being the sentimental sort, what I like is personal tales. This specific set of glasses, or that particular copy of a book.

Thus, I'd wonder if anyone is willing to part with something they have no use for, or just don't want to see again. I can gladly negotiate prices, and if said item has a... less than wholesome reaction to its ownership, I will do all I can to relieve you of it without causing any trouble!

Comments

Pat Thropp GlimmerX

I sealed up some evil fuck in this book and now he won't shut up--he keeps whining about how he'll get out eventually and when he does he'll kill me. I can put up with it by just magically blocking his whispers, but unfortunately, my apprentice has a hard time sleeping at night with him screaming and roaring. She's not strong enough to block him out, like me. And we basically live in a bag of holding, so we have to deal with it. I can't put him away in some random library, who knows what will happen if I do that!

But I really have no way of disposing the book--if I destroy it, he comes out and who knows what will happen. Not even I could kill him and I REALLY FUCKING HATE THAT.

^_^ And I have no contacts willing to take him off my hands or who can handle him properly. I understand if you don't want him, he's kind of a handful so...

((I just made up book guy for a thread and I have no intentions of using him for a plot thread btw. He's just some random evil wizard that Pat dealt with on her travels since she fights evil a lot.))

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Aaah, it's of no problem to me. I can merely try to placate him with something (harmless) in my collection. All else fails, I have quite a few dampening spells that should keep him silent. I would gladly take the book and its occupant off your hands, especially considering your apprentice's plight.

Pat Thropp GlimmerX

Well, that guy was kind of a douchebag so it's okay if he suffers now and again.

Although, I have to wonder, why do you collect this kind of stuff? Curiosity?

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

It's my duty! Normally, I collect information and artifacts from Earth's history to ensure someone knows about everything that happened. Buuuut as I said, things can be kind of droll when your collection is of things people know about and you just kind of picked it up when no one is looking. I want to have things I can look back on with some sentimentality.

Pat Thropp GlimmerX

What do you mean by 'sentimentality'? Exactly? I'm a little confused.

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

In short, things that remind me of people rather than places or events. My profession doesn't let me socialize with people on Earth unless it's of the utmost importance. It can get dreadfully lonely, so I figured I'd see if I can extend a hand to other worlds. Having a few things on hand, be they good or bad in their own contexts, lets me think of the times I spent talking with people, having a laugh, sharing stories. The kinds of things that most collectors look for if they find things secondhand.

Elias Trefoil kingozma

Hello, friend! I do in fact have something I would LOVE to be taken off my hands.

I've got a bag full of bedsheets right here with me! Sheets, pillowcases, a blanket, bedskirt and all. They're all perfectly fine sheets, mind you! A lovely shade of pinkish-red, too. But you see, someone rather unsavory had to sleep on them in my chambers one night long ago, and the thought of keeping them makes me violently sick. :} Have you any interest in them and their story?

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Oh my. Yes, I'd be glad to rid you of them. I've GOT to hear this if their very presence has made these objects unusable for you.

Elias Trefoil kingozma

Ohhh yesss, that is just about what my problem is.

This particular individual (I'll give false names to protect my own hide! ;P), Ocho, had... Quite the argument with his roommate, Abigail. Mine (Nueve), bless his darling heart, had the bright idea to let Ocho sleep in our guest bedroom that night so as not to add any more fuel to that fire.

Ａｓｆｏｒｍｅ, ＩｈａｔｅＯｃｈｏａｎｄｗｉｓｈｕｐｏｎｈｉｍｏｎｌｙｔｈｅｍｏｓｔｐａｉｎｆｕｌｏｆｄｅａｔｈｓ.

But my roommate is the sweetest little man you'd ever meet, and I'm not sure he could comprehend the depths of my fiery loathing. So, y'know, there's that.

Ｂｕｔｍａｒｋｍｙｗｏｒｄｓ, ｈｅｗｏｕｌｄｄｅｓｅｒｖｅｉｔ.

So anyway, there I was begrudgingly preparing our guest bed with our SECOND (SECOND)-finest linens, knowing that disgusting flightless lizard's revolting body was going to be in PHYSICAL CONTACT with our ＳＥＣＯＮＤ－ＦＩＮＥＳＴＬＩＮＥＮＳ. And the devil himself walks in, uselessly flops onto the bed ＡＳＩＡＭＭＡＫＩＮＧＩＴ and asks me, wine in hand, if Nueve sleeps with me.

Of course he does.

Ａｎｄｔｈｅｎｈｅｓｔａｒｔｅｄｌａｕｇｈｉｎｇ. He had always thought Nueve was attractive.

Ｈｅｃｏｎｇｒａｔｕｌａｔｅｄｍｅａｎｄｅｘｐｒｅｓｓｅｄｕｔｍｏｓｔｅｎｖｙｆｏｒｍｙl̛̛̞̤̙̰̰͚̘̩͕̘̕u̡̧͏̨̟̩̹̝̪͙c̶̸̛̼̼̱͇̦̦̘̫̳̪̳͈̹̯͚̰͘k̨̻͉̮̣̥̬̹̳͉̣͔̫̩͈̹̖̖ͅy̵҉̧͖̰̜͇͉̦̗͉̥̭͇̣̭͝ ̨̻̫̭̜̟͎̩̞̣͇̠̺̱̘̹͔̘̀́͘͝s̸̛̮̲͖̻̝͙͉̩͕̘͢͠i̸̧͍͎̹͉͖̬̮̤̪͉̦͙̟̘͟͠t̵̵̛̰͍̦̤͓̥̻̝͈̤͍͔̼͓͙̗͉̫͟͜ư̧̩̩̲̬̼͉̹̟̮̱̕͠ͅa̢̛̰̤͙̤̼̻̰͈̙͓̯̙̜̦̩̝̺̕͡ͅt̢̻̪̦͚̣͇̱̖̱͇̬̗͉̗̫̟̮͘͝͝͠i͏̛̲̠͔̬͎̱̮̲̫̻͈͜͞ͅó̴̧̨͕͉̟͕̜̰̣̠̻̳͞ͅṇ̢̲͈̥̞̟̯̰͕͙̩͙͝ͅ.̡͜͡͞͏̲̜̮̲

The level of willpower it took not to break his glass and gouge his eyes out so he never looked at my master mine like that again was nearly traumatizing. I've held onto the sheets out of respect for Nueve, but I really do think it's time to let them go. :<

That answer your question?

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Yes yes yes it does. I can definitely understand why you had taken umbrage with him as well. I'll gladly take them off your hands.

Elias Trefoil kingozma

Lovely! ^_^ Would you like me to keep an eye out for anything else lying around that has been tainted?

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Yes, of course! Although if the stories themselves hurt to think much about, I won't make you relive them.

2 Replies

Nneme scherzo

I've got an eyepatch if you want it—a few eyepatches that is to say!—their owner was quite illustrious but doesn't need them any longer. I am a sentimental old creature, and I would so love to see one go to someone with an appreciation of history!

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Ooooh, I can very much relate. Third Father knows how many things I kept that I can't really use anymore. I'd be honored to obtain one of those eyepatches.

Nneme scherzo

Third Father? Might I ask you to elaborate?

Oh—and in exchange—the wearer of the eyepatch founded Port Halfair University, today called Port Halfair Memorial University in memory of one of its patrons—she led a small force in clearing out the undead that'd taken up residence in the ruins—Rook Hilbourne, that was her name. I helped her in healing the breach that'd been torn into—well gods only know where, but nowhere pleasant—and between all of us we made the city livable again.

Right, and she discovered a cosmological constant in use in modern theurgy, that as well.

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

My, you two have accomplished a great many things together, it sounds like! I certainly wouldn't mind meeting Miss Hillbourne in person.

As for me, well, i'm not the only one of my kind. Several others of my kind and I help manage our planet, Earth's, evolution and preservation, and we are in turn watched over by someone we call the Father or the Mother depending on how they identify. Ours is the third individual to be known as Father assigned to this planet. For a bonus, I would be the Fourth Archivist.

Nneme scherzo

Ah—she prefers Mx—and—perhaps! I shall see if she's willing—she was quite willing as far as the eyepatches went, mind you—in the mean time I am quite curious regarding your brethren—it isn't every day you meet an extraterrestrial!

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Ah, my apologies!

I suppose in your context we're in fact rather alien, doubly so since i'm not the typical earth resident. Haven't been for a while. We started out as members of Earth society, but for showing exemplary skills in solving specific tests and puzzles, we were reborn so to speak. I cannot reveal much about my siblings, but I achieved my status by unraveling the origins of the system we have going on, a journey that took me across many continents. It was also somewhat life-saving, as my travels had done... quite the number on my original form by the end of it all.

Tisedh scherzo

quite willing, hello! former identity is something of an open secret these days. but er this would be the entity formerly known as rook hilbourne. how do you do?

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Oooh, greetings! I'm quite fine, Mx. How are you doing, nowadays?

Rennuid Tathviel Zazozaliad

Hearing the item's tale is part of the trade, I take it?

...I might have something - a trinket, really, just a hairpin, though I've been hesitant to get rid of it in case there's anything.. more, there. Any unsavory surprises.

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

If you know the tale, yes! Otherwise, I can take a shot at cross-referencing later.

But that does sound like quite the item. I would be happy to take it off your hands if it helped you feel any safer!

Rennuid Tathviel Zazozaliad

I believe I know enough of its history to satisfy.

It was part of a set of accoutrements worn by the self-proclaimed high priest of a cult devoted to a forgotten god - in fact, I believe it was used as a divine symbol, given to the priest by the god as a favour. The rest have been destroyed, as far as I know. The cult was never very large or well known outside of the area around their temple, and it dispersed when their supposed god was revealed as a mere beast that enjoyed the thrill of being obeyed.

The beast was ousted and destroyed by a champion of a true god, from what I've heard - but I've also heard that its power lingers on in the form of a curse. I didn't know that part when the hairpin came into my possession, you'll understand.

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

Aaah, indeed, that sounds like quite the story. I would gladly liberate you of it and any longstanding burden it's caused. I have more than a few precautions to deal with cursed items.

Rennuid Tathviel Zazozaliad

I appreciate it. If there's anything there, curse, or - I dare not consider it, but if the bauble's somehow actually holy in itself, after all... Let me know, will you?

[I'XEFRONZ has successfully procured "POSSIBLY CURSED, POSSIBLY DIVINE" HAIRPIN!]

I’Xefronz Spinycemb

I most certainly will! I thank you from the bottom of my metaphysical heart for your submission!