I realize that I may not care too much about my appearance because I do not like where I currently live. If I could live elsewhere, I would likely be able to take care of my appearance more. My health and my appearance has been deteriorating for 2 years now and my mum keeps making promises, "When we move, I'll take you to do [x]..." but we still have no car and are unable to earn money. My stepfather's job has, allegedly, not been paying him, and we're uncertain how else to make an additional income. There are so many things I've been wanting to do with my appearance, especially my dental health, but it all seems like a long way ahead... I wanted to move out this year, but I bet we won't be able to. Another year here... I wanna end it all, just thinking about it, but I doubt I'll be able to do that either. I'll probably be here my entire life because my parents didn't want to move out earlier when we had the money and opportunities to and we'll never be able to afford moving out soon enough...
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Help
at what point into a ?? long saga of having to force myself to just lie numbly in bed to keep myself from doing insane acts of violence to myself for no good reason do i seek help about it
It's not called being petty, it's called treating you literally the exact same way you treated me? But it's only bad when I do it apparently
I'M ACTUALLY SO BAD AT SOCIALIZING HOLY SHIT for some reason i just,,, stop saying things well when i'm around other people. there's this girl who i think is rlly cool who i want to be friends with and her first impression of me is probably SO FUCKING BAD !!! like,,, i tend to change my personality depending on who i'm around... like around my current friends (which i only have like 2 of that i'm comfortable around ToTTT) i'm loud and not afraid to be myself,,, but around her? she's so outgoing and boisterous n shit and willing to say what she wants not caring about being judges.... and that had me feeling really out of water cuz i wanna be myself... but my other friend is also there who i'm not comfy being myself around and i didn't want to let them know info about me that i was willing to let her know so i just SHUT DOWN. i was a lot less emotional and more standoffish and fuckkk she probably doesn't like me,,, she showed pretty obvious signs of liking my friend more than me i'msoAAAAAAA. there r SOOOO many people i want to be friends with but they're all so much more charismatic and have more social-abilities than me and like,,, i talk rlly quietly sometimes, i trip over my words, etc etc. IT SUCKS!!! i want more friends who actually like me soso bad but fuck i'm pretty goddamn unlikable,,, didn't have friends for a lot of my growing life so i have 0 wit and 0 ability to be funny,,, g u h
I've felt like crying all morning. I can't tell if it's the worry finally getting to me or something else, but either way, I just want you to be okay.
Why am I getting extremly stressed and anxious about any activities requiring some mild works beforehand oh my god feufeu get your shit together