i really want to keep some sort of dream log again, but i barely was able to keep up with the last one... and would i split in half the parts of my dreams where i can't lucid dream, and the parts where i do? 6_9 most of my dreams end up as storylines anyways, so it's not like i forget the most major ones, but i think i'd like to remember the smaller ones more
i mean! c remembers them well enough so maybe i'm just being a controlling host all over again OTL
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This thread is locked indefinitely. TH doesn't really need an excuse to create more negativity than already exists on the site. Goodbye!
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I'm like, so ashamed and so upset. I have a commission thread open. It's only for petsite money, because heck if anyone thinks I'm good enough for real money, but I actually got people interested! I have a waitlist too. Of course, now suddenly nothing I draw is good enough for my brain and I've told everyone there's essentially no charge for my art. I'm so upset. I wish I trusted that if people liked my examples enough to actually offer a higher price than my suggestions that meant I didn't need to think they'd hate it enough for me to waive all fees. I wish I could charge usd too, I'm so fricken broke because of christmas and I'm so upset.
Being so sleepy today has made me realize something in my brain is making me unmotivated to do art. Took probably 5 hours today to come up with one sub-par character design that I started yesterday. I know I love art, and I want it as a career. I think my stress from life and trying to do it with no college is getting to my self worth and determination. Graduating high school really made me realize how alone I was and how little I actually mattered to others since I did not go to college as planned. I'm grateful for my family's support, but I feel I still failed them. I'm sorry.
I've been feeling that gaping chasm of loss in me a lot today. I've been remembering parts of what happened again, and rereding the logs because they're there. And last night I was stupid enough to just. Look at their random snapchat picture til I feel asleep, which is embarrassing as heck because I don't remember actually falling asleep. Idk. I guess I can' look a myself without thinking things are all my fault, no matter how much I've told myself (and others have tol me) that it wasn't. I mean, I guess they're right, but it won't matter unless he says it. I just don't know if I can handle another week, two weeks, three, a month, more, going by...the entire rest of the year...? Without him in my life?? Isn't that just...too cruel? Don't make it go on any longer than that, I beg you. I just want to make things right again. But I don't wanna get tossed aside just for wanting to be treated responsibly too. I just don't know how much longer I can manage before I just start getting super emotional and crying about it til my head hurts. I don't wanna go that fat again, but god. I wish I could undo time. I miss my best friend. It's not right.
look.
i dont care how shitty the pirates of the caribbean films get I WILL WATCH THEM
and enjoy them
I wish there were more pop songs on the radio that are fun to sing, like just try hitting those high notes sometimes guys :'/
i'm really worried and upset and i just hope everything turns out ok somehow but idk
bad things keep happening to really good people i care about a lot and it's really unfair, they don't deserve any of the bs they have to go through
ughhhhh so stressful having to around kids especially ones that yell and are just so noisy... I love kids tbh but it's just urghh for me right now
I'm falling into one of those moods again where living feels like I'm floating through a meaningless void and nothing feels real and other people feel like they're fake and it feels hard to distinguish what is actually real and I hate it hahaha why does this happen to me