Sober

Friday night, I drive Deja and her new friends from the previous night to whoever’s party this is. This time I wasn’t planning to drink—I just wanted to hang out with Nick. And due to the environment, I think he’d be more likely to drink if I did the same. I don’t think it could hurt if he laid off the booze.

We get to the house around midnight, yet I don’t recognize anyone. The girls who usually swarm me are nowhere to be found, not to mention everyone I’ve interacted with so far is giving off a vibe similar to Zeke.

I get a chill.

I haven’t even thought about him being here too, and what that might mean for Nick. 

Everyone seems to already be drunk, acting like total idiots, just waiting to wreak havoc on the few people that are minding their own business.

So far, I haven’t seen Nick, so I text him, but he doesn’t respond. I mean, he usually doesn’t respond, but he didn’t even mark it as read. Maybe he was driving or something, so I take a deep breath and use his strategy of hiding in a corner in the basement.

Deja follows me as I go and sit on the floor.

“This party’s kinda lame,” I mutter.

“Eh, I’m sure you’ll be fine once Nick gets here. You gonna get a beer?”

I shrug, and she notices my displeasure, now trying to cheer me up.

“Hey, there’re a couple of chicks over there on the couch.” She points with a grin. “You wanna go work your charm?”

I stand up. “Nah, you can have ‘em. I’ll just watch.”

She chuckles as we walk over to them and immediately plops down in the middle and begins her flattery, which has always been similar to mine. To her luck, the girls find it amusing, and her friends from yesterday join her.

I stay silent as I lean on the armrest, watching the giant flat screen on the wall. I keep anxiously checking my phone in between, all while looking for Nick as well. Despite how loud the movie is, it’s not a great enough interference to stop me from passing out. I don’t think my body has completely recovered from that sleepless weekend.

When I woke up about fifteen minutes later, the basement’s packed—mainly with men—for Deja and her new crew were no longer beside me.

I go to stretch but then look down and see Nick laying on my lap, smiling a little. He already reeks of alcohol and gets off of me once he realizes I’m awake. 

“Hi. I found you sleeping here,” He says and snickers.

I feel my face heat up.

“Hey, I was texting you earlier. How’d you already get so drunk?”

Nick sits beside me. “Uh? I don’t know, some kid gave me something when I came in, and I got kind of anxious because of all the people…and gulped it down.”

I sigh, and he looks away.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbles, and I perk up.

“N-No! It’s fine! I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, y’know?”

He plays with his T-shirt that’s tucked into his oddly ripped pants. They’re also covered in patches and badges, though it’s kind of cool. It seems more like something I’d wear, but hey, he looks cute, so who cares.

“Ah, well I’m fine now that you’re up. I figured if I laid by you, no one would drag me off anywhere.”

I stretch, putting my arm around him as I do so. “Okay, well that’s good. Also, it’s weird to see you not wearing your hoodie.”

Nick blushes and unexpectedly snuggles into my side. God, the night had just started, and he was already so comfortable with me—it was weird.

Sure, we’ve gotten closer over the past few weeks, but it’s a bit unsettling. Man, if only he wasn’t such a lightweight. It makes me wanna lay back on the flirting. I wonder what would happen exactly if he didn’t hold himself back.

“It got relatively torn up thanks to Zeke,” He groans.

“That son of a bitch, I swear…” I mutter. “I’ll buy you a new one if you’d like,” I say and smile, and he lights up, only to quickly hide his face.

“N-No! You don’t have to do that! I’d feel really bad—it doesn’t even have anything to do with you.” Nick says frantically.

I shrug. “I mean, I also have a ton of my own to spare if you want one of those instead. I used to wear them daily like you.”

That just makes him more embarrassed, but then he exhales and returns to using my lap as a pillow. He looks uneasy.

“This would be better if we were alone,” He mumbles.

“W-What?”

“There’re so many people here,” Nick begins, his hair becoming more disorganized thanks to his current position. “After not going to one of these things after a while, it’s weird.”

“A-Ah yeah.”

I consider rubbing his head, but it was already odd enough that he was laying on my lap in such a crowded room. 

“Do you feel sick?”

He shakes his head and then gets back up. “Just hungry.”

Nick then proceeds to make eye contact with someone, and I feel them grab my head from behind. It takes less than a second for me to realize it’s Deja—her hands have always been so soft.

“I see you found your bestie.” She says and giggles as I turn around a bit. “You two having fun?”

We both shrug, and the woman sighs.

“Why do you two always hide in the basement? It’s always more fun upstairs! It’s such a sausage party down here,” She mumbles.

Nick suddenly stands up. “Well, I’ll be the judge of that. Imma go get something to eat.”

Before I can attempt to tag along, Nick wobbles over to the stairs and leaves, meanwhile Deja takes his spot, now occupying me.

“Did you get him drunk?” She asks suspiciously.

“What? No! When I woke up, he was already like that…” I groan. 

She sighs and adjusts her cardigan. “He gives in really easily to peer pressure…”

I shrug. “Yeah. And I think sometimes it lessens his anxiety. I guess it’s hard to be anxious about anything when you can’t even think coherent thoughts.”

“Eh, well at least he has you to keep an eye on him for tonight.”

I nod but as I attempt to get up to do just that, Deja fills me in about what happened when I was sleeping. Someone ordered thirty boxes pizza, several chicks got in catfights, and rumor has it all the stoners are hot-boxing themselves in one of the cars in the garage.

According to her, some of the girls I hung around showed up, but they were the last people on my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. Couldn’t stop thinking about his messy hair and his bangs that definitely need a trim, his pretty emerald eyes, his practically permanent red face…

Deja’s friends joined us around the couch, and it almost felt like the first night I met him. D’s chugging beers, flirting with chicks, and poking fun at the surrounding dudes that have no game. And just like before, I didn’t grab a drink. I just spectated the chaos.

It was like watching reality TV.

I just couldn’t help but feel like Nick should be here too. Whenever Nathan or Louis were present, they often gathered around me and D, and since Nick’s my friend now too, he belongs here.

There’s no room on the couch for him when he joins us, but I’m sure I could make space. I’d have no problem sitting him in my lap. Despite the girls leaning against me, I couldn’t act like I wanted them around me this time. The façade finally ended. 

Being with Nick finally made me feel…real.

But I wasn’t with him.

I look at the clock on the cable box. He’d been gone for too long. Many friends group came and went, new cases of beer were brought downstairs, someone refilled the cooler—it was definitely less than an hour, but it was still significant. 

I turn to Deja. “H-Hey um, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I think I should go look for Nick.” 

“Huh? He hasn’t even been gone that long.” Deja says and crushes the can she was previously drinking from.

“What? Yes, he has!”

Deja flinches at my tone and a few of her friends turn to me. I frantically twist the rings on my fingers. Maybe I was freaking out over nothing, maybe it had really only been ten minutes and I was just distracted the whole time.

One of the girls D was flirting with leans up, grinning. “He probably just had trouble finding the kitchen—this house is huge! It’s fine.”

When my finger started hurting, I started scratching my arm, watching as it got redder. I didn’t wanna be a worrywart, but Nick had already been through so much. And as long as he was with me, he’d be okay…and he wasn’t.

“Sure, I guess,” I exhale and pull out my phone. I text him.

‘You get lost? lol’

It takes him a minute to open it, but when he does, he responds with some blurry photo. It kinda looks like his leg, but it’s so distorted that I can’t even recognize the setting.

I cock an eyebrow and show it to Deja, who just shrugs.

“Butt dial, maybe?”

I groan. “Fuck this—so I may seem like some overprotective friend but whatever. I’m looking for him.”

I call him as I leave the basement, just to see that the first floor is just as crowded as the previous one. I squeeze through and eventually find the kitchen, but I still can’t see him.

In almost every room, I call him. I find another staircase and wander around upstairs, only to find a few more drunk kids, except that they were making out and borderline having sex. Some were in the halls, and some were in rooms, but I was so distracted looking for Nick that they didn’t even phase me.

I make myself sick from running around and decide to sit down at the back of the house. Twenty minutes and still nothing? Did he leave, and have I been searching the house for nothing? Did he pass out? Is he busy getting laid??

I place my head on my knees and call him again. And then I hear his ringtone. I look towards the sound, which echoes down the hall. It’s creepy.

Barely anyone’s over here, and the lighting was iffy too. No strobe lights or chandeliers—just an occasional standing lamp whose bulb was seconds from burning out.

I turn a corner, thinking I had just circled around the house, but in truth, there’s another staircase to the second floor. And there lies Nick. With Zeke peering over him, who jumps when he sees me.

“Ah shit.” He mutters.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…” I hiss quietly, noticing that Nick’s phone is halfway across the floor. “What the hell’s your deal?!”

Most of my attention is on the fishnet-covered freak show, but I can tell his ex-roommate is at least alive.

He snickers. “My deal? What’s your deal? Why can’t I just have fun—it’s a party! You always get in my damn way!”

My body feels like it’s on fire as I listen to him talk. I glance at Nick, who lays awkwardly on the ground, his shirt no longer tucked in and oddly bunched up instead.

“Zeke, leave him alone.”

The taller guy laughs again. “Or what, you fag? How ‘bout you at least get yourself a twink who can stand up for himself!”

My stomach turns, but just as he goes to kick Nick in the side, I fling my fist into his nose, and he falls onto his back, blood oozing everywhere.

“Oh?” I get on top of him. “Why the fuck are you so obsessed with torturing a kid who’s so out of your league? You wanna fight someone—?” I swing at him again. “Fight me!”

Zeke attempts to get up, but I pin him down, my hand on his neck as I continue to beat him senselessly.

“Grow the fuck up already!”

As I pull my arm back, he grabs it and flips me over, laughing. “You’re a pretty good match for a pansy!”

His nose is pouring blood, yet he still manages to smile, and it makes me sick. He copies my previous moves, but I manage to block most of his hits. Guess all those meaningless fights in high school locker rooms really paid off.

I kick him away as he coughs up some blood, gripping his stomach. 

“God,” He manages. “You think you’re so cool, huh? That you’re a ladies’ man with a hot body, who everyone loves, right?”

Zeke stands up, leaning over me as he still holds his side. “But I know what you really are. You’re just mad that I see through your bullshit—!”

I shoot my leg up and kick him in the stomach again, causing him to fall back to the floor.

I get on top of him and keep swinging. And I don’t stop.

I can’t see anything through my tears, and I’m so blinded by rage that I don’t even wanna pull away.

“I’ll fucking kill you!!” I shriek, utterly sobbing.

Despite the speed at which I attempt to rule him with, my strength weakens as I fall apart. Surely, if I want to kill him it’ll take ages at this point.

Zeke grabs me as I cry, switching our positions again, his hand on my neck. I suppose he didn’t have enough energy to keep swinging or blocking at this point.

“H-He’s just trying to live his life!” I cough as my vision gets blurry. “What the fuck has he ever done to you?!” I scream, crying harder.

Zeke glares at me through all the blood and doesn’t say anything.

“He’s not your toy!”

And then he smirks.

“He was until you came around.”

I can’t get any words out.

“Out of all the men you could’ve had a crush on, you chose my pawn. This is your own fault.”

I can barely see him, and I frantically start reaching for something to hit him with. Beer cans, Nick’s phone, confetti. 

“Don’t butt into shit you don’t understand.” He hisses. “You don’t know him like I do, so why can’t you just let me have this?!”

As my eyes unfocus, I feel a bottle and instantly grab it, breaking it over Zeke’s head with all the remaining energy in my arm, causing the man to collapse onto my stomach.

I hold my neck, attempting to breathe, but you’d think my lung had collapsed with how much I was wheezing and coughing.

And then I hear a shuffle. 

I look over.

Nick.

Nick’s still on the steps.

His half-lidded eyes are locked on me, and I want to hold him, but I can’t.

“I’m so sorry.” I manage to get out since I’ve practically lost my voice, at least momentarily.

Nick still stares at me, yet I can barely read his expression. After laying there for a minute or so, I roll onto my stomach and crawl over to him after getting to my knees. My entire body began to ache, signaling that the adrenaline rush was nearing its end, I guess.

I wrap my arms around Nick, who closes his eyes the moment I touch him.

“Did he hurt you?” I whisper.

He stays quiet while trembling against my body, but I feel him nod. I try to lean back to clearly see his face, but he clings to my shirt, completely rigid.

I sigh.

Of course he did.

He wouldn’t have laid there frozen for so long if he was fine. I don’t understand why Zeke would enjoy beating him up anyway. He never does anything wrong—he minds his own business, he keeps to himself. What does he even get out of it? Some sort of confidence boost?

Nick is weaker and smaller so he just takes advantage of him each time. He has no chance, hell—I barely did either.

I scoop up my friend and carry him to the second floor, struggling with every step. I search for a bathroom as he clings to me for dear life, and the moment I find one and sit him inside, he shuffles over to the toilet and starts throwing up.

I honestly feel like I could do the same, but I try and hold myself together.

I lock the door and kneel beside him, rubbing his back. I spot a drop of blood fall from my face and onto the tile. I wondered if he was sick from drinking too much or if it was from the fight. He wasn’t black-out drunk when I saw him originally, but who knows what happened when he met up with Zeke.

Though when he finally finishes, he wipes his mouth and starts to sob a little.

“I… I wanna go home,” He cries softly as I pull him into my chest.

I hold him tightly, trying my best not to black out from the blood, my lack of energy, and all the pain surging through my body.

“Me too.”

Despite how much I was trying not to, I started crying with him too. Though, eventually, it was only me, as Nick went limp, having passed out. 

I take some deep breaths.

All I had to do was get us home. Then we’d definitely be safe, and we’d never have to do something like this ever again. 

I lean Nick away from me and check the immediate parts of his body for wounds or bruises, but he appears okay on the surface. Though I’m sure if I hadn’t shown up when I did, I wouldn’t have been the one to get all of Zeke’s beating. Not that…him filling him up with alcohol was any better.

After mentally preparing myself for more physical exertion, I get to my feet with Nick in my arms. I leave the bathroom and plan to get his phone, just to see Zeke still passed out on the floor, now with a few of his friends surrounding him.

I freeze at the top of the stairs.

I couldn’t fight again—I just couldn’t. And risk having Nick being hurt by them too? The thought makes my eyes sting, so I take a deep breath.

At least I have Nick. He’s way more valuable than his phone.

I turn around and wander the second floor until I find the second staircase that leads into the living room.

Without giving myself more time to freak out and get sick, I fast-walk into the living room, pushing through the crowd until I finally get to the front door and get a taste of the fresh air.

After what feels like ages, I find my car in the dark and speed off to my apartment.