Barcode Boy

“Hey, we’re here. Are you okay?”

I groaned, feeling just as groggy as I was before I passed out. Luckily, however, all those sharp pains were gone. I didn’t feel like I was burning or drowning, my clothes felt normal, and my ears weren’t ringing. I was okay.

I was just really cold.

“Mhm,” I responded to the guy as I looked around, pleased that nothing was blurry anymore. I was terrified that was gonna be permanent.

It seemed we were by an apartment, and I could see the motorcycle parked by the curb. I rang out part of my jumpsuit for the rain had stopped, but the wind was just as bad. Though, when I turned around, the boy was already unlocking the door.

I mindlessly followed him inside and up to his room. I closed the door behind us and removed his backpack as he flicked on the lights and disappeared into another room.

I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, sliding onto the floor. I had barely used my legs, but they were so tired. I was barefoot and my feet were covered in mud, asphalt, and rainwater. I desperately wanted a mirror, but I was terrified of what the rest of me looked like.

Did all those drugs disfigure me? Was I pale like a ghost?

Nonetheless, when I finally took my eyes off myself, I saw the guy squatting in front of me with a stack of towels. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

He laughed and dried my hair. “Long time no see, eh?”

I feared he could hear my heartbeat as I held my hands to my mouth. “Holy shit. Holy fucking shit,” I stammered and moved the towel out of my eyes so I could really see him.

“Carter…?”

He snickered and I started smiling so much that my face hurt. In an instant, I broke into tears and tackled him to the floor with a hug.

“What the hell, dude?!” I screeched, toppling over him as tears streamed from my face onto his.

He looked so much older despite it only being two years, but he still had those oddly pretty teal eyes and that curly blond afro. He was practically the same aside from the beard and the voice drop.

No wonder he seemed so familiar.

Carter was the boy who lived beside me. It was me and him who were joined at the hip. He was my best friend.

He moved into the neighborhood after we graduated fifth grade from Pittsburgh to Chesterbrook, where I had been my whole life. From that day forward, we became partners in crime.

He was dorky and adorable and while everyone else tried to tease him, I would beat them into the ground because he was amazing. Sure, he was weird, but it was my favorite quality about him. I was happy to have someone to be insane with.

He always played on old game consoles and had notebooks full of his own designs and characters. To me, he was a genius who did math for fun, and I knew that he was gonna be famous one day.

He was introverted. I was extroverted.

He was rational. I acted on impulse.

Back in the day, he was short, and I was tall. He was skinny and I was ripped until in high school when I forced him to come to the gym with me. He had two parents while I didn’t, and I had a sibling while he was an only child.

I loved his blond curls as opposed to my brown frizzy waves.

We were polar opposites. He was everything I wasn’t and while at times that made me jealous, overall, I loved the difference. He made life interesting. Any day with him became perfect just when I would catch a glimpse of that dorky smile of his.

Be that as it may, I left him behind.

Even though we would go on to study different majors at different colleges, we promised we’d always be together. After being bullied all throughout elementary school and not having anyone to open up to, Carter was afraid of being abandoned. And despite having a healthy social life and easily befriending everyone, I didn’t have anyone like I had him.

I could be honest and open with him. Sometimes I felt he understood me more than I understood myself. No one else had as many sleepovers with me as I did with him. I signed up for the same summer camps as him, hell I even went on vacation with him once.

That didn’t happen with anybody else.

But even after all that, I left without an explanation. I didn’t acknowledge him on the way to that cop car—I didn’t even look at him. I had the chance to call him and explain everything and tell him I loved him, but yet I didn’t.

I never spoke up.

I didn’t speak to anyone.

Even when life would go to hell or even when I had some minor issue that wasn’t worth talking about, I always talked to Carter. Sometimes I didn’t mean to. He would just look at me and smile and I would open my mouth and spill word vomit for hours on end.

And yet, I left him in the dark.

I was so focused on myself. Degrading myself, thinking about how much of a mess I was and how I was gonna deal with my sentence. I never thought about how my disappearance would affect anyone else. Especially him.

I was still a mess and clearly, I still am.

“Wait, why are you crying?” He asked worryingly, only to break down with me.

He sat up and let me weep into the crook of his neck for what felt like ages. I couldn’t calm down. I was delighted to see him but at the same time, I felt like I’d betrayed him.

After all we’d done together, all we’d been through, I betrayed him.

“Dude, if you stay in those wet clothes you’re gonna get sick!” He advised and tried to dry me off as I sat in his lap.

“Yeah, well the same goes for you!” I sniffled and started laughing.

The blond got up and threw off his sage hoodie. He was still just as muscular as I’d last seen him in our senior year, though I looked away, trying not to be weird. I watched as he dried off, meanwhile I just wrapped myself in towels over my jumpsuit. It was kind of keeping me warm.

Though as I got distracted by all the little blond hairs that covered my friend’s torso, Carter touched the left side of my neck. I wouldn’t have flinched if his hands weren’t so cold.

“W-What?” I sputtered.

“There’s a barcode there. Like a tattoo or something,” He mumbled, leaning in. “I noticed it earlier but with all that was going on, I thought I was just seeing stuff.”

Carter pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of it to show me. However, I was distracted by my entire face more than I was by the barcode.

I finally had a visible jawline and looked less like a baby as I did in high school. I had peach fuzz which I had never managed to grow beforehand, and I felt like I had more freckles.

I squinted at his phone, combing my fingers through my damp hair, all of which was oddly stuck to my face. However, it fell all the way to my shoulders. I never knew it could grow that long.

I looked like a lunatic and also like a stoner, which wasn’t terrible, but being in an orange jumpsuit made it worse.

“Weird, right?” Carter asked, attempting to take his phone back but I stopped him and zoomed in.

“Wait,” I said and examined the screen. “What the hell happened to my eyes?”

Carter looked at his phone and then back at me. He lifted my chin up. “They look both clear and rainbow at the same time. Like a light prism.”

I sighed. “Maybe that’s why everything was so blurry earlier. Probably due to all those drugs,” I mumbled.

“Yikes.”

I rubbed the tattoo on my neck. “This was also likely part of the fun. Some branding thing. Went I went under I didn’t have it so they must’ve marked me when I was unconscious so I wouldn’t fight back.”

Carter looked confused but nodded along anyway.

I fiddled with the zipper on my jumpsuit as I clumsily made my way off the floor with my weak legs. “So, uh…” I mumbled. “You know what I did, I’m assuming.”

The blond nodded. “Your brother told me,” He said under his breath. “I wanted to talk to you or at least call you…” He trailed off. “Never mind.”

As expected, my guilt resurfaced.

“I uh…” I scratched at the tattoo. “Yeah. You knew I was gonna get sedated for ten years though, right?”

He nodded again.

“Then why did you practically abduct me? I still have like eight years left to serve!”

Carter stood up. “Well, personally I didn’t believe you deserved to be punished that badly. No one even died! You were just trying to protect Lloyd!”

I laughed. “Dude, I definitely deserved it! Fatal or not, I stabbed two kids! I got cursed with my dad’s genes…specifically his anger issues. I just,” I rubbed my face. “Aren’t the police gonna be on my tail? Now I’ll probably have to serve even longer!”

“Jean, the entire facility was bombed! I don’t know why you were already half-awake when I got there, but I was trying to save your life,” The blond explained, collecting the towels from the floor, and making his way to a drying rack in the corner.

“Nonetheless,” He went on. “Getting put in a coma? Dude, that was practically a death wish. If it were one year, fine, but ten? I was afraid I wouldn’t ever see you again! I was afraid no one would! That was a dumb decision.”

I clenched my fist. “Both options were dumb, but I’d rather sleep for a decade than get assaulted non-stop! You remember how often people fawned over my looks in high school! You even had a different compliment for me like every day! I would be a target.”

Carter turned red and didn’t say anything. Leave it to him to get flustered at practically everything, but I should’ve expected it. Even I felt a wave of heat when I thought about it.

We used to date.

It was only for the summer before we went into our freshman year.

It was the era where different sexualities were making the headlines and I realized I was bisexual. And of course, those people always got backlash about being confused or indecisive.

I had never come out, but I heard the phrase, “Pick a team!” so many times that I was afraid of being on the receiving end of it, especially since it was a problem I couldn’t solve.

I only told Carter back in middle school. We were in eighth grade, but just as I do now, I looked at him and wouldn’t stop talking. While trying to explain myself to Carter who could understand high school math at age fourteen but couldn’t understand relationships, I mistakenly confessed to him.

Despite how close we were, I never expected him to return my feelings. Nonetheless, it turned out that we had both been crushing on one another for ages.

We dated for the whole summer, and I’ve never remembered being happier. But all good things must come to end so in August, a few days before school started back up again, we broke up. There were no hard feelings, and I was still head over heels in love with him, but we decided it was all just an experiment.

“It’ll make high school weird,” He said.

“It was just a phase. Those aren’t meant to stick,” I agreed.

We believed each other’s lies and moved forward.

High school was fine. Occasionally I would have weird thoughts as would every teenage boy, but I didn’t mind it. Our friendship continued to prosper. I had no issue until he got a girlfriend and then I suddenly longed for him again.

However, I was ashamed of the feelings. We promised to move on and yet here I was, hung up on some summer love. But I never confronted him. I didn’t want to burden him with my emotional issues to that degree, so I kept my mouth shut. I would feel selfish otherwise.

I buried those feelings more than anything. I hoped they’d never return. I went under happy that I wouldn’t have to face all that stuff I hid.

Yet here I was, staring at him as he stood shirtless in front of me.

I didn’t even know if he was still with that girl and I felt weird asking him, but we were adults now! If we ever got together…we could actually do stuff.

Back then we were barely even teenagers. The most we did was hold hands and kiss whenever we were alone. We had sleepovers at least twice a week and I finally got an excuse to share a sleeping bag with him, or even take up two-thirds of his bed.

Both before and after dating, we were touchy. If we didn’t hug, we would at least fist bump or high five. When standing by him I would often lean on his shoulder, and when talking he would often hold onto my arm.

I wanted a redo of that summer. We didn’t need parental supervision. We could go out on dates and out to dinner and for late-night drives. We could stay up till three am getting drunk and watching movies.

We could date for real.

It was all just a dream though. Something that showed up multiple times in that comatose state because it was so disgustingly happy and sweet.

We never talked about that summer. He liked to pretend it didn’t exist, and for the longest time, so did I. We spent all of high school pretending to be something we weren’t:

Straight.

I just couldn’t help myself. My word vomit was uncontrollable.

“And?” Carter began, combing his hair back. “I think you’d be fully capable of warding off some prison thugs. S-Sure, you’re attractive I guess, but you’re not a twig. Hell, you’re more muscular than me!”

I rolled my eyes as he stared at me. I wanted to melt into the floor. I wanted those eight remaining years back.

“Stop looking at me, what do you want?” I hissed, flustered and tired.

“Your eyes just changed color.”

I scoffed. “Some people’s eyes do that. Your eyes aren’t always the same shade of turquoise.”

He stepped forward. “No, I mean, yeah, but they’re pink! That’s not normal.”

I put my face in my hands. “Whatever, Carter—I really don’t care right now,” I sighed, pacing the room. “I’m just so cold and tired and confused. I still don’t know what’s going on! Why did my medicine wear off early? Who blew up the facility and why? Hell, how did you even find me?!”

The more I yelled, the more I felt like I was suffocating again. I had no outlet, and I couldn’t take it.

“I hate this!” I shrieked and threw my fist into the wall, only to recoil and clasp my knuckles from the pain. “Fuck!”

“Jean!!”

I froze and turned around to see Carter reaching out to me, terrified. I don’t know why the sound made me stop in my tracks. It just felt weird. We never really yelled at each other, and it was only my mom who ever yelled my first name when I had done something wrong. Everyone else called me Asher. Carter was the only one with a pass.

“I know you’re upset but it’s three am and people are asleep!” He whisper-screamed.

I jumped. “It’s three am?!”

Carter took a deep breath and grabbed my hand, but I pulled my arm back.

“Please don’t touch me!”

“Are you okay?”

I felt my eyes stinging. “I’m fine, I just,” I combed my hair back, trying not to panic, but the blond kept examining me. It was like all those doctors swarming my bedside before they drugged me. So many pairs of eyes, so many lights.

“Why do you keep staring at me? Stop!” I hissed and pushed his face away.

“Dude! Calm down! I’m not trying to freak you out,” He explained. “I just…your eyes keep changing colors. And it’s really distracting,” The blond mumbled. “They’re like mood rings.”

“Stop making up shit.”

“I’m not! I’m being serious!” He said and pushed my hand down. “Grey must be the default—when you were mad and punched the wall they turned red, and now that you’re flushed, they turned pink.”

“Carter, I can’t do this right now. I feel like a mess, and I don’t want you to keep looking at me,” I frowned, hiding my face in my hands. “I just want a hot shower and a razor and to get out of this damn jumpsuit. I both feel and look like a freak, and I wish you would just—look at something else!”

“Jean, you look fine!”

“No, I don’t!” I yelled and entered the room he had gone in before, searching for a bathroom.

He followed me and dug around in what I could only presume was his bedroom in the darkness. He handed me a stack of clothes.

“Okay, okay, fine! I’m sorry!” He exclaimed. “The bathroom’s over there. The towels are on the shelf and the razors are in the top of the closet.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled and stared at the pile.

Carter patted my head. “Just take your time. You can call me if you need anything but if not, I’ll leave you alone.”

Before he made his way back into the living room, I grabbed his shirt. “I-I’m sorry if I sounded like a dick Carter, my mind’s just scattered and you know how I am, I just—”

“Jean, it’s okay.”

He smiled and I felt my face heat up in response. The fact that he could probably see my eyes turn pink when I blushed made me even more embarrassed. Now I couldn’t help but avoid his gaze.

“O-Okay. Thank you,” I muttered and scampered off to the bathroom.

I didn’t mean to spend so long in the shower, but it felt amazing. I did my best not to steal all the hot water so before I zoned out so much that I would pass out in the bottom of the tub, I got out and traded spots with Carter.

I was happy to see myself looking more presentable once I walked past the mirror. Finally having facial hair was cool, but I looked like a middle school boy smack dab in the middle of puberty, minus all the acne.

When I walked past the blond, he started laughing at me and I blushed.

“What?”

“Did you blow-dry your hair?” He beamed. “It looks like you got stuck in an electrical socket!”

I rolled my eyes, smiling as I listened to his laugh. “Shut up, dude! At least I washed it!”

He continued laughing so I shoved him in the direction of the bathroom, chuckling. When he finally closed the door, I rolled over to the window side of Carter’s bed since I could finally see what was going on.

His apartment was small, but I liked it and reminded me of his old bedroom. There were so many piles of clothes, scattered papers, and tangled cords all over the place. Don’t even get me started on all the posters. Some of them were from his old room.

I laughed to myself, rolling onto my back as I stared at the ceiling. Those were the days. Going to his house after school, sifting through all his games, and stuffing our faces with chips and pretzels for hours until his mom would come upstairs and we would switch to doing homework.

Then again, because I was often tasked with babysitting Lloyd, we were usually at my house. It was still nice to have him by my side and helping me out, but when it was just the two of us, it was perfect. I didn’t have to watch my mouth or watch my actions or even watch my thoughts. Being with Carter was stress-relief. Sometimes being in his presence felt like being wrapped in a blanket fresh out the dryer.

“You’re still up?” Carter asked, flicking off the bathroom light. “I figured you would’ve already passed out from all the tension earlier.”

I shrugged as he sat beside me.

“You okay?”

I sighed as the blond adjusted the sheets and blankets, staring at me as I laid below him. His eyes looked pretty in the mood lighting.

“Yeah.”

He got under the covers. “Are…you gonna go to bed? Dilly-dally for long enough and the sun will start rising.”

I chuckled. “I mean, I’ll try. I’m exhausted, sure, but I was already asleep for so long.”

Carter flicked off the lamp on his night table and rubbed my shoulder in the dark. “That’s fair. Well, unless you really want me to stay up with you, just shake me awake if you need something.”

I could hear in his voice that he was smiling so I rolled over to face him, only to feel him flinch in response.

“What?”

“Your eyes glow. Like, a little bit. I just wasn’t expecting it.” He chuckled. “It looks like you could shoot lasers through them.”

I snickered. “Shut up. What are they? Grey?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm.” I mused, getting under the sheets with him so they wouldn’t feel uneven. “I mean, it’s weird but I think it’s the least of my worries. People will probably just think I’m wearing contacts.”

“I think it’s cool. Same goes for the barcode. I wanna know what it scans as.”

I chuckled, scooting a bit closer to him. “Me too. Imagine it has my address, birth date, phone number, social security number, along with my credit card number, the expiration date, and the four numbers on the back.”

Carter snorted. “That’d be fuckin’ insane. You’d have to get that removed immediately.”

“Eh, maybe. I’d just have to be wary of scanning items at stores. Imagine a clerk just raises the lil’ handheld thing up to my neck.”

“You better have fast reflexes to smack it down before someone steals your identity.”

I laid on my side facing him now that I could see a bit better in the dark. “That would be great though because then they’d be the ones paying for my crimes,” I snickered. “Problem solved. Go on Craigslist and ask if anyone wants a new life.”

“Ha! Yeah, just don’t read them the fine print. ‘This life comes with daddy issues and a pre-tainted permanent record. We are not responsible for any reparations you may experience after accepting this life as your own. You must be eighteen years or older to order,’” He recited like a commercial announcer.

I shoved him, laughing. “Man, shut up!”

“Think about all the bank you could make though! This person could get your credit card, this person could get your address—you could pick and choose!”

“Carter, you’re dumb! Go to bed!” I teased, leaning into his arm as our laughter echoed throughout the room.

It kind of felt like we were kids again. The dumb jokes, the inability to sleep, not to mention being up way past our bedtime.

However, it was always Carter that was screeching one second and snoring the next. I had never been able to fall asleep that fast. Though, I always enjoyed listening to his quiet snores. It was sort of like white noise.

At that moment, I felt like everything was gonna be okay. If I could continue to lay beside him like this every night, I knew I would be fine.

I latched onto his arm, taking in all of his warmth since despite the sweats I was wearing, I was freezing. I hoped the closer I was to him, the easier it would be to fall asleep. The more it would feel like home. That is a good home without the stress and the problems.

Hell, Carter and I practically had the exact same house, but I loved his more than mine. It was quiet and clean. His mom was always cooking something really good and whenever she was in the kitchen, she’d sing. Sometimes it was gospel or country, usually it was pop, but every now and then Carter and I would overhear her spouting rap lyrics from his room.

I enjoyed being able to run downstairs and see his dad in the basement watching TV, or at least asleep in front of it. When he cheered for sports, his voice shook the whole house. At first, it terrified me but then it became funny, and I grew to like it.

I only ever had good memories in that house.

I climbed over Carter and started searching for a dresser in the dark. I just needed another shirt or at least another blanket, and I really didn’t wanna wake him up. He went through so much to get me here, specifically breaking the speed limit for consecutive hours on a motorcycle.

The blond always dreamed about having a motorcycle, but I never expected it to come true so fast. Then again, his parents had way more money than mine for driving lessons and shit like buying the actual bike.

I tripped over what I thought was a shoe, but I managed to regain my balance without making a ruckus. I don’t recall ever being this cold before. I mean, I always got cold easily but you’d think I had just taken an ice bath. In the snow.

Carter did say it was November so maybe it was due to the crisp Autumn air, but feeling that inside didn’t make sense. Were we still in Rhode Island? If that was the case, the weather wouldn’t be odd, but why would the blond get an apartment all the way up here? That would be hours away from where we originally lived in Pennsylvania.

I tripped again and banged my knee with a curse on what I figured out was Carter’s dresser. I dug through a few of the drawers and managed to find a blanket, only because it was way softer than everything else I had touched. It would be bizarre to have an article of clothing with that texture.

I wrapped myself in the fabric and sighed, still cold. Or, at least my hands still were. I could barely feel my fingers.

I felt around while trying to get off the floor and grabbed onto Carter’s footboard, only for my hand to seemingly phase through it, which caught me off guard and I fell back to the floor.

When I felt for it again, it wasn’t there. I couldn’t even see the silhouette of it. I thought for a second that maybe I was half asleep and seeing stuff, but then I reached for something else, and the same thing happened and just like before, whatever it was made my hands clammy for a few seconds. It was like I dipped my hand in a glass of water but…I didn’t.

“What the fuck?” I muttered as Carter groaned in his sleep.

My heart started racing but then I took a deep breath. It was late and there was no point trying to figure this out in the dark.

I found one more blanket and returned to my feet, climbing over Carter afterward. I was good for a few minutes. And then I was freezing again. The blond was still passed out on his back so I awkwardly laid against him so I could use him as a heater.

Though, when I placed my hand on his chest, I felt the same sensation as before. It didn’t feel like blood, it kind of felt like water, but whatever it was seemingly made my hand phase through stuff.

Luckily, whatever it was didn’t give Carter the same treatment. I kept patting his chest, however, waiting for something to happen. When it came to my hand, there was nothing. But Carter who could continue sleeping even if a marching band walked through the room, woke up.

“What are you doing?” He mumbled, shuffling a bit. “What’s wrong?”

“S-Sorry, I’m fine. I’m just cold,” I stammered and attempted to roll back to the far end of the bed, but the blond kept me against him.

“Mm. You want a blanket?”

“No, I already have one. I’m good, I’m sorry.”

“You’re cool,” He mumbled, tangling his fingers in my hair.

It made my heart race, but I tried not to think much of it since he was so warm. I wiped my hands on my pants in an attempt to get rid of whatever could’ve been there. Despite hating the feeling of embarrassment, it heated me up, so for once I let my mind wander.

It was the only thing that kept me sane. Or more importantly, made me feel like less of a corpse.