Barcode Boy

Carter and I didn’t bring up the night before once Tuesday came around. We continued to talk and joke around like we normally did, but I still felt weird. I took another shower to warm myself up, though when I walked past the mirror, I noticed my eyes again.

I didn’t know how to feel, necessarily, but I was frustrated. It looked like there was a little universe in my iris. It was pretty, but I think it was causing my head to hurt. If holding in my emotions didn’t already cause problems, now there was no delay in feeling the effects.

The more my eye colors rapidly changed, the more my head hurt.

Mid-afternoon I watched Carter from the kitchen as he jotted down a grocery list. He had neon basketball shorts that in the sun were blinding. Nonetheless, I stared at him anyway. I had no place else to look.

I laid on the counter in front of a plate of baby carrots that I had found in the bottom of his fridge. They’d probably been in there for ages, but they were still good, at least to me.

Eventually, the blond caught me studying him and I had to assume that he must’ve seen my eyes.

“You good over there?”

I shrugged and snapped one of the carrots in my mouth. It seemed to echo throughout the room.

Carter looked back at his paper for a bit and then stood up. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“Huh? Oh, it’s cool. I’m over it.”

He leaned on the couch, staring at me for a bit.

“Are you ashamed of your voice or something? Or embarrassed by it?”

Carter pulled one of his hoodie strings. “Embarrassed.” He mumbled. “Maybe both, I don’t know.”

“Why?”

He shrugged and I could see his blush. “Thank you, though. For what you said yesterday.”

“Sure, don’t mention it.”

I returned to my carrots, and he returned to his list. Eventually, he sat back on the couch and started playing some RPG game. I went into his room and threw a sweater on over my T-shirt. Despite Carter always being hot, I was surprised as to how many layers he had. Then again, everything that was at his house was now here.

Even though I had already been surrounded by his scent just by being in his apartment, wearing his clothes was different. We shared stuff all the time, but it was like getting a giant hug from him that lasted forever.

After wandering around his apartment for a while, I walked up behind him and leaned on the back of the couch.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” He said, still staring at the screen.

“Do you have any friends that are gay?”

Carter screwed up his platforming and paused the game. “What?” He turned back to me.

“I was just wondering. You just haven’t really mentioned many of your new friends and I was curious, I guess.”

“I don’t know—not that I know of. I feel like Aaron might swing differently but it’s not like anyone’s come out to me,” He mumbled. “Why? You want a boyfriend?”

I clicked my tongue. “Shut the fuck up, dude.”

He turned back around and grabbed his controller. “Chill, I’m just playing.”

There was a pause.

“What if I did want a boyfriend?”

He stopped his game again but didn’t look at me. “I dunno,” He muttered. “Do what you want, y’know, whatever makes you happy.”

I leaned on my hand, balancing on the back of the couch. “Would you ever date a guy again?”

His ears turned red. “Why are you asking so many weird questions?” He laughed quietly.

“I don’t know dude, just answer it.”

Carter glared at me. “I’m not answering cuz I don’t know how to.”

“It’s a yes or no question,” I shrugged. “I was just curious.”

“Stop being curious then.”

When he turned back around, I flicked him in the back of the head. “I’m not trying to be weird, I just realized that you never really told me about how you felt about dudes. Like sure, you dated me but since you moved onto Maya, I assumed you were bi as well.”

When Carter finally looked at me again, his face was bright red. “I don’t know, okay?! I don’t like talking about that shit and since I’m not looking for a relationship anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

He grabbed the grocery list off the table, fiddling with it. “Who gives a shit if we dated back when we were fourteen. That doesn’t make me a fag.”

“Jesus Christ man, you don’t have to be a dick!”

He didn’t respond.

“You complain about me not being honest but since which way I swung was something I’d been honest about, I figured it was about time you told me too.” I combed my hair back. “Why don’t you tell the truth?”

“You think I don’t know that?!” The blond snapped, gripping the paper all while still refusing to look at me. “Maybe I don’t wanna be honest right now!”

I stepped toward him. “Will you ever be?!”

He frowned.

“C’mon, dude. I have no right to pass any judgment, okay? You could be gay, straight, bi, pan—it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t think any less of you no matter what.”

Carter still stayed quiet.

“Did you date anyone after Maya?”

“No.” He mumbled, rubbing his arm.

“Did you…like dating her?”

“Can we just—change the subject?” He asked, giving me a sad look which I wasn’t expecting. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now. I just…I wanna go to the store and get food and work towards getting back home, okay?”

“Carter…”

“You being open is nice, sure, but I’m not like that. I didn’t know half of the sexualities until freshman year, and even then, some still didn’t click in my head.” He chuckled. “You’re bisexual and I think that’s great! Good for you! But maybe I don’t know yet and maybe I don’t want my business out there and maybe I don’t even wanna think about it at all!”

He marched towards the front door. “What I thought would be obvious and simple and marked on my forehead in bright red ink, isn’t. And it doesn’t even matter cuz no one’s even interested in me.”

I scoffed. “Dude, I’m sure there’s people interested in you! You said that back in high school countless times and then you met Maya!”

“Yeah!” He exclaimed. “And then Maya went and made me feel like shit! Relationships fucking suck!”

I could see him tearing up, but the words kept spilling out of my mouth.

“Oh, and you’re blaming that on what? Two relationships, one of which ended poorly whereas the other literally didn’t have to end at all!”

“Yes, it did!” He cried.

“Why?!”

“It just did, okay?! We both said it did—why the fuck are you asking me?”

I messed with my sweater. “Tell me something,” I began softly.

“No.”

“Let me finish—”

“No! I said I don’t want to talk about this! Maybe if you give me some space, I’ll eventually bring it up on my own!” He snapped. “Sorry that this is the one thing after all these years that I still don’t like talking about! Meanwhile, I think you barely told me anything!” He stuck his finger in my face. “You still haven’t talked about what happened before you got arrested!”

I smacked his hand down. “Who was better?”

“What?!”

“Me or her—which relationship was better?”

Carter went silent.

“C’mon.”

“You.” He muttered under his breath.

“See. Your relationships haven’t all been absolute dogshit. You dated Maya in high school, okay? You were immature, she was immature—that shit’s almost always bound to fail. Don’t cut yourself off before you’ve even gotten to experience something real.” I insisted.

I walked over and grabbed his hand and that’s when I realized he was shaking. “You will find the right person eventually, I promise.”

“What if I won’t?” He whispered.

I shrugged. “I’ll always be here. I’ll be your wingman, or even just your shoulder to cry on.”

Carter stared at our hands, and he was quiet for a while until he finally muttered, “Okay.” And then let go. I noticed his cheeks were damp, but he quickly wiped his face and glanced at me.

“Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Y’know,” He waved his arms around. “This. Getting…I don’t know, defensive.”

“It’s okay.” I rubbed my arms. “I’m sorry for trying to force the words out of you. It’s not a good feeling, trust me, I know.”

He nodded.

“I just hope…you’ll tell me someday soon. One day we can just clear everything up. It doesn’t have to be now or even tomorrow, hell it could be a month from now. I just can’t take all of this anymore.”

“All of what?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, everything, I guess. I just can’t find the time or the words or even the guts to tell the truth. I feel like I’m still recovering from Sunday.” I chuckled. “Maybe I always will be.”

“Do you want me to help you?” He asked hesitantly. “We’ve gotta have each other’s backs.”

“It’s fine for right now.” I laughed. “I don’t even know how you’d help me.”

Carter opened the closet and pulled out his red converse that somehow, he still fit after all these years. And they were still intact. “That’s fair. I don’t know how you’d help me either,” He chuckled. “Anyway, you coming?”

“Where?”

He nodded towards the door. “To the store, bozo.”

“Oh. What if people are still looking for me?” I mumbled, rubbing my neck. Though I loved being outside and seeing people, I was a bit scared to roam the streets right now.

“Couldn’t you just put on a turtleneck under that?” The blond asked, pointing to the grey sweater of his I wore.

“No, I guess I just mean you found a ton of information about how to get me, but what about after? Are people looking for the runaways that managed to survive? What if I get caught?”

The blond sighed and moved away from the door, sitting at the kitchen counter as he pulled out his phone.

“I see what you’re getting at.” He showed his screen to me and I saw a photo he had taken of my mugshot in his gallery. It seemed kinda weird, but then again that information could’ve been at risk of being removed.

“But,” Carter went on. “All they have to go off of is your mugshot from two years ago and likely that barcode.”

“I have a pretty unforgettable face,” I bragged, not that in this case it was any good. “Y’know, freckles, eyebrow gap, pointy nose.”

He chuckled. “That’s true—you look good as hell, but you look way better than your mugshot. Sure, it’s still you but your hair grew like four inches and your eyes aren’t even the same color anymore. Also now you actually look like an adult.”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess. Why exactly do you have that saved to your phone, though?”

Carter turned red. “Uh, I dunno.” He glanced at the screen. “Even though I was super depressed, and it probably made me feel worse at the time, I would just…randomly stare at it.”

He laughed to himself. “It’s kinda hot…? No homo, of course.”

I snorted. “I’m sorry, what?”

“That’s not the point—I don’t know. I kinda just got…distracted by staring at your face.”

“That doesn’t sound any better.”

He sighed and gazed at his phone. “No, it’s just that I noticed how terrified you look. Most mugshots are just frowns or death stares, but you looked horrified. Like when they took the photo, you were just in shock. I was just…trying to figure out what was going through your head.”

I chuckled. “I kinda was. I barely remember half of it—I barely knew what was going on. I knew what to expect for the most part, but I didn’t know how to deal with it.” I placed my hands behind my head. “Honestly, until I was put under, I was completely zoned out.”

“Damn, that’s awful.”

“Eh, it’s whatever. Or at least now it is. What teenager isn’t gonna be freaked out after getting arrested.” I laughed. “Anyway, I think it’d be better if I just stayed here.”

“I don’t wanna leave you here all alone. I have no way of contacting you—your phone is back at home.”

“I’m not gonna turn half your apartment into glass,” I joked.

“No, I’m serious. Imagine something happens while you’re here and then I just won’t know and then I’ll have to find you again! Who knows! This time I might not luck out so much with getting you back in two years.”

“A-Ah,” I mumbled, rubbing my neck. Was this how it was always gonna be from now on? I either hide inside or wear a disguise in the sunlight?

Though Carter was looking frantic few a few seconds, a suspicious smirk suddenly formed on his face. He looked like an evil villain, and I cocked an eyebrow.

“What if I get someone to babysit you?” He snickered.

“What?! I’m not even a kid—how would that work? No!”

He waved his hands. “Nah, not like that! I could just see if you could hang out with one of my friends while I’m gone. It wouldn’t be that long.”

“The only friend of yours I know is Aaron and I’ve only said like two or three sentences to him.”

Carter started texting. “It’ll be fine—you’re good at befriending everyone. Also, he’s really chill so he probably won’t ask you a ton of questions.” He glanced at me. “Just don’t melt anything.”

I snickered. “Easier said than done.”

Despite he and Carter’s mix-up the day before, Aaron was totally cool with me coming over. As Carter was on his way out, we stopped on his floor, and he left us to our own devices.

Though it was nearing the evening, he was already in pajamas. Or maybe he was still in them from the morning. I didn’t know if he was also disregarding his classes like Carter.

I desperately wanted to snoop around like I did in the blond’s apartment, but instead, I just sat on the opposite side of the couch from where Aaron was. We introduced ourselves again as if we hadn’t already before.

It was weird.

We were watching the science channel for a while and he asked if I wanted to switch it to something else, but I declined. We ate a bunch of miscellaneous snacks that I’d only ever really seen at anime heavy stores. Some labels were Korean and some were Japanese, but all of them were good.

In the middle of the silence, Aaron laughed and smiled at me.

“I’m sorry, I’m really bad at hosting people.” He admitted. “Usually it’s better when there’s more than two cuz they can just find distractions between each other, not me.”

I chuckled. “You’re good. Honestly, Carter’s the same way. Though, with him I’m used to the awkward silence. It’s honestly natural.”

“Yeah, I get that. Man,” He looked at the ceiling. “Before we really clicked, our dorm room was eerily quiet.”

“That’s Carter for you.” I shoved a bunch of pocky in my mouth and was gonna continue, then realized that Aaron hadn’t been introduced to my terrible table manners.

“How do you know him, again?”

I attempted to finish chewing. “Neighbors and classmates,” I mumbled, covering my mouth.

He chuckled. “That’s nice.”

I stared at his dreads which were still stacked on top of his head like yesterday. I wondered how heavy that was, or if he’d had them in for so long that he was used to them.

“This might not really be my business but on Monday you mentioned Carter had a friend that got arrested.”

He shrugged. “Ah, yeah. I’m still waiting for him to text me updates though. Do you know anything?”

I shook my head, laughing a bit. “Nah, I wanted to ask you.”

He took his glasses off and wiped them on his BlackPink shirt. “Oh, I mean, I don’t really know all that much.”

“I was just wondering if he liked him.”

“Like had a crush on him?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Aaron put them back on his face and stared at the TV for a bit. “Maybe. I mean, with how much he talked about him and the way he did, I kinda assumed so. But then again, Carter’s kinda hard to read sometimes, and even if he liked him back then, I’m sure after all this time he’s lost feelings.”

The darker male shrugged. “That’s just my guess.” He smiled at me. “Is that bad?”

“No, that’s fine. It’s not my business, I’m just trying to figure out which way he swings,” I mumbled.

“Honestly, me too. I’ve only known him for like a year and a half so of course he probably hasn’t told me, but if you two go way back, I’m surprised you still don’t know.”

“Yeah.”

He examined me. “Though, Carter said he had known that friend practically his whole life.”

I chuckled. “Coincidence, I guess. You can have tons of childhood friends—I mean, I just have one but that’s beside the point.”

Aaron leaned back on the couch, pondering. “He really did talk about him a whole lot. He thought he was talented and pretty and was the most generous person he’d met in his whole life.” The guy smiled. “He wished he was like him all the time, but said something about how he grew to love himself thanks to that guy? Dunno.”

“All I really know is that whenever I bring him up and we actually talk about it, Carter gets all sad again and mumbles about wanting to know what he did wrong and that he feels terrible.” He sighed. “So, I’d advise you not to ask him.”

“Noted.”

“But if he really does like him like that, I hope they get together. I think he’d benefit having someone like that, yet when I ask him about calling the prison so they could talk, he’d just say ‘I can’t.’” Aaron sighed. “And he’d never elaborate.”

Based on these two days I’d been with him, I doubted Carter really liked me like that anymore. Still, Aaron’s words gave me a bit of hope. Then again, I just felt guilty. More than anyone, Carter thought my recklessness was somehow his fault.

“You know him better so maybe he might tell you more.”

I chuckled. “I doubt it. I’ll try eventually though.”

“Got any more questions? We don’t have to tell him we’re having a suspicious info exchange,” He joked.

“Uhh…” I contemplated, curling my hair around my finger. “Nah, I don’t got anything else.”

Aaron gave me a weird look. “So, you only wanted to know if Carter had a crush on a dude?”

“Yeah…” I smiled with an awkward laugh.

“Is this cuz you like him?”

I hesitated and Aaron jumped.

“Holy shit, what’s up with your eyes?”

I didn’t say anything, so he gave me a weird look, and unsure of what to do, I gave him a weird look back.

“They’re bright pink. They definitely weren’t like that before, I’m sure. I would’ve noticed.”

I scratched my neck. “Uh, they just do that sometimes…” I mumbled, unsure of how to explain it. Acting normal was easy if I kept my hands warm and didn’t touch anything but I forgot about the most obvious peculiarity. It was impossible to hide. Even if I just thought about stuff, they would change.

“Are you sure you’re not an alien?” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. Just, don’t think much about it.”

He kept staring at me for a while before I shielded my face. Aaron looked back at the TV.

“I’ll try my best.”

We returned to his nerdy programs as we ran out of things to talk about. The only thing good about my eyes was that they got me out of answering Aaron. I doubt he’d blurb to Carter if I confessed, but I didn’t wanna risk anything. Especially since I couldn’t decide whether I even wanted to tell him.

He wanted someone to love him so boom, that’s where I could come in.

Then again, his sexuality is up in the air, and bringing up when we used to date pisses him off.

I wanted so much clarification, but that’s not information I could get from Aaron or even squeeze out of Carter. I just had to wait.

As I leaned on one of the couch pillows, I brought my sweater to my nose. Aaron’s apartment smelled really good, but I just wanted to smell Carter. I can’t imagine what he’d do if he caught me sniffing all of his clothes though.

In the middle of some space exploration show, there was a knock at the door. I watched as Aaron walked over and I expected to see the blond, only to lean forward and see some chick in a skirt with a whole lot of energy.

She ran in, squealing about something in Spanish while holding aa few books. Her eyeshadow matched her cardigan, despite all the gradient colors, and her lipstick color matched the checkerboard pattern on her miniskirt.

She looked awesome—it was just really colorful.

“Blair, I don’t speak Spanish. You know this.” Aaron sighed as she kicked her boots off by the door and made herself at home.

The brunette slapped the kitchen counter. “Then learn!” She beamed and then handed him the notebooks, laughing. “Anyway, thank you so much for the calc notes! Getting sick sucks dude, if you miss one of those classes, you’re immediately screwed.”

Aaron took the books and sat them on one of the stools. “It’s all good. Is that all?” He looked at her mismatched socks. “I’m assuming no since you took your shoes off.”

Blair sighed. “Well, I was gonna tell Carter but he’s not home so since I already needed to see you, you’ll get all my rambles. You see—mi Mamá always makes the desserts for thanksgiving but this year she put me in charge! And you know me! I can’t bake for shit!”

Aaron laughed.

“There’s a kitchen in the dorm so I started looking up recipes so I could make something ahead of time, y’know? So, I bought all the stuff and started my experiment and, well…”

“You started a fire, didn’t you?”

She turned red. “Only a small one!”

“Oh my God!”

“Like, we were all trying to open the windows but half of them were stuck, so then, after putting out the fire, of course, the girls started spraying Febreze and perfume! So it’s smelled like fire, death, vanilla, fruit, and flowers.” Blair laughed. “But then I figured I should probably leave the scene of the crime so now I’m here.”

Aaron covered his face. “You’re fuckin insane. So what, do you want me to bake a cake for you or something?”

“Nah! I mean, you’re awesome at baking but I figured you’d just appreciate the story.” She spun around on the stool several times, got dizzy, and then glanced at me once she stopped.

“Whoa, who’s the hottie?” She laughed, her smile growing bigger than it already was.

“Oh my God,” Aaron muttered, totally embarrassed.

I waved at her and she instantly ran over. God was she cute. This was the girl that Carter watched hospital dramas with? Watching any show with her would probably be amazing.

“That’s Asher. He’s a friend of Carter’s.”

When I stood up, she gave me a giant hug. “What?! How come he’s never talked about you—you’re so pretty!” She exclaimed and played with my hair.

“Thank you!” I laughed as she leaned back and then shook my hand like a normal person.

“I’m Blair! I used to be Carter’s hot friend, but I think you’ve one-upped me.”

Aaron sighed. “Ignore her, she gave herself that label.”

I returned the gesture, surprised by how soft her hands were. “Who says he can’t have two? Double trouble, right?”

She grabbed my arm and turned to her friend, laughing. “Ha! I’m already liking this guy!” She looked back at me. “Where’s Carter been hiding you?! I’m gonna yell at him so much!” Blair scrunched up her nose in an attempt to look angry, but it was completely useless.

“If you yell in Spanish, he won’t understand you,” Aaron reminded her while looking through his books.

“But people take me more seriously then! It still does the job!”

“Are you fluent?” I asked.

She nodded aggressively. “Hell yeah! It’s my first language, though I speak English better than all my family members.” She laughed, still holding onto me whilst looking up since she was only like five foot four. “We’re Puerto Rican!”

“That’s sick! I’m just white,” I snickered. “I mean, I’m half Italian thanks to my mom’s side but you can’t tell, and I can’t even speak it.”

“You should learn it! We could be bilingual and hot!”

Aaron scoffed. “Hey, I’m learning Korean!”

“Pshh, yeah so you can go to a BTS concert and scream ‘I love you’ at Suga from the audience.” She teased.

I never thought I’d see Aaron so embarrassed. “Ey, keep that up and I won’t buy you a ticket!”

She ran over to him, and they started playfully bickering. Aaron was super chill, just as Carter explained, but beside Blair, he seemed dead. We all did.

Colorful, animated, cute, and Hispanic. How could Carter not like her? Hell, she was way more attractive than Maya and honestly all the girls in our high school.

When it came to taste in guys, my type was just Carter. But for chicks? Blair checked all of the boxes. We seemed to have similar tastes because we both were interested in hyper chicks as Maya was, but she was a mess. Hyper? Cool. Obsessive? Not really.

She was selfish as hell. For the longest time I thought Carter liked her because her energy was similar to mine, only to realize that she was straight up toxic.

Blair turned to me. “Wait, do you go here? What are you majoring in?!”

I chuckled awkwardly. “No, uh… I’m taking a gap year.” I lied, but it was one hell of a good excuse. Just working and taking some me-time before getting back to the academics.

“Are you gonna go here?” Aaron asked. “When you’re done?”

“Nah, I’m just over here right now because Carter is. I don’t have enough smarts to get into this school—not to mention money.” I admitted.

Blair ran back over and grabbed my hands. “What? I refuse to believe that! I bet you’re smart as hell, especially if you’re besties with Carter!” She laughed. “He’s such a fuckin’ nerd. An adorable nerd, but still a nerd.”

“I know right! He’s like, the best kind of nerd—and I’m sure some of his STEM smarts have rubbed off on me but not enough for me to make a career out of it.”

“Yeah! He’s so smart and sweet! I love his curly blond afro. Y’know, during freshman year he grew his hair out and looked like a dandelion.”

I snorted. “You’re kidding.”

“Nah, it was so cute! You could barely see his face—it was like there was a giant cotton ball on his head!” She joked with a giant grin, replicating it with her hands.

“Oh my god, I can only imagine!”

“Yeah! I love him so much—Aaron too!” She glanced at him. “My two lil introverts. It’s my job to take them out clubbing and talk to people.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, that’s been my job too. I practically chauffeured him around high school.”

“You two were in high school together?!” She beamed. “Aw! I can only imagine lil’ baby you and lil’ baby Carter being all weird and little.”

I laughed. “We weren’t that small!”

“Still though! I bet you were fun as hell in high school! Carter too.”

I shrugged. “He was way more chill than I was. I mean, I got my work done but he focused more on academics while I was the social butterfly.”

“Are you a math nerd like him?”

“Nah.”

She smiled. “Well, what are interested in?”

I blushed, rubbing my hands. “Uh, I dunno.”

Blair gave me a weird look. “Your eyes are pretty,” She suddenly said.

“Oh. T-Thanks.”

She leaned back. “Anyway, I’m sure you’ll get an idea eventually—no rush. That’s what gap years are for!” The girl took some sticky notes out of her skirt which I didn’t know had pockets.

“No matter where you go, you’ve gotta come by and visit sometime! Even if you’re on the West Coast, make sure you keep in touch!” She insisted and started scribbling on the notepad.

“Yeah, sure thing! Wait, do you just carry those around all the time?”

“Yep!” She tore off the paper and stuck it to my chest. “For when I get random ideas! Or when I want someone to call me,” She snickered as I looked down, noticing her phone number written in some curly handwriting.

“So yeah! Call me sometime!” Blair stood on her tiptoes to ruffle my hair and then ran back to Aaron, tackling him with a giant hug.

“I’ll see you later! There’s a high chance I actually will need you to make me a cake.”

He snickered, hugging her back. “Yeah, yeah.”

After throwing her boots back on, she shot finger guns at me, and shouted “Ciao bella!” And then bolted out of Aaron’s apartment. I looked at him.

“Wow. Is she always like that?”

“Yep.” He adjusted his glasses. “It’s a good balance though because she has enough energy to offset how little Carter and I talk.”

I chuckled. “Whatever works, I guess.”

Not long after her exit, Blair texted Aaron about the cake she was trying to make. She claimed she’d probably stop by again at night or the next morning to drop off the ingredients and spectate.

While waiting for Carter, I examined the sticky note while watching TV since I still didn’t have my phone on me. Though, I assumed she would probably text the same way she talked: Lots of exclamation points and emojis. Maybe even some key smashes.

By the time Carter came to retrieve me, it was already dark out. I wondered why he had no bags until we entered his apartment, and I saw them scattered across the kitchen. I started helping him put them away, a bit amused.

“I could’ve helped you carry all these in, y’know.”

“Hell no.” He flexed his arm. “I haven’t had enough time to go to the gym, so my workout is carrying everything in one trip.”

I laughed. “This is a ton of shit for a guy who lives alone, though. How much was all of this?”

He shrugged. “I mean if I stock up like this, I won’t have to go shopping for like another two weeks. I can freeze stuff and whatever.” He smiled at me. “And don’t worry, it wasn’t too much. I may be a broke college student but uh, I kinda tutor on the side to get some bank.”

“Wait, you do?!” I beamed.

Back in high school, we earned most of our money over the summer as camp counselors. We were always stuck with the little kids, one of which thought we were married because we spent so much time together. Eventually, we just went along with it.

“Shut up,” He mumbled, blushing.

“No, that’s genuinely cool! You always claimed you couldn’t tutor and that you didn’t know enough to be useful, yet here you are! I always knew you were a math God! Or do you tutor something else?”

Carter was clearly embarrassed, but his smile was precious. “Y-Yeah, algebra and programming. Thank you, though.”

I was glad to know that Carter grew to understand how smart he was and his potential. So many people bullied him in elementary that he started giving up on school until I kept hyping him up.

I loved seeing him excelling in school back then. As the blond continued to tell me about his college life, it seemed it was still true. He was a straight-A student back then and he was still doing good at Bucknell.

I was mainly thankful that he didn’t go too far into a slump in senior year that would’ve affected his graduation and possible college applications. It was hard being his only source of motivation.

It just sucked knowing that he graduated without me. I looked forward to taking some senior photos together and seeing him in his cap and gown. I was sure his family would throw him an insane party and invite hundreds of people, and though that sounded overwhelming, it seemed like a good way to end high school.

Someone from school would probably bring booze and it would quickly turn into a frat party, especially if all the teenagers were in the basement. I just looked forward to making even more memories with him.

Especially prom.

Junior prom we went as friends, of course, but back in middle school, we agreed to be each other’s dates if we were still single by senior year. The previous year was already fun as hell—we danced so hard our bodies were sore for a week, we ate at least half of the sliders they provided, and we even got stoned in the bathroom which just made the rest of the night even more fun.

I’m sure he still has videos of me dancing with almost every girl in our grade, even the ones that had dates.

He and some of our friends went back to my house after the dance, still high, and some of the guys were drunk too. I barely remember what happened after that. All I know is that I woke up in my basement mid-afternoon, still in my suit, along with the rest of my friends who were laying in various places.

Though Carter had already been dating Maya for a while, I considered asking him to go with me when we were seniors. As in, actually be my date. Even if he said no, I just wanted to have enough balls to ask him, especially since that would make it obvious I liked him like that again.

It was gonna be one of those ginormous, cringy prom-posals. I had so many great ideas, only for them to become obsolete.

As the blond continued to explain his generic college life, I realized how hurt he was that we weren’t together at the end of high school. Dances and graduation aside, we had so many plans and yet, all of them fell through.

Not only did I want to go back in time and fix everything, but I wanted to make up for that time we lost. I didn’t wanna miss out on all that was supposed to happen.

But this wasn’t fiction. There were no time machines, and I couldn’t go back to an old save point.

This was real life.

And it sucked.