goofy wol ICQs

ivy: don't kill them! let's just arrest the thieves and let them learn their lesson!

also ivy: ask about my hair again and you'll be eating bullets for breakfast

person: hey, why is your hair white-

ivanabe: loads gun don't. even. go. there.

"Don't worry! Everything can be solved through reasoning and a bit of lying!"

-Ivanabe

cq: you mean you don't use violence to solve every problem?

ig: what, no! violence is my last resort!

cq: wow, you're weak.

ig: says the *mysticality* user!

cq: hey! in my game, we're really powerful!

ig: well in *my* game moxie is the strongest!

**the two starts arguing**

me: why did i create these two

cq: *kicks down door*

ivy: *picks the lock and comes in*

cq: *breaks open safe*

ivy: *cracks safe with knowledge*

cq: *obliterates monster*

ivy: *makes them leave by lying to them*

ivy: are you *sure* you're a mysticality user? you seem more like a muscle to me

cq: are you *sure* you want to get beaten by me? you seem like you do

cq: *listening to bts*

ivy: what're ya listenin' to, pardner?

cq: oh, just bts

ivy: bts? what's that?

cq: what? you mean you don't know? they're that famous korean pop group!

ivy: ?

cq: here, have a listen **hands earbuds**

ivy: what's that?

cq: just- put it near your ear

ivy: *puts earbud near her ear*

**spring day is playing in the background*

ivy: wOAH THAT'S SOME TRUE MUSIC RIGHT THERE

cq: another one added to the army

**trying to fix an elevator**

rudy: UGH! stupid thing won’t work! **bangs on door**

noah: sadly, i don’t have the required equipment to fix it either

ivy: step outta the way, boys! let me handle this!

ivy: **pushes a few buttons and the elevator is working again**

ivy: and that is how ya fix an elevator! watch and learn, boys!

rudy: jeez, what can’t this gal do?

noah: wow. i think i might be in love.

noah (about mice): cheeky.

noah (after a quest): well boy, am i knackered!

noah (after he saw how well ivy fights): i’m chuffed to bits!

noah (when he’s upset or surprised): bloody hell!

ivy: do you know what the hell he’s saying?

rudy: don’t even know what he’s saying half the time

noah: hey ivy how did you get white hair?

ivy: by practicing nex-mex

noah: what's that??

ivy: necromancer stuff or whatever the hell

noah: tell me how to learn it

ivy: ya sure? i've got these books

noah: anything for more magic!!

ivy: well rip to your hair, pardner

**after noah read all the books**

noah: im done

ivy: oh- wAIT YA STILL HAVE BLONDE HAIR

noah: might be because i already did magic before who knows

ivy: FFFFFFFFF

ivy: thanks, flo! you're the best! **kisses florence on the cheek**

florence: what the fu-

ivy: you too, spence!

spence: wait-

ivy: **also kisses him on the cheek**

florence: ivy, don't do this! it'll kill you!

ivy: only if i die. **rolls up sleeves**

florence: yes... you'll die. that's what.. killing you means

**during a battle**

flo: alright, spence! remember what i taught you!

ivy: **is aggressively playing the gun manor battle theme on guitar beside them**

flo: what are you doing?

ivy: gotta play an intense battle theme to fight!

flo:

noah: oh my god, a hellcow!

noah:

noah: oh my god, a cactus! let's deal with that first

rudy: why do ya wear two belts?

ivy: fashion? battle? a spare weapon?

noah: heavens, no! if one belt falls off, i’ll have another!

rudy and ivy:

ivy: **wakes up in a hospital**

noah: you’re okay!!

ivy: ugh,, what happened? i only remember the sirens...

rudy: those weren’t sirens, we rode all the way here. it was noah.

noah: I WAS WORRIED OKAY

noah: doc, do you have any bags?

alice: yes. the ones under my eyes due to the lack of sleep.

noah: you could've just said no

ivy: meet my pardner, gary!

gary, in goblintongue: hello humans! gary is exciting to meet you!

rudy: what's he saying

ivy: sorry, he only speaks goblintongue

rudy: well, meet my pardner, susie.

susie: howdy.

noah: here's my pardner, doc alice!

doc alice: hi, how may i fuckin' help you?

noah: doc we talked about this

Ivy, in front of a board with the word “killing” on it: There is only ONE thing worse than killing.

Ivy, ripping off a piece of paper under “killing” to reveal “innocents”: Boom.

Rudy: Innocents.

Ivy: No.

so in west of loathing you can get a phone from a time portal to the future and,,, basically

ivy: wow! what's this strange, glass rectangle?

ivy: **presses the home button and it turns on**

ivy: whaaaaaat? (you've never played tuber-)

**cassidy eventually teaches her how to use the phone lmao-**

noah: what's that?

ivy: oh, earbuds! they're for listenin' to music!

noah: wha,, what

rudy: i'm hungry

ivy: i'll order delivery from teresa! **dials teresa's number**

rudy: huh-

noah: where are we??

rudy: it's not on my map...

ivy: but it's on google maps! i'll check it out!

noah and rudy:

meanwhile on snapchat:

ivy's post, a selfie of her and the boys: on our way to the ceo of racism

also ivy: **spams the group chat with pictures of spiders**

tori: sT OP

noah: eep! don't do that, i'm claustrophobic!

rudy: what does claustrophobic mean?

ivy: it means he's afraid of santa claus!!

rudy: ho ho ho

ivy: stop it!! you're scaring him!! >:(((

noah: very funny guys, but how do we get out of this well?

ivy: let go of noah!

noah, tied up at gunpoint: it’s okay, i can beat his ass with magic!

the guy with the gun: he can’t. he’s all out of AP

noah: im all out of AP.

rudy: **is sleeping**

ivy: should i do it :))))

noah: yes :)))

**later on**

rudy, running from the distance with braided hair: IVY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TA ME-

chris, upon meeting noah: bLoOdy heLL, cuM hAiR hAnd mE mY sTafF

chris: i aM a toTaL pUsS aNd iM gAy fOr ruDy

noah: **is crying in the corner**

doc alice and noah fighting:

alice: IVE KILLED BEFORE

noah: I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DOCTOR

alice: I HAD MY BAD DAYS

noah: but... you were not a soldier, you're a doctor!

doc alice: army doctor, actually.

doc alice: that means i could break every bone in your body while naming them.

the yeehaw squad: **walks into a saloon**

ivy: HOLY HORSES IT'S A SPITOON

noah: what

rudy: oh, jesus.

ivy: ***sticks her hand in it***

noah: W H A T

rudy: literally what the fuck is wrong with you

imagine: ivy giving noah a boat in a bottle for christmas

noah: what's this?

ivy: it's an ark!

noah: lovely! why did you decide to buy this for me?

ivy: **snorts** noah's ark

noah: alice! i don’t get it! when i’m around ivy, my heart speeds up! what is wrong with me?

alice: noah?

noah: yeah?

alice: i diagnose you with “hopelessly in love.”

alice: alcohol heals exterior wounds.

alice, pulling out a bottle: that means alcohol heals inside wounds as well

noah, snatching the bottle away: DOC, NO

alice: snatching it back: SHUT UP I’M THE DOCTOR HERE

ivy: noah, ever wonder why rudy never talks about his fam'ly?

noah: huh, now that i think about it, i never heard him mention it before

ivy: yeah, even in that interview he barely said anything about 'is home

noah: maybe he'll tell us someday

rudy, thinking: *i can't tell them. what will they think of me then?*

ivy, rudy, and noah: **sitting on a bench**

rudy: **whispers something in ivy’s ear**

ivy: **turns to noah and taps his shoulder**

noah: hm?

ivy: **pulls his arm and kisses him on the cheek**

noah:

noah, internally: WHAT

noah: DID SHE JUST KISS ME

noah: oH GOD WHAT DO I DO

noah: AJDHAJBDJANDKSKFBS

**noah freaking out at the side**

ivy, turning back to rudy: like that?

**the squad comes across rudy’s old home**

ivy: yikes... wonder what happened here

noah: the wreckage looks pretty old. maybe it was many years ago?

rudy: ... it hadn’t changed.

ivy and noah: what?

ivy: rudy are you crying?

rudy: **voice crack** i’m fine. there’s just some dust in my eye.

noah: ... if you say so.

rudy, wiping his tears: let’s go. there’s nothing left here of interest.

rudy: **is asleep**

ivy: **takes out a sharpie**

noah: what’s,,, that?

ivy: it’s a sharpie. got it from cass!

noah: well what does it do?

ivy: you can draw with it.

noah: draw? why would you want to- **glances at rudy** oh.

ivy, already cat ears on rudy’s forehead: watch and learn, noah

**later**

ivy and noah: **laughing**

rudy: what. what’s so funny?

rudy: is there something on my face?

ivy: **snort** is there?

rudy: hold up... **runs to a mirror**

rudy, seeing himself in a mirror: HELL

noah, already running: YOU BETTER START RUNNING IVY

rudy, charging at the two with murderous rage: IM GONNA KILL YA TWO

noah: i came here to kiss ass and cry!

noah: **voice cracks** and i’ve already cried

ivy: hey noah wanna hear a joke?

noah: sure!

ivy: a tragic backstory.

noah: i don't... get it?

ivy and rudy, crying: YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DON'T

noah: im strong! i can open this nifty water bottle the future folks call a hydroflask!

noah: **struggles to open it**

rudy:

rudy: do you need help with that

noah: **voice cracking** yes