Post as your OC's 'Shadow Self'

Posted 6 years, 10 months ago (Edited 6 years, 10 months ago) by Kim 'Kimiko' Madison YunaNoire

I'm not sure if this has already been done, but I thought I thought it'd be a cool idea! Basically, in this topic you make a post as an OC's 'Shadow Self'. For a further explanation, a 'Shadow Self' is the side of ourselves that we like to repress and pretend doesn't exist. However, that side of you is, of course, still you. So for this topic, think about your characters and what sort of thoughts, emotions or feelings they might be hiding from everyone else. Then, personify that into a 'Shadow Self' version of your character, who embodies everything they'd rather hide or deny about themselves.

Rules:

This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with any secrets your character might have, although there is a good chance they might tie into their repressed Shadow Self.
Blank out any content that could be deemed sensitive or NSFW. Like this.
Write as much or as little as you need to! This is just a fun little exercise to help develop your characters.
Have fun!

To provide an example, here's Kimiko's Shadow Self:

"I am a shadow... the true self! God... all I want is for people to just tell me how much they love me. If I have to lie a little bit to get them to do that, then so be it! I'm so lucky to have some pretty gullible friends... if they knew how much of a sham I was, it'd be all over for me! That's what I am, a sham, a fraud! And I love it! So why should I stop? Because it isn't right to lie? Because tricking people is wrong? As if that'll make me stop! Without these lies, i'm nothing! Just a dumb otaku, without any real friends or a real job.

Lying gets me exactly what I need out of life. There's no way i'll stop... i'll never stop."

Zog (Daerius Schneider) SkystormV

“Why is it that nothing turns out in my favor? I can’t stand it anymore. As much as I blame the world around me, I’ve allowed myself to truly become what I am now and I can never change that. Having a normal life, friends, and experiencing things through a lense of innocence will forever be a foreign concept to me. I feel it’s an impossibility that anyone could ever love me; I’m physically less than average and incapable of forming bonds, despite so desperately craving the affection and sense of security. All I want is to feel understood, yet I drive others away with my self-pitying anger and frustration.”

These are honestly pretty entertaining writing exercises. It’s almost scary to see some of my own feelings reflected in my characters. Maybe I’ll do my other ocs’ true selves sometime.

Ruby owenpuppy21

"I am the real Ruby, the one she... I...? wants to repress. My deepest fears are true, aren't they? My mother is dead, and all these years of effort have been for fucking nothing. I bet she was as disgusting as I am, and she threw me away by choice like a fucking coward because she knew from the start I was worthless. Or maybe she finds it hilarious to think of me suffering like this! I'm sick of it. 'stay in the present' my ass! This sham of a present is forever rooted in the past.

And my dad- why don't I care about him? He's a missing figure in my life too, so I should at least do the bare fucking minimum for him. But I only. Think. About. My. Mum. Maybe he's an amazing person, the only one who ever loved me, and i'm spitting in his face by idolising mum.

Not to mention how I am always trying so fucking hard to be cute and perfect and polite- I'm a fake. And what am I even faking, being a stick in the mud? I know people don't really want to talk to me, even without knowing how ugly I am inside. This shadow side needs to stay inside of me forever, because it makes me even more repugnant than I am already."

Keddie Faraday Cattafang

“I am a shadow... the true self...

...and I’m terrified that I’ve been living off a lie.

Every day, I’ve been tellin’ myself ‘You’re gonna get the Cardinal done, Keddie. You’re gonna finally quit your messy shithole of a job where you get accosted by some 8-foot freak and all the other idiots who can’t bother to go through the simple steps of finding their package and then you’re gonna march into a ring and kick someone’s ass until you get a job as a pro fighter’ but what if that’s not what happens? What if I really was just tellin’ myself that as a way to try and get through high school by thinking I had some sorta purpose like the rest of my siblings?”

“Hell... do those other-worlders even like me? Are they just using me because I’m letting them stay in my house while they try to get back home? It wouldn’t even be the first damn time that’d happened...

...is he just using me?”

Desmond Lockhart XxmisamurderxX

(OOC: Really cool thread idea, OP! :D)

"I am a shadow... the true self."

"You there... do you know what it feels like to be loved?" The shadow raised a shaky hand and pointed to himself, face full of despair; "What is it, to love and be loved? Do you know? Can you show me?! Please, I don't know what to do...! Will you show me? Or are you going to hurt me? Are you gonna give me even more scars?! That's what love is, isn't it?! It's a lie!" Displaying a disgustingly vulnerable expression, tears well in his eyes, causing them to shine, "You know what she did to us! Our mother! She hurt us real bad, and now we're broken 'cause of it...! The worst part is, she died, without EVER saying sorry to us! She died peacefully, even! In the hospital! While she was passed out! Isn't that unfair?!" He raised his voice, before looking down at the ground pathetically

" ...truthfully, I think I'm going to die. It's so lonely by myself. Are you going to leave me, too? Or are you gonna help me out of this cage? You love me, right?! You always have...! I... I know I'm worthless, and I can't do anything right... but please, I have nobody. Please don't leave me! I'll do whatever you want, you can even sleep with me if it makes you feel better and it'll make you stay, just please, don't leave me by myself...! If you do, I think I really am going to die... I don't even know why I'm here! If you're not going to help me, then will you put me out of my misery already?!"

[ * He knows that it's the painful truth, but still, looks upon this whining, teary-eyed, desperate version of himself with disgust. ]

Duchess of Wreaks GameGeek002

"I'm Sycamore before she grew up and wanted to embrace boring order The best prankster only second to Conker in Willow Woods With my Trusty slingshot i will stinkbomb you into submision"

Yusa cicada-days

(this is fun because i get to write something for yami finally)

"I am the shadow... the true self. I'm nothing but a useless kid. maybe he's right, maybe doing things i'll regret is the only way to fix things? You have to make sacrifices Yusa. what's a little blood on your hands for the sake of the world? If hadn't listened to Tsu in the first place maybe none of this would've happened- but her family. Her siblings wanted you dead. Mom always says that family is the most important thing. Your mom is the one who tried to destroy the world, remember? That why im here."

Sunny | ♡ Moxxie

"I am a shadow... the true self... It's all my fault. Everything. It's all my fault my father never liked me when my mother died. It's all my fault i was ripped apart day by day, just to show my mistakes. That's all on me, isn't it. It's all my fault I was given up from three households. Wasn't it. It's my fault my brother was shot. wasn't it.
And it was. I was there, and watched him fall. He promised me he'd stay until I got help. I saw the life drain from his eyes. and who's fault. is. that."
"It's all fine though. I love my life. I live with my new family now. My aunt helps me stimulate myself now, since the incident. Don't you love losing the ability to walk. To talk. And to see all at once. But no, no, no, no, each time I want a new start, I get refreshed. But it happens again. Each time worse.

"And what am I to do about it."

"Absolutely nothing. The reins and controls to my own life have been handed off to someone else. And at this point... That's fine. Why should I care when it is going to happen again."

"I am the shadow... the... true self?"
"It's no longer worth trying to grab a hold of those reins. All that matters to me is those... those little moments where I'm safe and sound in the arms of my family. Listening to that one special audio story my aunt always shows me."

"I am the shadow. The true self."
"I've been hated, dead once, maybe twice, rebuked, pursued, and I know it will never end. Me as myself, I know I should stop grasping for the controls. I can stay close to the chest now. Life can stay consistent for short periods of time, that's all I wish for."

"And that... That is all that I need."

Max melodiemori

TW: SH, sui/ide, abuse (physical), EDs, cursing, just generally very dark and unhappy. Please be careful, it can be incredibly triggering.

"I am my a shadow... the true self. And I just want to be happy. Fucking cliché, isn't it. I'm just the typical sad fuck trying to get by a little longer, just wishing to be happy. Yeah, I fucking hate it. It's tiring as hell. All I've ever wanted was to be loved.

But I was never loved, and I was never happy. My chance to be happy was ripped away from me when I was two years old. The first time my parents started beating me. Yeah, you heard that right. I was only two fucking years old and my parents saw me as their goddamned punching bag. Hey, as long as it helped them! Who am I to say shit? I'm a shitty father too. I see them in myself a little bit. I would never lay my hands on him. But yelling....

Fuck me. Fuck me. What the hell did I do to deserve a life like this? What did I do to deserve this? What the FUCK. All I've ever wanted was to be happy, to be okay. But nope. I'm over here throwing up because I think I'm too fat. Yeah yeah that's not all it is. But what the fuck am I to do about it. Any of it.

Maybe I deserve it. I don't know what the fuck I believe in but maybe past lives exist, and maybe I was a total fuck up then. Maybe that's why I'm getting this today. But I hardly had a chance at redemption... I was only two! Who beats a two year old? Who looks at their child and decides to smash their head into concrete just because they never wanted them?

I wish I was wanted. I wish I was loved. Yeah, maybe my life is better in the sense that I'm surrounded by love now. Maybe it's better in the sense that I don't have to deal with my parents' bullshit anymore. But it's not better for me mentally and emotionally because I still just want to die. And trust me when I say I've tried. But they're always around to stop me.

Fuck this shit. Fuck all of this. What did I do to deserve this?

Whatever. I'm worthless anyways. I deserve to die. Death is all I deserve. And who knows, maybe death has better things in store for me. Maybe I'll finally break this fucking awful routine. Maybe I'll finally be okay if I died... but nobody will let me go. I'm tired of dealing with this. I'm exhausted. I hate this. I HATE this. I just want to be okay. I just want to die. Nothing ever helps me for very long, even when I go to the mental hospital.

Fucking whatever. Whatever. I'll just hurt myself instead. I know I deserve it. Clearly I did something wrong... clearly I've always been doing something wrong. I mean, I can't help that I'm here.

But whatever. It's all my fault I guess."

Puzzles Zinkyzor

" hee hee.... ma...pa... are you proud of me now? am i... smart like my sister??!... am i worth it now? Am i worth even glancing at now that i know things you'd only dare to wonder... im a new person... after you broke me in half ... you must be proud..."

Elijah Armestor AlienIsInternet

"I am a shadow...of the true self. God, sometimes I wish i could just tell everyone to fuck off. But I can't do that, can I? I'm the loud one! I'm the funny one! And, whats more, I'd crumble into pieces if they left me. Wanna know the one person who came to look for me, when my whole family knew I was alive? My fuckin' sister. And she regretted it soon fuckin' after. My parents left me for dead in sime village where demon hunters were rampant, and they looked at me like dogshit when I showed up on their front step. And people wonder why I'm constantly saying "fuck authority". What have any authority figures in my life ever done for me? Jack-shit. And, hey, what if I never make it out of my shitty apartment? What if I'm doomed to commit petty theft of snacks that I can afford, just so I can feel some type of rush running out of a shop? What if I'm just gonna forever fix bikes for dirt cheap out of my apartment? Fuck me, man."

Brand Sandoval Sunlocke

Brand's shadow self, unironically:

sid cynocardia

well. ok

"i am the shadow, the true self.

i'm sick to fucking death of this city and i'm sick to fucking death of bailing out my dad. i don't want to draw anymore. i'm tired.

wouldn't life be so much better if i was normal? if i had real parents, not just some guy who picks me up off the side of the road like i'm some kind of fucked up puppy and then expects me to drag him out of hell, even though i keep telling him not to go in, he never fucking listens- no more hiding, no more running, no more panicking after the sun goes down because "oh no, what if someone sees my eyes glowing?"

but even if i was normal, even if i wasn't, if i got to leave, what more is there? more buildings? more walls? more cities? more rich assholes with more money than they know what to do with, refusing to spend a cent for people who suffer just to make them that money?

i'm pissed as hell. aren't you? don't you want to burn this place to the ground? don't you want to make them suffer for what they do to these people?

for what they do to your friends? to claire? to that creep with the mask? ... to dad?

ha. like i give a shit what happens to dad. dad be damned. dad be fucking- i care about dad. i just wish i didn't have to worry about him all the time. and... it feels like i'm the only one pulling any weight. all the time. always has. god, i'm sick and tired of pulling all the weight."

this is... fun. i'll be back, probably