Post as your OC's 'Shadow Self'

Posted 6 years, 10 months ago (Edited 6 years, 10 months ago) by Kim 'Kimiko' Madison YunaNoire

I'm not sure if this has already been done, but I thought I thought it'd be a cool idea! Basically, in this topic you make a post as an OC's 'Shadow Self'. For a further explanation, a 'Shadow Self' is the side of ourselves that we like to repress and pretend doesn't exist. However, that side of you is, of course, still you. So for this topic, think about your characters and what sort of thoughts, emotions or feelings they might be hiding from everyone else. Then, personify that into a 'Shadow Self' version of your character, who embodies everything they'd rather hide or deny about themselves.

Rules:

This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with any secrets your character might have, although there is a good chance they might tie into their repressed Shadow Self.
Blank out any content that could be deemed sensitive or NSFW. Like this.
Write as much or as little as you need to! This is just a fun little exercise to help develop your characters.
Have fun!

To provide an example, here's Kimiko's Shadow Self:

"I am a shadow... the true self! God... all I want is for people to just tell me how much they love me. If I have to lie a little bit to get them to do that, then so be it! I'm so lucky to have some pretty gullible friends... if they knew how much of a sham I was, it'd be all over for me! That's what I am, a sham, a fraud! And I love it! So why should I stop? Because it isn't right to lie? Because tricking people is wrong? As if that'll make me stop! Without these lies, i'm nothing! Just a dumb otaku, without any real friends or a real job.

Lying gets me exactly what I need out of life. There's no way i'll stop... i'll never stop."

Akane flufferi

"I am a shadow, the true self...

I wish to be adored and idolized by other members of my species like those they look up to, but i end up hurting many more than i can protect. I can't control it though, it's as if i cant seem to be me anymore when i start to defend others....as if i cannot control the raging berserker inside of me. I really just want to help others, but the more i try the more i get shunned for what horrid things i've mindlessly committed.

I truly am sorry for all the things i have done, but it seems no matter what i do i cannot change my fate, no matter how desperately i try to. I got more power and fame, at the cost of my eye. I sacrificed it to be more of an idol but, i ended up making things for me much worse. I covet being adored by thousands that i would even give up my own life for it, if it meant i can undo all of the terrible things ive done, to become a hero to my peers."

Solita Desperationis melodiemori

Yep, I'm back with a new character this time. This was really fun the last time I did it so ^^
Slight mention of death, implied r#pe, mistreatment of a child. There's nothing graphic or detailed though

"I am a shadow self. The true self. I pride myself in always being truthful, in always begin direct and straight to the point, but I can never even do that with myself. And if I were to be truthful with myself, I believe I will always be lonely.

I will never find love. I will never find friendship. All I have as a companion is a king who probably wouldn't even care if I were gone. And it will always be that way.

I push and push and push to please but I will never be loved the way that I desire to be loved. I want to have a purpose other than being a servant. I want to be someone's rock, a shoulder to lean on, a backbone. Someone to rely on, someone to comfort another when they are feeling down. I want to be the love of someone's life, the one person who makes someone else feel complete. I don't want to live up to my name. I don't want to live a life of solitude forever. The people who surround me are kind beyond words, but in a sense, in a 'real world', all we are is co-workers. People who work alongside each other. We're not supposed to make friends with each other.

But the touch of a friend or a lover is all I wish for.

And my mother... she hated me, all because of what I was the product of. And I understand, I truly do, but I was her child. She labeled me as numbers and numbers only, that was all I was to her. I wish I could feel a mother's tender love. I want a parental figure in my life who will make me feel protected, cared for and... like I'm more than just a number. And the Caretaker too.... all I desired was a parent. But I got Caphriel instead.

Forever grateful is all I am for Caphy. But... still. I desire so much more than what this life has to offer. All I do is walk around ignoring my insecurities while deperately trying to befriend those around me, but I'm too honest. Why don't people just tell me to dance around certain truths? Why don't they advise me not to say certain things? I will never have answers.

And the truth is, I will forever be alone. Alone until the day that I drop dead and die."

Valnier Reikslot ProfessionalDumbass

“I am the shadow…the true self….

Fools all of you are. To be faced with more taking and find it better than to live on forever. FOOLS! I seek not immortality. But a freedom from this abominable cycle humanity has found itself.

Whilst I hack and wheeze, whilst I bleed and boils grow across my body. I pray not to Sigmar, the god king. But a small incoherent bit prays to the Pox Father. Asking for forgiveness and release from this mortal coil so I may serve in my duty

I am a witch hunter, I wish the burden upon no one. So I pray to endure and serve the god king and pox father alike.

I am no shadow…I am the true self”

Ezael Edros ✰ Xedite

(I have to write him well into his shadow self soon for story reasons so this seems fun practice :))

CW: Dark themes, general nsfw sadism and other nsfw commentary, homicidal thoughts, self-loathing, religious theming, and other mentally ill thoughts

To think I was just disposable, not only to him, but that beast.
Useless..

A piece of flesh and warm body not even worth a second thought, and yet I find my thoughts returning back to him. The fear in his eyes and the degenerate emptiness of his mind towards nothing more than my own skin, forever weak below the knees to my hold over him. All it would take is one touch, a tender, sultry word from me, and he would return to my side.

But I know it would only be a pleasantry, an pallid, empty romance and nothing more. A fragile illusion propped up by my lonely, ailing heart, desperate for attention. Recognition, or just a simple acknowledgement of more than loins and loose nights. I know this, and yet I continue to pine over him. Wondering, what could have been, if he or I had known.
And yet, that is never enough, my heart is too black, my hands stained with the vile plague of sin and mind poisoned by the ever-lingering desire to hurt again. To drink their pain. To feel something and fill my heart again, if only for a moment.I call myself an angel, a saint even to some, and yet I know that is only yet another illusion, curated by an ailing mind and a desperate, shaking reach at perfection.

Attention, approval. How can I expect to trust anyone when I cannot even trust my own mind? My own hands, or desires?

The impulse is too strong, and their bones too weak and wavering. He won't be the only one.

May the divines learn to forgive me some day.

Miki AldwynScoresby

"I'm so worried about letting everyone down... All the time... Would they be able to achieve more without me holding them back? Maybe..."

Simon Parsley CrispinAsheYA

"I don't have one. I think. If I fake having a personality so that people like me so I can make connections and have a safety net if I get in trouble, then I'm still faking having a personality right? And under that fake personality is nothing. I have no likes or dislikes- I don't care about my friends. I just keep them around just in case. If I'm just playing up having a personality, playing a character almost- Do I even actually exist?"

Illanya Mariold HardyLark

“I am the shadow… the true self.” Illanya’s shadow opens her yellow eyes, and already there is rage in her gaze.

“I’m so… tired of lying to everyone! Of putting up this stupid “noble knight” facade to appease those idiots!

Why couldn’t I have been born a normal human like my father?! Why did my father have to fuck around with some… some fey or celestial! I think mother must’ve had the right idea for abandoning a freak like me, because gods, Am I weird!”

“I’m just a filthy bastard child, one that isn’t entirely human, and Gods do they hate me for it! Maybe I’m not even fit to inherit Dad’s title?! I’ve spent so fucking long putting down those rumors, convincing people I am the loyal dragon knight I trained tobe! And for what?! They still don’t trust me! Even though I work my ass off to appease them, they still talk! That’s all they’re good for! I’m so sick of them!

“Even my friends…” the shadow seems to slow, as if considering her words now. “They would talk just like everyone else if they knew! They can’t figure it out! I won’t allow it!” The shadow clenches its hands before beginning to shake, the first of many tears dropping from her face “Hahaha… I’m so… stuck by it all… don’t you ever wonder what it would be like to tell the truth for once.” Illanya’s shadow says brokenly to her counter part, yellow eyes downcast, not daring to meet the gold and green of her counterpart.

“To say “to hell with it all!”, And finally just be the person… the being I really am… consequences be damned?” she laughs bitterly and shakes her head, “Nah, I could never. No one would ever love a freak like me, so what’s even the point of trying…”

JJ (Nighttime) Vinqou

"Sucks feeling this emotional all the time. Can I be normal for once?"

"Hayst" LiaC

"I am the shadow...the true self.

(TW for dark themes, mentions of death, child neglect...)

Unwanted from the very beginning, I was. Abandoned after birth, left to bake underneath The Bright. Found alone by a stranger, only to be seen as an object of weaponry choice. "A nameless bastard" is what they call me.

People without a name have no place in this world, so it was my fate to never be a human, or so they claim. Raised to be a weapon with little to no emotion, once I was freed by a kind stranger...I had to learn to be presentable. For people to not fear me, for people to share a smile is all I desire. To wear a mask and smile is what I can do. Mirror the people around me, watch how they react. Learn what is acceptable or not. Learn to be a human. Became a leader who is adored by my peers, who see me smile and jump and cry out in joy. But in truth, I feel none of that. It's all a facade, a ploy, a face. Only accept Hayst, and never The Raptor...people will always do.

In truth, no matter how much I avoid, forever I am The Raptor, and never will I be Hayst. Too hesitant, I am...to speak it aloud to anyone. To be accepted will never happen. A beast is all The Raptor will ever be in human eyes.

N'arfi TwizzlyTwist

"I am the shadow… the true self. Eventually, I will not be enough and eventually I will fail everyone, everyone that I worked to hard to keep safe. What am I if I'm not a child of the forest or a scion of the seventh dawn? I serve no purpose outside of my role as Hydaelyns chosen champion. Am I even myself anymore if everyone's souls are fragmented into 14 shards or am i fufilling an ancient old prophecy by the original Azem?"

Luhua Oxyhocin

“I am the shadow… The true self…

I say everything is fine, but it’s not fine. I seal away my emotions and keep them at bay, but I can always feel them squirming inside me, threatening to claw up my throat like some sort of ravenous beast, desperate to escape. I say I’m just being mindful, that I’m just practicing emotional regulation, but that’s a lie. I know what I’m doing is harmful, yet I can’t bring myself to change. I’m too scared of what others would think of me if I broke down or lost my temper. I’m scared that I’ll get rejected, shunned, chastised. I’m scared that I’ll do or say something I’ll regret, something that will haunt me in my waking hours. I’m just scared.

Then there’s my approach to love: I view love through a psychological lens because it distances me from the subject matter. I tell myself that if I take an objective stance, I can understand it better and it’ll help me process my own feelings. But all it’s done is make me even more scared: what if none of my relationships work out and I end up wasting time? What if I become too dependent on my partner for my own happiness? What if I lose them and, in turn, lose myself to grief, just like my mother?

I hate myself. I hate that I’ve let fear rule me my entire life because I’m too much of a coward to confront what makes me uncomfortable. I need to change, but…will I change?”

Constellation Trapezoids_Bimonthly

TW: Abandonment, Death

"I am the shadow...The true self.

I hide from my problems. I reject people when they try to help me. I tried to even kill Revere.. When he saved my life. My mother, my own mother, sent me to be a gladiator, to fight, when she knew that one day, I would loose the battle. She left my brother to die because she was worried she'd be judged. And y'know what? Losing the battle was the best thing that ever happened to me. It showed your true face. I wish I could kill you, like I did all the people you wanted me to. I wish I could rip into your scales. .And yet.. I can't do it. I choose to be a coward.

Rue Suzume FelisLicht

"I am a shadow... the true self.

I'm the "hero", helping the world be a better place, making sure everything is right. That's why I trick people into trusting me so I can let them to suffer and die, because that's the "right" thing to do. Look at me, I'm such a fucking joke. What kind of "hero" just lets other people die? Why? Because "they" told you to? Because "they" know what's best? Because it's "better" for those people to suffer? Do you even believe they're the good guys here? Do you think you're doing the world any favors with your actions?

Oh, but it's better to just not question it and follow along with what "they" want, isn't it? They said they'd "help" you find your family and go home when it's all over! But is that really the truth? Remember what he said? "Do you actually think they'll help you? How do you know they're not gonna get rid of you like all those other people you "helped"? How do you know they didn't force you into this so they can use you and your ability to clean up their mess?"

Sure, you can take the guilt away by making Silva just wipe the memories of those other people so they'll never even remember the truth and know what you did.

But I'll let you in on a little secret, just between you and me: even if you clean all this up, even if you manage to get home, and even if you get all your memories back, nothing will ever change the fact that you're not a "hero". And I promise that you'll never forget it for the rest of your life."