Barcode Boy: After Hours

At first glance, he surely didn’t seem like the party type, and watching him leaning on the kitchen counter for an hour during a party he was hosting supported my conclusion. What was worse was that I was a plus one.

I normally got direct invites, but this wasn’t my primary friend group. The only attendee I had a strong connection with was Asher. I didn’t mind and still proceeded to mingle, but it was Aaron’s apartment. The first time I saw him was during the skating competition and, well, that was also the last.

Until now, that is.

According to my barcode doppelgänger, Aaron volunteered to host a party for a friend’s twenty-first birthday who preferred to celebrate safely inside instead of bar hopping. It was understandable, but I’d never redo my twenty-first birthday like that. With no clue about what the guy was into, I purchased a gift card and some booze from the liquor store around the corner so I didn’t show up empty-handed.

The boy was a close friend of both Asher and his boyfriend, so there were at least some other coworkers from the tattoo salon present, but I still felt aggressively out of place. Sure, everyone was charming and funny, but aside from a few of my coworkers, I was the old man in the corner of the room trying to act like I was a college freshman.

I would say “again,” but I never was one to begin with.

August had already come and gone, and the leaves were already making their way to the ground so I had already been soaking in my thirty years of age for about two months. Everyone was pleased by my presence, mostly the chicks, but I didn’t know how to fit in. I didn’t know the references, I didn’t know the school, hell, I barely knew the area. I was just good at faking it, and most people ignored my incompetence and cheered me on solely for my looks.

However, that only started happening after I covered myself in ink. Before then, I was just the weird redheaded black kid—no matter my age—only covered in hundreds of moles and freckles that I only started liking in the past few years.

Months prior, Asher told me that Aaron was close to his boyfriend. They were previously roommates, but I was hesitant to ask if Aaron and the blond were closer than that back in the day. I examined the blond from where I stood, trying to remember his name, despite how much I loved him. 

I remembered Asher because of his barcode and Aaron because of his similar complexion to mine, that guy from the Hamilton musical, and because he was oddly closed-off. Or at least to me, he seemed closed off, specifically at this party.

Then there was the ping-pong ball-like Asian kid, the Puerto Rican girl I loved talking to, and Barcode Boy’s dandelion nerd.

Carter the computer science major: That was one way to remember it.

I never expected Asher to have a boyfriend, but every time I see them interacting in the same room, it’s like a glimpse into heaven. I originally saw him when they were apart, so now I enjoy watching the freckled boy’s face light up whenever his blond walks into the room or…makes eye contact with him, smiles, texts, or simply fist-bumps him.

It’s precious.

It was nice to know that despite all that Asher had been through, he had someone like that. Hell, he had him ever since the beginning.

Whenever I returned to the kitchen to get another drink, I’d stand there and watch them mingle for a bit. Even when they weren’t talking together, they would check on each other. Asher would glance back to make sure Carter was okay in whatever conversation he was in, even if he was across the room.

Carter had been with him for an entire decade, and the only person I ever had like that was my dad. He might as well have been my best friend, but then the moment I messed up, I ran.

I ran, swore he hated me, and never looked back.

Other partygoers, even those who didn’t know they were dating, seemed to admire Asher and his blond, and I had to wonder if they had a specific reason for it. They weren’t the perfect couple and bickered over the stupidest shit like siblings, but I suppose that’s what would happen if you decided to date your best friend from middle school.

For a while, I spectated from the corner of the room until I locked eyes with Aaron, who I assumed was also admiring his best friends. 

Though, after a few more awkward battles of eye contact every few minutes, I realized he was staring at me. I could tell he was trying not to, given how fast he would turn away each time I caught him, but it was obvious.

Given that I looked like a hot mess in more ways than one—stature, hair, tattoos, blemishes—I was used to frequent eye contact. Frankly, I started drawing on myself because I liked the positive attention, but it was weird from Aaron.

He had spent much of the party he was hosting in the back of his flat like a weirdo. He decorated everything, bought countless balloons and an extra pack for us to inflate and pop at free will, and was even responsible for refreshments.

While it didn’t sound like much, he had mixed up a few of his own alcoholic concoctions, which were ten times as good as the cheap beer everyone else brought. Still, there were so many people around that it didn’t last too long, especially since it was a twenty-first birthday party.

I walked over to the counter with plans to confront my stalker, but he immediately turned away, acting as if he was busy. It was hilariously dorky.

“You need help with that?” I asked, watching him fiddle with an unopened wine bottle.

“I’m good. Thanks.” He mumbled, just as the cork flew out and hit him in the glasses, causing him to jump and almost drop the drink.

I stayed quiet as he played it off like it was nothing, searching his liquor cabinet for something else.

“Am I in the way?” He looked up at me as he squatted on the floor. “What do you need?”

“Nothing, really.” I sighed, flinching at the squeal of a microphone, signaling that karaoke was starting. “What are you listening to?” I pointed to his air pod as he stood up.

“O-Oh. Uh, nothing.”

“Pshh, yeah right. Where’s the other one—lemme listen!” I beamed, stepping closer to him, only for him to step back anxiously.

“Are…you okay?”

He adjusted his glasses. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” I snickered. “Or at least you seem off.”

The boy glanced at me, some of his dreads falling into his face as he moved around drinks on the counter. “Wow, thanks.”

“I just mean that about you staring at me for the last thirty minutes back and forth. Like…eye tag or something…” I mused, watching as Aaron froze, only to shrug and continue fooling around with his back to me.

“I was bored and had nothing else to look at.”

I laughed. “You could’ve at least gone over and said hi, but instead, I had to make the long trek over here to your in-home bar.”

“I don’t have an in-home bar.”

“Well, your kitchen’s clearly turning into one.” I joked and grabbed one of the wine bottles, though as I went to take a sip, he snatched it out of my hand.

“Dude, don’t drink that! It’s for everyone!”

“My bad.”

Aaron stared at me for a while, but his expression was a bit unnerving.

“Didn’t you organize this whole thing? Why don’t you go and mingle?”

He shrugged. “I did earlier.”

I chuckled. “And now what—you’re tapping out? It’s not like you can dip and go home—this is home.”

“Yeah,” He sighed and suddenly grabbed his keys off the counter. “Anyway, I’ll be back.”

“Where are you off to?”

“I ran out of a ton of booze for my sangria, so I’m getting more. Why? You need something?”

I shrugged. “Not really. You want company?”

He paused as he made his way to the door. I could tell he was considering it for a bit, but he flashed me a smile and turned me down.

“I’m good. Thank you, though.”

“Alright, see you later then.”

His hand shook as he grabbed the doorknob. “Uh. Yeah.”

Then he quickly disappeared into the hall and left. 

At least now I could say I talked to him. I attempted to strike up a conversation and hoped to make a new friend, but failed, but I was unlikely to befriend one of these kids anyway. In an attempt to wipe the awkward interaction from my mind, I went and pestered the Puerto Rican to test my Spanish skills on her.

I also just loved listening to her accent.

She seemed to obsess over me in the same way she would Asher. Maybe it was the barcode.

As Asher and Carter’s friends terribly sang their hearts out to early 2000s pop, I was responsible for filming. The only person who could actually sing was Carter, though he would only spectate. Luckily, they switched to another activity before our ears started bleeding, and we got a noise complaint.

I finished my drink yet again, but with Aaron still collecting ingredients, all I could do was sit on the couch and stare in the direction of where he was previously. After about an hour, I had already talked to everyone in the room and run out of words.

Asher came up behind me and placed a hand on my head.

“Yo. You good?”

I felt rude admitting I was bored, so I just nodded.

“Kay. Anyway, did you see where Aaron went?” The boy scratched his barcode. “I swore he was in the kitchen forever, but I just noticed he was gone.”

“Oh yeah, he went running errands.”

The freckled boy shrugged. “Figures.” He mumbled and returned to his boyfriend’s side.

“He’s been gone for a while though,” I pondered quietly, though no one else seemed to notice.

It was his apartment and technically his party, yet no one noticed when he disappeared. Even if I hadn’t talked to him earlier, I still would have noticed. 

Even if the boy hadn’t been staring at me, I was still staring at him and was aware of his presence. Although he wasn’t an artsy kid, his jeans were covered in paint splatters, similar to the dress shirt I always wore.

That and the band sweatshirt he had that was covered in Korean, which made me assume that he was listening to K-pop through his headphones. I always wanted to get into it but didn’t have any friends of the sort to give out recommendations.

I leaned over to Asher. “I’ll be right back.”

He nodded as I grabbed my jacket off the dining room chair and slipped out of the apartment. It wasn’t late, but the sun was already setting thanks to the cold season quickly approaching. I walked around the complex on the quest for something interesting, along with some fresh air, and after about five to ten minutes, I saw him.

Even in the twilight, I recognized Aaron sitting on the curb with his back to me, leaning on his knees. I noticed the black plastic bags from the liquor store accompanying him.

“Is this seat taken?” I walked up behind him, and he flinched.

“W-What? Oh, hey.”

I joined him on the concrete. “You’ve been gone for a while.”

He took a sip from a giant bottle, similar to the one he snatched out of my hand earlier. “I didn’t think anyone would notice.

“Well, I did. And that’s why I’m here.” I inconspicuously tried to read the bottle in search of the alcohol content. “Do you need help making your drinks or whatever?”

“Eh. I don’t care anymore.”

“Oh?”

Aaron had yet to make eye contact with me, but after analyzing the surrounding area, I realized he had drunk most of what he left to buy. 

He handed me the bottle. “You want some? I’m not really sure why I’m still hoarding these.” He laughed at himself.

I stared uneasily at the oddly shaped glass, and he noticed.

“I can wipe off the top if you want.”

“N-No,” I grabbed it and took a swig. “It’s fine—I don’t mind.” After realizing how strong it was, I decided to hold onto it, even though Aaron didn’t seem all too drunk.

“You comin’ back inside? It’s kinda cold out here, and you don’t have a jacket.”

“I’m fine.” He responded softly.

“If you wanna be out here, do you at least wanna sit in my car or something? I can turn on the heat and blast some old CDs that are stuck under the seats.” I laughed.

He smiled a little. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

I scooted closer to him and removed my coat, placing it around his shoulders. “Whatever you say, man.”

“Uh, thanks.”

I shrugged. “Um…” I went on. “Have you seriously been sitting here for an hour drinking all this booze?”

Aaron hesitated. “I didn’t plan on it. And there’s still some left,” He said and glanced at a few of the bags sitting against the curb. “I can’t drink that much.”

“But you were trying to.”

“What’s it to you?” He glared at me, and I flinched, although his expression immediately switched back to guilt. “I-I’m sorry. I just…” He rubbed his face. “I’m just tired, and my social battery is low, and I just…can’t anymore.”

“Y-You can’t what?”

He pulled on the few dreads that hung down from his bun. “I wanted to try and be a good friend and step out of my comfort zone, so I decided to host that stupid fuckin’ party, but I don’t what I’m doing. I did all I needed to do, technically, so now what? I just stand back and watch as everyone forgets I’m even there?!”

“I think your gesture was great! I mean, I thought it was weird that you kept standing off to the side—it’s your apartment.”

“I just wanna go to bed but I can’t because there’s a hoard of drunk kids in my house, and I have no one to blame but myself.” He hissed into his lap.

“It’s a quarter till nine.”

“So what?!” He snapped, sitting up quickly. “I’m so fucking tired!” His voice cracked. “I’m tired of hearing them, tired of looking at them—tired of feeling like an outcast in my own friend group.”

Aaron placed his head in his hands. “Will you please go back inside, Payne? I don’t wanna talk about this with you or anyone for that matter.” He looked at me. “I feel like an idiot—you won’t even understand! Just go inside!”

“Aaron, hey, calm down.” I rubbed his back. “I’m not gonna make fun of you, I’m not like that.”

“Yeah, right. What are you—like, thirty? Why the fuck would you wanna listen to some kid whine about his problems?”

“You’re not a kid—you’re twenty-two.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I barely know anyone!” I laughed. “I can only consistently remember your name and Asher’s!”

“Why mine? You don’t even talk to me.”

My face heated up. “Truthfully, it’s cuz a friend of mine got into Hamilton, and whenever I hear your name, I think of Aaron Burr—the guy who killed him.”

He snickered.

“I have to come up with stupid rhymes and alliterations to remember people’s names, but I’m bad even at that!” I joked. “I’m genuinely trying to keep up with all of Asher’s primary friends, but I’m braindead.”

He smiled a little. “You’re not braindead. Who do you need rhymes for?”

“The Puerto Rican girl and the loud guy with the mismatched hair.”

“Blair’s bilingual, so you can remember her by that, and Chai is Thai, which rhymes. You need one for Carter?”

“Nah, he’s Carter, the computer science major.” I laughed.

“True.”

“See, imagine how I feel. I can’t even remember people’s names. At least you know them better than me and know them well enough to be willing to host their birthdays and shit. That’s sweet.”

Aaron shrugged. “It’s just…seeing all your friends together like that should cheer you up but recently it keeps…getting me down. And I feel like shit.”

I cocked my head to the side. 

“I’m so alone.” He whispered and laughed a little. “And it’s so fuckin’ sad. Everybody has somebody. Before Asher came back into the picture, I had Carter, but now Carter has his boyfriend. Blair has a massive crush on him, and Chai has a massive crush on her, but they have the same energy level, so they’re always together. Even outside of romantic relationships, everyone has someone except for me.”

“I don’t have anyone either.”

“Yeah, you do! You have Asher! Your barcode boy brother or some shit!”

I rubbed my neck. “Eh.”

“I’ve known them for long, so I should have someone, yet here I sit on the curb. In the dark. Probably giving myself alcohol poisoning.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I don’t know.”

I gave him a concerned look. “Can you stand?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just that even the friends of friends, the plus ones, and the random people invited by mistake still have someone, and no matter what I do, I’m always alone. At first, I didn’t care, but I want someone too.”

“Hey, you’re not alone. I get what you mean.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

I chuckled. “What? No, I wish! Who told you that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know...you just looked like you had a girlfriend.”

I rubbed my arms. “I mean, I’ve had girlfriends and shit, but I’m…bad with relationships. Friendships, too, really. Asher was the first person I’ve ever really talked to in ages. I’m awful at opening up.”

“Me too.”

“I always make people run away.”

He smiled sadly at me. “Me too.”

“Who the hell would wanna run away from you, though? Look at you.” I smirked.

“I ask myself the same thing. Hell, I could ask you the same thing. You look normal.”

“Normal? Yeah right, don’t even get me started. I have a damn barcode on my neck, and I thought that would be human repellant until I met Jean, who had you and a damn boyfriend and a family who loved him.” I groaned and rubbed my face. “Then again, I guess he didn’t kill anyone.”

Aaron’s eyes widened.

“Ugh, lemme stop. You have permission to run away now.”

“You killed someone?”

“Not on purpose, but yeah. That’s how I got my barcode.” I watched as Aaron stared at my neck. “What, doesn’t that creep you out?”

“No.” He said softly. “People…make mistakes. No one ever really deserves to be alone.”

“Wow, you’re sweet.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re a monster. Sure, it’s a bit unnerving at first, but you’re a nice person. If you weren’t, Asher and Carter wouldn’t be friends with you, and then we never would’ve met.”

“God,” I sighed. “If only more people were like you.” I stared at the bottle in my hand and took a huge gulp, trying to drown out my thoughts.

“I either tell people shit like that, and they freak out and leave me, or I get scared that they’ll leave if I tell them the truth, and they leave because I keep too many secrets and I don’t let anyone in.” I finished the drink and slammed it on the ground. “No matter what I do, I can’t win.”

I smirked at him. “So, all I get nowadays are one-night stands, and whenever I try and get in a long-term relationship, it always goes to hell. I scare my lovers off just like I do with my friends.”

Aaron looked terrified, an expression I had seen all too often.

I should’ve stopped talking while I still had the chance.

“You can keep my jacket.” I stood up, but Aaron grabbed my hand.

“Please don’t leave.” He whispered, staring up at me from the curb. “Please.” 

“Aaron…”

“Don’t leave me alone,” He begged. “I’m so tired of being alone. I can’t fuckin’ take it anymore.” He laughed at himself. “Listen to me—I’m such a pussy.”

I sat back down. “No, you’re not.”

He laughed harder. “Yes, I am. At least you have sex and relationships and shit! The last time I kissed someone was when I was a freshman!”

I smirked. “W-What?”

Aaron removed his glasses, and I could see him trying to blink back the tears in his eyes, despite his smile. “Hell, it was the last time I got drunk too. I took Carter to a party to distract him from missing Asher, and at the time, I had the hugest crush on him, and we got totally shitfaced and made out in the back of the house.”

I grinned. “Oh my god. Does he remember?!”

 “God, no.” Aaron wiped his face. “And I never told him either. The only people who know are me and Blair, the Bilingual.” He laughed softly. “Fuck, man. Is it…bad that I kinda…miss it?”

The younger guy stared across the street, smiling while tears poured down his face.

“I miss that feeling so much.” He whispered into the darkness.

Neither of us said anything for a while.

I never thought I’d see him cry. 

Truthfully, I never thought he’d be the type to talk about his feelings, but here we are. He sat there scrunched up on the curb, bundled up in my enormous winter coat while sobbing quietly into the night. The streets were silent. It was just the breeze, your occasional cricket, and Aaron’s cries.

I watched as his hand shifted, going for the unopened bottle of vodka, but I grabbed him and interlaced his fingers with mine.

He looked at me. “I-I’m sorry, my filter’s totally gone—I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not! I’m making a fuckin’ fool out of myself.” He held my hand tighter.

“Aaron, stop. No, you’re not.”

He cried harder. “Please don’t tell anyone, Payne.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

The boy leaned into my arm, hiding his face. I hung his glasses off my shirt and watched as he trembled against me, but he never seemed to run out of tears.

“Do you still want him?” I asked.

“No. I just want somebody to want me.” He leaned back. “Half my friends are on the LGBT spectrum, but I’ve yet to find someone like me—someone who gets me, someone who won’t leave when I tell them what’s wrong with me.”

I wiped his face. “What’s…wrong with you?”

“I’m asexual.”

“That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.”

He scoffed, brushing my hand off him. “Try telling that to all my exes.”

“They’re just assholes!”

“Yeah, but they’re right! If something weren’t wrong with me, then I wouldn’t be alone!” He yelled. “If I were normal, people would want me!”

“Aaron.”

“For some god-awful reason, everyone wants sex! Every girl, every guy—I’ve yet to find someone who didn’t care! Either that or didn’t ask for an open relationship so they could at least fool around with someone! I’m never enough!” He cried. “I swear people are in sexless marriages all the time! Why can’t we just backtrack, and I find a regular relationship like that, huh? There’s more to relationships than sex!”

The boy removed his hand from mine and started trying to wrestle one of the bottles open.

“Aaron, stop.”

“I’m fully capable of being alone, sure!” He went on. “But now and then, I’d like someone around who’s more than a friend! Who takes me out to dinner and indulges in my hobbies…” His sobs grew quiet. “And sleeps beside me and believes in me gives me butterflies in my stomach whenever I think of them,” He whispered.

Just as he opened the drink, I grabbed it and closed it back, immediately grabbing his hand.

“Is that too much to ask for…?”

“No. No, it’s not.” I responded softly and pulled him into a hug.

The younger boy continued sobbing into my neck, right against my barcode. It felt weird to be holding someone again. Still, people who have lived perfectly good lives get shit on by society for no good reason.

I felt like I deserved it, whereas Aaron deserved the world.

I held him tighter while trying to stay sane for his sake, but I couldn’t help but quietly cry as he did the same. 

“You know…” He began against my ear. “I always thought if I looked like you or acted like you, I’d be better off.”

“Like me?” I sniffled.

“You know, tattoos, muscles, fashion sense—even your hair is cool.”

I chuckled. “Your hair’s cool too.”

He shook his head.

“C’mon, yes, it is. When I first saw you, I considered getting dreads, but I think they’d look weird with red hair. And if I dyed it, my eyebrows, beard, and all the other hair on my body would still be red.”

Aaron laughed softly, still clinging to my hoodie.

“Can I be honest about something?” I asked softly.

“Mm.”

I smiled, staring down the street. “I only made myself look like this so people wouldn’t recognize me. I was utterly ashamed of myself and how I used to look and…I still am. Sure, people compliment my looks now, but no one really knows why I look like an awful customized RPG character.”

He leaned back. “What?”

“Did Jean ever tell you about my side effect?”

He shook his head, so I stuck out my arm and pulled back my sleeve. “I can move around the marks on my body at free will, tattoos included. Some I actually paid for, but I put most up there myself.”

Aaron watched in awe as I changed the colors of a few marks and moved my freckles around like a sandstorm until I eventually got cold and put my arm down. I pulled out my phone and showed him an old photo.

“This is what I used to look like.”

Aaron stared at the young, grainy photo of me on the screen from my freshman year of high school. I was a twig without any facial hair and had red wavy hair down my back that I permed because I wanted to look like my mom. I wore contacts instead of glasses and layers every season because I hated all my moles and freckles.

Still, no matter what, I looked like a dork.

“You’re beautiful…” Aaron muttered my phone in his hand.

“W-What?”

He looked up awkwardly. “I mean,” He coughed. “You looked nice. You still do now. It…seems like now you’re more in touch with yourself, though. You show off your freckles, you wear glasses, and wear your hair naturally.”

I shrugged. “I guess. It was just the easiest way to guarantee people didn’t recognize me.”

“Who are you hiding from?”

I smiled. “At this point, everyone. I got arrested on the west coast, broke out of jail, and ran here. I still do everything in my power to throw away that old life and disregard everyone in it. Hell, back in the day, I went by Finn.”

“Finn?”

I rubbed my neck. “Cuz my last name’s Finnegan.”

“Ah. W-Wow. Do you…miss home?”

I avoided his gaze. “My dad…was the only one there who was important.” I stared at the tattoos on my hands. “He probably fuckin’ hates me, though, so no. Not at all.”

“I doubt your dad could hate you.”

“Aaron, I’m a murderer.” I glared.

“S-So, what? It’s not like you don’t feel bad about what you did. You’re trying to be a good person—you still deserve to be loved. I’ll tell you that a million times if I have to.”

“Some people are better off alone. If anyone deserves love, it’s you.”

He shrugged. “At this point, I give up.” He laughed. “Trying to find hope and stay optimistic is fuckin’ exhausting, dude.”

“You’re tellin’ me. You’d have better luck than me, though. Some girl would probably be lucky to have you. Or dude.”

“I mean, now that you know, feel free to send anyone my way who you don’t think would hate me for having a non-existent sex drive.” He mumbled.

“You really don’t have a sex drive?”

Aaron shrugged. “Barely.”

“Do you masturbate?”

The boy rolled his eyes. “Sometimes. When I’m bored—but that’s different.”

“How often are you bored?” I smirked.

He smiled. “God, you’re nosy.”

I laughed. “Anyway, which way do you swing romantically? Have you ever liked any dudes other than Carter?”

Aaron shook his head. “Have you ever liked any dudes at all?”

“Nope.” I paused. “But you telling me you hadn’t kissed someone in like two years…made me really wanna kiss you.”

The boy fiddled with his dreads. “O-Oh. I—uh… " He avoided my gaze. "F-Fuck off, I don’t want a pity kiss from you.”

“You considered it just for a second, though. I saw it in your eyes.”

Aaron tried to act mad, but he couldn’t hide his smile. It was nice to see him happy again, even though his eyes were still puffy from his sob fest earlier. Still, I was a bit honored that he told me. He barely knew me, and yet he poured his heart out.

“Are you a good kisser?” He asked after a while.

“W-What?”

He hid his face. “Never mind, I was joking,” He snickered.

“Wait, are you cool with kissing and stuff? That doesn’t irk you?”

Aaron shook his head. “No, it’s nice. I feel like it’s the perfect middle ground.”

“Ah.”

He looked at me. “Is that weird? That probably sounds weird—you probably think I’m weird,” He muttered anxiously.

“Aaron, stop. Seriously,” I sighed. “You’re…not weird. You’re not wrong or flawed. You’re you, and you’re perfect just the way you are. And I know that sounds cheesy, but I mean it. You’ve just been fucked over by a few too many people.”

He chuckled. “Wow. Thank you.”

I smiled.

“And honestly…thank you for just listening to me in general. You could’ve left at any time, but you didn’t. That means a lot,” He whispered.

I played with one of his dreads. “Aw come on, please don’t cry again.”

He scrunched up his nose. “I’m not trying to!”

I smiled and watched as the tears slowly started falling again.

“I promise I don’t cry this much! Honestly, I never cry! It’s not my thing!” He laughed. “It’s just nice to know someone cares.”

I grabbed his hand again. “Yeah. I know what you mean. Trust me, I do.”

“God…” He whispered and faced me on the curb, finally looking at me again. 

He had spent most of the evening staring across the street or at his lap with his head down. It was weird to see him without his glasses, but he looked nice. I just wondered if his eyesight was just as bad as mine.

“I-I changed my mind.” He stammered. “You can kiss me.”

“Whoa, what? Really?”

He immediately looked down and laughed at himself. “Please. Y…You look like you’d be good at it, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

I chuckled and removed my glasses, hanging them off of his sweatshirt. “Sure.” When I placed my finger under his chin, he stuck his hand over my face.

“Just! Don’t make it feel like a pity kiss.”

“It’s not a pity kiss.” I smiled. “It’s a ‘you’re pretty cool, and I think I wanna get to know you better,’ kind of kiss,” I whispered and pecked his lips.

“And I really wanna keep talking to you,” I added and kissed him for a few seconds longer while lifting his chin. “Because you’re sweet and nice to me, and you’re attractive, and I think you deserve the world.” 

I felt Aaron smile. “W-Wow.” He finally loosened up, and I pulled him into me as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

“Is this better than Carter?”

“Yes, now stop talking,” He mumbled.

It wasn’t until I tasted the various kinds of alcohol on his tongue that I remembered that he was drinking. Still, he wouldn’t let me lean back even though I was probably just as drunk as him, thanks to his curb booze and whatever I was drinking back in his apartment.

“I wish we were sober,” I whispered against his lips.

“I am.” He pulled back.

“You are?”

“Well, I feel sober. I have a high alcohol tolerance which…is why I just kept drinking. I hoped that eventually, something would hit, the night would become a blur, and I wouldn’t remember anything. But I always remember, no matter how much I drink.” He admitted.

“Goddamn, man.”

Aaron chuckled and wiped away some saliva. “It’s fine. I rarely drink at parties anyway. Firstly, I rarely go to any, and second of all, it doesn’t taste great.”

I smiled. “Good to know.”

He dragged his fingers across my beard. “Still, um, we can do this again when we’re sober if you want.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.” He muttered and leaned back in. “I really like…this.”

“Yeah, me too.” I laughed and continued kissing him. I had nothing else better to do, and he didn’t seem to mind how long we had been at it. Truthfully, I’d never kissed a guy before, but with Aaron, it didn’t even feel weird.

However, I was so used to one-night stands that it was strange to have even had a conversation and gotten through all the awkward secrets. I had mistakenly given him my trust, but it didn’t feel like a bad decision.

He didn’t seem to mind how intensely I was kissing him, though my hands started wandering and when I slipped one under his shirt, he jumped.

“Holy fuckin’ shit—your hands are freezing!” He screeched and started laughing.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

His grin grew wider. “Honestly, I forgot that we were still on the curb!” He snorted. 

I started laughing at the sound. “Me too! Who knows how long we’ve been out here for.”

“You wanna go back inside?”

“Don’t you need to buy more alcohol?”

“Eh,” Aaron shrugged. “I think we’ve had enough. And honestly, I could probably say the same for everyone else.”

We stood up and grabbed the remaining bottles, opened and unopened, and walked back to his flat. I didn’t expect him to, even though I had already done it multiple times during the night, but he grabbed my hand.

It felt nice, and I liked looking over and seeing him in my enormous winter jacket, even though it was only October. It didn’t fit him, hell, it was too big for me too, but he looked cute in it. As we returned to the party, we swapped glasses since mine were still on his shirt and his were on mine.

The festivities were ending, and we didn’t have anything to do yet again, so I sat on the couch, he stood behind the kitchen counter, and we played eye tag from across the room.

Truthfully, I got way more than I bargained for, but at least if we were outcasts from everyone else, now we were outcasts together.