Road to Splatsville

And his right-hand man!

I never had much of a reason to return to Alterna after we defeated Grizz.

Immediately after the rocket battle, Agents 1 and 2 lingered on Future Utopia Island with Agent 3. 

Well, so did the Captain—or Captain Three, as I called her sometimes since I was Agent 3, and it was getting confusing. Funnily enough, she had already been calling me Eight, referencing my Deep-Sea Metro Days before even mentioning that my face was familiar. Respectfully, Cuttlefish was an old fart and didn’t remember, but eventually, everyone switched from calling me Agent 3 to Agent 8. Still, the Captain was the only one who knew the reason behind it.

Until Chill Season.

Captain believed we deserved a celebration not only for the launch of the New Squidbeak Splatoon but also for saving the world as if still being alive wasn’t enough. Everyone made an appearance, even Deep Cut, despite not being Agents. I had been hung up on Octavio’s arrival, especially since he had beef with all the Agents thus far. However, he and Cuttlefish started beefing within the last hour and left early. They started a rap battle that Pearl felt obligated to join, but Marie eventually kicked all of them out for causing a ruckus.

It was nice to hear about what the idols did in their free time. We could fully be casual for once without any tensions in the air, but that was the last time I had seen everyone together in one place.

They were like my family since I couldn’t recall my original one.

Marina was like a mom, Pearl was the fun Aunt, Deep Cut were your insane cousins from your dad’s side probably, Callie was your spunky older sister, and honestly, Marie was like the second mom. It was always funny to think about. Then again—Captain never felt like family—not to say that I didn’t like her.

Back when the dinner party occurred, I had a bit of a crush on her. I was intimidated by her after the incidents in the metro, but her demeanor was attractive, and during the event, I finally saw her soft side.

I was terrified of telling them I was Agent 8 and was worried that Octavio would recognize me from my army days and then he’d have beef with me, too. Regarding my work, stalling was impossible since we eventually had a role call, and I had to say ‘here’ for both titles. It was a funny mix-up, but I still avoided eye contact with Octavio for the rest of the dinner.

Until then, Captain—who I learned was called Zephyrus outside of work—held my hand under the table the whole time. Hell, she held my hand before we even entered the restaurant, and I loved how despite how badass her work was, she still had the softest hands in the world. 

She planned on wearing a suit but didn’t get it from the cleaners in time, so I finally saw her in a dress. And…she still wore the cape with it. Even now, I’d still laugh when thinking about it.

I was so infatuated with her back then that the idea of us being related felt absurd.

When it came to the rest of the guests, Captain Cuttlefish was your seemingly immortal grandfather with the energy of a college kid, but then there was DJ Octavio. I felt closest to him since we were the same species, but it was still different than the others.

I sat atop the massive orange construct near the entrance to Alterna, surveying the area. The history of Alterna was a mindfuck, but whenever I wanted to be alone or needed to concentrate, I’d wander the sites and take in all the tiny details. However, when I looked down, I noticed Octavio and the Captain chatting by Grizz’s deactivated radio.

I couldn’t pick up on what they were saying—not that I was trying to. After the metro, I got in the habit of writing poems about the small artifacts that interested me. I’d already been there for an hour, but maybe my brain finally stopped tuning them out. That or they had been walking around all the sites now that I had cleared out the fuzzy ooze. 

“What? You hear somethin’?”

I hesitantly peered over the infrastructure to see Captain staring up in my direction, pointing at me. “Eight.”

“Shit,” I mumbled. “Hi. Sorry—I’m not trying to eavesdrop or anything. I was kinda here first…” I ducked into the metal box, obstructing part of my face as Octavio turned his gaze to me as well. 

The woman shrugged and adjusted her hat. “I’ve got work to do.” I caught her say before beginning to walk off.

“Oi, where’re you off to? You think I’m done here?” Octavio asked before letting out a hearty laugh.

Captain glanced back at him. “Truce.”

“No fuckin’ way!”

She snickered, and Octavio began to follow her before eventually shrugging the interaction off and looking back up at me. I quickly stowed my notes away as Octavio suddenly appeared beside me on the ladder.

“S-Shit.” I flinched.

“So, what’re you doin’? Scheming? Cuz I can vibe with that.” He laughed. “I want in.”

“Nah, sorry.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Honestly, I should probably get outta here too. I’m uh…I’m sure my roommate’s looking for me…” I trailed off.

Octavio climbed onto the rest of the roof and leaned back on his hands with a sigh. “Oh, c’mon kid. I don’t bite.”

I waved my hands. “No, no it’s not that! Promise! I just…feel bad for not saying hello earlier.”

The man shrugged. “Man, it’s no ink off my tentacles. We weren’t talking ‘bout nothin’ important.”

“Yeah?”

“Ha! Yeah! Deep down I still can’t have full-on serious convos with Cuttlefish or Three—er, Captain. History’ll do that to you. They’re still fun to be around though.”

“Oh.” I fiddled with my earrings. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Speaking of history—I haven’t seen you since the dinner party. Glad to know you’re still kickin’!”

I chuckled. “Were you worried about me or something?”

“Eh, I worry about all Octarians. But you especially.” He smirked. “You ever think about how if I didn’t catch you after that rocket went kaput, you’d be floating aimlessly in space?”

“I try not to think about it.” I laughed awkwardly.

“Fair, fair. My bad.” He looked me over. “Anyway, Eight—” He paused. “—or Ravi. Sometimes Captain calls you Ravi or Rav. Man, how many names do you have?!”

I snickered. “I’m not sure at this point. You can call me whichever, though.”

“What do your friends call you? Y’know, when you’re not on the clock remixin’ fuzzy Octarians.”

I pointed to my earrings. “Ravi. Short for Raviyoli.”

“Ha!” The older man nudged me. “You’ve always been a weird one.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Well,” He patted me on the back. “I’m just glad to have some one-on-one time with you since we were sidekicks and everything up in the cosmos.” Octavio slowly retracted his hand. “Then again, maybe you were actively avoiding me. Aha!” He slapped his lap. “Did working with all those Inklings make your brain a lil’ funky? Did Cuttlefish’s war stories make you switch sides?”

“What?!” I put my arms up, laughing. “No way! I love myself, so I’m surely still an Octarian lover. Er…that sounds weird.” I mumbled.

“No shame in lovin’ Octarians, kid.”

“Still, sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you.”

“Well, I guess I assumed I’d eventually just…run back into you. I didn’t think it’d be half a year later.” Octavio paused. “Damn, son! It’s been half a year!”

I chuckled. “Yeah. I can’t believe it either.”

He sighed. “I just planned to chat it up with everyone at the party cuz I’m nosy and like being the center of attention. Yet, the party itself seemed to freak you out. You stuck to Captain the whole time.”

I felt my face warm up, and Octavio smiled.

“Oh, that’s why.”

“No, no, no! Don’t get the wrong idea! I was just going through some shit back in December… She was probably just pitying me. I mean, I know we were holding hands for more than half of the dinner, but we’re not together or anything.”

“Oh, shit. My bad, then. Are you good now?”

I paused. “Yeah.”

“You hesitated.”

I sighed. “I-I know. It comes and goes.” I pulled my knees to my chest. “I’m…assuming she already mentioned some of my past to you.”

“Barely. I just know you two…fought. And that you have amnesia. Which, I’m sorry about—that’s gotta be awful. I’m sure that’s not something you…”

“Ever get used to?” I finished for him. “Yeah. Which makes me really…sad sometimes, for lack of a better word. But then there’ll be other days when I’m perfectly fine. It’s just strange having a sense of longing for something that you can’t even identify.”

“Damn, Ravi.”

I chuckled. “It is what it is. That’s why I moved to Splatsville in the first place, y’know—to try and get away from it all. Which is funny since I ran back into Three who had then been promoted to Captain.”

“So, y’all have history too?”

“Yeah, we got in a fight, but she was brainwashed. Well, the second time she was brainwashed.”

Octavio grinned. “Hey, I’m glad I’m not the only one who has beef with that chick! But who the hell remixed her brain, huh? I can say proudly that I’ve only messed with Callie…and some of my soldiers, unintentionally.”

I snickered. “Well, Agents 3 and 4 only fought you because you were stealing the Great Zapfish. Then there was Mr. Grizz and Commander TarTar—I fought him when I was Agent 8—and those freakshows wanted to destroy the world and wipe out every living being.”

The older man blinked. “And I thought I was the bad guy.”

I smiled. “Yeah. I remember you guys brushing on the subject back at the party, but we were trying to keep it lighthearted.”

“So…did you get brainwashed too? Is that why you have amnesia?”

I messed with my sleeve. “Nah…funny story actually.”

“Judging by the tone, I have a feeling that this won’t be even remotely funny.”

I shrugged, still holding onto a smile somehow. I hadn’t told anyone the gory details since I’d talked to Wyatt. I shared some of my backstory with Radian, but he’d need me drunk to get the full picture. That’s how much I liked thinking about it. Although Octavio was my former boss, I considered him family more than anyone and felt he deserved to know.

“When I left the domes and tried to find my way out of Octo Valley, I ran into Three and Cuttlefish who were patrolling the area. She didn’t know I had been ‘freed’ by the Inkantation and attacked me, but then all three of us got knocked out and kidnapped. I woke up underground again in a train station and couldn’t remember a damn thing beforehand.” I rubbed my face. “Thank God I had Cuttlefish to relay everything to me.”

Octavio looked terrified, and all I did was laugh at his expression.

“Despite us getting attacked, I was the only one who ‘hit my head too hard’ or whatever.” I sighed. “Long story short, there was some AI in a telephone that wanted to wipe out our kind.” I gave Octavio a thumbs up. “So, me, Pearl, and Marina kicked its ass. I did most of the kicking though.”

The man exhaled. “Y’know, while you were an engineer, you still had enough skill, smarts, and muscle mass to be on the front lines. It seems that’s still true.”

I snickered. “Yeah. The basic training we endured definitely helped with all these secret missions I never knew I’d be going on.”

“I never thought I could be even more proud of you, but you’re really somethin’ else!” Octavio laughed, and I felt a rush of warmth as he patted my back. “You’re an inspiration! Even to me!”

I waved him away. “Nah, man.”

“You’ve been through a lot, and yet you’re just as spunky as you were back in the army.”

“Yeah, despite being braindead, I’m glad I never lost my personality.”

“Ravi, you’re not braindead.”

“Well…” I sighed, staring at the Space Center in the distance. “Sometimes I feel like it. But working with you in Alterna did clear up some of the fog in my brain.”

“Oh?”

I rubbed my arm. “Yeah, and I just wanna apologize…is all. I was avoiding you because I felt guilty, and I was afraid of being unable to answer your questions because my memories were wrecked. I’m really, really sorry for deserting. It’s beyond dishonorable, I know.”

Octavio gave me a compassionate smile. “I ain’t mad at ya, kid. No point in dwelling on the past. I was just worried about you after the fact, is all. The environment wasn’t a fit for you, and it’s good you learned about yourself and prioritized your health.”

“You’re not mad?! I thought you’d be pissed! W-Wait!” I stammered. “So, wait—shit. I guess you…remember me then, given this whole conversation.”

“No shit. I remember all my troops. Especially my top subordinates.” He shrugged. “But like I said, that was years ago. There was no point in bringing it up, and given that this is a different work environment, it felt inappropriate. We had a task to focus on. Side-tracking would only get in the way.”

“Wow.”

“I wouldn’t say I immediately recognized you, but once I thought about it harder, I understood why you were so good at reading the moves of my Octobot.” He snickered. “You built half of it, after all.”

I smiled, my face heating up again.

“I hope you never stopped engineering, though. Your talent is one hell of a blessing. If deserting meant you could build what you wanted and never let that skill go to waste, so be it.”

I chuckled. “I don’t build much these days, but I enjoy modifying some of my weapons. Nothing as impressive as the Octoweapons, but I have other hobbies that steal my time nowadays.”

Octavio adjusted his shades that rested upon his tentacles. “Makes sense, makes sense. It’s cool seeing you all grown up now. Though, now I really feel like an old man.”

I snickered. “You’re not old.”

“Trust me, Wes, I’m old. Then again, you’ve still got that baby face!” He laughed. “What are you—twenty? Where’s your facial hair?”

“Twenty-two, actually.” I rubbed my chin, flustered. “I dunno.” I paused. “Sorry, wait—who?”

Octavio pinched his temples. “Crap! I ain’t mean to deadname you or anything. Is that what deadnaming is? Kids nowadays…” He trailed off. “I-I guess I’m just not used to calling you Ravi yet.”

I blinked. “What?”

“You know.” Octavio laughed but his smile quickly faded. “Shit. Amnesia. You don’t remember your name, don’t you? Is that why you go by Ravi?”

I blushed. “U-Uh…yeah.”

“Man. Hold on, so what is it you remember?”

“I know I was in the army and remember leaving after Calamari Inkantation. I know I worked closely under you, but I primarily remember being shit on by most of the people in my sector, especially when I kept rising the ranks. But that’s about it,” I sighed. “Name? Nothing. Family? Nothing. Old friends?” I shook my head.

“Wow.” Octavio gave me a sad look. “Maybe I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean?” I flashed him a fake smile. “I doubt there’s anything you can do. I’ve been trying for a while.”

“Yeah, well you don’t have access to any notes from your past.” Octavio pulled out his phone, and I noticed the case looked like a turntable. “Like your military file.”

“Wait—you have my file?!” I exclaimed, quickly sitting up straight.

“Sure do. I know it’s in here somewhere…” He mumbled to himself as he started scrolling on his phone. “I maintain records for all army enlistments, with detailed files for notable individuals.” He glanced at me, smiling. “Like you.”

“Wait, so that means my name would be on that right? My first name?!”

“First, middle, last—no doubt. Along with your achievements, the awards you won, the ranks you reached, and any projects you worked on.”

I stared at my hands as they started shaking, but I couldn’t calm my nerves. “H-Holy shit.”

Octavio let out a hearty laugh. “You good?”

I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Yeah. Yep.” I avoided his gaze. “Sorry. This is just…the closest I’ve been to learning anything about myself, I guess. I-It’s kinda surreal.” I nudged him. “Are you sure you’re not pulling my tentacles?”

Octavio handed me his phone. “Promise, Wes.” He said, grinning. “Sorry it took a minute to find—it’s organized by last name. I can make a copy of it and mail it to you. Since yours is so damn long, it doesn’t read well on mobile.”

“I live in apartment 808 in Eeltail…Alley…” I trailed off, my eyes glued to the text.

“Aha! A Splatsville dweller, eh? Makes sense, given what I know about you.”

Summers Westley, Eric

Written at the top of the file.

Sex: Male
Species: Octoling
Race: African American
Age enlisted: 14

“That’s why you called me Wes…” I mumbled.

I stared at the black and white ID photo of myself. The boy looked like me—same eyes, piercings, freckles—just eight years younger. Octavio wasn’t tripping; I did almost have the same baby face. 

“God, I haven’t seen a photo of myself as a kid in…ages.” I glanced at him. “The photos on my phone only go as far back as seventeen.”

“I can only imagine. It’s like seeing a complete stranger who just so happens to look like you. That’s gotta be trippy.”

I stared back at my name. “So...that’s Westley.”

Octavio snickered. “You’re Westley.”

“I’m Westley.” I smiled awkwardly—still glued to the screen.

“Do you want me to keep calling you Ravi though?”

I slowly shook my head. “I-I don’t know.”

During the three years I was there, I jumped up five ranks. By the time I deserted, I was an Engineer Officer, but even my amnesia won’t let me forget how no one would listen to me since they thought I was too young. I started designing blueprints and building my own shit because I stopped caring.

It was the only thing that kept me happy.

By the time I was promoted, Octavio was my only friend. Ironic since he was the general, and I assumed he’d be on my ass for straying from every primary project I was assigned. I read through all my achievements and the medals I received that I vaguely remembered hiding under my mattress since my peers didn’t think I deserved them and tried to steal a few.

I remember being so excited to join the military.

Nowadays, I don’t even know why.

I scrolled back up to the top, my eyes landing on another name.

Family enlisted: Summers, Ren

“Who’s Ren?” I finally looked back at Octavio after what felt like ten minutes of burning my eyes from the screen’s brightness.

“What? Your younger sister.”

I blinked.

“You two enlisted together. I guess she’d be twenty by now.”

“I have a sister?!” I shrieked, my outburst echoing across the water. “What the—where is she?!”

Octavio tensed up. “Hell, if I know, Wes! She left shortly after hearing you deserted. Between you, her, and River, River was the only one who served his customary time and left like a normal Octoling.” He chuckled. “Leave it to the Summers Siblings to always do their own thing.”

“River?”

“Ellington. River Ellington. Heterochromia, sage ink—y’know.” He paused. “Shit, of course you don’t. If don’t even remember your sister, you’re not gonna remember him either...”

“I mean…” I sighed. “The name rings a bell. Truthfully, all the names ring a bell, but I can’t put faces to them.” I pulled on my tentacles and Octavio cautiously rubbed my back.

“You good?”

“Headache,” I mumbled. “Really bad headache.”

He cleared his throat. “No surprise there. This is a lot to take in after years of radio silence.” 

“I-I guess.” I massaged my temples. “This typically happens when I try and dig into my past. I can’t recall any memories without going through a terrible migraine first.”

Octavio took his phone back as I placed my head on my knees. “Then let’s stop here for now. I can mail you a paper copy of this so you can get a better understanding later. That sound good?”

“Mm.”

Octavio paused. “Are ya happy, at least?”

“I-I don’t know,” I exhaled shakily. “I just know my head hurts. I’m happy I have a name—a real one. But I have a sister, and I don’t even know where she could be or what she looks like!” I quickly sat up, my voice cracking as I spoke. “What kind of brother am I?!”

“Hey, you’re a good brother! Promise! It’s not your fault that you got into that accident.”

I hid my face. “But it’s my fault that I left. If I had never left, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Sure, but if you had never left, you’d probably be in the worst mental state imaginable. You and Ren were two different people with different strengths.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “All you had in common were your smarts since she also reached countless ranks, except in combat. But she enjoyed that environment. She started wary and grew to like it, whereas you went in excited and grew to hate it… It was out of your control.”

“Do you know where she is? Or if she’s okay?”

Octavio slowly retracted his arm with a shrug, shaking his head. “I’m sorry Westley.”

“Fuck…”

“I might not have any clues, but it might help to know that your tentacles change color around the people you’re close to.” He pointed to my locs. “Whenever you were by her side, your ends were blue and hers were pink.”

“Oh…shit yeah. That happens around one of my friends too…” I mumbled, thinking back to the selfie on my lock screen with Radian. My ends were orange.

“It might at least be useful for pinpointing her in a crowd. And y’all have the exact same nose. Like some clone type shit.”

I chuckled softly. “Well, that’s more info than I had before, at least.” I mustered up a smile. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m glad I could help. You were always one of my favorites.”

“A-Am I allowed to give you a hug?”

“Sure!” He laughed. “Bring it in! We’re practically family!”

Octavio was right, for when I finally embraced him, I noticed how he calmed me down in the same way hugging my parents might’ve. Working under him was difficult due to my subordinates, but he’d hug me often because I was a crybaby back then. I had no idea how to explain the feeling, but it was comforting. It seemed that embrace alone cleared up more of my brain fog. Since I was away from my parents, Octavio was essentially my army dad. Either that or a fun uncle, which only raised more questions about where the rest of my family might be. 

Were they still underground?

Then again, my priority was finding Ren. She may have deserted, but I doubt she went through the same shit as me and probably had even more answers. And since I vaguely remember River being close to Stewart, maybe somewhere down the line, I’d reconnect with him, too.

I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to hug him or tackle him to the ground, but I knew I missed his face. And now that I was ‘Westley Summers’ instead of ‘Raviyoli Last-Name’ with no recollection of his past, maybe he’d freak out less and finally listen to me. 

However, Westley needed some ibuprofen, a smoke, and a twenty-four-hour nap first, which all seemed good in spirit until I finally got home later in the evening. 

I called out for Wyatt before noticing a note on the kitchen counter where he explained that he and Alaias were having a date night. Their date nights typically ran over into date overnights, but it wasn’t my business.

Still, I knew I’d be screwed tonight.

Even after taking some meds, it still felt like my head was in a trash compactor. No doubt I wasn’t getting any hours tonight, which was the last issue I needed. I tried to ignore the likelihood that the news I received today and the pain in my head were gonna keep me up. For several months, I’d been good at sleeping alone. It was only an issue when I first got to Splatsville, but today’s circumstances were different.

I plopped onto the couch and stared at the screensaver on the TV before pulling out a Ziploc of edibles that I’d stashed there last week. I don’t usually store weed in the couch, but who knows where it ended up after you gave me more while I was already blazed.

Still, even after eating one and it quickly kicked in, my mind wasn’t distracted enough to help me ignore the undercurrent of uncertainty.

I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. While I had been trying to find out about myself for years now, today seemed too easy. I run into Octavio and boom—he replenishes my brain. I couldn’t decide which was worse: being confused about my blurry past or the ‘new’ history I just learned.

What was I supposed to do now, huh?

When you think about it, it doesn’t change a thing.

I’ll still be working at the record shop for minimum wage and playing Splat Zones until I pass out. Except now I was worried about my sister, my parents…and River. As I stood in the shower, staring at the patterned tile making me dizzy, I felt my heart drop.

River hated me. 

By the time I left the metro, he had left the army and ended up befriending Stewart, but he never wanted shit to do with me. He was always passive-aggressive, but I was starting to understand why. He never knew I had amnesia. The Octoling probably thought I was dissing him on purpose—which I’m sure he knew was very out of character for me since we’d known each other since before the army.

If anything, I wanted his and Ren’s files, but I’m sure that stuff was confidential, and I doubt it would lead me to their current locations anyway. Last I heard, he lived by Mako Mart, but that was years ago, and Lord knows where Ren could be.

I think my shower lasted about an hour before I finally left, only to sit on the side of the tub and stare into space for longer. I grabbed my phone off the back of the toilet and stared at Radian on my lock screen before inputting my password and speed-dialing him.

I put it on speaker as I sat there, air-drying myself since I was too lazy to go through the classic motions of drying myself with a towel. Instead, I just wore it as a nice purple skirt.

The phone clicked. “Yo.”

“Hey. You been up for long?”

“Eh,” He chuckled. “Maybe about an hour or so. Why? What’s up?” He paused. “You sound…weird.”

I scoffed and finally stood up, putting my underwear on. “I’ve barely said anything.”

I heard him laugh.

“Anyway, you um…wanna come over? Wyatt’s gone,” I mumbled.

“Oh? What do you have planned?” I knew from his tone that he was smirking on the other side of the phone.

I leaned on the sink and stared at my reflection. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice how red my eyes were. “I dunno. You can like…sit next to me. For a while. Until you get bored.”

“Bet.” He laughed again. “You’re so weird. You want me to bring anything?”

“Just yourself.”

“Wow, someone likes me today.”

I sighed as I finally left the bathroom. It wasn’t until I was in the kitchen that I realized I had forgotten to put pants on. “I like you every day. You’re cool. You don’t need to bring stuff. You can bring booze if you want or even food, but I’m not asking for anything. I just want…”

“Me.” He snickered. “I heard. Are you drunk or some shit?”

“No.”

“Alright, well, I’m en route. There’s construction going on outside Cyrus’ condo, so I might be an extra few minutes.” He mumbled as I heard a car wiz by.

I opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen chicken nuggets. “Okay. My doors unlocked, for whenever.” I dumped them into the air fryer on the kitchen counter.

“Bet. See you in a few, Pretty Boy.”

I leaned on the marble, still holding my phone up to my ear even after he hung up. After a few slow minutes, I returned to my bedroom to put on some pajamas. If Radian came in and saw me only in boxers, I’m sure he’d have a field day. Overall, I hoped he didn’t get the wrong idea. I could barely remember what I relayed to him in the first place. 

I finally put something on the TV to stop the slideshow of trending shows, but it was just background noise. By the time Radian showed up, the nuggets were already done, and he opened the door to me shoveling them in my face in the kitchen.

All he did was laugh before locking the door back and walking over to one of the stools. He had a bag from the convenience store around the corner and handed me a drink, smirking.

“Hey, cutie. They had cotton candy, so I got you one since it’s your favorite and everything.” He stole a nugget. “Even though it just tastes like sugar,” He mumbled and sat his slushie down. It looked like he just got a cola. “And you don’t like the texture of normal cotton candy.”

“Shush.” I smiled a little. “Thanks, though.”

No matter how hard I tried, I always got a brain freeze when I drank slushies. It didn’t matter how slow I drank them or if they were already half-melted. I had a hunch that Radian would get me them just because he liked when I would scrunch my face up.

“What else did you get?” I gestured towards the bag as the Inkling cleared my plate, but I quickly glared at him. “If there’s condoms in there, I’m kicking you out.”

“Damn, Ravi. It never hurts to be prepared.” He pulled the box out and chucked it at my face, but I managed to catch it before it hit the floor. 

“Yeah, but you know me.”

Radian shrugged. “But who says I can’t be hopeful? You’re quite the dream crusher.” He snickered.

“S-Sorry,” I awkwardly handed the box back to him, but he kept smiling.

“Chill, you know I’m just teasing you. I don’t care.” He put them back in the bag, nudging me slightly. “Besides, I couldn’t figure out what you were implying over the phone…or if there was any subtext at all.” Radian pulled out a ton of gummy candy and mints. “So, these are also for you. Cuz,” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You didn’t sound like yourself. Like, for real.”

“I had just come out of the shower,” I mumbled while eyeing all the candy in front of me as if I hadn’t already eaten enough. 

“Hot. That explains why you smell so good.”

I rolled my eyes and quickly opened a bag, eating a handful of gummy bears before handing it to him.

“So, is Wyatt coming back later or…?”

I shook my head and wandered over to the couch as Radian followed me. “No. He’s having another late-night escapade with his boyfriend or whatever…”

He sat on the armrest. “Someone sounds jealous.”

“I’m not jealous…I just hate when I know I won’t be able to sleep. It’s a mood killer.” I glanced at him. “Like, what’s even the point?”

I noticed Radian took one of the bags with him, and I couldn’t help but steal some. “So, what?” He chuckled. “Are you trying to pull an all-nighter with me?”

“Maybe.” I blankly stared at the TV.

“Well, you know I’d love the company, but I don’t wanna encourage you to sleep deprive yourself.”

“It’s inevitable.”

The Inkling got down and scooted closer to me after placing his arm around my waist. “Well, yeah. If you think like that, no doubt. You gotta tire yourself out. I mean…” He mumbled, leaning into my neck. “You look tired, at least.” Radian quickly moved back, gulping. “Sorry.”

“You’re fine.” I glanced at him, grabbing his hand and placing it on my leg. If he didn’t try to inconspicuously put his arm around my shoulder, he’d touch my thigh instead. No hangout was complete without it. He was often cautious about touching me in more suggestive ways, but I was far from uncomfortable with him currently beside me. Hell, I was desperate to scoot closer, but my brain wasn’t letting me yet.

He stared at my pajama pants, tracing the pattern as I ate more gummies. “Ravi. I’m serious. Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath and leaned back on the couch. “It’s just been one of those days.” 

“Ah, yeah I get you.”

I gazed at him sideways. “And…I want to be alone. But it’s one of those instances where I know I’d be better off if someone were with me. So, I picked you.”

“Only because Wyatt’s not here, I’m assuming.” He massaged my leg.

I shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. You bring different vibes. Good vibes, but because I never know your next move, it’s always interesting with you around. I could kinda use some of that right now.”

Radian snickered. “Interesting like me pulling up with a box of condoms unprompted?”

“Yeah.” I chuckled. “Kinda. That was kinda on me, though. Did it sound like I was inviting you over for…that?” I glanced at him, guilty.

The Inkling laughed. “Technically, no. I know you’re not into that shit, but I didn’t wanna risk some miracle where you wanted to go all the way, and then I looked like an idiot.”

Radian only laughed harder as I felt my cheeks burn. “Well, I appreciate you always being prepared. Whether that be condoms or snacks.”

“Eh, it’s nothing.”

I stared down as he fooled with one of my drawstrings. “No, it’s not. You always know what I want or what’ll make me happy, even if I don’t ask for it.”

“Well duh, Pretty Boy.” Radian smiled and raised his arm, moving my tentacles out of my face. “I like you.”

I scoffed and pushed his hand down, but he grabbed me. “Don’t scoff at me,” He pouted. “You should fuckin’ know that by now!”

“I know! Shut up.” I leaned on the couch again, closing my eyes. “That doesn’t mean it’s not sweet. Or that it doesn’t flatter me.” I muttered, feeling Radian cup my face.

“Hey. Look at me.”

I hesitantly peeked my eyes open, noticing how he mimicked how I was laying against the back cushion.

“What’s going on?”

“Huh?”

He sat up. “What happened today to make you like this?” Radian chuckled. “Constant lose streak?”

“Eh, I don’t have the brainpower to talk about it right now.”

“Why?” He smirked, giving me some personal space again. “Because you’re high?”

“Y-You can tell?” I felt my face heat up.

“Uh, yeah. You’re zoning out like crazy, and only a man with the munchies would eat all those nuggets on top of gummy candy.” He joked as I stared at the bag beside me. “Not to mention, your shirt is on backward. The Barazushi logo is on the back.”

“Fuck.” I smiled a little and tried to switch around my shirt but got myself stuck. Meanwhile, all Radian did was lean on his hand, grinning at me as I made a fool out of myself. “Stop looking!”

“Make me.”

I rolled my eyes and finally pulled off my shirt as I tried to flip it from being inside out.

“Y’know,” Radian began softly, “I think you should take your shirt off more often.”

“S-Shut up. What does that even mean?” I threw my shirt onto the coffee table and crossed my arms, pissed at it. “I’m not gonna strip in the middle of a Zones match or some shit.”

“I think you should reconsider.”

I scoffed as he kept staring at my chest. He looked like he was seconds away from feeling me up, but he kept his hands to himself.

“Honestly, you should know I’m used to how you are when you’re high. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve smoked together.” He looked me over. “And I’m physically unable to stop myself from taking infinite notes on you.”

“Yeah, yeah…” I rolled my eyes, smiling a little. 

“You want me to get you another shirt? Now you look cold.”

I ignored him and laid on his legs. For a second, I continued to watch TV before realizing I had no attention span for it and laid on my stomach instead with my face on my arms. I exhaled as I felt Radian slowly slide his hand down my back.

“I’d still kill to have muscles like you. Even your shoulder blades look awesome.”

“Thanks, I grew them myself.”

Radian laughed, and I tilted my head to see him smiling down at me. While I knew I was built, I kept my shirt on solely because of the massive scar on my back from the metro. I may have failed countless tests, but at least I survived. Still, I hated how many questions it raised, but since Radian liked every inch of me, it didn’t freak him out. 

I rolled onto my back, and he stared at my stomach. “C-Can I?”

“Yes. You’ve done it countless times before.”

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna make any assumptions.” The Inkling snickered before tracing my abs. “And you’re ticklish, and getting punched by you isn’t really on my to-do list for today.”

“You right, you right.”

After a few minutes, he let his hand rest on my chest, and I succumbed to a long blink. I usually got the weirdest weed dreams if I dozed off within the first few hours. Everything sounded like I was underwater until I fell asleep for real. I heard Radian change the channel, probably once he noticed I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe I would end up sleeping till morning tonight, especially since I had him. Nothing was crazier than how he’d happily lay beside me for eight hours and watch me sleep. 

I woke back up around midnight, unsure if I was even still alive, given how woozy I felt. Radian watched me in confusion as I slid off him and stretched.

“Hey, you’ve got one hour down. Only seven to go.”

I sighed. “Mm.”

“You good?”

“Mm.”

As he snickered, I noticed him smiling at me with a suspicious glint in his eye. “You’re half asleep still, no doubt. That means I can ask you weird questions, and you’ll actually give me straight answers.”

I rubbed my eye and curled up against the armrest. “Mmm…what?”

“What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“Face.” I yawned. “And ears.”

I heard him laugh. “And your least favorite?”

“Horny.”

“Not you shitting on my top-voted quality. You’re missing out.” He paused. “Does my high libido freak you out?”

“No. It’s funny.” I mumbled. “Does my lack of a sex drive piss you off?”

“What? No, man.” He raised an eyebrow as I sat up. “H-How long have you been thinking that?”

“A while.” I stared at the wall. “Honestly, I assumed that’s why I’ve still never had a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Like, I know I’m not useless, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way at times. Or at the least, undesirable.”

“God, Ravi.”

“Don’t ask me stuff. My filter’s gone.”

He rolled his eyes. “That’s exactly why I’m doing it. Also, cuz I like when you talk, but damn. Sex isn’t everything, dude. You can still have a relationship without all that.”

“Says the man who only has sex and never does relationships.”

He rubbed his arm. “That doesn’t mean…I wouldn’t be willing to try.” Radian went quiet and stared at me for a while. I could sense his anxiety. “I just can’t find people who’d like to know me that well or who I’d even want to open up to. Except for you, obviously,” He laughed at himself, instantly turning away from me.

“I mean,” He started again, occasionally glancing in my direction. “I don’t really know what’s going on with…us. I feel like it’s obvious, but I’m scared of making assumptions. But at the end of the day, your asexuality doesn’t make me wanna date you any less.”

He groaned, sinking into the couch. “We don’t need to have sex for you to get me to like you or keep liking you. I already like you. And I like what we’re doing. Being low-key is…” He chuckled. “Lowkey kinda weird, but I like it with you.” Radian covered his face and stared at the TV. “You and I both know I don’t experience most normal emotions.”

“Or at least it’s hard for you to express them,” I mumbled as Radian let out a shameful laugh.

“But after hanging out with you for this long, I’m kinda starting to relate.” He snickered. “Y’know, like wanting to hold someone for a really, really long time and drown in their scent.” He smiled a bit. “And protect them from the world. And kiss them until your lips go numb when I’d normally only care about knowing if they’re just as attractive with their clothes off.”

Radian eventually looked back at me, blushing. I think my lack of a response was fucking with him. I’d never seen him so anxious before…aside from when he asked me on that first date. 

“Well…” I glanced at the TV. “I was talking to Wyatt, as I usually do.” I smiled a little. “And it just sounds like you’ve spent your whole life falling in lust and nothing else. Like you’ve always jumped to that before ever falling in love. Or even falling in ‘like.’”

Radian looked shocked, but eventually, his posture loosened, and I sensed that I was right.

“Because liking people never goes anywhere. ‘Liking someone’ is just all the cute small stuff, but that never applies to me because no one ever feels the…cute small stuff about me! Ugh!” He grabbed his head and leaned back. “I can’t explain it!”

“I feel the cute small stuff about you.”

Radian’s blush deepened. “Y-Yeah, and it only took twenty-three years for me to ever be on the receiving end!” He sighed, taking a deep breath. “Being rejected about sex hurts way less than being rejected about those kinds of feelings. I can just shake it off, but imagine…confessing to someone and losing them as a friend because they don’t feel the same way. Or confessing, but because you have zero dating experience, you fuck something up after trying to start a relationship and lose them anyway.”

I scanned him after sensing the pain in his voice. “That’s why you didn’t want to tell me you liked me.”

He crossed his arms, avoiding eye contact. “No fucking shit.” He groaned louder. “Goddamn. Why am I still talking…why did you let me keep talking?”

I snickered.

“What’s so funny?” He smirked.

“I like taking notes on you, too. But I can’t find the words for anything right now, so all I can do is laugh.” I smiled at him. “I guess it’s just nice to know someone wants me. Like, for real. I’ve never gotten this far either.”

“Raviyoli, I’ve always wanted you.” 

I gulped.

“You just confuse me sometimes. Like…have you been worried about the sex thing ever since I told you I liked you? Like, were you worried about me ‘finding out?’ Because we’ve talked about it since then!”

“I-I’m just paranoid.”

“Dude—” He held my hand.

“Stop,” I mumbled. “We can talk about anything but that. I was actively trying to avoid getting serious about the shit that freaks me out. That’s not what I called you over for.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

I played with his hand. “I-I don’t know, man. I’m tired, but I kinda just wanna keep looking at you. And talking to you.” I always enjoyed holding his hands up to mine and comparing them. “But I also wanna pass out. But I also wanna eat more chicken nuggets, but that was the last bag in the freezer, and now I’m sad.”

Radian cracked a smile.

“Don’t laugh!”

“I’m not! I won’t!” He said before immediately cackling. “You’re so fucking cute all the damn time. It drives me insane.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious!” He pulled me into a short hug before patting my head. “Maybe you should finally try to sleep now. We can pick this back up tomorrow when you’re…sober. I’ll lay beside you if you want.”

When Radian attempted to stand up, I pulled him back onto the couch. “F-Five more minutes,” I muttered, leaning into him. “Please.”

“O-Okay.” He stammered quietly, growing tense as I ran my hands down his face.

“Thank you for dealing with me when I’m like this.”

He smiled a bit. “Like what? Sad or high?”

“Sad.”

“It’s not like it happens a lot.”

“Still.”

“Regardless of your mood, I like it when you invite me…anywhere.” He blushed again. I always loved seeing the ends of his ears get a bit more orange. “You know I don’t get out much. Aside from Cyrus, you’re the only person in this era who knows the real me.” He shook his head. “I just need you to know that hanging out with you is never draining. You’re cool.”

I chuckled. “Thanks.”

“I’m just worried about you. I worry about you more than I worry about myself, and it’s strange,” He admitted softly, looking off to the side as I rubbed his cheek. “You occupy my mind a lot…” He mumbled, seeming to unintentionally verbalize his thoughts. “I like listening to you talk. And your voice. I love your expression and your toothy grin.” The Inkling eventually looked back at me. “I just wanna know what’s going on.”

I hesitated, eyes glued to his face. 

“I want you.” He blurted. “I mean—” He pinched his temples. “I want you to talk to me. I don’t like it when you get like this. It’s out of character. And ever since you and Wyatt gave me the summary of what transpired after Stewart left, I worry about you closing yourself off and hiding your feelings from everyone.”

“T-That’s fair,” I mumbled. “I’m just not prepared to talk about it right now.”

“Is it that much of a touchy subject?” Radian laughed to himself. “I ask as if that doesn’t go for half of my baggage when the spotlight’s on me.”

“Hence, why you hate it when the spotlight’s on you,” I slid my hand down his neck, fiddling with the charm on his collar as he leaned into my touch.

“Ew, yeah.” Radian snickered. “Regardless, I’m never far if you need me, just like today. I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you.” I felt a twinge in my throat as I smiled a little. “God, you’re gonna make me cry.” I chuckled, trying to shut my brain up because all I could think about was grabbing his face and telling him I loved him.

“You’re allowed to.” The Inkling laughed. “But by now, you should seriously lay down. I’m not gonna try and get more words out of you.” He placed his arm around me, but I moved out from under him and climbed into his lap, making him flinch.

“Uh.”

I held his face again. “No, I wasn’t done,” I mumbled before leaning in and kissing him softly. He quickly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me further into his lap before resting his hands on my lower back after I noticed him tracing the shape of my scar. I slowly pulled away, but our lips were still almost touching.

“Holy fuck. You really do like me today.”

“I like you every day.” I rolled my eyes. “For the most part. I’m just bad at admitting that type of shit because sometimes it makes me feel like an idiot—I-I don’t know why.”

“Being vulnerable is gross. Trust me, I know.” He snickered, rubbing my bottom lip.

“I’m at least hoping that you already know I like you, though,” I mumbled.

“Fuck yeah. I can read you like a book. Usually,” His laugh was cut short as I pressed my lips against his again, a little hungrier than before. It wasn’t the first time we kissed, but it was definitely the first time I kissed him, at least like this. I initially wanted to blame the weed, but I knew that if I focused solely on him, I’d finally calm down. And for once, I was right.

I grew tired of brainstorming temporary solutions that always failed. Just being held by him was enough to forget my internal conflict. It was a relief to finally discover an effective coping mechanism.

Still, I felt like I was two different people.

Raviyoli was sitting here in Splatsville in Radian’s lap, kissing him until he couldn’t breathe. Meanwhile, Westley was somewhere else with his sister with his shit together. He wasn’t sleep-deprived or hung up over an old friend who abandoned him anymore—he was who I desired to be.

I hated feeling lost and unsure in my life, which made it difficult to accept my new identity as ‘Westley’. While having a normal name makes me feel more real, I still don’t fit the mold.

Radian placed his hand on my chest and pushed me back a bit, breathing heavily. “Five-second timeout.”

I slowly slid my hands up his shirt. “Five, four, three, two—”

He swiftly grabbed me and laid me on the couch before smashing his lips back onto mine. I tried to keep touching him, but he quickly pinned my hands above my head while running his hands down my stomach—the pressure changing the lower he went. His knee grazed my groin, and I moaned, making me hyperaware that my filter was gone and that I couldn’t stay quiet no matter how hard I tried.

Radian eventually got distracted and left a trail of kisses down my stomach before climbing back up to my neck. The infinite notes he had on me were useful, and it was comforting knowing he listened and memorized all my bullshit, but also embarrassing when he remembered that I liked it when he’d scrape his teeth against my Adam’s apple or lick my ear. His recollection of the small stuff felt insanely good, more so when I was high. 

Alas, I pulled him back up so our faces were aligned, and kissed him again. He moaned softly as I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and I couldn’t help but smile as I ran my hands across his neck. I was never sure what to do with my hands and always found myself messing with his collar as a distraction, but I soon learned from his hums that he liked it. Honestly, I think he enjoyed being touched anywhere, but he always made it known when he held one area above another.

He was never afraid to express himself in that sense, which I found attractive since I was the total opposite. On some level, I still found the whole interaction a bit weird, but as long as I didn’t overthink, I could melt into his hands. I was always a little paranoid that he’d get carried away and try to get into my pants regardless, but even after months, all his hands ever did was wander unless he asked, and I gave him the okay.

And it felt so fucking good.

Way more than five minutes had passed, but by the time I was tired enough to go to bed, his lips had kissed the entire upper half of my body. Eventually, all I could do was close my eyes and hold him, and once he noticed, all he did was laugh.

“You good?”

“Mhm,” I mumbled as I felt Radian sit up, though he was kneeling over me in a way where our groins were pressed against each other. Knowing him, I knew it was intentional.

“Now are you ready to lie down?”

“Yeah.”

He snickered and kissed me softly again, but had yet to climb off me. “Wait, can I ask you one more thing?”

I gave him a slow nod while staring up at him, but my mind was a blur, and I couldn’t focus on anything other than the thought of pulling him back onto me.

“So, you said you liked me,” He began while smirking a bit, and I rolled my eyes as I felt my face burn. “But do you like me enough to wanna date me?” He forced a laugh. “Or do you just like being around me? O-Or maybe the idea of me.”

Radian sat up, still positioned on top of me while fidgeting with his collar. “I know you’re high, but I can’t keep assuming anymore. It’s driving me crazy. It’s the one thing I can’t pick up on with just subtext, but I know you feel weird talking about this stuff. I do too, obviously…”

“O-Oh…” I mumbled, and we made eye contact for a split second before the Inkling quickly broke it and stared at my chest.

“Cuz, sometimes you do shit like this and…” He groaned, running his hand down my stomach as I squirmed. “Fuck, man.” He looked at me. “I feel stupid asking, but I don’t know. I’ve got a rat brain, and you’re confusing my tiny rat brain.”

I smiled up at him. “Actually, rats are very smart—” I quickly stopped myself, trying to redirect my fuzzy thoughts. “S-Sorry.”

Radian laughed softly, but I could tell he was trying to hide his nervousness. “Just tell me the truth. Worst case scenario, we come back to it tomorrow but…”

I closed my eyes, shifting as I felt his hands travel down my torso again. “I like you. I like being around you and the idea of you and…I like when we do this. And when we do more normal stuff...” I laughed to myself. “Like playing Tower Control together or smoking or when you visit me at the record shop, and we try and see how many crates we can get through before I pass out at the counter.”

I looked back at him, feeling another wave of heat as I got lost in his eyes.

“Heh…me too. But—”

“You said it yourself,” My smile faded. “About being scared of fucking everything up.”

He smiled. “Yeah, but we’re already halfway there. We hang out constantly, some of which we could probably consider dates. We do shit like this constantly, hell, I’ve kissed you more times than I can count. And I was keeping track for ages!”

Radian took a deep breath. “So what—we both don’t know what the fuck’s going on, but we’ll never figure anything out unless we try. Inexperience sucks, but at least we’ll be inexperienced together.”

I felt my face heat up, but Radian’s blush worsened when I hesitated, and he started climbing off me.

“O-Only if you want. No pressure, I’m sorry. I’m making shit weird—”

“No!” I quickly sat up, pulling him back onto the couch. “I-I know it’s me who’s making shit awkward, but please don’t bail.”

He gave me a half smile. “Bailing’s the one thing I’m good at. Bailing and sex. I’m worthless otherwise.”

“Radian—”

“But if you’re willing to try with some below-par idiot who scares easily the moment he has to be vulnerable, I’d love to go out with you. L-Like for real. And call you my boyfriend and shit.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” I leaned up and kissed his cheek. “But yeah, me too. I’d love to…” I smiled a little while using air quotes. “‘Call you my boyfriend and shit.’”

“Yeah?” He grinned.

“Yeah.”

Radian quickly pulled me into a tight hug, inhaling my scent. The tighter he held me, the happier I could tell he was as I returned the gesture and crammed my face into his neck. 

Despite his embarrassment, he didn’t try to escape. I expected him to make a dirty joke, his usual response to anxiety-inducing situations, but instead, he quietly ran his hands up and down my back. I loved the rare occasions when he’d lower his defenses and show me his true colors.

“Radian.”

I felt him stiffen in my arms. “Y-Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for never making the first move…and always pussyfooting around the subject,” I mumbled into his neck with a sigh. “I love the idea of someone liking me back and it finally fucking going somewhere, but now that I have it, I don’t know what to do. I imagine so much shit, but the real me is never anything like the me I envisioned in those scenarios. I’ve got no gusto, and I feel stupid admitting anything.”

“It’s okay.” He kissed my ear, and I leaned into him. “You always act so badass that I genuinely find it cute when you get all soft like this. You expose a bit more of your weird side, and I’m insanely attracted to your weird side.”

“But I’m weird all the time. I mean, not intentionally, but…”

“Exactly,” He snickered. “It’s so fucking attractive—I’m serious. But at the same time, you’re such a sweetheart, and I honestly like it when my flirts go over your head or make you blush like a schoolgirl.”

I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back. “Shut the hell up!”

“Exactly,” He continued, leaning in with a whisper. “Just like that.”

I scrunched up my nose as Radian pulled me in, kissing me softly for a few seconds before parting with a soft smile.

“Real shit though, you don’t have to apologize. I relate more than you can imagine—just add an irrational fear of loneliness. I forced myself to believe that those last eight years of isolation were normal, but you helped me get my head out of my ass.” He forced a smile. “And now I’m fucking terrified of going back there. I don’t wanna lose you. Not as a friend or a boyfriend or even just someone who waves me at on the street…” 

He laughed to himself. “I’m a very hateable person, and I don’t wanna do something to make you hate me cuz it doesn’t take much for most people.”

“You’re not a hateable person!” I playfully shoved him. “Geez, man! I mean, I’m not ‘most people.’ Hell, my best friend punched me into a dresser and abandoned me, and I still don’t hate him.”

“…Mm—”

“Y-You don’t have to reply to that.” I forced a laugh, mad at myself for even thinking about Stewart right now. “Just…I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

Radian rubbed my chin, examining me. “I think you’re a little bit of both.”

“Honestly, I won’t refute that.”

The Inkling snickered before kissing me again. “I’m just in utter disbelief that the Pretty Boy is now my pretty-ass boyfriend,” He whispered against my lips.

“Yeah? Well…” I closed my eyes, muttering as he rubbed his nose against mine. “I know you’ve been hitting on me since I made eye contact with you months ago, but I still find it hard to believe I’m your type in the first place.”

Radian leaned back with a smirk. “Ravi, I’ll sleep with anybody. But shit like this?” He gestured between the two of us. “You’re the only one I wanna do this with.”

I cracked a smile as Radian’s blush increased.

“I don’t have standards, but you’re the first person to ever…soften me up like this and make me actually make me feel shit.” He stared at his lap, laughing. “It’s scary, but it’s nice knowing that I even have feelings left in here.” He held his chest. “It’s nice being alive and feeling alive for once.”

I felt a twinge in the back of my throat with each word that came out of his mouth. I knew he was used to the unpleasantries in his life, especially regarding his emotions, but it always made me wanna cry because I knew he wouldn’t.

I wish he knew he was loved.

“Radian—”

He shook his head and cupped my face again. “I-It’s fine. Don’t cry—you look like you’re gonna cry,” He snickered. “Don’t cry over me.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

The Inkling sighed, and I watched his eyes wander. “I’m just thankful your presence gave me something to live for.”

“I’m glad I helped...without even knowing I was making a difference, honestly. I’m just happy you’re still here today.” 

“For once, me too.” I noticed his eyes watering, but he quickly averted his gaze.

“Even if I had never met you, I’d want you to be here. You deserve to grow up.”

“S-Shut up.”

I grinned as I let out a confused laugh to calm my nerves. “What? You do. You’re only twenty-three, and yet...” I trailed off, mumbling.

“Shut up...” His voice cracked as he covered his face, and I hesitantly grabbed his shoulder.

“Radian?”

“I’m sorry,” He cried softly despite his desperate attempt to hide it. “I was trying so hard not to break down at the sole fact that you fucking wanted me in the first place.” He laughed through his tears. “I-I can’t... I just...” He sobbed with a giant grin. “You wanna know something horrific?”

“D-Do I?” When he finally looked up, I attempted to wipe his face.

“You know, when I lived at the Hydro Plant, I tried to drown myself seven times. Seven.”

My eyes widened as Radian’s laughter increased, and the tears multiplied. Knowing him, I knew why he was laughing, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He was homeless for almost a decade. He may have attempted each year. Or maybe he consistently tried for months and eventually gave up. I doubt he wanted to get into the logistics, however.

“And each time, the Salmonids saved me. Hell, it was often my Griller,” He held my hand against his cheek while staring at his lap. “Drowning is the worst fucking way to go... It hurt so much.” He sobbed. “But I didn’t care. It’s not like I had money for drugs or enough alcohol to drink myself into the hospital...I just wanted it to be easy. I was so fucking tired, man. The kind of tired that sleep can’t fix.”

He leaned back and covered his face again as he eventually failed to mask himself with humor. My chest tightened as I watched him fall apart. 

“Hey...” When I reached out to hold him, he only cried harder.

“Not feeling like that anymore is insane. A-And having someone tell me that I deserve to live is even wilder.” He grabbed my shoulders. “I thought I’d be dead by twenty, and I’m still kicking, and I don’t know how. But...” He finally smiled again. “I’ve finally registered it as a good thing. Otherwise, I never would’ve met you or even reconnected with Cyrus.”

As I caressed his face, his breathing slowed, but he refused to look at me. “I should’ve fucking stopped talking.” He let out a shaky sigh. “I don’t wanna scare you off.” The Inkling leaned back. “Hell, I probably already did since that’s all I—”

I grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back into me, cutting him off as I kissed him. I felt him tense up after being caught off guard, but in seconds, he was holding me like his life depended on it.

“Radian,” I mumbled against his lips. “You can’t scare me off. We all have our baggage. If you had truly scared me, I would’ve been gone months ago.”

The Inkling laughed a little. “You know...you’re very cohesive for someone who ate too many edibles.”

I rolled my eyes, warming up as his smile returned through his watery eyes. “I only had one!”

“Yeah, but someone your size only needs like a crumb.”

I snickered and lightly shoved him away from me. “Piss off.”

Radian laughed and dried his face, but he was still shaky. I noticed him rubbing the scars on his wrist, but since he was in a T-shirt, he couldn’t hide them from me as if I hadn’t seen them hundreds of times.

“Hey,” He glanced at me. “I know the first thing you’ll do tomorrow is tell Wyatt I finally succeeded in seducing you.”

I scoffed.

“But don’t tell him...y’know—”

“Yeah. I promise,” I pecked him on the cheek, but he quickly flashed me a dorky smile. 

“Can you kiss me again?”

I felt my cheeks burn, and that sight seemed to cheer him up, too.

“Like...?”

He smirked. “You know.”

I closed my eyes before softly pressing my lips against his again. We both found it hard not to fall back into our routine from earlier since his desperation quickly resurfaced, and he refused to let me go. The moment his hands went past my shoulders, I’d melt into him, regardless of sobriety. 

Instantly, the desire to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him further into me multiplied. However, as I kissed him with a bit more hunger, he pulled me into a tight hug and eventually rested his head on my shoulders. 

“You okay?”

“Mhm.”

He held me in his lap, but I eventually started dozing off, and he noticed me shake myself back awake.

“Finally tired? About damn time.”

“Shut up. You know you’re secretly happy I’m still up.” I laughed softly, but once he let go, I still clung to him. “D-Do you still wanna lay beside me?” 

He played with my tentacles. “Fuck yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I dunno…” I eventually let go, watching him stand up and do a long stretch. “I wasn’t sure if I ruined the vibe or if you just wanted to be alone for a bit.”

“Ah...” He paused. “I’m fine. All I want is you. You’re cute.” He winked at me. “Regardless, just gimmie five minutes. I’m gonna go j—”

“You don’t have to announce it!” I playfully shoved him once I got to my feet. “How do you even still have a hard-on after crying?”

He placed his hands behind his head. “Simple. I’m Radian.” He smirked. “That being said, y’know, I kinda like when you just grab me and shit. Like when you jumped into my lap and grabbed my face. You should seriously kiss me like that more often.”

I scoffed as he stood in the doorway to the bathroom. “What? Like I’m fucking touched-starved?”

“I—,” He raised an eyebrow, looking me over with concern. “Are you…? Shit, Ravi! Why didn’t you tell me—?!”

“N-No!” I stammered, waving my arms. “I’m not. I’m fine. I just really wanted to see you. I…” I bit my lip, avoiding his eyes. “I knew the only way I’d get through the rest of today is if I had you with me. Or on me.” Radian’s eyes widened. “Shit, is that weird to say?”

“Nope. Not at all.” He paused, stepping closer to me. “Well, I’m still just worried about what’s got you like this. Do I need to kill anyone?”

I snickered and ran my hand down his arm. “No. It’s just stress, I guess.”

“Damn. I mean, you should already know you have my full permission to use me as a stress ball.” He quickly raised his eyebrows. “Feel free to squeeze me anywhere.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing as I pecked him on the cheek before walking to my room. Radian had left for only five minutes, but by the time he returned to lay beside me, I was already out. I woke up the next morning after a full eight hours to find him still beside me, tangled in my sheets, partially on top of me.

As I gazed at him, I noticed a sense of happiness that engulfed his face while he slept. Despite still being conflicted about yesterday, I was grateful he spent the night with me regardless of my wavering emotions. While I still felt lost within my mind, I found comfort in the fact that he had always wanted me. I was such a mess when we met, but he stuck around nonetheless.

Despite the chaos in my mind, I was grateful I didn’t have to face the real world alone. Especially not anymore. I finally had someone to call my own, as if that made much of a difference when you looked at the whole picture.

From the beginning, I always had him.

With or without labels, Radian was always there.