goofy wol ICQs

noah: you were really quiet today... what’s wrong?

rudy: nobody plans a murder out loud.

noah:

noah: he-

rudy: you are not a cowboy.

noah:

noah: **slams door, crying and country roads nightcore can be heard**

ivy: so, what did you do today?

rudy: prevented a murder.

noah: woah, really? how?

rudy: self-control

chris (as a joke): hey do you know about ram ranch

ivy: oh, ram ranch, the place cowboys go to once they die? yeah, it’s a legend! ram ranch is basically cowboy heaven

chris:

florence: im having a child

spence: oh wow, congr-

florence, slamming down the adoption papers: it’s you, sign here

(high school au)

ivy: today, i saw noah cry for five or six minutes and then an alarm on his phone went off and he just... stopped crying and went right back to doing his homework

noah: it’s called time management, ivy

(high school au)

ivy: spence, where were you?

spence: i- uh- i was at a party getting drunk!

florence, reading a book in the corner: don’t lie, you were at the library, you fuckin’ nerd

spence: i got you a coffee ms cunningham!

florence: aw, you shouldnt have

spence: shouldnt... have?

spence, breaking down: GOD, WHY CAN’T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!

florence:

spence: waaaaAAAAAA WHY AM I SO STUPID-

noah: what if-

rudy: no.

noah: but i didn't say anything!

rudy: you've said enough

ivy, to chris: don’t kill people! killing is immoral!

rudy: i don’t see the harm in it. if you don’t like someone then kill them. that’s what i did when i was around your age

ivy: *breathes in*

ivy: rudy look

rudy and coraline: [rudy carrying coraline lovingly bridal-style, walking normally]

noah and ivy: [ivy is slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes while they both charge past them, screaming]

noah: crap... look like these enemies really are strong this time...

rudy: was it really a good idea to take 'em on?

ivy: don't worry y'all, i've got an idea!

noah and rudy: really? what is it?

ivy: it's a technique that i learned from the wise ones! do you see their legs?

noah: yeah... their legs have been blown in by our attacks. but they're healing...

ivy: exactly. and look at your legs!

noah and rudy: **looks down** yeah?

ivy: see, they're perfectly fine and healthy!

rudy: what're ya gettin' at?

ivy: i'm saying....

ivy: RUN AWAY!

noah: im going to be frank-

ivy: ok then, can i still be ivy?

**noah, ivy, and rudy, trapped in a tight situation**

noah: whats our plan ivy??!!

ivy: we had a plan?

rudy: oh my god we’re dead

rudy: shoot your shot.

noah: alright... **breathes in** hey girl-

rudy: THE ENEMY. WITH YOUR GUN.

noah: oh

ivy: hey rudy! did you know that in britain this symbol is used to flip people off? **shows small heart gesture with thumb and index finger**

**later on**

noah: hey rudy!

rudy: **does the gesture**

noah: *sniff* thank you

alternate ending:

noah: **smiles and returns the gesture**

rudy:

ivy: [unsheathes sword] all men are kings!

cassidy: [also unsheathes her sword] if he breathes

cassidy: HE’S A SIMP

both of them: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rudy, mocking noah: roight wots all this then

ivy: sunnoy day, innit?

noah: this is bullying

rudy: i suck at apologies so... unfuck you or whatever.

noah: :DAMMIT: 💞

flo: sooo.... you’re a ghost hunter.

asty: yep!

flo: and you use these gadgets called el vibrato?

asty: yep!

flo: and you come from the future to stop the downfall of your race.

asty: precisely!

flo: if it had just been yesterday i would have called bullshit on everything you’ve said but i’ve met a cowgirl whose hair turned white because she didn’t know dark magic would harm her body so i believe you

rudy: life a bitch and so am i

noah: are you okay

rudy: shut the fuck up

ivy: it’s always great to see your friends enjoy the food ya give them! i did that a lot with the kids at the orphanage, ya see what i mean?

noah: ...

ivy: ya don’t?

noah: oh, well... i wouldn’t know

ivy: what do you mean? you don’t share food with your friends?

noah: you don’t have to rub it in! :(

ivy:

ivy: you don’t have any food?

follow up

rudy: why don’t ya ask for some from all those friends ya got

cory: have ya been arrested?

rudy: yeah. how could ya tell

cory: well i was gonna say “being this cute should be illegal” but now i’m interested

rudy: aggravated assault

betty: **crying**

cory: what’s wrong honey? did those girls bother you again?

betty: n-no...

betty, sobbing: MY BOOBS ARE NEVER GONNA BE AS BIG AS DADDY’S

rudy:

noah: dont mess with me

noah: i will cry

cory: ah, shit

rudy: watch yer fuckin language

*quote from some time ago*

rudy: it’s okay, noah. everyone’s afraid of something

noah: even you?

rudy: no. not me

cory: yeah he is, he’s afraid of thun-

rudy: shsHSHSHSHSHSHSHHH

cory: chocolates for rudy... better not let him see it yet! :)

cory: **[hides it in a cupboard]** there! he won’t find it this way

**later on**

rudy, waking up at midnight: i’m hungry 

rudy: **[walks into the kitchen]** i smell chocolate...

**[he ends up finding the chocolates and eats all of them]**

rudy: i wonder why these are up ther- **[reads the label]**

the label: for rudy :sparkling_heart:

rudy:

rudy: shit

**[the next morning]**

cory: what happened to the chocolates

rudy: what chocolates :mild_panic:

ivy: the stars are so pretty! don’t ya think so?

noah: yeah, i guess

ivy: what? “i guess?” what could be prettier than the stars themselves?

noah: you

ivy: :distortedflush: what

ivy, blushing: DON’T PLAY WITH ME LIKE THAT

noah after: i did it! i finally did it! i finally said something!

rudy: good job. now keep it up and you'll get a girlfriend like me

rudy: ugh. why are my tits so fat. they weigh me down

cory: thats ok king! here, let me hold them for you! 

noah: i'm too tough to cry!

rudy: just a day ago ya were cryin' about snakes

noah, crying: they don't have any ARMS!

noah: i sure showed those guys right?

ivy:

rudy:

noah: did you see how uncomfortable they got when i started crying

(high school au)

rudy: look, i just wanna hear the bad news first

 ivy: we nearly burned noah’s dorm down

rudy: you WHAT

ivy, holding a perfectly toasted waffle: do you not care about the good news?

(non canon)

cyborg florence: get the fuck out of my face you hot topic reject

ivy f: shut your mouth you piece of scrap metal

rudy: this is a tough enemy. my fight or fight reflexes have activated.

noah: don’t you mean fight or flight?

rudy: did i fucking stutter

ivy: you can control white people by giving them cheese

noah: but cheese is good tho...

rudy: we got one

villain: what are your names?

ivy: don’t say anything noah!

villain: noah

noah: wow, ivy

villain: and ivy

rudy: [facepalms]

cory and rudy: expecting!

ava and sally: excited!

dory and robert: engaged!

allison: egg salad

ivy f: how did you find me?

noah: oh, we followed your nasty little trail and decoded your tricks. there’s no hiding n-

cory p: i looked for the “bitch” location on the map and found you here

ivy: [eating the kiwi whole without peeling off the skin]

noah: this is blasphemy! you don't just eat kiwis like that! are you insane? nobody does that!

rudy: [bites into a tomato like it's an apple]

noah: ***HIGH PITCHED SCREECHING***

spence: **[eating a cinnamon roll]**

florence and asty, under their breaths: cannibalism

rudy: [smoking]

cory: hey,,, you know if you smoke you’ll die faster right

rudy: good

rudy, to ivy f: you’ll never defeat us!

cory: yeah, fuckhead!

rudy: woah you’re going a bit overboard there

cory: eat shit and die!

ivy: shoot for the moon, and if you miss, you'll be landing among the stars!

rudy: or suffocate in space.

noah: i want to get closer to god!

rudy: want me to kill you

flo: if you see me having an identity crisis after some random ghost told me i was from the future, no you didn't

ivy: hey! im not old!

cassidy: youre literally vintage

rudy, after someone offended cory:

flo: why fall in love when you can fall off a cliff

noah: OH GOD, WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN AN UNLEASHED HORSE?!

rudy, taking the leash off his own horse: two unleased horses.

noah: NOOOOOOOOOO

noah: don’t worry! i know what i’m doing!

ivy: how can you still say that?!

noah: because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is the only thing left :D

ivy and noah: [sitting on a bench and moping]

rudy: whats wrong?

ivy: sit down with us and we’ll tell ya

rudy: [sits down] well, what is it?

noah: ...this bench is freshly painted

noah, screaming: I GOT SHOT! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL!?

alice: i got shot multiple times when i was in the army. deal with it.

noah: YOU ARE A DOCTOR??? HELP ME????

ivy: too many songs about love. not enough songs about gun fights.

ivy: [starts aggressively strumming her guitar and singing about shooting a snake]

noah: i need some relationship advice-

rudy: break up

noah: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you

ivy: what is a slightly bad thing youd wish on your second-worst enemy?

noah: toothbrush breaking every day forever

rudy: death

flo: i don’t thirst for humans. i thirst for a long drink because all of you are stupid

noah, tryna weasel his way outta death: uh— you have a pretty smile!

ivy f: wow, thanks! and you’re not that handsome!

noah: [crying

noah: what the crumplesnatch? people actually tell their crushes they like them??

rudy: what the hell do you do?

noah: i dunno, die??? what kinda question...

noah: i am chuffed to bits!

rudy: literally what the fuck are you saying