Sugar and Spice

Alexis stepped out of the store, a brand new picnic basket and blanket nestled in her bag. She shivered as the cold air blasted her and pulled her red scarf up to her mouth. She clutched her bag tightly to keep it from blowing out of her hands as she made her way out of the high street and back to campus.

Most Vistians walking around were equally bundled up in warm coats and scarves to protect against the oddly cold autumn. From how some of them were dressed, Alexis would think they were preparing for Winter's Fest rather than the Firestar Viewing; the only thing to suggest otherwise was the absence of snow and jingling bells. Many of them had bottles of alcohol and blankets of their own peeking out from their bags.

Should I have bought some wine? I mean, it's gross, but what if Mitty likes it?

Alexis pondered the possibility of trying wine with her friend. While the weird bittersweet taste was cause enough to keep away, it might be worth it to see Mitty with her hair down, so to speak.

A particularly chill wind whipped Alexis' face and pierced through her fluffy beige coat.

Another time, maybe.

She scurried through the streets, swinging her bag around when space permitted it. Maybe they wouldn't need wine to relax; the atmosphere of the Viewing would be enough to let their shields down. Seeing the sky light up with falling Firestars was always a magical experience; doubly so if you were sharing it with friends.

A giddy jolt made Alexis shudder. She wouldn't be alone this year! She had a friend to watch the Viewing with again! Giggles bubbled up in her throat, and even with people around, she couldn't stop one from slipping out. She practically skipped out of the crowded shopping district, her bag dancing merrily beside her.

I should try making something to bring!

She hopped back to her apartment, sneezing under her scarf.

***

"Amni, are you doing anything for the Viewing?" Alexis asked as she cleaved a small beast in two.

The lizardfolk in question was quick to thrust his daggers into the enemy behind her, disintegrating it into dust. He scrambled through the loot, his long tail wiggling excitably, before he drew back with a sigh. "Bah, no shard," his muffled voice mumbled.

Alexis waited patiently for his answer. It had only been a few days since Mitty had introduced him, so she took things slow, not daring to impose on him and only talk when he happened to be in the hub. He seemed preoccupied with collecting something in the game, and Alexis was no stranger to the irritation of rare drops, so she was happy to assist with her limited knowledge. That meant the two of them had been questing a lot despite barely knowing each other, and Alexis was quick to pick up skills and lessons from Amni.

The only problem was his tendency to, well…

"Oh, the Firestar Viewing? Why, you wanna do something together, babe? I could make us a nice setup right here, and we can have our own lil' Viewing."

Alexis swallowed. His voice had dropped in a way that lit her cheeks up. She rubbed the heat away. "S-sorry, Amni, I already have plans," she replied, almost squeaked.

"Aww, bummer. Would've been nice to spend it with someone cute like you."

"But you don't even know what I look like!"

"Your voice is enough."

Alexis smacked her cheeks to stop them from burning, but only succeeded in making them a different shade of red. Does Mitty know he's this flirtatious? she thought, before a weirder thought rammed into her like a freight train. Does he flirt with her?

"Stop being silly," she muttered, trying to push that thought out of her mind before she had to acknowledge why it made her uncomfortable.

"I'm not! I'm just being honest." His lizardfolk character shrugged. "Honest Amni, that's who I am."

Alexis rolled her eyes and smiled. Though Amni had a bit of a flirting problem, his laid-back demeanour made him easy to talk to. She could see him as another friend. Plus it was nice to have that kind of attention, though she hadn't received it before and wasn't sure how to take it. "So did you have any plans that didn't involve, um, me?"

Amni rifled through his inventory before chugging a health potion. Ack, I could've healed him, oops! "Nah," he replied. "We don't really get Firestars around here."

"Oh." Alexis tilted her head. Maybe Amni lived in the city? Was it too invasive to ask?

"Yeah." He gestured for Alexis to follow him further into the dungeon, and her birdfolk character fluttered to catch up. "So what are your plans?"

"Oh, I'm--" Alexis felt something coming on and quickly covered her mouth to hide her sneeze. "Excuse me. Anyway, I'm spending it with Mitty."

"Mitty?" Amni practically screamed. "Oven Mitts Mitty?"

"Um…" Alexis removed her headphones for a second to check her eardrums hadn't burst. She sneezed again before putting them back on. "Yes?"

"No way… you're abandoning me for Mitty?" Amni mimed being stabbed, collapsing on the dungeon floor in a heap. "I can't believe this betrayal. I have nothing left to live for."

Alexis giggled at his melodrama. "I'm sorry. She did ask first."

"Oh?" Something in his tone made Alexis feel like she'd set off a trap. "Oh." Yep, she definitely needed to run for the hills. "I see, I see…"

"You're not mad, are you?"

"No, not at all." She didn't need to see him to know he was smirking. "Just surprised. Didn't know Mitty had it in her."

Alexis remembered how hard it had been for Mitty to ask back at the library. It didn't feel right to affirm Amni's belief, since he'd probably just use it as ammo to tease her. "Well she did, so! That's that!" A cold chill ran through her and she sneezed again.

Amni hummed thoughtfully. "You've been sneezing a lot. You haven't caught a cold, have you?"

Alexis shook her head before realising Amni couldn't see her. "No, no! It's just a bit chilly in my room." She saw an enemy approaching and swapped her sword for a staff. "Oh, that's the one we're after, right?"

Amni was already charging the beast. "Yes! He better gimme my shard."

Alexis followed, crossing her fingers for him.

***

The next day, Alexis stumbled into Room 1B with her head full of cotton. Just touching the cool desk brought relief to her burning body; it felt like she'd been swimming in lava. She sunk into her chair, resting her cheek on the blessed cold table. The din of chatting students pounded her ears. She knew they were probably speaking normally, but it felt like they were shouting at her.

"Um…" She looked up without moving her head to see Mitty sitting opposite her, frowning. "You okay?"

Her vision swam as she lifted her head, forcing a smile. "I'm fine! Just didn't get enough sleep."

Mitty narrowed her eyes but said nothing more. She took out her papers and passed them to Alexis in her usual no nonsense manner, as though everything was normal and Alexis was not leeching the cold from the table with her face.

It is normal, Alexis stressed to herself as she fiddled in her bag for her papers. Once she managed to find them and pass them to Mitty, the two got to work without a word.

Alexis couldn't even think about Mitty looking over her work. She was strangely detached from what was going on; she was only half sure she was even in the classroom. The letters on the page jumbled together as she tried to read Mitty's work, running away from each other to bounce off the paper. She frowned and squeezed her eyes shut, but opening them didn't stop the letters from floating.

Uh oh.

"Alexis." Mitty's voice pushed through the fog. "You sure you're okay?"

"Mhm!" Alexis squeaked her affirmative.

Mitty and Mitty, for now there were two of them undulating and melding in and out of each other, leaned close and pressed their palms gently against Alexis' forehead. Their frown deepened and they drew back with a hiss. "You're sick," they… she?... murmured. "Why didn't you take the day off?"

"I'm not sick," said Alexis as she tried to pin down the real Mitty with her eyes. "Just tired like I said. Real tired."

"You're shivering, you idiot." Mitty glanced at the professor, who was too busy with another student to pay attention to them. "You're going home."

"Huh?" Alexis hadn't realised she was shaking. As far as she was concerned, she was still in a sauna. Heat rolled through her even as she shook her head; winced as Mitty split in two again. "No, I can't go home, we need to work."

"Just… shut up." Mitty pinched the bridge of her nose. Then she stood up and made her way to the professor. Alexis watched as Mitty, then two Mitties, and the two--no, one, now--professor conversed and glanced at her. The professor nodded and gestured to the door.

Wait, is she kicking me out? Alexis tried to stand up, but for some reason she leaned so far to the side she slammed into the wall. Oh, the wall was cool too! What a relief…

"I'm taking you home," said Mitty when she returned, packing her things. "C'mon."

There's no reason to. I'm not sick! I'm not! I can't be. Alexis thought she'd protested, but Mitty continued packing Alexis' things and snaked her arm over her. She thought she felt the students' eyes on them as they left the classroom, so many eyes, all watching her, watching as she stumbled and mumbled like a drunkard, and she was not a drunkard, and she was making a horrible impression, and what were her classmates thinking, and--

"Which apartment's yours?" Mitty pierced the veil of her thoughts. They were standing in the field leading to student housing. The orange flowers and leaves were steadily engulfing the greenery, to the point where Alexis was stepping in an orange pool.

When did we get here? She pointed in the direction of her apartment, and the two of them waded through the fiery water towards it. Is Mitty really taking me home? The orange lapped at her legs. This isn't how I wanted her to see it. Her limbs sagged with each step as weariness sapped her energy, dull acceptance settling uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. I can't believe I'm sick...

Alexis carried the cold ache up to her apartment. She let it take her body, which listened to Mitty without protest. She let it lead them both to her one room, to the mess of papers and clothes that littered it, to her bed she hadn't made with the duvet clinging on for dear life, to the smell of a sugary breakfast she had yet to air out. The fog in her head blocked any shame at Mitty seeing her apartment; she didn't feel like she was really here, even now. The only thing that ran through her mind, even as Mitty sorted through the piled up empty containers on her counter to find the kettle, was that she was sick, I'm sick, two days before the Viewing and I'm sick…

A mug of hot chocolate hovered in front of her face. She blinked as the steam fogged up her glasses and slowly took the mug, absently sipping the sweet liquid.

"Sorry, I'd have made tea but I didn't see any," said Mitty. Alexis looked up from the brown swirling pattern in her mug to see her partner sitting on the desk by her bed, the only surface that was kept relatively clean and spacious.

"It's fine, I don't drink tea," Alexis mumbled.

Mitty nodded slowly. She pinched her jacket's leather sleeve with her fingertips, her shoulders hunched as her eyes floated over different areas of Alexis' room. Her fluffy tail curled over her legs, the tip twitching.

The only sound was Alexis sipping her drink. She knew she should probably fill the silence, help Mitty out, but she didn't have anything to say.

"Nice place," said Mitty after a minute, looking everywhere but at Alexis. Sunlight streamed through the open curtains, shining on the piles of clothes on the floor.

"Sorry," she murmured, finally feeling some semblance of embarrassment. "I didn't think… yeah." She sipped her drink, closing her eyes.

"I'm just glad I'm not the only one with a… busy room," Mitty replied.

Alexis groaned.

"Sorry."

I should be more embarrassed. Mitty's in my apartment, for Terros' sake, and I haven't cleaned it since the weekend. She sipped some more as the mug split in two. Ugh, this sucks.

"So why did you come to class?" Mitty asked.

Alexis buried her muzzle in her mug, seeking comfort in the warm vapours. She closed her eyes to welcome the darkness and willed herself to relax. "I thought I was fine," she murmured, her voice muffled by the mug.

"Really? You didn't wake up like this?"

"I did. I just thought it'd pass or I'd push through."

"Through a fever?"

Alexis smiled weakly, opening her eyes. "Wishful thinking?"

Mitty raised her eyebrow and smiled back. "You wanted to learn that badly?"

"I wanted to see you."

The smile dropped off Mitty's face as her eyes widened. At any other time, Alexis would have laughed; she'd said the truth with no intention to get a reaction, but Mitty's response was unexpectedly cute. Mitty froze in that position for a few moments before her ears flattened and she looked away. "Even if we'd be critiquing?" she asked.

Alexis closed her eyes again before anything had the chance to double up. Mitty had a point; when it came to work, she was no tougher than she'd been that first week. She still couldn't take Mitty's red-penned criticism, and it stabbed her even harder now that they were friends. She knew she should get over it, that they should be professional, but she welcomed any distraction from the matter. Being friends with Mitty one minute, then having her personal work slaughtered by her the next, was a lot to bear on a normal day. In her current state, Alexis may well have sobbed on the spot.

"I wanted things to be normal," she said.

Mitty sighed. "Well, they're not. You're sick. You should rest."

Alexis shakily set down her drink beside Mitty on the table and crawled under her messy duvet, sighing with relief from the heat beneath the thick blanket. She lay her head on the cloud that was her pillow, nestling into its softness. "I can't rest," she muttered. "The Viewing's in two days. I need to prepare."

Mitty glanced over at the shopping bag Alexis had brought home the other day, nestled in the corner of her room with the blanket peeking out. "I don't think you're going," she said.

Something stabbed Alexis. "Don't say that!" she protested, sitting up despite the dizzy spell it gave her. "I'll be fine! I can go!"

"You couldn't walk straight on our way here," Mitty said in an annoyingly matter-of-fact tone. "You're sick. You can't go."

"I'm sick now, but by Saturday I'll…!" Alexis winced as her head hit the wall. She hadn't even realised she was leaning again.

"Fevers take days to recover from." Mitty's eyes narrowed. "Even if you feel better by then, you should still stay in and rest. Don't risk it."

Don’t risk it? The room’s temperature dropped to a chill even beneath Alexis’ blanket. Mitty stared her down with such certainty it made Alexis want to vomit. Don’t risk it?

For years, Alexis hadn't been able to celebrate the Viewing. She watched each year as friends and family prepared for what she could no longer attend, remembered how her old friends had left her out in the cold. How everyone had moved on except for her. How she'd spent nights alone staring at old conversations from years past. And now, when she'd finally gotten the chance to celebrate again, Mitty was snatching her opportunity away.

She'd be alone again.

And Mitty was letting it happen.

She doesn't care about me. Alexis stared at the bag, now bags, three of them, when had they split? She had more picnic baskets than she needed. She was just looking for an excuse to leave me. Fire burned in her brain, her chest, her stomach. I bet she was dared to ask me. Was it Amni? Did he dare her?

Mitty just kept telling her to get better. She didn't care that Alexis was sick; if she did, she'd be nicer about it. Even if it was hard, she'd drop her act and help, wouldn't she? Alexis was worth that much, right?

Right?

“If you didn’t want to go with me, you should’ve just said so.” Alexis’ voice wavered as she clutched the duvet.

“Wh--that’s not fair.” Mitty glared at her, her tone dropping to ice. “You know I did. I asked you.”

“Just to leave me in the cold?”

“You’re fucking sick, you idiot!”

Alexis winced, burying her head in her pillow so she wouldn’t have to see Mitty and Mitty and Mitty glaring at her with completely deserved disapproval. She knew, Terros damn it, she knew how unfair she was being--she was sick, she was sick, she was sick! She placed all the blame on Mitty, yet she was the one who fell ill in the first place. Of course Mitty didn’t want this, of course she was just saying what she had to, of course she was right, why was she right, why did this have to happen now?

Alexis’ last Viewing before graduation, and she was going to spend it alone. Of course she was. That was the way things had been for the past few years. Why would it be any different now?

“Now shut up and don’t try getting out of bed until you feel better.” Mitty’s voice was slightly muffled through the pillow. “Don’t go to the Viewing.”

Alexis sobbed.

Mitty paused. “Wh…”

Alexis pushed her face into the pillow, begging it to take her away. Tears wet the soft surface, the dampness heating up her face. It felt like she’d been struck. “Why…” she hissed, digging her fingers into the pillow, “why are you so fucking cold?”

“I’m… what…?”

“You heard me.” Alexis didn’t look up; she couldn’t. “Don’t you care at all that I’m sick? That we can’t go to the Viewing together?”

“I…”

“You just keep telling me I’m stupid, to shut up, to get better! Do you know how much that sucks?” Alexis struggled to keep her voice controlled. “Does it bother you at all that our plans are ruined now?”

“Of course it does.”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“What? Is that supposed to help?” Mitty’s voice sharpened.

“Yes! It’s called compassion!”

Stop stop stop, stop saying these things! What’s wrong with you, Alexis?

“Wallowing in failed plans is a waste of time. What’s done is done.”

Even now, Mitty still couldn’t put down her shield and show how she felt. What would it take, for Alexis to die? Was it wrong for her to want a little sympathy from her friend? Why couldn’t Mitty do it? Why was she so scared?

“That isn’t the point.” Alexis breathed heavily into the pillow. She couldn’t tolerate Mitty’s aloof charade today, if it even was one. Red heat coursed through her veins, boiling her blood, making her head pound. She let the fever take her, bend her to its whims. “Are you made of stone? Are you physically incapable of showing you care? Or do you actually not? Because right now, it sure looks like you don’t.”

“I do,” Mitty growled.

“Then stop being a pussy and show me!”

Shit.

Silence met her words, leaving her to focus on the heavy feeling in her chest. That… that wasn’t right. That hadn’t meant to come out.

Something rattled on her desk and she looked up. There was medicine on the table, and Mitty was picking up her bag. “Found that in one of your piles,” she mumbled. “Feel better soon. I’ll see you later.”

“W-wait!” Alexis reached a hand out, but Mitty was already floating away. She’s leaving me. She’s leaving me. She’s--

The door closed behind a river of pink and yellow.

“Mitty… wait… I didn’t mean it…” Alexis collapsed onto her pillow, what little strength she had drained out of her. Tears dampened the pillow anew as she pushed her face into it, her tired body heaving with sobs.

Mitty had shown her. She’d helped Alexis to her apartment, made her a drink, told her to rest. She hadn’t said it, but she’d done it. Just because she hadn’t shown it in the way Alexis wanted didn’t make it wrong.

And now, because of her selfishness, she’d pushed Mitty away. She’d been weak enough to let the fever break her filter, burn her inhibitions. She didn’t need someone else walking out on her; she was perfectly good at isolating herself.

I'm sorry, Mitty, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so selfish, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

The sunlight continued to stream through the window into her apartment, falling on her shaking, sobbing form.