"Do you consider your particular... way of life to be downright immoral, or is there some way you rationalize it to yourself? Do you ever regret the manipulation and murder you partake in, or is it all just a normal part of life for you?"
"Hah! There's only so many times you can get rejected and keep trying. Nobody has ever reached out to me before... not that I blame them, I mean, look at me. As a child I was more eager to please, and I was stupid enough to want friends... people consistently took my earnest reaching out as an opportunity to kick me when I was vulnerable.... I learned my lesson.
Luckily I gave up on making friends a long time ago. I put my energy into cultivating a facade that was interesting. It proved much more effective than pursuing real relationships. Sometimes I do enjoy interactions in the moment, but I have no desire to force them any further. Acquaintances are much better than friends. I can impress acquaintances. The front I put up is the only thing most people could like about me. Underneath is too... empty for them. If I spend too much time around any given group they'll start to get upset by that. I can't have that.
Ashfiend are much more agreeable. I am more like them. Their society is more rigidly structured, yes, but they don't ask stupid questions like humans do all the time. They don't care that I'm as cold and blunt as I seem. They care about knowledge, and they care about power. I have reached out to them before and found them to be much more agreeable than their reputations let on. Far more earnest than humans. It makes it easier. I'm on good terms with several ashfiend lords... Pity we exist in separate planes of existence.
As for the friends I do have? Elrix was an experiment of mine, a test of my strength. I was 7 years old when I summoned her. I didn't mean to get attached to her, or keep her in this dimension... but... I kept her around, partially because I wanted to really test my power and partially because she interested me. She didn't like me at first, but was willing to put up with me if it meant she could stay on earth. Days of companionship became weeks and months and years. We slowly earned each other's trust, in spite of our many differences. She doesn't have to stay around me any more, but chooses to live with me of her own volition. I guess that's friendship?
I suppose Xaanik counts as a friend also. An ashfiend, of course. And a strangely servile one at that. We met by chance. Were he a human I'd have had no interest in him at all. But his divine nature made the idea of an allegiance very lucrative for me, and he was fascinated by me because I hold an aspect of his goddess. I'll admit I found him insufferable at first, but I've learned to tolerate his presence if it means he'll help with my experiments. I don't think we'd have been drawn together like this were it not for the sheer luck of us being born of the same deity. We don't share the same values. But many of our interests are the same. Does that make us friends? Honestly I don't even know. Though I guess it's a bond of sorts.
Honestly befriending Elrix was only luck. And Xaanik's only an interesting outlier. I'd say neither of us really initiated these relationships, they just occurred out of circumstance. I've given up on making friends... thankfully such human trivialities don't even interest me these days."
[she's lyyyyyyyingggg about the last bit; she's so keen for friends but terrified she'd just get shut down and rejected and mocked. So she never tries any more, and desperately evades everyone who tries to get closer to her. She think's she's too strange for people to ever like her so she just aims to dazzle and keep things as shallow as possible and pretends she's not lonely as all hell.]
"As for the arm... Hmm.. I'll admit I resented it at first, but now I've learned to accept it. Plus it makes me stand out. It makes me look less human. I like that. The lack of functionality is a major drawback, but it's still better than any prosthetic or bionic replacement. I'm able to function almost as well as someone with both their real arms. Also it's more durable and harder to actually injure than a fleshy arm. I've been like this for so long it barely troubles me any more. Even if I could have it fixed, I'm not sure I would-- It's a part of who I am.
Besides, it's not *really* possible to fix at this point. There are a handful of alchemists who probably could have done a better job than I did, but they're not really able to reverse what's been done here without sacrificing what functionality I do have. And honestly their results aren't truly much better-- they might be more refined aesthetically, but the level of functionality would remain rather the same no matter what had happened. Bio-magic is only ever as good as medical technology, and while it can be excellent in some scenarios, it's far from adequate when it comes to replacing an amputated limb.
But, as I said, I'm not upset about this outcome now. It was the best I could do and I'm proud of what I created."