The OC Job Fair

"i think i can help u

im good at math and science (bc self-insert lol)"

"i have this problem.  i keep hearing cute cicadas but i can never find any.  can u help me find them plz?"

"Oh, I love cicadas! I'm pretty good at tracking if I do say so myself, so I'd be happy to help you!"

"I need to hire an assassin. Don't ask why. Just let me know if you're interested. I promise you'll be paid well for your work if, and only if, you do exactly what I say."

"It's not about whether I'm interested or not, it's about if you can afford it. Go to my website and fill out the request form. I'll get back to you if I find it reasonable."

"I suppose the person I'm looking for deals in magic? A witch? Warlock? I need someone who can break curses, or grant good luck. I need very good luck, something that can easily counter bad luck."

"Well, you have come to the right person! Curses are my specialty, whether it is casting them or breaking them. Of course, you will need to pay the price for such things; certainly you of all people understand that, hm~? Oh, I am not looking for money, dear. I prefer something more lively. Should not be a problem for someone in your profession though, yes? Come, let us discuss this more over some tea~"

"I am in great need of a housekeeper. Someone who can tidy up my home, do laundry, cook; just in general keep my home looking tidy. After all, with how busy I am, I simply cannot do it all by myself. As long as you simply do your job, I promise you will be handsomely rewarded~"

"Sounds like a job I can do spledidly! Outside of the normal day to day work you described, I am a magnificent chef, if I do say so myself! I would love to offer my services."

----

"I'm in need of someone to keep my finances in order. Specifically, take out money needed for taxes, trsuted enough to pay my bills, etc. I have so many jobs and so little time to do it myself. You would be paid very well and I would want to keep you in my service for a very long time."

"I am the head of a large corporation of my own making, to say that I can handle financing is an understatement.  My memory for dollar values is impeccable and I always know how much leaves and enters and to whom it goes.  Adding your bills to my task list would be more than manageable in comparison and I've been in dire need of any excuse to avoid going to the Garringtons' dinner parties, so I'll happily take this on since it's really a win for us both."

"I'm in desperate need of some.... dare I say it, junk food.  The others would look down on me if I went out to get chicken wings, nachos, or a hotdog once and awhile, and I've worked incredibly hard to maintain my image as a high class educated man with exquisite taste for their respect... but I sometimes want something else other than just what they approve of to call 'exquisite' dining.  

So I'll provide the money but I need someone who is quick and discreet to bring me foods from street vendors, restaurants, fairs etc using my secret passages to and from the manor. I'd pay extraordinarily well, and if you chose to stay in house you would not be required to pay for any of the bills.  Strong ability to think on your feet in case questions arise is preferable."

"Yo, I don't need to stay at your place! I can just teleport the stuff to you, no problem. Just leave one of your rooms dark and I'll getcha whatever you need. I bet you'll love Glen's cooking. I'll getchu some right now, actually, I'll be right back. Want a milkshake?"

"Help wanted, assistance needed, stranger dang- wrong phrase, sorry. But seriously, we've kind of got a problem up in Rapture. We're out of - ahem - 'special supplies' for supernaturals with more human tastes. We don't need any more of that stuff - Jeff has a shipment coming in the day after tomorrow - but we do need help with one particular problem.
"Last night at the gardens, I overheard some vampires discussing a raid that some of the werewolf packs were planning on the shipment. It sounded like they were discussing whether or not to join in on the raid. I'unno if it's a serious thing, but we have to prepare. We need somebody to help us protect the truck as it's coming in. Combat know-how is a must, ass-kicking badassery is a bonus."

" A p-parades worth? That seems like a lot, but I think I could handle it. It's probably gonna sell out the entire store now that I think about it..." May replied, "Consider my flowers, yours....."

----

May timidly looks down before looking back up. 

"I need somebody to possibly help me with housekeeping.... I spend most of my time in the warm months in the garden and during the cold months tending to the plants in the greenhouse, so I don't get a lot of time to clean. I can pay you for your help, though it'd probably be in some vegetables and a bit of money..."

"Man, I'm sure you're not a total ass, dude, but I'd be happy to listen to you! I think I'm pretty good at emotions, maybe not my own, but I'm kind of like the local therapist for my friends," Vincent laughs. "At the very least I can help talk you through 'em, and I'm a pretty calm guy in a crisis too. Oh- and I'll take the rat, but I only want the bones if that's possible."

_______

"I need someone who's really organized. See, I got this problem where I'm kinda uh... well I'm a little bit of a hoarder- not anything gross, just like shells and feathers and bones and pretty dead leaves and stuff. But, I have way too many, and it's getting a bit out of control, even for me. If someone could tell me which ones are definitely keepers and which ones are just alright, that'd be great!"

"I can most definitely make anything and everything prim and proper as per my past butler experience. But this? Oh dear, whatever you speak up sounds fairly unsanitary." Maximille puffed his chest, taking out a pair of gloves and slipping them onto his hands. "I have no experience of whether they're keep-able or not, but I can definitely put them in the order of clean and not clean. If... that is quite alright for you. You don't need to worry about a thing, boy."

"Is there anyone here that's particularly knowledgeable in regards to fashion? I'm in a bit of a mix-up. I would appreciate if someone could come with me and pick out some nice colors here or there for a collection of suits that I plan to make. It shouldn't take too long. Perhaps a few days of inquiries and a few more days of drafts and so forth."

"Yes! I am a good alien human for the job because, as you can see by my outfit, I am very creative with my clothing choices!", Astrum chirped. "For example, a good color for you would be a deep blue-violet because of your silver human-fur. See what I mean?"

"I would like someone who is willing to fight with me. Someone who I can use all of my tricks on, and they will still be up standing. At the very least, someone who can withstand a battleaxe strikes..."

Barnaby had been standing in the same spot for half an hour. It didn't respond to the request for help until it was bumped into.

  I have been hit by many trucks and am still here... a sea spirit just can't be harmed. I can even repair the damage done to the suit... the cracks? i like them. I really need to stay away from roads... I can attempt to purge my scent if you like.

With a rotation of its skull, the cat wandered off to ask for help. It didn't even notice anyone until it was bumped into.

  I know nothing but the sea and would like to explore. These barnacles will die if I leave for too long. would someone be kind enough to visit these destinations and tell me about them? maybe bring back souvenirs and pictures.

   The spirit held an armful of brochures, many locations were landlocked.