Special Needs Forces

“Ugh, I cannot hecking believe this” said indignant Captain while looking at his phone “Look at this Lukier, I commented under that quiz that sent us here that I do not recommend the place because they have a sea monster and a gang ruined our holiday here and these idiots gave me three likes and wrote ecks dee in response, they do not seem to realize the seriousness of the situation.”

“All in all, you just gave me an idea. I am going for a walk and put one star review on Google maps for every place my phone detects. Maybe except the shop where we went with Frezja, it was cool, it doesn't deserve to be on this island.”

So Lukier went for a walk alone because no one wanted to wander around the island aimlessly. I mean with a goal, but to leave bad reviews all you really need to do is click places on the map and not necessarily go there personally. Lukier just got bored of sitting on his ass. In any case, the team didn’t want to meet evil villains again and they were just sitting in the hotel. On the way to the club where no one cared about the bloody battle last night, Lukier decided to stop at a gas station to get a hotdog, but they told him that the wieners are cold now, so he left without a hotdog and gave the gas station one star review as well. He was about to go on, but someone grabbed his arm and dragged him into some dark alley between the buildings. After last night, Lukier instinctively punched the dude and the dude said "Ouch" but didn’t attack back. The guy seemed to be Bob Ranks and Lukier was about to punch him again, but the guy said "could you please not do this?" and it wasn’t a quote that Lukier had expected, so a bit confused, he complied with the dude's request and did not break his nose. The guy at first glance was a spitting image of Bob Ranks, but the main difference was that he was dressed like a classic passerby, not like a drag queen, and he didn't have drag queen makeup either.

"Uhh sorry, I mistook you for someone else" said Lukier

“Yep, I realized” the stranger replied, wiping the blood from his face, because it was unfortunate that Lukier was wearing some rings that he bought yesterday on the shopping spree with Frezja, and they kind of worked like brass knuckles and cut the stranger’s cheek.

“Well then, but you still drag me into some dark alley as if you wanted to rob me. What’s going on?”  Lukier asked a pretty good question

“I need your help.”

“I'm on vacation, I have no equipment, this is not my region and I will not kill any monsters right now. I don't know who told you about me but you can forget about it, it's not some kind of game for me to collect side quests from every NPC I encounter on my way” Lukier interrupted him.

“I know, Lukier. And you will get your vacation, but this is not a side quest, it’s the main plot mission and we both have an interest in it so please just listen” it was getting a bit weird, especially since the stranger who looked like a copy of their nemesis disguised as passerby called Lukier by name like some superman with funny glasses as disguise. He might have just overheard them in some conversation, probably the one in which he found out about Lukier's existence at all, but that would still mean that Lukier was under surveillance yesterday and it was not a pleasant thing to be aware of.

“Okay, then get to the point dude, because frankly speaking, you're starting to be a bit creepy so let's not drag it out” Lukier allowed himself some freedom of speech with the strange guy, because he didn't seem aggressive.

"My name is Rob Banks and I need your help to neutralize my evil clone."

“Wow it sure didn't make this situation even weirder” replied Lukier after a few seconds of silence during which he processed what had just been said to him.

“See? and how am I supposed to ask someone for help when my problem sounds like this? This is worse than if a truther asked for you for help in sabotaging the radio tower which changed his orientation with 5G waves, and believe me, I am speaking from experience.”

“Fine, to be honest, we were planning to do something about this situation anyway, because my Captain would not bear to stain his honor by leaving this place after being defamed by Bob Ranks.” 

And at that moment they noticed that Bob Ranks was just walking down the sidewalk wearing only pants and socks with sandals, so Rob dragged Lukier behind the dumpster so that the evil villain wouldn't notice them.

"Damn he pisses me off so much when he walks around like that, he makes everyone know what I look like without a shirt and it's very awkward when you think about it" commented Rob and Lukier felt a little relieved because somewhere in the back of his head he had the thought that Rob was Bob who was trying to trick him, and if he fell for a trick with an evil clone he would go drown himself in the sea out of shame.

Once Bob Ranks went out to do his gangster stuff and disappeared from the field of view, Lukier took Rob Banks to the hotel room, where the team was sitting in a circle and playing Uno.

“Oh hi Lukier, come over. The winner takes all the hotel shampoos and shower gels” The Captain said when he saw Lukier in the doorway.

"Um, actually I have to introduce someone to you" said Lukier, and Rob came into the room, looking like a crying cat meme because he was afraid that he would get punched in the face again because of his appearance. Everyone got scared but before anyone could say anything, Lukier continued

"This is Bob Ranks’s, uh ... what is it called when you clone someone?" In terms of who is the base of a clone for a clone? Well, that's him and his name is Rob, and before you all call me a moron, I've seen both at once. He's indeed a different person. In any case, he offers us help in removing his evil clone, or rather asks us for help with that, but in the end that’s the same thing.

Everyone was speechless. Except for the Captain. Captain was happy with this turn of events because if he didn’t punch anyone every once in a while he was starting to get bored, so he was glad that such an opportunity arose and it can still be done for a good cause.

“I don't know about you all, but after all that has been going on in the past few months, I'm inclined to believe in that scenario with an evil clone” - he said

"Nobody's saying we don't believe him, Captain. We just don't necessarily feel like getting involved in this" Tawny contested

“You know what, you and Frezja shouldn’t have a say in this because you weren't there and you have nothing to complain about”

“Well, I'm sorry that we were busy saving the ship from bandits!”

“Yeah, we all know what was the operation code-named ‘saving the ship from bandits’ ”

"Actually, if Tawny and my clone haven't seen each other, I have an idea" Rob interrupted

“Do you want to use me for this self-proclaimed mission? Do you know that I have my own will and I can refuse to help?” Tawny continued

"Okay shut your ass, we're listening to the plan" the Captain ignored him.

“If he didn’t become enemies with Bob by existing yet, he might be able to get on his good side and then invite him to this flyer of yours. Then backstab and into the ocean with him, no one will find the body.” Rob suggested

“Hey, hey, hey, first of all, I still do not agree to this mission, secondly I'm not the best at befriending strangers, thirdly I won’t kill people anymore, do you know how big my killstreak is?” Tawny didn't give in

"Captain, he's right, leave him alone" Frezja spoke up

"If I were him, I wouldn’t agree to do it either" added Rigel

Captain wanted to say something but Rob said “Okay then if you don't want to then I’m leaving” and he left and that was the end of the discussion so they just went back to the game of Uno. Tawny decided to go for a walk because he was getting bored and Tanager went after him because he was always willing to look at exotic flowers in the hotel’s garden with friends. And it wouldn't bother Tawny if only he didn't try to start new conversation every 10 seconds.

“These are my favorite flowers since I saw them, the blue ones. Blue is my favorite color. But not only because they are my favorites, they have a nice shape that is different from the rest of the flowers. Which hotel flowers do you like the most, Tawny?”

“I don’t know. The orange ones.”

Tanager looked blankly at the flowers and then at Tawny and said "Oh" because he didn't know which ones are orange. In fact, there were no orange flowers at all, but he didn't know that either.

"What’s your opinion on..." Tanager began again, but Tawny cut him off

"Tan, please, I need a moment of silence."

“... what do you think about the paintings in the hotel corridor?” Tanager whispered

“I want to be alone. And by that I meant that I want a moment to myself and not listen to you talking about some crap” Tawny replied firmly and Tanager noticeably got sad, apologized for talking too much and then went to sit by the fountain and watch the fish. Tawny felt a bit like an asshole for responding so impulsively, but apologizing to Tanager right now would make him go back to him and he’ll probably start talking about nothing again, so he decided to go on alone.

Meanwhile, Lukier won the game of Uno and became the baron of the hotel's shampoo bottles, but that meant the game was over and they had nothing to do. They could just play without a stake, but Captain said it didn’t give as much thrill as playing for bottles of shampoo and everyone agreed with him.

"I'm bored, let's go to the beach" he suggested

"I don't want to go to the beach" said Rigel "I mean I don't want to go outside at all."

“Oh come on Rigel, you have healed already, do not spoil our fun with your attitude”

“I think none of us want to be here” Frezja put in  “It's time to admit it wasn't a good idea and go home.”

“Really? Everyone against me? Lukier, what's your opinion?”

“I abstain from voting, I will adapt”

“Gee, fine. We can go back home, but the hotel day is until 12pm and now it is after 12pm and if we leave now, we will pay for the next day so if we have to leave then let's leave tomorrow” said Captain and he was right and everyone who was in the room agreed. This still left them in a situation where they had nothing to do. Rigel did not want to go outside, Lukier felt sorry for him and said that he would stay to keep him company, and Captain and Frezja did not want to go anywhere, so in the end they all stayed in the room and Lukier introduced the rest to the quiz website on the Internet.

Meanwhile, Tawny sat on the railing in some secluded place like the recluse he was and stared into space pretending to be in the music video of a sad song that was just playing in his head. Suddenly, without warning, he was kicked in the back and fell over.

“Benches are for sitting, loser” said Bob Ranks who was the one who kicked him. Tawny, despite his parasite powers, couldn't catch his breath for a moment because that's how it is when you get kicked in the back. Tanager saw the whole situation and immediately ran to the scene and lunged at Bob, which was quite aggressive for him. Tawny got a little scared because Tanager might be strong, but his wounds were still unhealed and the fight was definitely not doing him good.

"Tan, let him go, let's just go back" Tawny shouted as his breath returned

"You're not going back" Bob said, and pulled out his knife, and Tawny jumped between him and Tanager without a thought, and the knife landed on the lawn.

"Let's just go our ways and never cross our paths again, okay?" Tawny tried to settle the conflict.

Bob picked up his knife, looked at Tawky and Tanager, and sighed.

"No" he said, and without hesitating, he plunged the knife into Tanager's arm

"Okay now you went too far, bastard" Tawny said, and swung at Bob, At this point he didn’t care anymore if he would get another kill on his account. He wouldn't normally get involved in crimes on some poopy island, but it was personal now. Tawny gave Bob a wound like Rigel had, except not on his face but on his stomach, which was easy because the guy was shirtless. Bob looked unfazed though and immediately punched Tawny in the stomach as an act of revenge. At that time, Tanager took the knife out of his arm and rushed into action again and stunned Bob by crashing his head against the railing, after which everyone involved fled in different directions because all three of them suffered in the fight and had to regenerate HP.

"Lukier, give that clone guy back, we’re saving this island from Bob." Tawny yelled as he kicked-opened the door to the hotel room

Lukier was a bit annoyed because they frightened Rob off with an argument and he left without leaving any way to contact him, just to have to look for him again a few hours later. He searched for several hours until he finally found him in the evening on the beach, standing ominously in the distance in the fog like some Silent Hill monster.

"Hi, I just wanted to tell you that we changed our minds and now we all want to go on a mission to bring your clone down." said Lukier

“Oh, okay, that's great. But if I come over there and you start arguing again and send me home with nothing, I'll get angry.”

“The only problem is that he has already fought with Tawny so your plan won't work.”

“Oh gosh, it could be a problem”

“Oh, and it is also worth mentioning that he most likely got infected with the superpowers of regeneration through Rigel's blood by accident.”

“Oh no.”

"And he can get stronger powers if he eats large amounts of raw human flesh, but I doubt he’s planning on doing it, so I assume it won't be such an obstacle, I'm just mentioning it."

“To be honest I have no idea what to do with him now” said Rob, already in the hotel room again with the entire audience in the form the team “You can either simply attack him all at once and murder him like a flock of chickens that kills a rat thrown into the pen to be eaten, or I dunno ... seriously throw him to some chickens. Or a sea monster, we have a sea monster around. Though I’m only making loose suggestions, I'm open to ideas.”

“We can scare him so much that he will have a heart attack and no one will suspect us of murder!” Tanager exclaimed

"Yeah, yeah, let it be Plan C." Tawny patted him on the back.

"I think we should go back to plan A" said the Captain

“Wait, plan A was which plan?”  Asked Lukier

“Oh yeah, plan A has a total of two points, A1 is assaulting him all at once and A2 is luring a sea monster on him.” Captain replied

“Why does plan A have two sub-items and then there is plan C immediately?” Rigel interjected, a little confused by the whole situation

"No, he’s confused." Rob tried to rectify the situation. “A2 was actually plan B, so we do A1, also known as A, and A2 also known as B if we fail to feed Bob to the monster.”

“But in this case feeding Bob to the monster is plan B” said Captain  “Then we do Plan B, which if it does not work, it turns into plan A”

“Okay, I'm already lost, when you come to an agreement which plan is which, tell me what to do” said Lukier

"I’m lost as well and I'm not going to wait until you agree on which plan we are doing so forgive me Captain but I'm going to do it my way because I think it will be easier and faster" said Tawny

”You’ll die if you go alone, the gangsters might shoot you. Maybe you have regeneration, but what if they have like.. I don't know, a rocket launcher that will tear you to pieces? " said Lukier

"They have a shovel launcher" Rob interjected, and the entire team looked at him questioningly

"The Shovel Launcher?" Rigel asked

"Shovel launcher." Rob repeated

"What the hell is a shovel launcher for?" Asked Rigel

"Well, would you like to be cut right through with a shovel? I don't think so ” said Rob

"What a great weapon" said the Captain "Uh but yea, Tawny, what is your plan then?"

"I will go there on stealth and slash his throat with my claws"

And it was actually a solid plan, more solid and making more sense than all the other plans that God knows how were supposed to go at all, so Tawny got permission from the Captain to murder Bob on his own. Rob took him to Bob's hideout and there was a lot of gangsters with rifles and they were all spread out so that it would be difficult to avoid them and it would also be difficult to eliminate them one by one so that the other ones wouldn’t see the murder, so Tawny asked if Bob could be found at some other place by any chance. Rob then took him to the Nightclub where they were before and said that Bob comes here often and Tawny just has to sit and wait, but he also has to be vigilant because Bob goes around with sidekick meatshields. Then Rob went away because he didn't want to be shot and Tawny was sitting in the club and  it was boring so he pulled out his phone and started chatting with the team on a group chat for some time. Then it got so late at night that it was almost morning and suddenly Bob came to the club.Then Tawny just got up, walked over to him, and without any hi or hello, grabbed him and made a deep scratch on his neck. Bob was shocked and also probably choking on his own blood and fell over. Bob’s two sidekicks pulled their rifles and started shooting at Tawny who had started running a bit earlier and was now quite far away. Anyway, he got a bit unlucky and a bullet hit him in the torso and it wasn't cool, but despite the great discomfort he managed to outrun his attackers and then return to the hotel. When the hotel receptionist saw him covered in blood with a visible gunshot wound, she got scared and asked if he was okay, but Tawny said “yes” so she left him be. However, he was not okay and when Frezja looked at it, it turned out that the bullet didn’t go right through, so it had to be taken out before Tawny’s quick regeneration would kick in. Otherwise he will have a bullet stuck in his body and it would not be healthy for sure. Tawny wasn’t happy about it, or rather he was lowkey panicked because he hated medical procedures, and certainly such ones as ripping out small metal objects out of him, but at this point he didn’t have much choice. I mean, he had a choice, he could go to the hospital on the island or ask Frezja to do it with a fork in the hotel room and 

Tawny chose the third option, which was to do nothing about it and hope he wouldn't die. Frezja didn’t agree to such a solution, so he changed his mind to the second option, but Frezja didn’t agree to that either, so she forced Tawny to go to the hospital and Tanager also went with them as emotional support. This meant that the rest of the team still had some time off on the island because they had to wait for Tawny to leave the hospital. So they went to sleep and then woke up and packed their things to the ship before 12 so that the hotel would not charge them for the next day, and then they kept waiting so they went to the beach that the Captain had suggested earlier. They went to a strange beach which was not actually a beach because it was a cliff with stones but there was a nice view so it was worth giving up swimming to look at the water from above. I mean it is pointless to swim there while there’s a sea monster in the water. Instead of sitting by the water, they just made a picnic on the rocks, but there was not much food in the store so they only had juice, baguettes and some weird hot dog sauce that Lukier had bought because he hadn't seen one like that before.

After a while, Rob Banks came over and Lukier waved and said hello. When Rob got closer, it turned out that it was not Rob Banks but Bob Ranks and he had sewn wounds on his neck and he was pissed and he also had 4 sidekicks this time so the team already knew it would be a boss fight. They also had an advantage in numbers, unless Puszymir counts, then it's 4v4

 "Where is that vampire of yours who cut my throat?!" Bob shouted

"Vampire?" Lukier asked

"He looked like a demon to me, boss" said one of Bob’s guards

"Demons and vampires do not exist, it must be some alien" said the other Bob’s guard

"Okay damn, I don't care what he is, I want to know where you are hiding him because I have a bone to pick with him" Bob got angry

"We don't know any alien vampire demon, sorry" said unfazed Captain and continued to drink some juice that they had at the picnic

”You can't fool me, I have spies everywhere and I know he's with you. And I also know who you are. I know where you are from. I know what you guys were talking about in your hotel room and I know that rat Rob tried to plot against me and now he’s going to regret it"

"Oh no, what did you do to Rob, he was my friend for 4 hours already!" exclaimed Lukier

"Nothing yet, but as soon as I finish with that redhead who tried to kill me and then I'll finish with you all, I’ll do the same to him as I will do to you"

"Wait wait a minute, I have a question" cried Rigel "How did it even happen that you are alive? I mean, you had a wiretap in our hotel rooms, so you probably know that I accidentally gave you a quick regeneration, but a torn artery shouldn't be something that you can just shrug off and go to a fight immediately after"

"It is true." said Bob “I bled out but my men transfused me in time and they stitched me up and coupled with your regeneration I managed to survive, so maybe you guys were useful for something. I should thank you for stabbing me with that infected knife before I stab you with an uninfected knife, Captain "

"Okay, enough of this monologue" Captain drank his juice and stood up "Let's throw hands but please keep this quick because you're wasting our time"

And then the battle began, and Lukier immediately unleashed Puszymir off his leash and he ran to the guy that was holding a rifle and before he could shoot Puszymir knocked him over and detached his head off and swallowed it whole like a seagull and then began to eat the rest of his prey. The remaining 3 attackers were a bit scared, especially since 2 of them only had melee weapons and one had firearm. The one with the firearm aimed at Puszymir, but before he fired, Lukier knocked him over, grabbed his rifle and hit him in the head. Then he saw that the guy with the knife was trying to save his friend, so Lukier instinctively hit the knife guy in the face with the rifle like a baseball bat with such force that the rifle broke in two (because it was a shitty garbage gun) and the guy lost consciousness too. Meanwhile, Rigel fought the last cutthroat with bare fists and the Captain fought Bob himself. Rigel was actually more running away than fighting because he really didn't want to get another nasty cut that would ruin his appearance again. Every now and then he would pick up some stones from the ground and throw them at the knife guy, but it was a very risky technique because it slowed him down and each well thrown stone made the knife dude more enraged. Eventually he found some long stick and he thought he would have the advantage now because the stick was longer than the knife, but as soon as he tried to attack, the stick broke on the enemy because it turned out that the stick was rotten inside. This, however, stunned him enough that Rigel could pounce on him and pin him to the ground so that he could not move. The enemy also dropped the knife and Lukier ran up and picked it up and ran to help Captain who at the same time continued to make some lithe acrobatic dodges to Bob's attacks. Lukier came at Bob from behind as he was busy attacking Captain, but then Captain saw Lukier and Bob felt that someone was behind him and turned and pushed Lukier away and then Lukier realized that they were fighting very close to the cliff because he had just fallen off the cliff. Or rather, almost, because he was still holding on to the edge. Then Bob considered it a win and on one hand he threatened the Captain with a knife and on the other hand he approached Lukier who was hanging on the edge. Rigel wanted to help but he was still keeping one of the attackers on the ground and he couldn't let him go now because they would have to fight 2 enemies instead of one, and Puszymir was still busy devouring the corpse.

"Haha, what are you going to do now?" Bob taunted "You will now watch your friend die and then I will end this fight where I have a weapon and you don't"

"It's a bit unfair that you have a weapon and we don’t. Honestly a bit of a disgrace to you" said Captain

"Be silent, I am a gangster and I can execute people who cannot defend themselves. And you still somehow defeated 3 of my men without weapons. It's a pity for me to kill you because you would be good acquisitions in my gang."

"Fine, I can join if you insist" said Captain

"Whaaat?" said both Rigel and Lukier who was still hanging on the cliff and he was running out of strength to hold on

“Captain, don’t join him, he is evil" shouted Lukier

"But if I join him I will be free, I will be able to do what I want on this island and I will be the Captain of all people here, not just my team" Responded Captain

"Well, at least he makes good decisions on this team of yours" commented Bob  "But these two must die"

”Okay then, kill them. Or I'll even help you, you take the hanging one and I'll take the other one" said Captain and Lukier and Rigel started yelling at him about how he could betray the team and kill his friends-almost his family for some shirtless gangster clown. Lukier also tried to call Puszymir but Puszymir didn’t react to his name and was busy eating. Bob approached Lukier with an evil smile and the Captain walked away a bit towards Rigel

"Well, how do you feel now when your friend has turned on you?" Bob said to the hanging Lukier

"Actually, I would spit in your face, but since I am hanging, I would probably spit myself" Lukier responded

"Boss, behind you!" shouted the dude that Rigel was holding, but it was too late for Bob to react because Captain already ran up to him and kicked him off the cliff. Captain then helped Lukier to get up so that he would not have to hang anymore

"Well played" said Lukier

"Thanks" replied the captain "After the panic in your voice I was starting to think that you believed that bullshit as well as that moron Bob"

"Honestly, Captain, you are so chaotic that I was only 70% sure that you were faking it"

"Aaarrgh damn you, monster-hunter team!" shouted Bob, who was now swimming in the water at the bottom of the cliff, "I'll get you-" and then a sea monster came and swallowed him when he was in the middle of his sentence

"That's a pretty looking monster." said Lukier  looking down "good that we didn't kill it"

"The monster may have survived but the quest on the island has been completed, without the mafia boss the mafia will not survive"

"Exactly, we still have to find Rob and maybe he will take over after Bob because they look the same."

“Well, we have a hostage then,” shouted Rigel, who was still holding Bob's sidekick. After interrogating him, they found out that Rob is being held in a giant animal carrier specially printed in 3D, which gives points to disgrace, and his location is some kind of public place at the top of the fountain and when the team got there, it was seriously comical and they started laughing involuntarily at the shame transporter because who would not laugh to be honest. After a while they pulled Rob out of it and explained the situation that Bob is dead and now the island is free and that he can have power if he wants. There were a lot of people around the fountain because it was a public place and everyone also started to rejoice that the island had been freed from the mafia. Rob, however, said that he didn’t want power but he had another request which was leaving this island because he had a lot of shameful memories connected to this place, including the transporter in the fountain. He asked if there was any free spot on their ship to drop him off somewhere else on another land and they didn't have enough space, but they agreed anyway. Lukier said Rob could sit on his lap or something and it was awkward but Rob preferred it to staying on the island. 

Then Tanager, Frezja and Tawny returned

"It was a little hard to find you, you said you'd be waiting on the cliff," Frezja said

"Well, yes, but the zombie Bob came to us and started to fight us, but he was eaten by a monster and the island was freed from the mafia and everything ended well" explained Lukier

"Zombie Bob? How did he survive? And how did you defeat him without weapons? " Frezja asked

"Ehh, talk about it on board of the ship, I want to go home" Tawny said weakly because he seriously felt bad after getting the bullet removed from his body, especially since his regeneration regenerated him a bit before they got to the hospital and the doctors had to cut him up all over again to take the bullet out.

Anyway, they told each other the story on the ship, dropped Rob off somewhere on a bus stop on a larger mainland, and flew to base. At the base, Melisanda was surprised that they returned from vacation so quickly, and she didn’t understand why everyone began to complain that they hated holidays, wanted to return to work immediately and that Melisanda was to look for new assignments for them already.