Why is Tadej like this?

Life in TÖ#Ä3 and death of Liliane

Tadej was born to Liliane and Theodore in TÖ#Ä3. Theodore and Liliane were in love and wealthy, and with Theodore being Satan’s priest, they enjoyed quite a high status. When they got Tadej, they decided to give him all their love and raise him in proper values they believed in. And for the first few years, things went pretty well. Both parents strived to spend as much time with little Tadej as they could, and his first years were full of love and happiness.

Sadly, those days went by way too fast. It was on a day, normal as any other, when Liliane tragically lost her life.[1] The unexpected event cut the young families happiness short and tore a dark hole in Theodore’s and Tadej’s hearts. Days weeks and months that followed were all full of despair, grief, and persistent hope that Liliane would come back, that this was all some terrible tragic mistake. But as time passed, the truth was more and more clear: Liliane was not to return. Little Tadej kept asking his daddy questions, where is mommy, when is she coming home? But Theodore had no answers that Tadej would want to hear. She was gone, Glitter God and Satan took her, and she’s never coming back. This was not something Tadej could understand. All he understood was that he loved his mommy, that she always made him feel safe and loved and accepted, and now all those reassuring warm feelings were gone, just like that. He now realized more than ever on his dad, but once a strong, intelligent man who was able to take on any challenge life would put in front of him, now seemed older and worn down by grief. He put on a strong face for Tadej; he was now his main source of motivation, the little piece of his beloved Liliane that he had left. He was determined to make sure Tadej wouldn’t be missing anything in life, and that he would raise him into a young man that Liliane could be proud of. But despite all his efforts, nothing could ever fill the hole Liliane’s death left in both of their lives. Haunted by memories of their wife and mother, they couldn’t stay in their old home anymore. Tadej decided it was time to move to Ä+*4~, where Tadej would soon start school.

Pic 1: Tadej never got over the death of his mom

Grieving period and new beginning in Ä+*4~

Theodore turned to religion to seek answers and strength to go on. He never for a second doubted the will of Glitter God and Satan. He knew that they would never let a happy and fulfilled life like Liliane’s be wasted on a pointless death. He didn’t know what their reasons for taking her were, but he knew that all this pain and grief would not be in vain. He put all his hope and faith in Gods, looking for a better future. He taught Tadej all this, and told him not to let the grief bring him down, that as long as he puts his faith in Gods, he will one day find true happiness. However, Tadej’s faith wasn’t as strong as his father’s. He couldn’t believe that the Satan Theodore told him about would take away his mom. He felt betrayed by the very Gods who were there to protect everyone from harm. He found himself torn between his own anger and bitterness over his mother’s death, disbelief in Gods’ intentions, and knowledge that there was nothing he could do against the Gods’ will. Seeing the unyielding faith in his father, the only person Tadej trusted and respected, he was determined to find answers. Under his father’s guidance he started studying Glitter Bible[2] soon after starting school. Theodore taught Tadej all about Satan, Glitter God, and the balance between good and bad in the world. As Glitter God and Satan, and T@Ö#’A3 and Ä+*4~ represent both sides of good and bad, so do we, in everyday life get a balance of good and bad experiences. And although Liliane departed for good, the new life awaited both Theodore and Tadej. Moving to Ä+*4~ was supposed to be the first step on this new path Gods have laid out for them. It all sounded nice on paper, but Tadej could never really get himself to truly feel that. He grew more bitter and more angry each day, believing he was wronged by Gods in many ways.

It wasn’t only his mother that he lost. After he and Theodore moved to Ä+*4~, he also lost his best friend Tim. The only friend he had in TÖ#Ä3. But as Theodore pointed out to him, Tim and Jane also moved to Ä+*4~ soon after they did, and he was reunited with his friend. But this didn’t last for long, they soon met Nina and Andrej in school.[3] Nina took Tim from Tadej to be her best friend. Tadej soon became friends with Andrej and they both remained friends with Tim and Nina, but losing Tim as a best friend hurt Tadej more than he was willing to admit. But as Theodore would tell Tadej, he didn’t lose Tim, they both gained two new friends. Tadej should be grateful to find new supportive friends, whom he surely wouldn’t have met in TÖ#Ä3. And new friends were nice, but none of them could replace his mom. And if anything, the death of his mother taught him that life is uncertain, and that he could lose any of his friends at any time. Like Tim found a new best friend in Nina, so could Andrej, and he’d be left alone again. He figured, if everything in life was balanced,if there just were some people like Nina and Andrej who got everything in life served to them on a silver platter, then there had to be people like him, or even Tim, who always had everything they loved taken away from them. He prayed to Satan every day, begging him to not take his friends away, but at the same time he found comfort in anger and bitterness. He put up a tough exterior every day, pushing everyone away before he would get attached to them and hurt once more.

But despite what he thought, his friends stuck around. Tim would never leave his only friend he had in TÖ#Ä3, Andrej loved having an edgy friend form TÖ#Ä3, and Nina found herself liking Tadej more and more. Seeing that his friends seem to like him just the way it is, he never had any reason to change.

Tadej's reasons to stay depressed

For the next few years, things seemed to be going pretty well, and Tadej really grew into his edgy persona, and being encouraged by his friends, he actually quite enjoyed it. He would never admit that to anyone, but in reality Tadej was quite sensitive and emotional. Negative things would always hurt him more than he would let anyone know, and being able to express all his negative emotions without hesitation and consideration for other people’s feelings seemed to be quite therapeutic for Tadej. He still missed his mom a lot and was still upset over losing her, and would use that as an excuse for his behavior, though at this point he did more or less accept the loss and wouldn change the way he was if he was given a chance. He continued studying the Glitter Bible and started working in Satan’s temple with his dad. He became interested in the idea that in order to keep the balance in the world, some people are just condemned to the life of pain and suffering, and that death is the only escape. Though things seemed to be going alright for Tadej on the outside, this wasn’t quite true. He himself did try to escape many times, but failed. Even being faced with Glitter God and Saten themselves telling him that this is not the way, wouldn’t convince Tadej to change. He was too dead set in his ways, to the point he sometimes even forgot why he was doing this. Staying in the comfort zone you know is sometimes easier than to change, even if change would mean happiness.

Tadej's dating live and crush on Tim [4]

Soon, Tadej would get a new reason to insist on his depression. As the group grew older, Tim started doing more modeling work for his mom. Seeing Tim all dolled up in fancy dresses and makeup more and more often made Tadej feel a certain type of way for him. Confused with these new feelings, Tadej wasn’t quite sure what to do. Tim already knew him as the edgy dude who would never show affection to others, and quite honestly, Tadej was at a loss when it came to letting Tim know how he feels. All his misguided failed attempts made Tadej only realize that, while Tim cared a lot about Tadej as a friend, he just wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Or anyone else really for that matter. And if Tadej was already starting to get more comfortable and content in his life, this reminded him again that he is condemned to a life of loss and rejection. The situation worsened when Tim one day showed up with a girlfriend. If until now Tadej thought Tim jost wasn’t into dating at all, he now knew that he just wasn’t into dating /Tadej/. This once more hurt Tadej deeply and he once again became more bitter and angry, remembering the great escape he tried he tried to preach at his dad’s temple. When his dad wasn’t around, of course. His friends noticed this change and started to worry about him. After finally confiding in Andrej, Andrej thought up a perfect solution. He would convince Tadej to start dating Nina, who already developed a crush on edgy mysterious Tadej[5]. That way Nina would get a boyfriend from a rich family that she actually liked; that way both Nina and her mom would be happy. Tadej could get a girl that could love and accept him for who he is, and help him forget his feelings for Tim. And Tim wouldn’t have to be faced with having to reject Tadej and hurting his feelings. This plan could be perfect, only people’s emotions don’t work that way, you can’t tell your heart what to feel and who to love, and Tadej soon realized that the only responsible thing to do was to break things off with Nina, before she would end up the one getting hurt. Nina took it pretty well, but it was noticeable that since then Nina and Tim started keeping more to themselves and spending less time with Andrej and Tadej. Tadej would never admit that to Andrej who wasn’t too concerned about the situation, but this hurt him once more. He was afraid that the group would fall apart and he’d lose his friends, and he’d be the only one he had to blame. He never got over Tim, and fear of tearing the family apart was the main part of the reason why he didn’t try anything with him for the following years. He continued to suffer in silence and dated a few girls he would almost immediately push away in fear of them rejecting him and because he was quite honestly still hung up on Tim. For the next few years, Tim was his source of depression and his excuse to stay in his comfort zone, being bitter and depressed.

Dealing with life after school

After some more time passed, the relationship between him and Nina became just a memory, and after high school, when the group moved out of their parents homes on their own, they established their new dynamic. Things seemed to be going pretty well, and Tadej gathered some courage to try his luck with Tim again. This time around, Tim seemed more open to it, and he’d maybe even agree to a relationship with Tadej, but soon everything changed for good. In a short amount of time, their small family grew significantly.[6] Nina met and married Jure, she brought him and his friend Simon into the family. Around the same time Cereal Killer moved in with Tim, and soon after Scarlett joined them too. Before anyone would manage to get used to the new arrangements, Jure got back in touch with his ex, Peter, who always wanted to meet Scarlett, and Peter came into the family together with his sister Andreja. And before you’d know it, Tim backed away from relationship with Tadej to be with Cereal Killer, who was, after all, a fairy. Andrej as well moved away from Tadej, and Simon moved in instead. All these sudden changes took a toll on Tadej, and made him feel like he’s losing control over his life, like he’s losing everyone close to him once more. Tim left with Cereal Killer, Nina left with Jure, and Andrej moved in with Scarlett. Tadej felt pushed away again, and not being BFF married to Andrej yet, he felt like he could get cut off from the family any moment.

For the years to come, the family only grew closer, and each member accepted Tadej as a true and valuable family member. Despite knowing this, Andrej’s reluctance to get married always made Tadej feel like an outsider, like he’s not a true member of the family. He’s been one of the first and most important family members from the very beginning, and yet here he was all these years later, still someone who could be kicked out of the family at any moment. But maybe that’s what conveniences him, that way he’s allowed to stay hidden behind the wall of resentment and bitterness, looking for excuses to not trust the ones who have always been there for him and would never leave him.