Rose Gold

Against all better judgement, given that it was a weeknight, I caved and spent the rest of the evening beside Cason. He offered to clean up the kitchen, but I figured he’d be more flattered if we did it together. Since cake was a bust, he shared his favorite ice cream with me since he always kept extra containers stashed in the basement freezer.

He instantly got cold, so I fetched him a blanket and we spent the rest of the night watching TV in the living room. 

My supervisor wanted me to sit in on a few interviews the following day and I knew I should’ve been preparing the night before, but once Cason had fallen asleep on me, I knew that was the end of it. My phone was on the kitchen counter and my computer was downstairs, so I finally let myself take a breather.

That is, a breather that included Cason. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized how much I missed him, but I was the only one to blame.

I eventually scooted out from under the pink-haired man and his pink Kirby blanket so I could carry him up to his room. While I wished it was Friday, part of me was happy I had another workday. I felt useful. It gave me a sense of purpose and definite organization, which I needed after…all this. I couldn’t bear being alone with my thoughts.

I’d luckily been nightmare free for a few days, but I feared losing concentration would cloud my brain again.

As usual, Cason had already beaten me home after I returned from work the next day. He was eating leftovers at the dining room table, but since he was on the phone, I gave him an awkward wave before disappearing upstairs.

The potential assistants they had found for me were complete “no’s” so far. Hell, the TEMP I had seemed more experienced, and all she did was make millions of copies for me while also doubling as a carrier pigeon. I sat on my bed, organizing my work bag since I’d to find time during the week. It was a mess of things related to the schools on top of my overflowing folders related to the housefire and the financial battle I was having with my dad over my mom’s nursing home. 

On the upside, I’d finally been able to catch up on the payments he’d caused us to miss. From then on, I made the executive decision to send the checks each month. I could monitor the pool of money in our bank account that I ensured I had control over. He could put money in, but without approval, he couldn’t take any out.

Through the whole fight, I realized he’d constantly been siphoning off money for months now. If I had to guess, he was stoked he had gotten away with it for so long and now he was willing to return to the bare minimum. It was obnoxious, but at least I didn’t have to talk to him anymore for the time being.

I filed the documents away in the divider I’d stolen from my office.

Alas, that was one more thing off the list.

When I looked up, Cason was standing in my doorway, now in his pajamas. It wasn’t until then that I realized I might as well get out of my work clothes.

“Hey, how was your day?” He smiled at me while fiddling with the drawstrings of his pants.

“Eh, busy. No surprise there, though,” I chuckled as I got to my feet. “How are you? Better than yesterday, I hope.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and eventually walked over and sat on my bed. “Yeah. I mean, I’m still pissed about all the shit I lost but I found a few backups when I returned to the studio so,” He sighed. “It’s better than nothing. And it’s not anything I desperately need at least.”

“Just a minor inconvenience?” I pulled off my tie.

“For now, yeah.” He shrugged. “I’m just glad I have two days to temporarily act like it doesn’t exist.”

I snickered. “And then Monday will come around and you’ll be back in your lifeboat.”

The boy laughed. “Shut up! I’ll be fine.”

I scoffed and unbuttoned my shirt but as I glanced back at him, I noticed his gaze glued to the floor. I tried not to laugh as I noticed his red ears as I quickly changed into some loungewear.

“Anyways, Mr. Popular, who were on the phone with for so damn long?”

He clicked his tongue. “Just my Nana.”

I grabbed a hanger out of the closet for my suit jacket. “Fair.”

“Speaking of…” He continued, finally looking back up at me once he realized I was fully clothed. “She wants me to pet sit for her. She’s going on a trip with her friends for a few days and she typically asks them, but obviously they can’t in this circumstance.”

“Oh?”

“She already asked Adrian and Mason and they’re both busy this weekend.” He mumbled. “I don’t really mind, though. It might be cold but hey, a beach house is a beach house. Or condo, I guess.”

“How far is it from here?” I kicked my bag out of the middle of the floor.

“About an hour or so. And thankfully this weekend the sun will actually be out, so I don’t have to worry about getting lost in Oz on the way there.”

I snickered and he flashed me a smile as I kept cleaning around him. Frankly, I was just giving myself something to do.

“And she’s just got two cats, but the moment they’re left alone, they tear shit up,” He laughed. “Oh! I never asked you—are you allergic to any animals?”

“Thankfully no,” I chuckled. “Don’t worry, I won’t spontaneously combust when you come home covered in cat hair.”

The boy paused. “Actually, that too. I was wondering if you wanted to come.” He looked up at me but barely gave me a chance to respond. “I-I already asked my Nana, and she said it would be cool! She said as long as I don’t break anything, she doesn’t care. According to her, I’m voted least likely out of my brothers to throw a rambunctious party…”

“That checks out.”

He rolled his eyes, still smiling. “But yeah! I know it’s cold, but I sure as hell could use a change of scenery. And if anything, you’re the one who actually needs it. Free vacation! Who can say no to that?” He beamed. “I’ll drive, even.”

“Wait and when is this exactly?”

“Just Saturday and Sunday. Her flight’s tonight but she said I can come over tomorrow morning.”

Cason’s glow eventually faded as I failed to reply.

“O-Only if you want to!” He suddenly added, immediately breaking eye contact. “No pressure. I just didn’t wanna leave you out.”

“N-No, yeah, I appreciate that!” I combed my hair back with a sigh. “You’re so goddamn sweet,” I muttered to myself before clearing my throat. “But I’ll leave this adventure to you.”

“Oh.”

I finally sat beside him. “I’ve still got a few things in my queue I need to deal with. I mean, it’s a little draining, yeah, but if I get out of the routine, I’ll really start to feel it.”

Cason gave me weird a look.

“I’m meeting up with my insurance agent again tomorrow. It’s kinda the last big thing on my list though,” I tried to reassure him. “I think this is the homestretch. And while it may suck total ass, at least having an unrepairable ‘house’ lets me skip the whole ‘how much money is it gonna cost to rebuild all this’ part.”

The boy chuckled. “True.”

“Despite how tedious it is, I’ve been keeping track of every single penny the both of us have spent during this, so we’re accurately reimbursed. Honestly, that’s easier than keeping track of all my personal payments that would go towards the house before all this.” I glanced at him, smiling. “Not only the house, but appliances, clothes, even small shit like, I don’t know, printer ink!” I laughed. “If it’s gone, it counts.”

“That’s a lot. But hey, at least it’s almost over! Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“That makes sense. Well, don’t let me get in the way of any of that. Or if you need me for any of that, feel free to let me know,” He gave me a thumbs up. “Hell, maybe me leaving could even do you some good.”

I raised my eyebrow as he blushed.

“Y-Y’know, you have zero privacy with me here. And I don’t mean that in a weird way!” He waved his hands around. “But I’m sure you’re overdue for some peace and quiet.”

“If you’re implying that you’re the noise, just know that I like your noise.”

His blush deepened. “Eh, still. I…know how you are. You like your space.” He stood up. “And that’s cool.” The boy paused, looking off to the side. “Honestly, I should’ve known. Talk about bad timing—you’ve been busy for—” He started counting on his fingers. “Fuck if I know.”

I laughed awkwardly. “When it’s all over, we can celebrate. Cake, balloons—who knows? You seem like you’d be a good party planner.”

He shrugged, still smiling.

“Or we could just get dinner or something. Eh, we’ll come back to it when the time actually comes.”

“Y-Yeah, that sounds good,” He trailed off. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I’m just now realizing how weird it was to ask in the first place. You don’t know my Nana or my Nana’s cats or anything like that,” He forced a laugh. “Hell, you barely know me to the point where it’d make sense for us to go on some makeshift vacation. Classic Cason, right? Is that even normal for friends to do?”

“Maybe. And if not, who cares? Do whatever you feel is right.”

He rubbed the back of his neck with his gaze stuck to the floor. “...Yeah.”

“Um,” I cleared my throat. “Do you want to do something tonight before you leave?”

“No, it’s alright,” He smiled. “I’m sure you have better things to be doing,” He glanced at my work bag.

“You sure?”

He hesitated with a blush before nodding. “Anyways, if you need me, I’ll be packing. Knowing me, I’d forget underwear or something.”

“Worst case scenario, I can drive it to you.”

“Nah, I’d feel bad!” He paused. “Still, I’ll text you the address just in case.”

I smirked.

“That or if it suddenly starts sleeting, you can come and pick me up!”

I laughed as he left my room, but it wasn’t until I heard the front door close the next morning that I was overrun with remorse. When I eventually returned home that afternoon, I realized I hated the silence. I missed the background noise of him watching TV in the other room, singing in the shower, or even talking to himself in his office.

Despite the bright decor in every room of his house, it wasn’t nearly bright enough without the ball of sunshine himself.

And yet, like the idiot I was, I ignored it.

I worked on my laptop until I couldn’t bear to stare at the interface any longer. I’d rather eat dirt than proofread another Powerpoint, analyze another Excel sheet, or reply to one more goddamn email. I checked my phone and stared at the address Cason had texted me the night before.

What the fuck was I doing?

It was a Saturday, and I was working.

Again.

I instantly dropped everything I was doing and started organizing a few outfits. At the very least, I made sure I had underwear, deodorant, and my toothbrush, before I rushed to my car and was suddenly on my way to Dewey Beach.

I couldn’t drown in the silence any longer. Hell, I couldn’t keep zoning out and seeing that fake smile he kept flashing me so I wouldn’t worry. I didn’t think I could be any denser. He’d been doing it for weeks now. Thursday should’ve been a good enough sign, and yet I ignored it. No matter what, he still wanted to hang out with me.

I kind of hated it.

It would’ve been easier if he had just left after the Matthew fiasco. Well, neither of us could really leave given that we slept across the hall from each other, but he was still desperate to be involved. He constantly wanted to look at me despite how much I was dying to be invisible.

Maybe it would’ve been better if he hadn’t saved me.

It was a terrible thought, given what it implied, but it was plaguing my mind. At least he wouldn’t have known in the way he does now.

He could ask what happened as much as he wanted, but if he had never been a witness, I could keep the secret. No one else would have to know. Somehow his continuous feelings for me after all this felt like pity. Knowing Cason was highly unlikely, but it was driving me insane. Maybe he felt like he still needed to like me, otherwise I’d have nothing.

It’s the least I can do.

He deserves to feel wanted.

I could hear his faux voice in my head.

The only way to escape was to work. While on some level it was taxing, it was comforting to feel like I did before we’d met. I was lonely and ashamed, but at least no one else had to know. And then he witnessed my life go to hell and felt the need to help. When it came down to it, there was nothing I could ever do to pay him back in full. I knew I didn’t deserve him and that only made me feel worse.

Alas, at the very least, I could spend time with him, although I didn’t want to contaminate him knowing damn well he deserved better. Alas, it’s clear he didn’t care. That’s all he wanted, but I was always miles away to the point where I didn’t pick up on it until two weeks later.

I eventually found the condo in the twilight and grabbed my bag before racing up the front steps.

The moment I knocked, I wanted to turn back around and drive another hour and thirty minutes back home. What if he was fine without me? Maybe he was glad to have a break from me for once. But when he opened the door and I caught the mixture of joy and confusion on his face, I realized I was far off the reservation.

A yawn slipped out as he rubbed his eyes after letting me inside.

“What are you doing h—”

“I’m sorry,” I dropped my bag by the door. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m a fucking idiot, okay—I think we’ve already established that.”

“Wh—”

“You wanted me to come with you. It was written all over your face and it didn’t even register,” I laughed sheepishly. “And so, I abandoned you again,” I pulled on my hair with my gaze stuck to floor, but when I eventually locked eyes with Cason, his expression only confirmed the notion.

“...Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

He rubbed his arm, sighing. “It’s fine. I know you’re busy.”

“It’s not fine! And that’s not a valid excuse!” I forced another laugh as he gripped his sleeve. “You’re busy too! It’s not like you don’t have a job! And yet you’re always…I don’t know…there,” I muttered. “You’re always available. You’re always checking on me.” I groaned. “You’re always fucking prioritizing me.”

Cason scrunched up his face, shutting his eyes. “Y-Yeah…”

I grabbed his shoulders. “I’m sorry it took you literally leaving me in the house by myself for me to realize how ignorant I’ve been. And by association, ungrateful.” I paused. “And how much I miss you.”

He lowered his head. 

“I-I’ll leave if you want, but you were overdue an apology,” I admitted softly, releasing him. “And I wanted to say it to your face.”

Cason took a deep breath as he noticed the calico cat had appeared below him. He picked up the feline and started walking into what appeared to be the living room.

“Thank you.” He sighed. “For apologizing. I know I could’ve just said something instead of hoping you’d pick up on my signals, but—”

“On Thursday, you said it was the first time all week that you’d really talked to me. That was clear enough, but it went right over my head.” I mumbled as I noticed a tabby cat on the couch.

The boy laughed softly. “True.” He shrugged, placing the calico by his friend. “I just don’t know what’s going on with you. And I tried to, you know? I always asked…but you’d never talk, and I mean really talk. I-I just—” I watched his face get redder. “I thought maybe I was making things worse or getting in the way so I tried to give you space, but I assumed you’d eventually come back around.”

I gulped.

“And you never did,” He turned back to me. “And I tried not to think much of it, but it was impossible not to because you used to talk to me. I feel like I fucking lost you!”

His voice echoed off the high ceilings.

“I understand that Matthew threw shit horribly off-course, but why would that stop us from being friends or—I don’t know—whatever the fuck had us making out on the couch or had you grabbing me by the tie and kissing me before work like, l-like—I don’t know! Like we were newlyweds or some shit!”

“Because even if you refuse to believe it, he broke me.”

“Tobias—”

“I’m scared, okay? And any time he…went too far, I’d reset.” I rubbed my face as Cason leaned against the back of the couch with his arms crossed. “I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I never have, but especially not now. And whether or not he was at the office, the only way to escape was to busy myself. I feel like shit. I always feel like shit, but I feel so undesirable, and I can only ignore it by working. I finally feel useful, and that false sense of purpose can fuel me for days.”

“It’s written all over your face that you still like me, hell, I remember you saying it when I was still drunk that night,” I let out a pitiful chuckle. “But I refused to let myself believe it. I don’t know how you’d still like me after all this, or at least like me the same amount.”

Cason sighed and walked over to me as I felt a twinge in my throat. “Tobias, when I fall for people, I fall hard. And even after the relationship ends or they ghost me, the feelings linger and I take ages to heal,” He shrugged, looking off to the side. “I’m an idiot too, alright? I’ve spent years letting people walk all over me all while still being madly in love with them. If you ever did anything deplorable, it’d take me ages to completely get over you because I’m an optimist and honestly, it sucks.”

“W-Wow.”

He glared at me. “And you know, I’m tired of putting up with people’s shit just for the hell of it. You should be comfortable around the people you like. You shouldn’t have to change for them or hide parts of yourself just so they like you back.” I noticed his eyes watering. “And you’re the first person in years where I could be myself.”

He took a deep breath. “That accident didn’t make me like you any less. Hell, all I wanted was to hold you in my arms for hours on end, but I was terrified of making you uncomfortable or giving you fucking flashbacks, so I waited for you to come to me first, but you never did.”

“I’m sorry.”

The tears began to fall, though he quickly tried to wipe them away. “And I remember how you said you’ve been trained to never ask for help, but there got to a point where I realized maybe I should stop finding excuses for you.” He forced a laugh. “Because I’ve done that for so many people before in the past, only to realize soon enough that there was never a good excuse. They were just unworthy.”

“You’re right. Accident or not, you shouldn’t have been left in the dark,” I reached out and dried his face. “I didn’t mean to cut you out. On some level, I thought it would be better for you—to be around me less. It’d be easier than forcing you to voice how much I disgust you. E-Even though I don’t somehow.”

Cason sighed. “In your case, your personal life was already kind of a shitshow. I managed to lessen the stress on some level but adding a whole new trauma to the mix—I can understand why you went off the radar. You’ve been closing yourself off your whole life.”

“I don’t think I would’ve made it this far if I didn’t…” I mumbled.

“Still, hearing you say it helps it make a bit more sense,” He gave me a sad look. “You’re used to being disregarded. Thrown away, even.”

I avoided his eyes.

“So, you tried to throw me away before I could throw you away first. As a way to protect yourself from the pain.”

I swallowed heavily as my heartbeat echoed in my ears, to which the realization only stressed me out more. “B-Because I knew what was coming next. Or at least what was supposed to, even if it was inhumane.” I shrugged. “Any normal person would’ve…bailed.”

He clicked his tongue. “Normal by your life’s standard’s maybe.”

“I—yeah…” I rubbed my arm. “But you’re not, which is why I like you.” I looked back up. 

He grew stiff. “You still like me?”

“So much that it hurts.”

He smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“Hence why distancing myself from you took more of a toll on me than my unhealthy workload and constant stress,” I chuckled. “I just didn’t want you putting up with me more than necessary.”

“I’m not ‘putting up with you,’” He explained.

“Y-Yeah…I know that now.”

Cason sighed and eventually walked around the couch, collapsing onto the cushions, to which the cats changed their location when I approached. “I just…” He shook his head. “You know, all I really wanted was to go on a date with you. You asked me out but never followed through and, well, yeah…shit happened. But even in the house, you were always off somewhere else, if you were even in the house.”

I sat on the other end of the couch but in no time, he was right next to me.

“Fuck,” I held my head. “I’m sorry. I was…with my mom a lot.”

“Wait, really?”

I leaned back. “...I was tired of falling apart in places you could see. I know that probably sounds bad, but I needed a change of scenery. And…to see if she’d,” I rubbed my arms. “Care.”

“You told her?”

“Yeah.” I paused. “Well, she kinda pried it out of me. She knew something was up when I came to see her two days in a row without any snacks, just to sit in silence in front of her TV. I’ve never really gone to her for stuff because that’s not what I’m accustomed to. Especially since she was rarely there in the first place.”

Cason nodded slowly.

“But it was nice,” I mumbled. “Laying in her lap as she rubbed my head. I don’t even…. know the last time that’s happened. I’d had to have been a toddler.”

“Goddamn.”

“Y-Yeah,” I cleared my throat. “But it was nice, nonetheless. Then again, I guess going to her was a last resort.” I flashed him a smile. “Because I didn’t wanna bother you.”

“God, Tobias,” Cason placed his hand on my thigh. “Please bother me. Honestly, that’s all I want and frankly, it’s up interpretation.” The boy chuckled. “I’d be delighted if you randomly came out of nowhere and laid in my lap,” He smirked. “Even if I was working. I’d drop everything.”

“O-Oh.” I felt my cheeks burn as I glanced at his hand. “I really don’t know how I’d survive without you,” I mumbled. “I’m just…glad it wasn’t too late. It took me a while to get my head out of my ass but I’m thankful I became self-aware when I did,” I laughed.

“I mean, I eventually would’ve said something. It was getting to that point. I just didn't have the energy for it.” He paused. “And I didn’t care. It all felt like a waste of time, but I didn’t know if I wanted to just give up and watch the flame die or fuckin’ curse you out and fight for it.”

I smiled a little. “So, is this the compromise? Angry Cason seems like a rarity.”

He nudged me. “Shut up.”

“Nah, I know. People with long tempers are lethal when they finally snap,” I chuckled softly. “And although I like seeing the many sides of you, I don’t want it directed at me.” I sighed. “Still, you’re probably gonna have to put up with me constantly apologizing for the next week.”

He blushed a little. “It’s fine. T-That’s really not necessary.”

“Okay, but can I at least do something?” I leaned towards him. “I mean, maybe it’s better if I bask in the guilt to learn my lesson but—”

“N-No,” He laughed. “You’ve suffered enough for January.”

“Yeah, especially since I’ve missed out on two whole weeks of Cason-ness,” I grinned as he rolled his eyes. “No doubt I’m to blame, but now I’m experiencing Cason-withdraw.”

He scoffed. “And what does that include?!”

“Hell if I know, but I’m not a fan!” 

I loved watching his blush deepen as he failed to find a distraction, given that the TV was off, and the cats were on the other side of the room. I hated it when he was anxious, but I loved it when he’d eventually give up and those pretty blue eyes would land back on me.

“Y-You don’t really need to do anything,” He admitted softly, rubbing his arms. “I’m just happy you’re here.” He glanced at me. “You should already know—I’m very easy to please.”

“You’re just saying that so I’ll feel better,” I chuckled, leaning into him. “All you’ve done is help me, Cason. Even if I haven’t asked for much, you’ve still been at my every beck and call, silencing your wants because you don’t wanna come off as selfish.”

The boy’s ears turned red.

“And I know you love helping people, but you should prioritize yourself for once. You have my permission to be selfish for the rest of eternity.” I shifted my posture and started playing with his hair. “You’ve earned it.”

He sunk into the cushions while laughing a little. “That sounds bad…”

“Then forget that!” I sighed. “I know you wanted to hang out with me last night. You hesitated both times before turning me down.”

“I-I mean, I really did have to pack!” He glanced at me. “If anything, I’m just happy you’re hanging out with me right now. And talking to me… I talk too much, so I’m glad when you take the reins, and I can finally shut up for once.” He smirked. “I can’t do it voluntarily.”

I snickered, pulling him into my lap. “God, you’re adorable.”

“O-Oh.”

I smiled as he immediately grew tense. “You alright?”

“Um,” He leaned on my shoulder. “Well, I guess there is one thing,” He muttered. “It’s not really a request. I don’t know. I just wish there was a realistic way to make up all the time we missed in the past two weeks while you were…off being your workaholic self.” He looked up, smiling. “And I tried to bury myself in work just so I wouldn’t feel awkward. Or lonely,” He muttered.

“I mean, I can try,” I shrugged. “It’s already late so we could get dinner tomorrow night maybe. Oh, and we’ve got TV if you wanna marathon anything together or even re-marathon the stuff you watched during the week without me.”

“Oh, yeah, true.” He paused. “That works.”

“Does it? Come on!” I playfully shook his shoulders. “I feel awful, Cason. When it was just me, my pessimism didn’t matter. Albeit it was unhealthy, but at least the only one I was hurting was myself,” I muttered, releasing him.

“Tobias…”

“I love that in this past month, you’ve rubbed off on me a bit,” I stared at the freckles along his jaw. “But I hate that I couldn’t return that favor. I have a shortage of good qualities, so I don’t have much to share in the way you do.” I chuckled. “Instead, I kinda… sully people with my negativity or…my problems inadvertently become theirs too.”

“That’s not true,” He scoffed.

I raised an eyebrow and the man scrunched up a bit, avoiding my eyes. He knew damn well I was telling the truth.

“It’s clear my actions and incapability to handle my emotions stressed you out because I left you in the dark.” I forced a smile. “Come on.”

“W-Well, yeah…but we all have our flaws.”

“Yeah, well I have a lot.” I glanced around. “And I know my actions or lack thereof have been draining you. You look tired.” I hesitated. “You look pretty. But you also look tired.”

Cason chuckled softly, blushing a little. “Yeah…”

“I noticed how much your blond’s been growing out too,” I played with his hair. “Definitely more than an inch now.”

The boy lightly pushed my shoulder. “You pay way too much attention to me,” He laughed a little before leaning against me to hide his face. “Unlike everyone else in my house, my hair grows really fast when I’m anxious.”

I snickered, “You’re anxious like all the time.”

“S-Shut up!” He grinned, looking up. “I mean, yeah, but when it’s the extremes. Meanwhile, everyone else normally loses their hair when faced with uncanny levels of stress,” He shrugged.

“Hence…” I gestured to his blond roots.

“Fuck,” He placed his head back on my shoulder. “I can’t hide anything from you, huh?”

“You’re an open book, even when you don’t want to be,” I sighed. “I just hate knowing I’ve been such a strain.”

“Tobias, it’s not like it’s on purpose,” He mumbled. “And you know me—I stress about the small things. I can make a big deal out of literally anything,” He laughed to himself. “You’re out here making it seem like you’re killing me. And you’re not.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. It’s not all you,” He smiled up at me. “Honestly, every few years my anxiety meds act up—whether that be surprising me with new symptoms, not working altogether, or breaking my brain when my doctor tries to ween me off them,” He cleared his throat. “I-It’s a whole mess. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I laughed.

“Cuz that’s kinda TMI.”

“It’s not too much, you’re just being real. Not everyone enjoys facing the gross stuff. Regardless of your stress factors or anxiety triggers, I still wanna make all this up to you. Even if it has to be like a thousand small things that never truly equate, I wanna try.”

He smiled. “Um, I can’t lie—I just like it here in your lap.”

“Yeah?”

“Y-Yeah.”

I slid my hands down his sides, and he smiled as I rested them on his waist. “Well, you can keep brainstorming and until you ask me for something, I’m just gonna,” I leaned in, pressing my nose against his. “Get my fix.”

“Of what?” He closed his eyes. “Me?”

“Mhm. To catch up on the two weeks of Cason I’ve missed. Minus Thursday, I guess.” I paused. “Then again, you were having a shitty day so maybe that doesn’t count.”

The boy snickered as I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed him softly. I quickly felt him relax in my lap and I pulled back, smiling.

“Can’t believe I’m just letting you relapse,” He teased while caressing the side of my face.

“Shush.”

I pulled him back in as he wrapped his arms around me, slowly following my rhythm. Although it had really only been two days since we’d kissed, it felt like an eternity. I loved his desperation to close the gap between us but his constant shuffling on top of me was making me restless. The way his lips followed mine was gentlemanly, but his hands desperately wandered across my body. I felt his fingertips creep under my shirt, but he quickly stopped and wrapped his arms back around me instead.

“You can touch me,” I muttered, breaking the kiss to find his face bright red.

“A-Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” I pulled him into another kiss, humming as his hands slowly slid up my shirt and rested on my chest. I eventually mimicked his movements, smiling a bit as he flinched against me, only to melt back into my touch.

“You’re warm,” I mumbled, keeping one hand on his stomach as I slid the other down the leg he had wrapped around me, pressing us together.

“So are you.”

He continued to kiss me while caressing my sides. Despite how shaky his movements were at times, by the placement of his hand, I could tell he was considering removing my shirt, but constantly hesitated and never followed through. I eventually ran my hand down his other leg, getting a rush of heat as he moaned into my mouth while I increased the pressure on his thigh. But to my dismay, he quickly broke the kiss and leaned back.

“Fuck,” He covered his mouth. “A-Are you really sure this is okay?”

I looked him over. “Yeah.” I flashed him a smile. “...Are you?”

He played with the hem of my shirt. “I-I’m just paranoid I’m gonna—I don’t know, make you uncomfortable. It might not be the same positions or movements per say but…it’s the same environment, right?” He looked up. “Fuck, bringing it up probably makes it worse.”

“Cason, it’s oka—”

“A-Are there like do’s and don’ts?” He asked anxiously. “Because God I’m dying to touch you and for you to touch me, but I feel so wrong asking for that after everything that’s happened, and I don’t wanna cross any boundaries or recreate that feeling or—”

“Cason,” I held his face. “Look at me. Breathe. It’s okay.”

He gulped.

“I appreciate your concern, truly, but I promise I’m fine. And if I’m not, I’ll tell you.”

He nodded slowly. “O-Okay...”

“For starters, we’re both sober,” I chuckled. “And most importantly, you’re you, not him.” I smiled. “You’re actually my type and I love you, so I’m—”

“You love me?!”

I stiffened. “H-Have I not said that before?”

He perked up. “Fuck no! And I would know if you did!” He laughed as his blush spread to his ears. “You’ve said you love many things about me, but not me directly…”

“Oh.” I grinned. “Shit, yeah, you’re right.” I shrugged. “Well, I love you. There. Problem solved.”

His eyes sparkled. “I love you, too!” Cason grabbed my face and kissed me for a few seconds, pulling back with a grin wider than before. “Full disclosure, you saying that kinda turned me on.”

I started laughing. “More than you already are?”

“Y-Yes! Shut up!”

“You’re so fucking cute,” I grabbed his waist and pulled him further into me, so he was completely positioned on top of my hard-on. “I obviously can’t judge,” I added as his blush deepened.

He slid back to his previous position, sweating. “D-Don’t do that! It feels weird!” He playfully shoved me.

“Hey, good weird or bad weird?”

“Shut up!

I cut off his laugh with a hungry kiss, only to pause for a few seconds to throw my shirt off and pull him back into me. I groaned as he finally ran his hands across my entire torso, and I felt his lips form a smile against mine. Our rhythm eventually slowed, and Cason leaned back, although our noses were still pressed together.

“I—um,” He mumbled, wrapped his arms around my neck. “I don’t like…” He trailed off into a whisper.

I pecked him on the lips. “How are you gonna mumble this close to me and I still can’t pick up on what you’re saying?” I teased. “You’re doing it on purpose.”

He rolled his eyes in a failed attempt to hide his smile. “I-I just, I don’t—” He whined. “I feel so weird asking for…this type of stuff.”

I played with his hair. “Are you trying to say all you wanted was for me to kiss you? Earlier?” I brushed a strand behind his ear. “Did you want me to pick up on it all by myself?”

“Yes.” He pouted.

“Hey, at least you’re honest.” I fiddled with his shirt. “I’ll give you points for that,” I began to remove the garment. “And you’re very cute. That’s at least an extra ten.”

He laughed as I pulled him into a tight hug, satisfied by how much warmth he was radiating. He was already sweaty, and I could feel his heartbeat, which only added to my excitement. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, smiling.

“I miss sleeping next to you,” I muttered into his neck.

“Me too,” He ran his hands down my back. “I liked the company.”

“Meanwhile, now it’s like we’re a divorced couple that doesn’t have enough money to actually get separate places so instead we sleep in separate rooms.”

Cason laughed. “Especially since you made the basement your cave!” He leaned back a little. “Not that I care—it’s just funny.”

“It’s cold as shit down there, even with the heater on.”

“Well, you’re allowed to come back whenever! There’s no bounty on your head. Promise,” He kissed my ear. “Do you, um, wanna stay the night here?”

I finally released him from the hug and glanced at the front door. “That was my plan if you didn’t hate me after I apologized to you sixteen times.” I snickered. “I brought a change of clothes, toothbrush, etcetera. Does the couch pull out or…??”

“Oh,” Cason turned around and gestured across the room. “That door’s the guest room. Since it’s a condo, everything’s just on one floor.”

I laughed. “Well, I like the layout.”

Cason slid off the couch like a worm and stretched, immediately playing off the sounds of various bones cracking. “Although, it might as well be a regular house at this point! C’mon,” He pulled me up.

“O-Oh. Am I getting a tour?”

The boy grabbed my bag from the front door before showing me the other rooms. It seemed kinda basic for a beach house to be decorated like a beach house, but at least the color scheme wasn’t strictly blues and whites. It was tastefully done and as Cason showed me the kitchen and the various photo collages on the walls—many of which showcased adorable kiddie photos of him and his brothers—I couldn’t help but wonder if he had helped his Nana decorate. 

“What were you doing before I got here?” I asked while following him into the guestroom where he placed my bag next to his.

“Watching Neflix on my laptop,” He chuckled. “Well, I was really just watching all the previews with the cats.”

“With the cats?”

He grinned. “They like when other animals appear on screen!” He kicked his cords out of the middle of the floor. “Mainly Mappy—he’s the orange one, which should say enough. And then there’s Pinecone!”

“Who you painted!”

Cason nodded aggressively. “And whenever my Nana visits, she usually brings him. Mappy doesn’t do good with new environments. A-Anyway,” He moved his Cason-droppings off the bed. “I don’t know why I’m talking about the cats. I could honestly talk about them for hours.”

“And I’d listen.”

He blushed. “S-Shut up.”

I walked over to him as he nudged more of his belongings into the closet and closed it back. “You could talk about anything, and I’d happily listen. Always. I like how you face lights up when you talk about things you enjoy.”

Cason chuckled, avoiding my eyes.

“Personally, I love when you talk about photography, but anything goes.”

“I-I think I just like that you like me so much.”

I laughed as I placed my hand on his waist. “You just like that I like everything about you. Everyone else has been missing out. But hey, if they wanna live boring ass lives, more power to them.” I slowly pushed him against the wall. “Cuz that means I get you all to myself.”

“O-Oh.”

I slid my hand down his side and eventually under his thigh, lifting his leg as I pressed myself against him.

“How’s that sound?”

He immediately closed his eyes. “Good.”

I smiled as I rubbed his bottom lip with my thumb, watching as he eagerly waited for me to kiss him. I couldn’t help but snicker as he stood there with his mouth open, though I eventually gave in and pressed my lips against his knowing damn well I couldn’t wait, even as a joke.

His moan sent a wave of heat through my body as I pushed him further against the wall, to the point where I could almost fix the height gap between us. He clung to me as I slipped my tongue into his mouth, but his nails digging into my back felt weirdly good. He kept his leg raised, which made me painfully aware of how hard he still was. 

Hell, we both were.

It was clear a switch had been flipped in his mind.

Even when we paused to breathe, he didn’t say anything, and he’d barely let me lean back an inch before desperately pulling me back in. He clung to me for dear life, shuddering as my lips eventually moved across his jaw and down his neck.

If I could, I’d kiss every freckle on his body.

He hummed as my lips slowly made their way along his collarbone while my free hand massaged the other side of his chest. The lower I went, the more his body would stiffen until I ran my tongue across his navel and his knees buckled.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I found myself catching him, yet again. I noticed how flushed his shoulders had become as he clung to mine.

“P-Please pretend that didn’t happen,” He looked down at me, grinning.

“How can I? Even your smile alone right now can sell the whole scene.” I showered his stomach with kisses, and he laughed while fidgeting under me.

I couldn’t help but repeat the action and he fell into me again with another muffled moan.

“Tobias!”

I smirked. “What? Do you want me to stop?”

“N-No, just—!” He chuckled under his breath before glancing away from me. “I’m clumsy enough—I’m not a big fan of adding to my fall count. So, just…lay me down if you’re gonna do that.”

My face lit up. “Oh, shit.”

I scooped him up and quickly changed my direction, planting him on the mattress. “No complaints,” I said before kneeling against the bed with my hands on his waist and sliding my tongue across his stomach again.

I repeated the action several more times, kissing his navel as he wiggled under me, unable to hold in a single sound. He tangled his fingers in my hair, keeping me against him as he seemingly tried to squirm away from my mouth.

“I knew you were ticklish, but this is last place I expected you to favor,” I muttered against his skin as he laughed.

“I-I don’t know how to explain it—” He panted with a grin.

I repositioned myself above him. “How’s this?” I caught his breath in a kiss before I pressed my thumb against the area below his belly button and slowly slid down.

The moment he moaned, I slipped my tongue into his mouth, merely catching a glimpse of his eyes rolling back. He clung to me while his concentration withered as he failed to kiss me back.

“Fuck,” He huffed against me, taking a sharp breath as I kissed him between each word. “Keep pressing…” He whimpered as I moved my hands. “Yeah, there, please.”

Cason shuddered again as I moved my lips back to his neck and lightly scraped my teeth against his skin. I lost my train of thought as he panted against my ear, sending me constant chills. I ran my hand down the rest of his torso and undid his drawstrings to slide my hand across his boxers. His body jerked into me as I touched him through the fabric, only to quickly unzip my jeans so I could press myself against him. I pushed him further onto the bed, pulling his waist into mine with a groan.

He let out a soft, “oh,” quickly closing his eyes as I stared at the freckles covering his chest. His stomach rapidly rose and lowered as I found myself grinding against him. Part of me was anxious, but another part of me couldn’t get enough of him. 

His saliva was sweet, his breath was warm, his body was soft and sweaty, and his whimpers had my brain in a trance. He looked good under me.

It was weird to see again, given how that worknight played out weeks ago. Still, he looked significantly better on top of the sheets than trapped in my passenger seat. His blue eyes looked pretty in the dim yellow light emitting from the lamp on the night table. 

I was desperate to touch him knowing his skin against mine wouldn’t burn. 

His gestures were timid and sweet, and I found myself melting into him. I liked letting my guard down around Cason. When my paranoia would finally halt, the feeling could leave me breathless.

“C-Can I do something?” I huffed, watching as he glanced at our position.

“Yeah.”

I released him and rolled him onto his stomach. He tensed up, only to let out a tiny squeak as I ran my lips down his back, following his spine.

“I’ve been dying to kiss your freckles back here.” I mumbled as he laid on his arms.

“That feels nice,” He hummed.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm…”

I laughed against him, showering his back in soft kisses for a few minutes. Cason’s breathing steadied until he eventually rolled back over and grabbed my face, pressing his lips back against mine now that he had rejuvenated. I let him lead and waited for him to eventually release me, but he kissed me until we found ourselves panting, every breath merging into one another's. 

In the process, I slid off his sweatpants and couldn’t help but run my hand back and forth across the lower half of his stomach, mesmerized by his breathing pattern against my hand. When my movements would slow, his body would shudder a bit more.

When I’d still yet to touch him directly, he desperately grabbed my hand, shoving it into his boxers. Immediately followed was a muffled moan as he kissed me, now with less coordination. His hands trembled against my back as I slowly started jerking him off. I broke this kiss and leaned against his shoulder, panting as I felt him wrestle off my jeans, to which he started giving me the same treatment.

Eventually, we were following the same rhythm, and Cason’s whimpers became more audible which only distracted me more. Alas, when I was least expecting it, the man slowed down and leaned into my neck.

“Do you need a condom,” He mumbled as his hips followed my hand.

“Shit,” I laughed to myself. “Yeah. I hadn’t planned on getting this far.” I caught his eyes. “Were you anticipating this?”

“No,” He smiled a little as I leaned back. “I just always have condoms in my toiletry bag, as if I ever end up taking it anywhere.”

“Has it ever come in handy?” I sat up.

“Now it has,” He smirked, kissing me for a split second. “Gimmie like five minutes.”

I chuckled, watching as he got to his feet. I could tell from his movements that he was stoked but his face exposed how embarrassed he was, despite it all. 

“Moment you leave the room, I’m counting.”

He turned around in the doorway as I leaned back on my elbows. “What? You think I’m gonna run?!” He grinned, clearly taken aback.

“Nah, I’m just impatient. Five minutes in the bathroom means five minutes I’m not kissin’ you.” I titled my head. “And I’ll be damned if it gets to six.”

Cason laughed. “That’s so—! I don’t even know!” He hid his face. “I guess that’s solid reasoning.” He waved me away. “I’ll be quick. Just for you.”

I laid back on my arms, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before his footsteps faded away and I closed my eyes. I was already stir crazy after one minute. I bounced my foot to a commercial jingle I had looping in my head from the drive here which was a solid distraction until I covered my face with my hands and realized my whole body smelled like him.

It was driving me insane.

I quickly sat back up and locked eyes with Pinecone standing in the doorway, coming to investigate me until I caught him in the act. He eventually meowed as I stared at him and as someone who never had any pets, I awkwardly waved at him.

He hesitantly approached me and sniffed my hand, only to grow satisfied and eventually leave the guest room.

I guess he approved of my sudden presence in his home.

I laid back on the mattress with a sigh, but as I closed my eyes again, I heard Cason approaching. I looked up just as he tossed the lot of condoms onto my chest and climbed on top of me.

“You didn’t have to grab all of them!” Though my laugh was quickly cut off as he grabbed my face and smashed his lips onto mine, already out of breath.

“Don’t care,” He muttered, ripping off one of the wrappers while kissing me. He moved the others out of the way so he could feel up my chest after he placed it in my hand.

My laughter melted into a moan as he slipped his hands back into my underwear. Though just as my body started to freak from being under someone, he grabbed my waist and rolled over, pulling me on top of him.

“Seems like five minutes was too much for you.” I broke the kiss, smirking. “Miss me much?”

“Yes,” He wrapped his arms around my neck with a glare, though I expected him to turn red and ignore my snipe.

Neither of us broke eye contact as we slid off each other’s boxers and I finally tore open the condom, rolling it on.

“It’s pretty hot when you’re forward like this,” I began softly. “Though, you seem very anxious, despite your eagerness.”

“I’m fine,” He chuckled.

“Oh yeah?” I sat back and stared at him on top of the sheets. “You’re shaking.” I slowly ran my fingers across his inner thigh, smiling as he flinched.

“Tobias, I swear to God.”

“What?” I laughed before running my hand down his lower back and seeing if he was loose enough. He held back a moan as I pressed my middle finger into him. It was clear why he went to the bathroom now. Still, if I had known earlier, I probably would’ve intentionally walked in on him.

“I-If you keep teasing me, I’m gonna die. Straight up.” He covered his face, but I could see his smile.

“Can’t help it,” I mumbled, “You’re fun to tease. Alas, all fun must come to end.”

He peeked through his fingers as I slowly lifted his waist to mine, watching as his trembling increased. I tried to assess his expression as I gradually pressed myself into him, though his panting distracted me.

“Cason, relax.”

“I-I’m trying,” He stammered, only tensing up more. 

I leaned up for a second and moved his hand so he’d look at me. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” I smiled. “Just breathe.”

He closed his eyes and within a few seconds, we were breathing at the same pace, and I gave it another shot. If anything, I needed to tell myself to relax. I was distracted by every inch of his body. His blond happy trail, his freckles in areas I had only imagined before—he was so cute, and his permanent flushed look only added to the obsession.

As Cason let out a long exhale, I finally entered him as the sound quickly erupted into a moan as his back arched a little.

“H-Holy fuck,” He gripped the sheets a little, still with his eyes shut.

“You okay?”

“Fuck,” He huffed before nodding. Though as I slowly pressed further into him, he jerked again. “Fuck! Is that not it!?!” He smiled, wide-eyed.

I laughed. “Far from it!”

The man moaned again, contorting his body a bit as I gradually got him used to my size.

“God,” He covered his mouth. “This is miles from what I imagined,” He whined into his hands.

“I-In a good way? Or bad way?”

“Good way.” He blurted. “Goooood way,” He pulled my face towards his and gave me a soft, yet eager kiss. 

I slowly started moving and he instantly clung to me, breaking the kiss as his breath shortened. He leaned his head back in pleasure as I struggled to get a good rhythm, although it was a good sign, nonetheless. It had been so long since either of us did something of the sorts that even if I did a shit job, he’d still get something out of it.

“Fuck,” The man combed his hair back with his gaze stuck to the ceiling. “You feel so good—my mind’s already a blur.”

I laughed and gradually sped up as his shaking lessened. “My mind’s been a blur since I saw you naked.”

Cason hid his face. “Shut the hell up!”

“What? I didn’t know it was possible that every inch of someone’s body could turn me on in the way you do.”

I loved watching his blush spread to his ears. He eventually lowered his hands and looked past his waist, watching as his hips kept meeting mine as I moved in and out of him.

“T-The feeling’s mutual,” He muttered, leaning his head back again. He struggled to take a deep breath. “Shit, I swear to God I’m already close—is that bad?”

I smiled down at him. “It’s been a minute since you did this, so probably not.”

He wrapped his leg around my waist, forcing me to go bit deeper and while I didn’t think it made much of a difference, a moan slipped out of both of our mouths, although Cason tried to shield himself with his hand. I straddled his body with my arms, gripping the sheets as I locked-in for a few minutes, assessing how he’d react to the speed or intensity.

I was satisfied knowing I still had viable stamina, since I was pretty keen on fucking him until my back gave out.

He expressed that most partners ghosted after getting what they came for. He was always disregarded by their ulterior motives, as many never wanted to get to know him, but the fact that I already knew way too much about him only fueled my obsession.

Obsession with the way he’d ramble about the things he’d love, obsession with the way he dressed, the way he decorated, the way he’d make every chore fun. I loved how he was always humming something, always thinking something, and never ran out of words.

At this point, I refused to let anyone else have that. I’d be damned if I gave him up to yet another subpar man that couldn’t love every aspect of him. Cason had experienced that more than enough and I was tired of hearing about it.

I let out a soft groan as he dug his nails into my back thanks to my increase in speed. I leaned down, panting against his ear as I tried to speak.

“Tell me what you want.”

He titled his head towards my voice. “H-Huh?”

“I don’t know what you’re into,” I explained softly. “But I’d kill to get you to keep moaning the way you do,” I laughed a little. “It makes me tingly—it’s fucking wild.”

“O-Oh.” He attempted to catch his breath as I slowed up, eager to hear him beg. He shuffled under me, smiling a bit.

“I… I want you to grab my hips,” He mumbled. “A-And lift my waist and thrust until my brain melts.”

I snickered, watching as he tensed up while I shifted my position. “Hard or fast?”

“Both.” He combed his hair back, shutting his eyes as I quickly followed his orders, unable to break my gaze from his how his hips immediately matched my rhythm. 

His head shot back, and he turned into the pillow, balling the sheets up in his fists. “Fuck—like that! Please keep doing that!”

Since I was sitting up, it allowed me to take in more of the view which only drove me more insane. His nipples were still red from my wandering hands, he had precum dripping down onto his stomach, and had a few light markings down his neck.

“Tobias…” He whined softly, his trembling slowly increasing. “P-Please don’t stop,” He held his waist, placing his hands on top of mine. “I’m really fucking close.”

I took a deep breath and sped up while the whimpers with each thrust multiplied my desperation to witness him finish. Although the headboard began to hit the wall, I couldn’t focus on anything other than his constant panting as he clung to the sheets and his body trembled below me.

“F-Faster, Tobias, please,” His words melted into a moan as I managed to press myself deep enough into him for his back to arch as he came all over his stomach. He spazzed under me as I quickly leaned back over him, still keeping the same tempo.

“Keep saying my name,” I huffed as he wrapped his arms back around me, groaning as he pressed our bodies together and the influx of heat made me shake.

Cason moaned my name as I used the rest of my energy to get myself off. The man ran his hands up and down my back as I moved, breathing heavily against my ear. He kissed various areas on my neck but as he moved to bring his lips to mine, I moaned into his mouth, immediately reaching my limit. All I needed was to feel like I was drowning in him.

The moment I pulled out, he grabbed my face, desperately kissing me despite his lack of breath. Still, I didn’t care. It was sloppy and my thoughts were a blur, but I kissed him like a drunk teenager, nonetheless. I peeked my eyes open to grab a tissue from the night table, wiping off his stomach. Despite the small action, he moaned into my touch before I pulled him back into me.

He was sweaty and warm, but I proceeded to run my hand up down his body, satisfied by the sticky feeling that only multiplied when our skin met.

Alas, I eventually ran out of air and rolled onto my back next to him, tying off the condom and just barely making it into the trash can.

“I think I wanna do that a hundred times over,” Cason rolled onto his side to face me, exhaling into the pillow.

“R-Right now?!”

“God no!” He laughed, squirming as I slowly dragged my finger down his side. “I’ll fuckin’ pass out, no doubt.”

I snickered before pulling him into a soft, slightly more coordinated kiss. I hugged him from the side, though I eventually rested my hand on his backside. 

“Well,” I broke the kiss as he returned the gesture. “You better tell me what else you like for next time.”

Cason rolled his eyes before shoving his face in my chest. “I-I just like being manhandled.”

“Ah! Well, that’s enlightening.”

He nudged me. “Shut up!”

“Then…can I assume pinning you against the wall was a good start?”

The man laughed softly, rolling over so I was spooning him. “The moment you pin me against anything, you’re in the green.”

I kissed the back of his neck. “Noted.”

He tensed up a little as I ran my hand across his stomach. “D-Don’t you wanna wash up or something?”

“And wash you off me? Hell no,” I scoffed. “I wanna smell you on me all night,” I smiled, holding him tighter.

Cason laughed. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He placed his hand on top of mine. “Can I tell you something dumb?”

“Always.”

He glanced over his shoulder. “You know what I’m most excited about?” He laughed to himself before nestling back against my chest. “Finally having someone on Valentine’s Day, since we’re already a week in or so.”

I released him from the hug, and he rolled back over so I could see his face. “You’ve never been in a relationship around Valentine’s Day?” I leaned on my arm.

“Nah, I mean, back in grade school I’d typically use it as an excuse to finally confess to crushes, but it still never turned into much.” Cason tried to shrug it off, but I quickly saw through it. “I mean, even if you’re busy that day or something, it’s just nice to have someone.”

“That’s pretty reasonable,” I combed my fingers through his hair but quickly became distracted by the blond portions. “You really are a hopeless romantic,” I mumbled. “Then again, I hate knowing you’ve been sabotaged by so many people.”

“Eh, yeah. I guess I’m just used to it now…”

“I’ll try my best to make sure I’m not busy that day—I’ve been single for so long that I kinda forgot that holiday existed.” I laughed to myself, shaking my head as Cason smiled up at me.

“Damn, what’s wrong with us?”

“A lot, clearly.” I laid on my back as Cason scooched towards me, laying his head on my chest. “Still, is there anything specific you wanna do? You seem like you’d already have a list, y’know, that you made back in high school or some shit.”

He flicked me. “Shut the hell up. You can just surprise me—I think I’d be stoked with anything.”

“Yeah?” I hummed. “Alright, well, what’s your favorite flower? And favorite chocolate? Or just candy if you’re not a chocolate person.”

He laughed quietly. “I don’t think I have a favorite flower, actually. I like dandelions though!”

“Those are weeds—you can’t buy them from a florist.”

“Boooring,” He paused to yawn. “Well, I like white chocolate, but honestly my favorite candy is Skittles. I’ll take those over chocolate any day.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.” I grinned. “Alright, what about a favorite restaurant? Or are there maybe any movies coming out that you wanna see?”

“I said surprise me,” He mumbled while slowly rubbing my chest.

“Well, I oughta start brainstorming! I gotta make sure your first Valentine’s date is memorable!”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I chuckled. “You okay?” I look down to see his eyes closed, already beginning to doze off against me. I played with a few rose-gold hair strands, laughing as he kept trying to carry on the conversation through unintelligible mumbling.

“I wanna figure out all your favorite things first. Then we can do me.”

“Mm…boring.”

“Shush,” I kissed the top of his head. “I still gotta take you out on a first date anyways.”

“What about the pottery?”

I pulled the sheets up. “What…about the pottery?”

“Wasn’t that our first date?”

“Accidentally, yeah. Instead of dinner and a movie it was dinner and pottery,” I laughed. “Still, I want the first date to be planned.”

“Mhm.” He yawned again which caused me to do the same. “I liked it when you kissed me that night,” He mumbled softly.

“Surprise, surprise.”

“You could just kiss me for Valentine’s Day, and I’d be happy.”

I relaxed under the covers while caressing him. “Honestly, that doesn’t sound all too bad. There’re still more freckles I wanna kiss,” I hummed. “The ones on your ears, you have a lot on your shoulder blades,” I chuckled. “And it’d give me an excuse to kiss your calves too.”

“I don’t have freckles on my lips so what’s your excuse for that?”

“Don’t need one. You got nice lips.”

He laughed quietly. “You know where I else I got freckles?”

“Yes…” I nudged him. “I saw. Kinda makes your dick cuter, which I didn’t think was possible.”

He nudged me back. “Don’t say that,” He droned, mumbling into my chest as I got a kick out of his reaction.

“You want me to kiss you there too?” I watched as his ears turned red and he quietly nodded against me. “God, you’re adorable.”

I kissed his head again and watched as his breathing slowed and he finally fell asleep against me while clinging to my side. I enjoyed using him as a blanket, but I still had trouble dozing off, despite my exhaustion. I wasn’t sure if the new environment was to blame, but his company always helped.

Missing his company in bed was an understatement. Even though he took up the whole bed and would steal the sheets, I found comfort knowing that I became relaxed enough around him for his presence to soothe my insomnia.

After years of waiting, I finally found someone who felt like home.