Rose Gold

That Sunday, I spent most of the morning organizing my mess for the upcoming work week. Preparing the night before never worked for me—I always had to get out ahead of schedule so I wouldn’t forget things along the way. 

Despite there being leftover breakfast in the fridge from Saturday, I continued to walk around the house with a piece of semi-burnt toast in my mouth.

I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday.

I frequently spent time with my friends on the weekend but with him it was different. I hadn’t had fun like that in ages, but it was probably because it never had to end. We started and ended the day near each other and enjoyed each other’s presence throughout the day as well.

I guess that’s what it was like to have a roommate, but it was more enjoyable than college since I could make my own rules.

Thanks to how distracted I got last night, I never got around to Tobias’ laundry, so he ended up going to bed in my pajamas again. He didn’t seem to mind, but I sat on the couch folding what he purchased yesterday so he could at least switch into something more comfortable after waking up.

I switched the TV to early morning cartoons since the news was getting on my nerves and the weather was boring me. I hated all the remakes of my favorite shows from when I was young, but they’d occasionally play the originals.

As I fought to split my attention between Sonic the Hedgehog, laundry, and eating toast without scattering crumbs everywhere, the doorbell rang.

The only person I was accustomed to knocking on my door early Sunday morning was either Mason, who always got up before dawn and ended up bored, or my dad who’d invite me to church. But in his case, he’d always text me first and it was already eleven—the latest service had already ended.

Still, I found it amusing how I was still waking up before Tobias. I’m sure it’d change during the work week, but it was likely because he was trying to catch up on sleep. While he seemed better, I could tell he was still emotionally exhausted. When I wasn’t talking to him, he’d tend to stare into space looking a bit lost.

And while he didn’t have another panic attack last night, I still heard him get up countless times. I wasn’t sure how to help with that.

When the person knocked again, I jumped up, forgetting what I was doing. After running over to unlock the door, I stared at the man on my porch. I cocked my head to the side as he waved at me. 

I opened the screen door. “Do I know you?”

“Hopefully.” He snickered. “Toby’s friend? From yesterday?”

I felt my face heat up and let him into the house since it didn’t feel right letting all the heat outside while he stood there freezing. “Oh shit. Yeah, my bad. Wait, did you cut your hair?”

“Yep.” The taller man combed his fingers through his short, yellow waves that now stopped above his ears. “Last night, actually. Just to keep it interesting.”

“W-Well, it looks good!” I beamed, unsure of how to keep the conversation going. “Were you looking for me…?”

“Not necessarily, but since Tobias said you were two doors down from him, I used the process of elimination.” He snickered. “You’ve quite a nice place here, eh? Cutesy house for a cutesy photography boy.”

I smiled awkwardly. I wasn’t sure if he was complimenting me or not, and after Tobias word-vomiting about how cute I was yesterday, I wasn’t sure how to take it from a stranger.

“Is Toby here? I was texting him—I’m here to pick him up.” The man unzipped his jacket and began to mess with his hair, but it was clear he wasn’t used to it being short. It was a bit funny.

“Oh, he’s still asleep. You two have plans or something?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

I shook my head, confused. “N-Not that I mind, but if that were the case, I assumed he would’ve gone to bed earlier.”

“What? You two stay up all night getting romantical?”

I snorted and covered my mouth. “What?!” I wanted to be mad, but his choice of words cracked me up. “No!” I grinned. “What gave you that idea? Sure, he’s staying here with me but we’re just friends. And he has nowhere else to go right now anyway.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Pretty Boy.” Matthew walked further inside and leaned against the back of the couch. “What’s your name?”

“Cason.” I mumbled.

“Hm.” He chuckled. “You look more like a Lucas.” He shrugged. “Anyways, yesterday I told Tobias he could stay with me. I know him better, after all. It only makes sense.”

I paused. He never brought any of that up. “He’s leaving? He’s not leaving!”

Matthew chuckled. “Don’t get your panties in a knot. It would just be easier for him. We work at the same place, wear the same size, and have history together so he doesn’t have to feel awkward about living off some semi-broke art kid.”

I scrunched up my nose. “Excuse me? Does this look like the type of house a broke person would live in?”

“No, but there’s no way in hell someone like you didn’t just…get it handed to him.” He smirked at my response.

I barely knew Matthew and yet he gave me such an awful vibe. He was one of those smug flirty guys, sure, but yesterday he seemed bothered by my presence. We were strangers and he seemed overprotective of Tobias, who clearly gave zero shits about him.

“Just let me take him off your hands. I’m sure it’ll benefit both of you.” He placed his hands behind his head. “I’m doing you a favor.”

“N-No you’re not…” I mumbled. “I like having him here. And Tobias seems to enjoy my hospitality, too.”

“Well, no shit. He had no one else…until now.” Matthew sighed. “I wish he would’ve told me first. We have each other on speed dial for Christ’s sake. Nonetheless, you were just the default since you were the closest person to him at the time. Now that he can think straight, he’s changed his mind.”

“W-What? Did he tell you that? Is that what you were talking about in his office?”

I didn’t want to believe Matthew, but he had a point. We didn’t know each other, really. Yesterday was the first time I connected with him. He has no one else and he’s vulnerable which is why it seems like he’s dying to stay with me. If he had a compassionate family member or friend, I’m sure he never would’ve decided to stay here.

And now he finally had a friend.

However, he always claimed to have none. Then again, that went for friends outside of work but if they were close in high school then I’m sure Matthew didn’t count as a lowly work friend. And yet, he never mentioned him.

Did he not want to hurt my feelings?

Did he think having me wake up to his absence would be better somehow?

“Doesn’t matter. Anyways,” He sat on the armrest. “I’ll just chill here until he wakes up, and then we’ll get out of your hair. And you can go back to…doing whatever it is you do.”

I stared at Matthew, unsure of what to say or how to feel. I doubt I had experienced Tobias’ full personality so the act of him dipping without a word shouldn’t surprise someone with no frame of reference. Maybe he was just stalling. Although, I fiddled with one of my hoodie strings, thinking. 

“You two aren’t friends.”

Matthew glanced at me, continuing to watch Cartoon Network. “Hm?”

“He doesn’t like you. You get on his nerves, and he told me yesterday that he’s never thought of you as a friend. Not now and not back in high school.”

The man rolled his eyes. “God, you’re annoying. Just shut up and sit down.”

“Don’t talk to me like that in my own fucking house!”

He finally looked at me. “Or what? You gonna punch me? Cry? Call the cops?” He scoffed. “Gimme a break, Pretty Boy.”

“Stop calling me that.” I demanded.

“What are you getting so hot for?” He grinned. “Oh… You’re jealous. Cason, baby, Tobias is way out of your league.” He paused. “Don’t look at me like that—you know I’m right! Trust me, if he wants you around, it’s just for sex.”

“W-Wait, so he’s actually gay?”

Matthew laughed. “Huh?! So, were you trying to seduce a straight guy by housing him after he was in an accident? Am I picking that up right?”

I clenched my fists. “S-Shut up! I just wasn’t sure! H-He even told me I was his type—I just didn’t believe it!”

“Good, so you do have some sense! If he wants anything from you in that regard, it’s sex.” He looked me over and his gaze started making me nauseous. “Kinda like a…cute, ditzy chick at a bar. Good for a one-night stand, but the thought of being around her day after day makes you wanna bash your head into a wall.”

“I’m nothing like that! And Tobias isn’t that type of person either!”

He laughed. “And how would you know? Man, I’m starting to get a kick out of you.”

I swallowed heavily. The way he sat on the armrest made me want to punch him into oblivion—arms crossed, smirking, nose pointed upwards as if he was on a higher level than me.

“Why’s it so loud down here…”

I whipped around to see a half-asleep Tobias at the bottom of the steps. He had his wacky uneven bed head again, but the moment he noticed Matthew, he froze, now fully awake.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!”

The other man smiled at the sight of Tobias. “Toby!! Bout time your ass got up. I’ve been waiting for you. Let’s go.”

Tobias ignored Matthew’s outburst and glared at me. “Did you let him in here? Why did you let him in here?!” He panicked.

“I-I—he seemed harmless! I didn’t know what he wanted!” I stammered as Tobias left the stairs and stood in front of me, shielding me from his coworker.

“You. Get out.” He demanded.

“You say, as if this is your house.” Matthew laughed. “I’m not leaving without you. Remember what we talked about? We’re gonna be roomies!”

“I never agreed to that!”

The two men began to bicker as I stood behind Tobias, sweating buckets. Given how Matthew was when he began to show his true colors, I wasn’t surprised that he lied. Then again, I wasn’t sure what to believe. When it came down to it, I didn’t know either of those men and while I thought I knew Tobias, I knew better than to follow him blindly.

Were the last few days…fake? Was he being fake?

Everything seemed genuine to me—the crying, the panic, the flirtations—even his smiles made me feel some type of way. Hell, I even held his hand yesterday and he didn’t even flinch. But I was tired of being treated like an object and only being wanted for my looks and body, if that. I had millions more to offer, and yet, I’d sleep with people I thought I was close to, only for them to ghost me a few weeks later.

It was a pattern, and I was fucking sick of it.

Tobias said I was my type, but he was drunk, and proceeded to make advances at me that night.

Maybe I was shielding myself from the truth when I never should’ve gotten involved with him in the first place.

“Get out.” I hissed lowly.

Tobias glanced at me. “Yeah! Get out! Seeing you right after waking up has already made me lose my appetite.”

“No.” I lightly shoved him towards Matthew. “Both of you. Get out of my house.”

“W-Wha—”

“I don’t care where you go, as long as it’s not here.” I glared at Tobias. Matthew didn’t give two shits.

“Sounds good to me! Looks like I win.” He grabbed Tobias’ hand who quickly snatched it back.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He looked at me, horrified. “Cason, what are you talking about? I thought—?”

I turned my back and walked into the dining room. “If you wanna leave so badly, leave. If you’re embarrassed by me and spent the last two days just waiting for your buddy to come pick you up, t-then get out.” My voice cracked as I shoved my hands in my pockets. I’m so fucking tired of just… people using me for what they want, and then throwing me to the side.”

Tobias stared at me in dismay and didn’t say anything. He whipped around to Matthew, red-faced. “What the fuck did you say to him?!” He shrieked and grabbed him by the collar. “I told you to stay away from him, you freak!”

Matthew rolled his eyes, only for Tobias to swing his fist into his nose.

“Holy shit!” I tensed up. “Tobias!”

The other man held the lower half of his face as he staggered back. “Goddamn! Calm down! You’re such a hothead!”

Tobias didn’t respond but proceeded to drag Matthew out of the house. They continued yelling and I could only assume that he probably hit him again, but I didn’t wanna think about it. Was Tobias mad at him for telling the truth or was my gut right? Was he just making up shit?

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the doorway to the living room. Several minutes passed before Tobias came back inside, slamming the door. The sound startled me, and he still looked pissed as he looked me over.

“What did he say to you?” The man began quietly.

“H-Huh?”

“Matthew, what did he say to you?”

I gulped. “I-I, um…”

Tobias rolled his eyes and sighed, sliding down the door to sit on the ground, exhausted. “Whatever it was, don’t believe it. He’s a freak and a manipulator and I’d rather be shot than ever live with him, even for a few days.”

“W…What did he do to you?” I carefully made my way over to him.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s just…an awful person overall. He’ll do anything to make sure he gets his way and typically his ‘way’ involves me to some degree. He thinks he’s a know-it-all and is practically a pathological liar. He…” Tobias sighed. “It’s like he lives in his own little world and nothing he ever says makes sense. I can’t even trust half the shit that comes out his mouth.”

“Yeah…that makes a bit more sense now. He talked as if you two were besties, when you clearly stated yesterday that he drove you insane. I understand why now.” I sat in front of Tobias, and he finally looked at me.

“H-He didn’t touch you…did he?”

I shook my head, confused. “…What? Uh, no. Why?”

“He’s just,” Tobias rubbed his face. “Handsy.”

“I see…” I muttered, Matthew’s words still circling in my head. “Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about something he said?”

I nodded and Tobias groaned. “What?”

“Do you use people for sex?”

“What?” He chuckled a little. “No. I mean, I tend to do sex without the relationship portion because I don’t have the mentality for that, but the other party is always in the know. If I want someone for sex, I’m not gonna make up a bunch of shit and drag it out.”

“And if you want a relationship with someone?”

Tobias started blushing. “On the rare occasion that I act on a fuckin’ crush I have, I mean, I beat around the bush but…” He groaned, avoiding my gaze. “It’s hard to explain. I’m so bad at that stuff that I can’t even describe it—it’s pretty obvious that I know more about sex than full-on relationships, not that I don’t want one or anything,” He sighed, disappointed in himself. “Just—if I wanna get in someone’s pants, they’ll know.”

“Er…okay.”

“Is that not the answer you were looking for?”

I gulped. “I’m not sure. It’s just interesting, is all.”

He smiled a little. “Well, I told you that I’m not really good at any basic human interaction that’s not work-related. I’m kinda robotic.”

“Eh, not to me!”

The man chuckled. “Thanks. I mean, I’m sort of fucked up right now so you’re just getting every awful side of me. Which I guess makes me appear more human.”

I pinched his cheek, grinning. “That and the fact that you don’t look, feel, or sound robotic.”

Tobias shoved me playfully. “Shush.”

I laughed and took a deep breath, leaning my head back against the door. “What a roller coaster of a morning.”

“So, um,” Tobias began quietly. “Am I allowed to stay? You still wanna kick me out?”

I smirked. “No, you can stay.”

“Nice.”

I laughed at his sigh of relief and stood up with a stretch. I sat back down on the couch and resumed my cartoons, hoping I could manifest a little morning do-over for myself although it was far past noon. Tobias went into the kitchen and warmed up some breakfast, which he proceeded to eat at the counter so he could watch TV with me from the other room.

While we didn’t have any plans to go anywhere, he took a shower and was finally able to put on clothes that weren’t Cason-sized. Earlier in the morning I had switched out of my sleeping pajamas to my lounging pajamas. That’s how interesting it was gonna get for me on a Sunday.

However, Matthew’s words still circled in my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a little truth to them, but I couldn’t outright ask if Tobias was truly gay and just wanted sex. I didn’t believe it, but that didn’t stop me from being paranoid.

Maybe this was the new era.

Cason—stepping out of his box, making more friends, and potentially starting a stable, long-term, mature, romantic relationship with someone, that didn’t wither quickly after he stripped down to his underwear.

You never know. 

Maybe by Valentine’s Day I’d actually have someone to go on a date with. I always got chocolate and gifts from my family, but just once I wanted to be in a relationship during that holiday to see what it would feel like.

I organized my agenda as Tobias happily joined me on the couch in his comfy new clothes. It was a relief to see him with a smile on his face.

“Am I allowed to change the channel?”

I handed him the remote. “Yeah, sure. We can watch normal adult shows now.”

The man chuckled as he started switching channels while I scrolled through stuff on my laptop sitting cross-legged beside him.

Tobias glanced at me. “I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“Say Matthew wasn’t a freakshow,” He began, and I snickered. “Would you be upset if I went to stay with him?”

I shrugged. “I think it was less about you leaving and more about it being spur of the moment. You not caring to tell me would hurt my feelings. Which is what I thought was going on at first.”

He sighed. “Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, when I get my own place, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“I appreciate that.” I chuckled. 

“Still,” Tobias went on. I looked up from my computer, confused. “Wouldn’t you be happy if someone else took up this responsibility? So you wouldn’t have to stress about having a guest or trying to take care of and comfort me for a vague amount of time.”

“N…Not really, no.” I mumbled.

“Why?” Tobias looked unsure of himself. Maybe part of him was bothered by someone like me taking care of him. Matthew’s lies or not, that was still believable in my eyes. “You’re not getting anything out of this, really, aside from company, I suppose. But it’s a lot of work. You’re not used to cooking for two or having someone in your business all the time.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “That’s true, yeah. But it’s a nice change of pace.”

“Yeah, but you could easily get a roommate or someone who can contribute to the house, y’know? And share responsibilities while still making your life a bit more interesting. I’m unsuited for that, so I guess…I don’t get why you do all this.”

Tobias continued to stare at the TV while my face burned up. 

The answer was clear: It was because I liked him and hopefully being stuck around me would help him see me in a different light. However, I couldn’t tell him that right now. Personally, I was still convinced it was a crush soon to fade. If I brought it up, I’d never be able to ignore it and get over myself.

I took a deep breath.

“Because…I feel bad.”

Tobias looked at me as I finally closed my laptop. It was quiet for a while as I kept my gaze on my lap, but despite the TV, my thoughts were drowning out the sound.

“Like, pity?” He finally asked.

“Well, no.” I cleared my throat. “Frankly, it’s probably worse,” I muttered. “I want you to be okay, sure, but if anyone should be doing this, it’s me. I begged you to hang out with me because I wanted to feel normal and like I had the balls to step outside the box. I wanted to get to know you so bad but instead I dragged you out on a weeknight, fucked up your sleep schedule, made shit weird a-and…” My voice cracked. “I should’ve just left you alone.”

“Cason…”

“You couldn’t think straight because of me, right? It all started that night and it just got worse. If it weren’t for me, you probably wouldn’t even be in this mess.”

Tobias grabbed my arm. “Cason, stop. Look at me.”

I tensed up. “I’m so sorry…”

“Cason,” He leaned into me and turned my face so I could see him. “It’s not your fault, okay? I liked hanging out and learning about you that night. It’s not your fault that I drank too much and…” He sighed. “There were countless reasons why I hadn’t been thinking straight, okay? Weeks before you met me, even. I was just mad with myself that I made a move on you.”

Tobias retracted his hand. “That’s not the type of person I am, and I wanted to apologize but I didn’t know how to bring it up and then we stopped talking and—” He paused. “Wait. Is that why you asked if I use people for sex?”

I gulped.

“Oh my God, Cason…I’m sorry…”

“N-No, it’s fine.” I mumbled. “I was just scared that…I dunno—that you were another person who was embarrassed to be around me and didn’t give a shit about who I was as a person. I was afraid of getting close to someone else with ulterior motives that I didn’t notice until it was too late.”

“Another? How many people have treated you like that?!”

I rubbed the back of my neck and brought my knees closer to my chest. “Not important.”

“Cason—” 

“I wanted to look on the bright side and disregard that night!” I sighed. “We were drunk and tired but part of me felt like I needed to make it up to you. And given that your house is completely gone, I don’t think I ever can, but I wanted to try.”

Despite how I kept turning away from Tobias, he kept moving me so I would look him in his worried eyes.

“You don’t need to make anything up to me, Cason! You didn’t do anything wrong! I promise I’m not mad at you,” He said softly and held my shoulders.

I leaned back. “I-I’m gonna go upstairs, I think.”

Tobias grabbed my hand as I tried to get off the couch, but I shook him off. “No, Cason please!”

“I-I mean, even if I no longer have to feel bad, I still feel exposed and I really, really hate it.” I admitted while holding back tears. “I’m still selfish for doing all this.”

“You’re not selfish at all! Especially if your definition of selfish means opening your doors for a homeless acquaintance!” He forced a laugh. “You clearly have good intentions.”

“No, I don’t! I made it all about me when the spotlight should be on you! I was only trying to redeem myself. I can never seem to stay in my lane,” I mumbled under my breath.

He chuckled awkwardly while rubbing my hand. “Well then, I think you’ve officially redeemed yourself.”

“How? It’s only been three days—”

“So what?” He scoffed. “If you’re dying to make me forgive you—even though I’m not upset—then it’s up to me, right? And me says you’re fine.” He snickered. “Take a deep breath.”

Despite his words, I was still panting a bit. I’m sure he could feel my heartbeat through my sweaty hands. 

“I’m not doing great…but I’m better than I was before I started staying with you. Your hospitality is beyond generous, but it’s also just nice to be around someone different.”

Tobias finally let go of me and flashed an embarrassed, yet genuine smile. I was flattered but still on the verge of tears. I was honest, but only halfway. I’m sure admitting I was helping him with hopes of getting him to fall for me was some fairytale bullshit that would quickly drive him away.

“Okay…” I finally responded quietly. “That’s good. But,” I glanced at the stairs. “I’m still gonna…”

Tobias sighed and leaned back on the couch. “Well, if you want me, you know where I’ll be.” He glanced at me as I walked over and grabbed the banister. “Please don’t freak out over me. First of all, I’m not worth it, and second of all, I’m not even mad. Not to mention, you shouldn’t be living to…impress me or anyone for that matter.”

I swallowed heavily. “Y…Yeah.” I sighed and scampered upstairs, refusing to look him in the eye. I felt awful for bailing, but I knew I’d only talk myself into a hole since my head hurt, and I couldn’t think. Within minutes, I was sitting on the floor of my shower with the freezing water raining onto my body.

Now my greatest fear was that he got the subtext. 

I barely knew what was going on in that head of his, but people could always read me like a book. But at the very least, we finally talked about Wednesday night.

Kind of.

There didn’t seem to be a concrete reason for Tobias’ actions aside from the alcohol, but it was irrelevant now. I finally had less things to overthink, aside from the fact that I still had a crush on him, and he was staying in my house indefinitely. I loved his company, but it wouldn’t take long for all of my ‘Cason-ness’ to spill everywhere and for him to notice I was nuts.

While he hated Matthew, I’m sure he’d grow sick of me too and eventually hunker down and get a small place of his own. He wasn’t a people person, and I had the personality of like three. If it weren’t for Matthew, I wouldn’t be so paranoid, but it only grew worse as the work week began.

The glow Tobias had during the weekend was gone, probably since he had to deal with Matthew again and face his coworkers after disappearing for a minute. It’s not like the stress was suddenly gone.

I had an abundance of people scheduled for Monday so I couldn’t get an extra hour of sleep, but it was a nice change of pace waking up for work and having someone else be there too. I could tell Tobias felt weird about not being in a suit, but he made do. I went into the kitchen to see him guzzling down some coffee in a plain white dress shirt, unlike my outfit that had too many colors.

“Morning.”

He glanced at me and handed me a mug. “Hey. I don’t know how you like your coffee, but I made you some.” He chuckled.

“Aw hell yeah!” I shrugged. “I’m in a rush so I’ll drink anything, honestly.” I looked him over. “Do you wanna borrow one of my ties?”

Tobias smirked. “You have normal ones?”

“Yes, shut up. I’m gonna make my lunch really quick but they’re in the small middle drawer in my dresser. Feel free to go wild.”

The taller man chuckled. “Alright.” He quickly disappeared out of the room with his slicked-back hair and casual, but still preppy attire. Oddly enough, it was weird not seeing him in lounge clothes anymore, but I always loved a sharp-dressed Tobias.

I organized some of what I made for dinner last night into a smaller Tupperware container and packed some extra snacks into my lunch bag. I dug through the kitchen drawer for another and started making one for Tobias too. I never knew if he packed his own before all hell broke loose, but worst-case scenario, he’d bring it all back home and I could just take it for lunch tomorrow.

I stared at my down jacket that lay on the couch as I heard Tobias walking around upstairs.

He still sounded busy, so I grabbed a pad off the side of the fridge and began to scribble a short, dorky note before tearing it off the pack and placing it in the other man’s bag. I’m sure he could use something uplifting, as if the lunch itself wasn’t enough.

I organized my bags and threw my jacket on before opening the door where it was yet again, colder than the day before. Tobias scampered down the steps but as he put on his coat, I handed him the lunch bag.

“Why is this covered in Pokémon?”

“It’s a lunch bag!” I laughed. “For you. So, you don’t starve and stuff.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.” He started looking inside, but I quickly closed it back and pushed him towards the door.

“A-As your host, anything I do for myself, I’ll do for you. Cook dinner, make lunches, tidy up, do laundry—it only seems fair!”

Tobias chuckled softly before ruffling my hair. “You’re a sweetheart.”

I grinned, holding my computer bag as he walked outside and made his way to his car. I enjoyed having someone to do things for and I never assumed I’d enjoy having someone talk to in the morning. Though, now it was easier to tell someone about my weird funny dreams or go, “Hey, did you hear those randos across the alley setting off fireworks at midnight? Weird shit.”

Conversely, I expected Tobias to feel the same way and for his mood to heighten a bit more with each day, but as the week went on, I was mistaken. It seemed he still liked my company, but by Wednesday, he already looked drained. When I would ask him how his day was, he wouldn’t say much. Then he’d direct the question back at me, appearing more content listening to me ramble about mine. And despite getting home later and later each day, he’d still sit at the dining room table and continue typing away on his laptop.

I stared at him as I ate dinner, watching as he took a few bites between each paragraph.

“Are you doing insurance stuff or like…more work stuff?”

He glanced up. “A little bit of both. I’m just trying to get a head start on tomorrow.”

I chuckled. “That’s fair. I mean, I tend to do the same thing, but don’t you need a break?”

Tobias stared at the screen. “I’m good.”

I sighed and stared at the TV in the living room. I wasn’t sure what was on, but it was better than the awkward silence between us that had already been going on for an hour. I finished my beer and brought my plate to the kitchen only to stand in the doorway afterward, staring at Tobias, but he never felt my gaze. There was no way in hell his eyes didn’t hurt after staring at the same screen for more than eight hours.

“Hey, you wanna do something? Maybe play something or watch a movie…?” I fiddled with the drawstring of my sweatpants. “You seem exhausted.”

He flashed me a smile before focusing back on the screen. “Cason, I’m fine. I appreciate your worry, though.”

“Yeah, but I like, miss you and stuff!”

He clam-shelled his computer and raised an eyebrow.

I groaned. “I-I just mean that I’m seeing you less now that we’ve got shit to do during the day. I was hoping the hype from the weekend would carry over into the work week so it’d be less boring.”

“O-Oh…”

“But if you’re working, you’re working!” I scampered into the living room. “I don’t wanna mess up your funky flow.”

Tobias closed his computer and followed me, chuckling. “N-No, you’re fine. I’m just…I have nothing else better to do.” The man followed me to the couch and plopped down, taking a deep breath. “I’m used to coming home from work and continuing to work.”

“Yikes. That sounds like a living hell.”

He shrugged as I flipped through movies to rent. “Yeah, but it was better than staring at the wall.”

I glanced at him. “Why are you working so hard though? You don’t necessarily have the type of job where you get promoted…especially since you’re at the top. Stressing yourself out with work won’t get you more money than usual to fix your housing situation.”

“Eh…yeah.” He leaned his head back. “I just wanna feel useful.”

I nudged him before I gave up and returned to live TV, landing on some old sitcom. “But is that really worth driving yourself insane?”

He chuckled softly. “No, but I kinda block out my voice of reason. I block out all the voices in my head by…working. But hey!” He nudged me back. “Now I’ve got a physical voice that’s harder to ignore.”

“Hey, I’m helpful!” I beamed and he rolled his eyes.

“You’re beyond helpful. You always know what to say, even when it’s just basic stuff. I don’t talk to many people so almost everything you say is helpful to some degree, even if all it does is make me laugh.”

I felt my face heat up, so I focused my gaze back on the TV.

“Y’know,” Tobias continued. “Like the notes you’ve been putting in my lunch and stuff.”

“Y-You like those?”

He snickered. “Yeah. I’ve saved each one thus far. They’re dorky, but they’re cute.”

I rubbed my face, hiding my grin as I watched a dog food commercial. “Very Cason?”

“Most definitely very Cason.”

I exhaled and glanced at him. “I can’t believe you’ve turned me into an adjective.”

“It’s a good adjective!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Regardless, they make me feel kinda normal. Like, ‘is this what it’s like to be married?’”

I scrunched up closer to the armrest, blushing. “W-Well, that’s not the implication I was going for! As a kid, my mom would leave notes and sometimes Adrian would too. He’d usually leave weird drawings, but I still have ‘em all. I guess I figured it would be homey.”

“Well, that too, for sure.”

“I’m just…” I finally looked at him. “Still worried about you. I mean, I’ll probably be worried about you until you’re financially sound and have your own place but,” I sighed and scratched my arm. “You seem okay when we’re hanging out, but when you’re in your own little world, you look uneasy.”

Tobias blushed a little. “I’m probably gonna keep looking like that for a while. Truthfully, that’s how I’ve always been but now shit’s so messy that I can’t really hide it anymore.”

“Well, you shouldn’t hide it at all. It’s unhealthy.”

Tobias shrugged, smiling a little. “Cason, don’t worry about me, alright? It’s fine. I’m okay.”

I stared at him sadly. “Are you still taking those sleeping pills?”

“What?” He chuckled. “Yeah. Why are you—”

“Because I hear you tossing and turning and getting up countless times throughout the night. And it’s only grown more frequent since Saturday. Like…” I touched his arm, but he pulled back. “You can get to sleep, but you can’t stay asleep.”

He stayed quiet.

“You know, you can bunk with me if you want—”

“No, I’m already in your personal space enough. I’m not taking your bed too. It’s not a good idea.”

I sighed. “But it’s worth a shot, at least! Right?”

The man glanced at me. “I’ll probably disrupt you twice as much, Cason.” He sighed. “I did the same thing when I lived alone, too.”

“Yeah, but just because that was your norm back in the day, that doesn’t mean it was actually normal. It sure as hell isn’t helping your dark circles.”

Tobias furrowed his brows, but he kept watching TV. I didn’t see the point of being stuck in your ways when the ways aren’t even beneficial. Did he have panic attacks before all this too? He had the opportunity to start over and yet he was content with continuing to suffer in silence. It was impossible not to notice at this point.

I tried to keep the conversation going, but it was clear Tobias wasn’t in the mood. We kept watching Friends, although I’d watched every episode at least ten times now, but it felt new whenever I wasn’t watching it by myself. I offered him the remote, but he didn’t mind. Hell, he seemed like he was staring through the screen. Halfway through the week after having a weekend to reset everything, he was already tired.

We binged a few more episodes, but around eight, I noticed Tobias dozing off beside me still looking mildly pissed with his arms crossed. It’s like he was trying to stay awake just to humor me since I wanted to hang out, but in seconds he was out with his head on my shoulder. He didn’t snore, but I could tell by his breathing that he was asleep.

I carefully pulled my phone out of my pocket and angled it so I could see him leaning against me. It seemed like each day he was falling asleep earlier, only to wake up more frequently during the night.

I leaned against Tobias as I stared at the screen before my arm got tired and eventually, I dozed off against him too. He was warm and smelled like shampoo, even though it was technically my shampoo. He still needed his own toiletries, but he didn’t seem to care.

I woke back up an hour later and attempted to scooch out from under Tobias, but the moment I moved, he fell onto the cushions, still asleep. I considered carrying him upstairs, but I knew it wouldn’t end well. I turned off the TV and shook him lightly.

“Hey, you should probably get to bed.”

The man groaned in his sleep and I sighed, combing my fingers through his hair.

“I would carry you, but you know I’m clumsy and I’d probably land us both in the hospital.” He snickered and I smiled. “You’re awake! Get up!” I laughed.

He groaned again and stared at me, half-asleep. “I’m tired…”

“I know, stupid. So I am.” I held my hand out to him and helped him up. “C’mon.”

Tobias yawned, causing me to do the same as I dragged him upstairs. I went into the bathroom to wash my face but when I turned off all the lights and returned to my room, Tobias was conked out on the other side of my bed. I stood in the doorway, confused, but mainly surprised that he decided to take me up on the offer. Then again, he was half-asleep and probably just walked into the closest room.

Personally, I didn’t care. Even as an adult, I enjoyed any excuse to have a sleepover.