Rose Gold

It seemed that anytime Cason and I did anything that wasn’t customary for friends to do, we followed some unspoken rule that banned us from talking about it. I had too many examples to turn a blind eye to it. The drunken mishap was barely mentioned and even when we did, we never accepted all that happened. Then there was the night where he angrily kissed me after I pissed him off, and despite my apology, it was hardly acknowledged.

And now, this past Saturday had been added to the mix. Given that we were both well-rested and sober, it was the most significant. There were no excuses. Sure, it was a joke that went too far, but bottom line, we consensually made out for eleven seconds. Frankly, it was never a joke to me—I was dying to kiss him from the moment I saw him covered in paint.

Still, we never brought up—not the morning after, or during the following week. Personally, I wondered if anything similar would’ve still transpired even if I hadn’t followed my mom’s advice.

Or if I really was an idiot for asking her if Cason liked me.

However, the two of us were essentially in the same boat. I was a workaholic that never got around much whereas Cason wanted a relationship but failed to find someone with mutual feelings. To put it simply, we were both out of the loop, somewhat lonely, and probably a little touch starved.

No wonder he enjoyed hosting me—he finally had someone to talk to and more importantly, someone he could be himself around. It only made sense that he would get a bit attached to the point where he wouldn’t mind if I kissed him. Not even that, it would explain his random hugs or hand holding.

I was probably overthinking it.

My upbringing made me feel like someone had to have something wrong with them in order to like me. They weren’t necessarily wrong—my mom was a mess, and she was the only one who loved me. Or at least acted like it.

On my way home from work Wednesday evening, I called my dad. I was exhausted, but I knew I could fuel my hatred of the workday into making him act right. He didn’t need to know that I was homeless, broke, and staying with a neighbor, I just needed him to believe that if he didn’t reimburse me and help Mom, I’d have several lawyers on his ass. 

Hell, Matthew was even friends with one. It was weird for him to have normal friends, then again, she was a lawyer.

I’m not sure how I even tolerated his antics before. Matthew could do whatever he wanted and say whatever fucked-up stuff off the top of his head, but at the end of the day, I could come home to Cason and forget it all happened. 

Well, for a while that’s how it worked.

I was still irritated from the call with my dad and seconds later, I saw Matthew’s caller ID show up on my screen when I was about to leave my car. I tried to ignore him but after his third attempt at contacting me, I picked up. 

“What?”

He laughed into the mic. “What? You too busy having a Lady and the Tramp moment with your boyfriend?”

I recline my seat back a bit, sighing. “He’s not my boyfriend. What do you want? I saw you like two hours ago.”

“Yeah, I know!” He beamed. “Is Cason around?”

“…Why?”

“I wanna ask him something.”

I scoffed. “Ask me and I’ll relay the question to him.”

“God, you’re such a cockblock. At this point, you’re probably keeping him single with your distasteful aura. You got the puppy-dog boy and his creepy black cat.”

“Fuck you.”

“Toby, I seriously don’t get it. You act like you don’t like me? Fine. I move on to someone you claim not to like, and you still won’t back off. You’re not his fucking bodyguard.”

“Who cares? You’re a parasite so I’m protecting him from you, as any good friend would.” I sighed. “You just wanna get with him to get back at me, as if he’d ever like someone like you.”

“Says the squatter. At least I have the time, money, and emotional stability to happily take him on a date.”

I groaned, combing my hair back. By now, we’ve had this conversation a hundred times now. Last month he bothered me relentlessly about spending Christmas alone, this month it’s Cason, and next month he’ll probably be on my ass about something Valentine’s Day related.

Believe it or not, my only New Year’s resolution was to survive.

Given that I almost died in a fire about a week later, I wouldn’t say it’s going all too well. Funny, since I assumed it would be the easiest New Year’s resolution to stick to,.

“Please stop.”

He snickered. “What? Did I hurt your feelings? You know better than I do that I’m right.”

“Who fucking cares?!” I yelled into the mic. “Just leave him alone! I’ll accept the fact that I’m an irreparable mess, but his life is fine! His family’s fine, his job’s fine—I’m not gonna let you ruin his life. Especially since he’s been having boy-troubles for forever, it seems.”

“Toby, come on—”

“I know you’re just gonna use him.” I mumbled. “Because he’s the next best thing, right? You probably think since he’s small and sweet, you can sway him and that requires way less effort than trying to get with me, right?.”

Matthew laughed softly.

“It’s not funny—I’m serious. Leave him alone.” I glanced out the windshield at his house. “It’s bad enough that he’s being subjected to my shit.”

“So, you agree that he needs a break. That’s sure as hell what it sounds like.”

“I mean, yeah, but that’s not where you come in, okay?”

“Okay.” He paused. “Frankly, I’m tired of dating apps or trying to meet people on the street. Everyone at work sucks except for you, honestly. You’re kinda the only person I want and it’s perfect since we’re already friends. But goddamn, if you’re so emotionally constipated that you can’t date anyone or God forbid just get laid for the first time in nine months, then why can’t I try to woo Cason? It’s not like you will.”

“Because if he doesn’t return your feelings, you’ll start treating him like me, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.” I mumbled.

“Wow, am I really that bad?”

“Is that even a question?! Yes!” I rubbed my face. “I don’t even know how many times you’ve… I just refuse to subject Cason to the same thing. Could you take ‘no’ as an answer just this once?”

I heard Matthew sigh into the phone. “Only if you do something for me.”

I groaned. “I don’t want to have sex with you. Ever. Blackmail me all you want.”

“Calm your tits, Toby. Go out with me. Just once. That’s all I ask.”

“…And you’ll leave Cason alone?”

“Promise.”

“You’ve broken many promises before.”

“Who cares? I’m pretty sure this is the most civilized thing I’ve ever asked of you. You might as well try.”

I took a deep breath. “Fine.”

“Yeah?”

“…Yeah.”

“Alright.” His tone lightened. “Cool. Meet me at my place after work on Friday. I’ll text you my address.”

“Isn’t it supposed to snow?”

“Overnight, yeah. I’m pretty sure having dinner from six until nine will be fine.”

“Oh, and lemme guess: Worst case scenario, I stay the night.”

“Tobias, it’s supposed to start at midnight. Calm down.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fucking hell, man. Whatever. I can’t stand listening to you anymore.”

“Harsh, but understandable.” He laughed. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. You can keep debating with me then if you want. Love you.”

I groaned and quickly hung up, taking a deep breath before I finally left the car. Dinner with Matthew. It sounded like an accident waiting to happen, but we could get off early on Friday so I wouldn’t be stuck with him late into the night. 

On the upside, I had picked up our pottery from the weekend on my way home and I’m sure Cason’s excited grin would calm me down for at least a few minutes. To no one’s surprise, his came out amazing, especially since all the colors had blended. Whereas mine was fine. Still, I was proud of myself. It could’ve looked a whole lot worse, and at least Cason could tell they were berry bushes.

When I entered the house, I sat the cardboard box on the end table. They were filled with paper so the ceramics wouldn’t bang into each other and end up chipping, but despite the living room TV already being on, Cason wasn’t on the couch. 

He looked like Cason…if Cason managed to grow facial hair and got an overdue growth spurt. My presence scared the shit out of him, as if I wasn’t already caught off guard, but his yelling only startled me more.

“Who the fuck are you?!”

“I could ask you the same thing!” I exclaimed as we awkwardly backed away from each other, though all he could really do was scoot to the opposite side of the couch.

“Wrong house?” He went.

“What? No! And again, I could ask you the same thing!” I dropped my bags by the door, unsure of what to do. He watched my every move, and it was freaking me out, especially since his eyes were a lighter shade of blue than Cason’s.

It didn’t help that he looked like some redneck farmer with his seemingly permanent red face and his generic red flannel that he had on top of some graphic tee. He dressed like a teenager, but he looked like he could kill me. He was skeptical of me in Cason’s house and yet he lounged on the couch like he owned the place.

“See, I told him that Nana lived in a weird fuckin’ neighborhood,” He muttered under his breath. 

I squinted at him. “Are you Mason?”

He snickered, still unsure about me. “I don’t know, am I?” His grin widened and it almost looked like Cason’s, minus the dimples. “What gave it away?”

I shrugged. “Not sure, actually. I just remember you being the only kid with brown hair in the photos he showed me. Also, you have the face of a Samwell.” I chuckled. “Whatever the hell that means.”

He laughed as I took off my jacket and hung it in the closet, returning to the couch afterward. I continued to stand beside him, confused about Cason absence.

“Hm. So, who are you then? Coworker? One-night stand that ended up with a house key somehow?” He smirked. “You forget your clothes or something?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, to which Mason laughed.

“Kidding. I’m sure the apocalypse would start if Cason somehow managed to cop a one-night stand.”

I sat on the other side of the couch and loosened my tie, chuckling. “Yeah, he’s too wholesome for that. Then again, who knows what kind of weird shit he gets into when no one’s looking.”

“Eh, I’d rather not think about it. He is my brother, after all.”

“True.” I stuck out my hand and he grabbed it, shaking it after I introduced myself. “Anyway, I’m his neighbor. Um, Tobias.”

“Nice to meet you, ‘Um Tobias.’” He paused. “Wait, holy shit—you’re Tobias?”

I slowly retracted my arm. “Yes? Is that…bad? You know me? Am I supposed to know that you know me?”

Mason looked me over. “Shit, Cason really wasn’t exaggerating…” He mumbled, smiling a little.

“Pardon?”

“You’re the hot rich guy he’d always fangirl about over the phone. I mean, I’m not into dudes but you’ve got a nice face.” He continued examining me. “I’m willing to admit that.”

I blushed a little. “Uh…thanks?

“Why do you have a key? Are here to water his plants or something or—” His eyes widened. “Holy shit. Are you two finally sleeping to—” He quickly cut himself off, turning back to the TV. “Never mind. Not my business. God forbid Cason give me consistent updates.” He laughed softly. “…such a scatterbrain.”

“He can’t help it.” I smiled, but Mason gave me a weird look. “A-Anyway, I’ve been living here for a bit. I mean, I’ll leave eventually. We’re not living, living together. My house just burned down, is all.”

His jaw dropped. “How are you gonna just casually drop that bomb?!”

I laughed. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea!”

“Well, now I feel bad cuz I think I mistakenly outed him…”

“Who, Cason? I know he’s gay.”

“And you’re cool staying here with him, regardless?”

I rolled my eyes. “What? Duh. I don’t care. I just don’t wanna be sleeping outside. My life’s already bad enough as is right now.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, right. Well, I’m happy Cason has some company.” Mason sighed and rubbed his forehead. “But God forbid he make friends without giving so much. You’d think he’d have learned by now after it never being reciprocated.” He glanced at me. “Can’t lie—this is the worst it’s ever been. Sharing his house with a stranger is a new low.”

“We’re not strangers.”

Mason shrugged and refocused on the TV. 

“I’d still like him even if he hadn’t lent his house to me. He’s nice. Frankly, I feel bad that he cares so much cuz I don’t feel like I’m worth it, but that doesn’t stop him.” I leaned on my hand.

“You like him?”

My face heated up. “Uh, yeah. He’s Cason. Anyone who doesn’t like him is fucked in the head.”

Mason chuckled. “Well, yeah… I mean, like him in the sense where you’d wanna take him out on a date. I guess I should be asking if you’re gay first.”

I laughed a little. “Uh, yeah. Why? What are you gonna do with this information?”

“Silently judge you.”

“Okay, at least you’re honest.” I grinned and Mason shrugged. “But, yes to both, I guess…” I muttered.

“You seriously like Cason?”

I tensed up as he glared at me. “A-Am I not supposed to?”

The longer he stared at me, the more I fidgeted. He displayed a doubtful expression as he looked me up and down. I had just met the guy and he already seemed to hate me. 

“A-Are you gonna tell him?” I asked.

“No.” He rubbed his beard. “I’m just being nosy. But I also don’t believe you.”

“What? Why?!” If Cason had rambled to his brother about me, did that mean he had told him about our first interaction, or was he too embarrassed by it? If he hadn’t brought up us living together, maybe not. Who knows how long it had been since Cason gave him an update.

“I don’t know,” He said flatly. “I just…don’t.”

“What? Y-You want me to prove it or something?!” I crossed my arms while facing the TV with hopes that he wouldn’t notice my expression. “What do you want me to say?”

Matthew shrugged. “I don’t know, man! You don’t even look gay!”

“Oh, so am I supposed to dye my hair and wear rainbows everywhere I go?” I scoffed. “Given that you and Cason share blood, I expected you to be a little nicer.”

Mason blushed a little bit. “N-No, I’m sorry. I know that sounded bad.” He rubbed his face and leaned back on the couch. “It’s just been a while since someone’s ‘liked’ him. And I knew if he found out, he’d get all excited and bounce off the walls as Cason does, but I’m tired of hearing about people who ‘like’ him treating him like shit.”

“O-Oh…”

“I’m sure he can’t take another stupid heartbreak, but personally, I can’t take another one of those phone calls.” Mason sighed. “He would never talk to Adrian—he always came to me, in-person or over FaceTime, bawling his eyes out over another guy who turned out to be a total douche. It makes me so fucking angry… and he probably goes to me because he knows Adrian would start throwing hands without saying a damn thing, but I’m starting to get to that point too.”

I gulped. His suspicion was valid. Though, it felt weird to witness siblings caring about each other and not arguing all the time. My brothers always left me to my own devices. No one cared what happened to me and if I cried, they’d either yell at me to stop or hit me until I didn’t have any tears left.

Eventually, I learned that wasn’t normal. It just took a while to figure out.

“I don’t know you,” Mason went on. “And given the current circumstances, I’m clearly missing a lot of pieces, but if you don’t really like him, back the fuck off.” He demanded. “I’m tired of these dicks who think they’re on some higher level than everyone else and only like the idea of Cason. They like the idea of some small cheery dude who’ll follow them blindly. They like his looks, but no one ever actually likes him. Or at least they act like they do until they get to sleep with him, which was just their end goal from the start.”

“I-I promise I’m not like that—”

He leaned in. “Don’t bother promising me shit. I don’t care and I can’t be bothered.” He hissed. “But if you hurt Cason, I’ll torture you to the point where the only way you’ll ever be happy is if you leave the planet.”

I froze up, sweating. “O-Oh.”

“I’m at my fucking breaking point,” Mason grabbed my collar, piercing me with his icy blue eyes. “And I know he is too, but he’s too much of a softie to do anything.” He tightened his grip. “I’m so fucking sick of people using him and—”

I forcefully pushed him back. “Holy shit, chill out! I’m not like that!” I scooted to the end of the couch. “I get where you’re coming from, but I’m already freaked out enough by my own feelings. I-I don’t even know how to act on them.” I admitted softly. “And the idea of him potentially liking me back anyway just makes me feel…bad. Because he could probably do so much better. So…I’m just keeping my mouth shut.”

Mason’s gaze softened.

“I bring bad luck wherever I go w-which is why I don’t get why he wants to keep taking care of me. I don’t want him stuck in the middle of my drama. He doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want my stress to rub off on him just by association,” I sighed.

Now that I had admitted it to someone, I felt a whole lot worse. It was real now that it was out in the air. I was so fucking scared—I was scared about my mom, scared about how this whole accident would get solved, scared of Matthew and my brothers and if I really would survive until December thirty-first, and now I was scared about telling Cason.

What if it ruined the decent friendship we already had? 

What if he liked me back but all still went to hell because I didn’t know how to take care of anyone? I barely knew how to take care of myself.

“T-Trust me,” I mumbled. “The thought of how other guys have treated him all this time pisses me off beyond comprehension. He’s such a sweetheart. He’s a ball of sunshine with a big heart and the cutest smile I’ve ever seen. I want him to get his happy ending.”

Mason gave me a sad smile. “Me too.”

“But I don’t know what to do. At least Cason has you and Adrian to talk to. I don’t have anyone. Hell, the only person I have right now is him!” I laughed awkwardly. “And it’s not like I can bring this up.”

“You can talk to me. If you really need to.”

“You sure? You just threatened to torture me to death.”

He looked me over. “Because I wasn’t sure if you had a heart or not. But you literally look like you’re gonna cry.”

I shrugged, staring at my lap, only for Mason to hand me his phone. “I’m serious. Gimme your number.”

“O-Oh.” I added myself to his contacts and sent a text, so I’d get the notification.

“Feel free to text me whenever—I’m serious. And it doesn’t have to be about Cason.”

I smiled a little. “Thank you. You’re a really good brother.”

He chuckled. “I try my best.”

“I um, I know you said Cason hadn’t updated you on much, but do you think he likes me? I’m already paranoid about telling him but what if he gets weirded out?”

Mason shrugged. “It’s pretty easy to tell when Cason likes someone.”

“Y-Yeah?”

He scoffed. “Uh, yeah. Does he constantly stare at you? Touch you for no reason? Smile at you even if nothing’s going on? Go out of his way to do things for you, no matter how small? That man cannot play poker.”

“Heh, yeah…” I mumbled, pondering.

“Then I think you have a good chance. But sometimes you just gotta take the leap, y’know?”

I chuckled. “Not really. It’s been ages since I’ve liked somebody. Or at least liked somebody in the way I like Cason.”

“Wow.”

I rubbed my face. I think being around Cason who was an open book was starting to rub off on me. Frankly, it was relieving. I was still panicking, but I had a little hope. I heard the door open again and looked over to see the man of the hour finally returning, but as he entered, I was quickly attacked by the massive golden retriever beside him who bolted over to the couch and jumped on Mason and I.

“Holy shit, who’s dog is this?!”

Cason laughed and closed the door before trying to help his brother calm the furball down, though he seemed to really like me.

“She’s mine.” Mason laughed and grabbed his friend. “Did you have fun with Cason, girl? Didja?!” 

“Her name’s Fidough!” The pink-haired boy nudged me.

“Like the Pokémon??”

They laughed. “Yep.”

“Mason got off work early and stopped by. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her too, so he let me take her on a walk. Oh yeah!” Cason ran over to his brother’s side. “This is Mason, by the way!”

“Yes,” I grinned. “I figured that out. I’ve been with him for at least twenty minutes now.”

He snickered and sat on the armrest closest to me while Mason played with his goldie. “Oh. Figures. I meant to text you.” The boy combed his fingers through my hair. “How was work?”

“You’re good.” I shrugged. “It’s over. That’s all that matters.”

“Damn, was it really that bad?”

“Kinda.” I laughed. “But my day’s better now!” I pet Fidough. “There’s a dog here!!” 

Mason stood up. “Not for long though,” He smiled a little. “I’m sure Destiny’s lookin’ for me. I told her I’d be home by seven.”

“Was she making dinner?” Cason asked.

“Yes!” Mason grabbed his jacket off the banister as Fidough ran around the living room in circles until he wrapped up her leash and picked her up.

“Damn, yeah, you should probably go then!” Cason laughed.

His brother walked back to the couch and pecked Cason on the cheek while Fidough ended up licking his face too since she was in the middle. “Eh, yeah. But if I tell her I was with you, she won’t be mad. Anyway, it was nice seeing you again.” He turned to me and smiled. “And it was nice meeting you, too. I finally got a face to the name. Pretty cool.”

“Me too, technically.”

Cason watched his brother in the doorway after he left and made his way to the car. He didn’t sit back down until he had driven off, but he collapsed next to me, propping his legs up on my lap.

“Tired?”

He stretched. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten that many steps. And now my hands are cold too!” He quickly leaned up and grabbed my face, making me flinch.

“Shit! I would’ve taken your word for it!” I laughed and moved him off me, though now I had the residual coldish wet feeling on my cheeks. I leaned over to the edge of the couch. “Hold on actually, I have something for you.”

His face lit up. “What?!”

I laughed at his response and handed him the cardboard box I had placed there earlier. He dug through the crumpled paper with intense focus and then grinned, pulling out his vase.

“Holy fuck!!” He examined it. “This looks so cool, what the shit!” 

I laughed and grabbed my mug. “I know right! I dunno how you managed to find the color that was the same as your walls in here. Like the shading and perspective is cool and all but goddamn! The colors!”

He grinned and placed it on the coffee table before leaning in and investigating my mug. “Same goes for yours! All the colors are so bright now! I love it!”

I chuckled. “It’s alright.”

He rolled his eyes. “For your first-time painting, I’d say it’s pretty damn good.”

“Alright, alright, fair.”

“Where are you gonna put yours? Are you gonna use it or is it just for decoration?”

I turned it around in my hand. “I’m not sure… To be honest, I figured I’d just give it to you.”

He blushed. “What? Why?! You made it!”

“Yeah, but you really like it!” I laughed awkwardly. “And I mean, you were technically my muse.”

“For painting berry bushes?” He tilted his head.

“Kinda! I mean, I started with blackberries since those are my favorite fruit and even though strawberries aren’t your favorite, I still associate them with you cuz of your Instagram tag and your freckles.”

He grinned as I handed him the mug. He stared at it intently and leaned on my shoulder. “I think this is the cutest, dorkiest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

“I-Is that a good thing?”

He looked up at me. “Mhm. It’s also just sweet.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get better use out of it than me.”

He leaned back. “Yeah, but now I wanna go back and make you something! It’s only fair!”

I ruffled his hair. “Chill. It’s part of the whole ‘thank you for tolerating my bullshit’ ordeal.”

He snickered. “I’m still gonna make you something. It might not be pottery, but it’ll be something! Promise!”

“I mean, if that makes you happy, sure!”

Cason laughed and placed the mug beside his vase before laying back down, putting his legs on top of mine again. He leaned on one of the couch pillows, smiling as he started watching whatever was on TV. Meanwhile, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.

When he slid down the couch, his shirt bunched up, revealing a quarter of his stomach along with his blond happy trail that was almost impossible to notice thanks to how pale the hairs were. 

I think I liked him more now that I had admitted it to someone. I didn’t wanna go upstairs, take a shower, and go to work the next morning. I just wanted to keep him in my lap and kiss him.

Although my brain told me not to, I slid my hand across the small, exposed portion of his stomach and he glanced at me.

“If you tickle me, I’ll punch you.” He informed as he grabbed the remote and started browsing the guide.

I chuckled. “That wasn’t my plan, but noted.”

He’d yet to notice my lingering stares which was probably a good thing. Watching his blush slowly increase as I rubbed the freckles around his navel only amused me more. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, snapping me back to reality as he decided on a channel and placed the remote behind him.

“Huh? Oh…”

He glanced at me with a slight smile before he played with my fingers. “I mean, I don’t mind—your hand is soft. I’m just wondering, is all.”

“Eh, sorry, I’m just kinda tired. And cold. And your stomach’s warm.”

Cason snickered and sat up for a second, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch. “That’s why I always keep this here. Don’t you wanna change your clothes though? I imagine it’s hard to relax in dress pants.”

I shrugged and unbuttoned a few buttons after undoing my tie and placing it where the blanket was previously. When Cason draped it over us, I lost my excuse to feel him up, but at the very least I could place my hand on his leg underneath since he was still imposing upon my personal space. He was honed-in on Flea Market Flip, and I made it through an entire episode before I grew antsy during one of the commercial breaks.

I fiddled with the cuff of his jeans. “Can we talk?”

“About?” He glanced over.

“Saturday.”

His face lit up. “You have an idea? I honestly forgot I was supposed to be brainstorming stuff.”

 “N-No, I mean last Saturday.” I chuckled.

“Oh.” He blinked. “Okay, yeah sure. I mean, I guess we just were with the pottery and everything. What’s up?”

“Do you wanna go out with me?” I paused. “Like for real?”

The boy immediately turned red. “W…What?”

I rubbed my face, still massaging his leg from under the blanket. “I don’t know,” I chuckled awkwardly. “It’s nice hanging out with you and having shit feel like a date but I think it’d be cooler to plan something out and agree on that from the get-go.”

Cason grinned in confusion. “Y-You seriously want to go out with me?”

I increased my grip on his leg, panicking a bit. It would’ve been easier if I had kept my mouth shut. Sure, being around him for a while has softened me up a bit and I’ve been explaining myself significantly more than before just to satisfy him, but this was pushing it.

I glanced at the TV. “To be frank, all I really wanna do is kiss you right now.”

The pink-haired boy grew tense, but proceeded to let me drown in the silence which I then felt the need to fill.

“I-I just—I kissed you on Saturday, so I figured it’d be fine!” I blurted. “Unless that was really just a one-time thing and we really were just joking cuz if you were joking, I was too.”

Cason snickered. “N-Nice save…”

I slightly moved his legs off me, just so I could get closer to his face. “Yeah…you know me. Words. You use too many and I use too little.”

He smiled, fidgeting under me slightly. “I mean, even though I use too many, they rarely make any sense. And come at the worst times, like when I really don’t need to talk at all.”

“It’s fine.” I pushed the blanket down, creeping my hand back onto his stomach. “I like your voice.”

“Me too.” He snickered, flinching as I slid my hand up his shirt. “It’s kinda funny to see you being nervous for once.”

“I’m trying!” I laughed, glancing down at his awkward movements. “Are you okay, though? I don’t wanna—”

He wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me closer despite his embarrassment. “I’m fine. Just kiss me.” He admitted softly. “Please—”

I quickly leaned down and pressed my lips against his as he immediately held me tighter, and by then all I could focus on was the sound of his shallow breathing. I had lost track of what was on TV, and my mind had already blocked out the sound. However, I wished I had taken a moment at least to put on sweatpants since my belt felt like it was cutting off my circulation now that I’d rolled over so many times. Though, if I undid it, I knew it would give Cason the wrong signal.

I didn’t want to get into his pants.

Not that it hadn’t ever crossed my mind once or twice, especially given our first night together, but I just wanted to be close to him. It didn’t matter what we did. It was nice having a friend, especially one that looked like him.

His weird, rosy hair, his numerous freckles, his dimples, the tiny sharp tooth he had that was visible whenever he smiled—I loved all of it. He thought I was the one who looked hot and flawless, meanwhile he’s perfect. 

Still, part of me wished I could’ve kept our relationship simple for a little longer. We could keep hanging out like usual, deepen our friendship, and continue to visit each other even once I had moved out, per say. But I think we crossed the line. We stepped on it a few times before, but now we’re miles away in a new territory. Territory I hadn’t thought about in ages because I never had the time and never felt like I was worth it.

The thought constantly lingered because I didn’t want to ruin Cason’s life and have his brother be on my ass, but when I tried to pull away, the man continued to cling to me. I knew it had only been a few extra seconds, but it felt like we’d been pressed together for minutes already. 

He exhaled heavily after I successfully leaned back. His blush had spread to his ears, but I knew I couldn’t say anything since the same probably went for me. We gazed at each other for a few seconds before he started laughing, hiding his face.

“One of us should probably say something.” I grinned.

“You’re blushing.” He smirked.

“So are you.”

Cason rolled his eyes, trailing his fingers down my neck. He shifted on the couch a bit, sitting up so I wasn’t towering over him as much, not that I minded.

“So?” I asked awkwardly, planning to return to my previous position and continue watching TV. However, Cason still held me ever so slightly, examining what felt like my entire face.

“C-Can I ask you to do it again?”

“Again?”

He closed his eyes, pressing our noses together. “Yeah.” He muttered. “Just…don’t stop this time,” He whispered as I leaned back in, happy to kiss him again. 

As he straightened his posture, I lightly grabbed his waist, pulling him into my lap which only made him more restless. However, the more he wiggled, the more my body tingled. He still wasn’t sure what to do with his hands and continued to switch from tangling them in my hair to dragging them down my neck. Though, he eventually stopped on my chest, taking a short breath in-between our kiss before unbuttoning the rest of my shirt.

It had been ages since I’d kissed someone like this.

Well, Matthew had but Cason gave me butterflies. I softly bit his lip and he let out a soft moan that caused me to snicker. No doubt it was hot, but it was just as adorable and maybe even angelic. I wasn’t exaggerating when I admitted to loving his voice and, in this scenario, it made me nervous, but it was a good nervous.

When I repeated the action and he let out another moan, I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and I could feel him shudder against me. Although there weren’t many buttons left, he immediately lost his concentration and instead ended up clinging to my shirt. Even when we’d take a breath, it wasn’t long enough to utter any words. Hell, Cason would pull me back in like his life depended on it.

I felt like I was melting into his gentle touches and sweet lips.

Nonetheless, eventually our short gasps for air in-between weren’t enough, and we leaned back so our noses were still touching as our exhales clashed. His eyes were still closed as he rubbed his nose against mine, frantically unbuttoning the rest of my shirt and sliding it off me. He ran his hands up and down my body, pressing his lips back against mine once he had finally rejuvenated. However, I noticed his hands lingering on the lower half of my torso but as he tried to undo my belt, I flinched and leaned out of the kiss.

“Hey, slow down.” I huffed, watching as he finally opened his eyes, almost as if he had come to.

“S-Shit.” He glanced at my lap. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t even—”

I shushed him, combing my fingers through his pink hair while pulling him closer. “It’s fine. Don’t panic, just…” I paused, gazing at him. “You don’t have to focus on anything down there…just keep kissing me.”

I caught him smiling before leaning back in. “Okay.”

The longer his lips were pressed against mine, the harder it was not to break the kiss with the biggest smile I could ever plaster across my face. I was beyond embarrassed, and I felt like I was on fire, but it was soothing since he was the cause. Sometime during the evening, Cason turned off the TV when we were in the middle of making out and pulled me on top of him.

I knew I was exaggerating, but after what felt like an hour, we grew exhausted and eventually stopped to eat dinner. However, I couldn’t help but lean on the table, watching him as he stared out the window into his backyard. But the moment he left my sight, all I wanted to do was touch him again and it was driving me insane. Still, I tried to focus on getting ready for bed so I could get up for work in the morning and deal with Matthew. Though, at least I’d have a decent distraction this time.

But by ten, I found myself in Cason’s doorway again.

His light was dim as he scrolled on his phone, and then he looked up.

“Hey, I know I’ve only bunked with you when I’ve been having night terrors and shit,” I began, rubbing my neck. “So can I lie and say I can’t sleep just stay in here with you?”

Cason snickered and sat his phone on the night table, plugging it in. “You don’t have to fake insomnia in order to bunk with me.” I felt my face heat up as he patted the bed. “I enjoy the company.”

I closed the door after entering and got under the covers next to him. “Did you start liking me before or…after all the shit with my house went down?”

He rolled his eyes and laid down, burying himself in the sheets so I couldn’t see his face. “I thought you already figured that out.”

I laughed. “When?”

He glanced back at me, scrunching up his nose. “Back when you were drunk off your ass, you said you knew why I looked at you all the time.”

“I was shitfaced!” I lightly shoved him, and he giggled. “I was just throwing that out there hoping something good might come of it.” I smirked. “And technically I wasn’t wrong.”

I heard Cason scoff as he leaned up to turn off the lamp. 

“Anyway, I thought we were supposed to stop mentioning that. None of it should count.” I nudged him.

The boy sighed and rolled into me. “I’ve liked you for…a while, but I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day.”

I wrapped my arm around him. “C’mon,” I teased, laughing.

“Shut up, we have work in the morning. You better not sleep through your alarm again because you’re in here with me.”

I laughed and continued trying to badger Cason with questions, but eventually his responses evolved into mumbles, and he dozed off. It was satisfying to lay beside him without being paranoid about rolling too close or having him wake up in my arms. Maybe he was worried about the same thing up until now since he happily laid against me. I felt stupid for not noticing he liked me earlier, but I was probably in denial given how easy Cason was to read.

He tried not to, but his feelings towards anything were always worn on his sleeve.