Say something nice about the above person's lit!

zinnia ! I'm gonna claim beforehand so that I can properly formulate my thoughts because I often have so many of them once I get going lol!

Alrighty! I read Cinderella Cage, so I certainly have many thoughts. The first thing I noticed was how well you use dialogue. It flows quickly and efficiently, similar to how a conversation would flow in real-time. As a reader, I felt like I was sitting in a room, turning my head back and forth as I listen to the juicy details! I liked how you show things that are going on via your dialogue rather than explaining in long descriptions what's happening. (It's a skill I'm still working on if, I'm honest) Additionally, to bounce off of your skill with dialogue, you have a really good handle of character voice. I feel like if you take the names out of the characters, it would still be very clear that there are multiple people talking, based on how they phrase things and how they choose to say it. I think that's a fantastic skill to have and definitely makes your characters much more memorable in your writing. 

As someone who knows very little about these characters, I feel the way you handled tension, particularly when I saw Zinnia leave with the woven birdcage. I had no idea what was going on, just like Cynthia and Orchid. The way you described their confusion, and trepidation regarding what was happening really made me also feel anxiously curious about it :3c. Even as we get farther into it and figure out why Zinnia is out committing little acts of arson. Even though the characters take the time to explain the metaphor is something I'm not particularly a fan of in written works, I think that it's actually done fantastically here. Perhaps because it's not a metaphor directed to me as the reader, but rather to Zinnia, and puts into retrospect a little of what she's going through. I may not know Zinnia's story but the imagery the birdcage metaphor brings to mind really puts into perspective how Zinnia is being affected by all that's going on in her life.

Overall, I thought it was very well written, and definitely captured my imagination for the duration that I read it and while I sat here thinking about it. Your character's stories are really interesting, especially tying into known Pokemon lore! (I think, Legends Arceus is the most recent mainstream game I've played since Sun & Moon so idk) Well done overall, and I'm interested to see the rest of your writing in the future!

Here's my library, there is a lot of it is poetry, which you're welcome to read, but it's not as preferable to some of the other stuff I've written. (they're just really short and weren't something I spent days on ahaha.) I would really love it if you read either my Oneshot A Golden Brown Feather or the first chapter of my Star Wars AU Series What These Hands have Wrought as those are both pieces I've worked very hard on! Also both of them have CW so make sure you read those before jumping in!

Day 10000 of hardy lark being stuck with me vgyujnbvg

ANYWAYS OW! A Golden Brown Feather is...something

It's hard for me to formulate words for this sorta stuff cause I in general have a hard time describing why I like things, BUT BUT BUT! It feels off in the right way/ I knew what was gonna happen as soon as I started thanks to prior knowledge. But through out it had just enough levity to keep me hoping that something good was ta happen rather than well- WHAT HAPPENED LMAO

But either way, it helps me realize what yer gal's death did to people and also allows me to appreciate her somberness a bit more even if she was never actually in the story 

(sorry this review sucked)

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NP: I'd ask to got with Sow The Seeds or if you want a very weird and short one How ya been but it's not suggest due to the fact it is primarily just diolouge 

Veritas1321 Letting you know, both your linked lits say "Unauthorized"

FIXED IT

Veritas1321 I read Sow the Seeds!

First of all, your use of vocabulary and imagery is phenomenal, I could paint such a vivid image in my head with the words you wrote. Your writing style reminds me a lot of Robert Jordan with some Frank Herbert mixed in, which really fits the tone of your writing. The way you switch from a more steady, slower pace when writing the first part to the more snappy and quick pace when writing the battle sequence was handled really well, which for me, can either make or break story with how certain scenes and contexts are paced, amazing work there!

Secondly, I love the characterization of Mandragora. Her warrior persona coupled with her aversion to senseless violence makes for such an interesting combination. The way she runs on instinct when in a high-pressure situation is very fitting for her character, and just fitting in general, I don't know of many people who'd be cool as a cucumber in such situations and I often prefer and find myself writing similarly [fist-bump]

Excellent work! I also took a look at How Ya Been and while I can't say it held my attention more than Sow the Seeds, you have an awesome knack for writing dialogue and not once was I too lost or trying to figure out who was speaking to who. I love the characterization of the two characters, and their conversation feels very natural and flows well. 

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Here is my library please don't read anything older than A Dialogue Between Ancients, and both Loom and Anointing of the Sick are fics for the Mandatory series by LadyTeelia, so if you'd prefer to read something original, Dialogue Between the Ancients and the entries titled A Looking in View and Elysium from Walk On are where you'll want to be looking, otherwise feel free to ignore all of that and just browse to your hearts desire. [I really need to get working on writing my own original stuff, huh... ideas are hard to transfer from brain to computer...or Google doc I suppose]

manual bump :')

Commodore pinged because it's been a long while. 

What I like about your writing (I read Anointing Of The Sick) is your dialogue. I personally feel like I do imagery and scenery well and dialouge is a shortcoming so it's always really delightful to see someone who has dialogue nailed. I don't know anything about the fandom that this fic is for but it still managed to capture my interest which is (imo) a sign of good writing. 

Another thing that I liked was actually the summary! It is short, sweet, and to the point. And it grabs the attention and makes a reader want to  know what this petition is for and if Radiation Star will succeed in getting through to the authority. So basically it's an attention grabbing summary that promises an interesting read. 

I enjoy the descriptors that you put in; things like the capes fluttering, the booming of the double doors, the click of claws on the floor. It's these little tidbits that help get a reader immersed in the story. They are evocative and help set the mood and tone of the story. It makes it feel a little more real. Personally I am a fan of auditory sensory so being able to hear the fic makes a world of difference especially when the other senses are brought into it as well. Which your writing also does. This is a very strong point.

And the final thing that stood out to me is your use of body language and gestures from the characters to indicate who was in power and who had the upper hand. Who was the dominate one in the conversation and who was the more intimidating of the speakers. I feel like a lot of people rely on imagery to do so, so it was neat to see the head dips and tail flicks to indicate who the intimidating force was vs who had to muster up the courage to speak.

NP: My fics are here and my original stuff is here and here. Comments on original stuff are highly appreciated! 

Bump

bump!

SapphireBatWings I read The Curiosity Compulsion,

Though I don't know anything really about your OCs, your writing here had a hook. I liked how you wrote the inner monologue of Corelane, and how she thinks about what she will do, the comparison between her and the "lesser being" I can assume to be a human man. How she was like - "no, there is a difference between us, because I am better. More intelligent."

So, I guess it shows how she values life, and also how humans ourselves value life... of animals and even of other humans. Which could talk about say war, or just serial killers like what you have here - at least that's what I think. 

Overall it's an interesting and again, hooking idea. And even though I don't know what the ending meant - where she was going and stuff - I could grasp the basis of her character, her personality, her morals, her position in the world, just in one lit. 

And finally, for your style, I think it's really great! This is very well written and uses a lot of descriptive words, and scientific words (which is neat), and overall has an artistic and nice value to the piece. --- though I will note you also used some words that didn't fit any of those categories, which also made the fic better. More real and true to the character, perhaps. 

NP: you could read Fever Dream, Weex's Backstory, Lost Boy, or/and either 23 writes or Vince writes! : ) The last two are poetry collections, and the others are original stories. Side for Weex's, they are all a part of my story LDCT! 

PS, Fever Dream has a content warning! 

EDIT: 2022/11/29 - read whatever lol

bump 

Lapira Read this one. For me what sticks out about your writing is the dialogue. I think that it's really neat that your writing tends to be more dialogue heavy. I've always struggled with dialogue and tend to use more action/and scene descriptions so to see a story that does the opposite and is almost entirely driven by dialogue is impressive to me. I also enjoy the setting, there's something almost nostalgic in it for me. I can't really explain what this thing is but it is there and adds to the vibe. Maybe it's the banter? It makes me think of hanging out with friends after school and the shenanigans. I feel like the conversation is authentic/realistic, like a chatter that real people would have. It doesn't seem forced which is extremely important. I'd love to read more about what Hunter's hideout looks like; the hammock was a nice touch. I feel like little details like that help a reader get a sense about the characters. This one also makes me want to hear about said shitty job lol; I feel like there's some good comedic opportunities there. This was a shorter work but I feel like it was very effective and each word counted.

NP: My fics are here and my original stuff is here and here. Comments on original stuff are highly appreciated! 

SapphireBatWings

Reading Coconut Water. Will edit to comment shortly.

The clear connection between past and present, myth and 'reality' in the narrative is very well done as an element. It starts off in an unreal manner but abruptly comes back to 'actuality' in terms of the story as an entirely; the coconut theme a constant and concisely implemented. It ties well into how the main characters are presented after the story introduction, sort of creating a clear bridge thematically. The main characters' dialogue fits the setting and general context as they launch off into a debate evidently; which is a good driving element for what the story is focused on (in the first chapter at least, I have not gotten to the second yet), which itself is rounded off well in writing. It may need some editing -- as all work does -- albeit there is a good basis so far.

My literature is in my user tab; there isn't a lot of it however, which should help?

Thank you!!!