Cas' Memories

The Caeli family, though not as important as Azeus and Aria Caeli made them out to be, was best known for three things: Their intelligence, their connections, and their rich blue scales.

Cassaelia Caeli had three major problems.

She'd scrubbed at her scales in front of the mirror until they started peeling off, her innate failures in scattered pieces over the floor, but she remained the same blue so dark even direct sunlight couldn't brighten her up much. Nothing like her sapphire and cerulean mother and sibling, or even her father's pretty pale cyan.

She at least could have been born with black scales so she could believe she was adopted. Or cursed.

Cephi caught her at it once. "They'll grow back darker," he warned gravely, trying not to smile. At her look of sheer panic he quickly backpedalled. "Hey, it's... midnight blue, right? Like the sky at night."

But she didn't want to be midnight. She wanted to be like them.

Friends had presented a problem since she'd been old enough to trudge to school each day. Being from a fairly well-off family in the quiet port town of Nale would have given her some points, if she’d known how to use them.

"She can talk, right?" The whispers chased her everywhere. Even to the edge of the hill that overlooked their school and, distantly, the ocean she'd much rather be at right now.

Instead she found herself watching the other kids run around, shouting at each other in some big game. She'd given up by now, but something twinged inside her. It was too late to call it longing.

"You can talk to them, you know." Cephi flopped down next to her, his surprise appearance less explosive than usual. "It's good to have friends."

She gave the group a last fearful glance before scooting under his wing, a shield from the world. "I have you."

She could feel his concerned gaze lingering on her. Unlike her parents', it was empty of judgment, but she didn't like the feeling.

After a moment, he sighed slightly. "I hope that's good enough."

His words made no sense to her. Cephias was always good enough. She was always not enough.

School, perhaps, presented the biggest problem of all.

"How do you do it?" she complained aloud, dropping her quill on the table. It didn't make a good enough clatter, so she picked it up and threw it down again.

Cephi looked up from his own book across the short table. "Do what?"

She scowled at him. "You never have any trouble with school."

It had been fun at first, so long ago she almost couldn't remember, but the repetition of each lesson each day had bored her until she could hardly pay attention anymore. She just wanted to be somewhere else but trapped in a classroom or, worse, at home. Outside. Anywhere.

Before he could reply, she ranted on. "How are you supposed to make sense of this stupid Amfi stuff with its stupid floaty symbols? Who even cares about amphitheres anyway?!" With an exaggerated huff, she flopped down into the pillows with only her horns poking out over the top of the table.

"That's not very nice, Cas," he said patiently. She could tell he was trying not to laugh at her.

He never got mad or upset or frustrated. Always calm and happy. Not her with her emotions, flawed, like everything else.

Whipping up, she shot across the table with all her tiny rage, "Can't you stop being so perfect at everything?!"

The venom of a child rarely stings, but he actually looked hurt at that. Not enough to make her feel better. If anything, she felt worse. "Cas – "

She slumped onto the table, wrinkling the mostly-empty paper she was supposed to be taking notes on. Tears sprung to her eyes and she shut them tight. She hated them. She hated this. But she couldn't bring herself to hate him. "It's not fair."

She lay there with her eyes squeezed shut, willing herself not to cry and ruin what little work she'd already done, until she felt the pillow beside her shift. "Hey." She did her best to ignore him, but he went on anyway. "I'll help you. It's not easy to learn this stuff alone."

Though she refused to open her eyes, she sniffled. "You always have."

For a long moment, he was silent. "...Yeah."

When she opened her eyes, his distant gaze was already lowering to the book. "Look over here. It's not hard once you know the basics. This little mark between the lines is like a space. And these offshoots are like a modifier, like adjectives." He waited until she eventually stopped sulking and picked herself up off the table, fixing her resigned gaze on the book. "See?"

She didn't want to see, but she couldn't help looking. The way he put it, things started making sense. And not long later, she could finally read everything in the first chapter of her schoolbook.

"Not that bad, right?" he prompted as they reached the end, sounding cheerful again.

"Yeah." Her eyes still felt damp. A silly thing to get so upset over.

Cas yelped as her brother hugged her with his wing hard enough that she toppled into him, and was back at his seat so quickly that she fell to the floor. Righting herself, she shook herself off, but when she tried to scowl she found herself giggling instead.

As her expression finally lifted, Cephi beamed, the window behind him lighting up the edges of his smile. "Do your best, okay?"

Faintly she managed to smile back. Her best may never be good enough. But for now, she wanted to try.