Cas' Memories

The words taste strange in her mouth. Stranger, still, the same ones meant for her.

She couldn’t stay in the inn, staring wordlessly out the window with Slate’s touch numb against her. She had to go, somewhere, anywhere.

Water always drew her to him. The lake he drowned in, the ocean he died in. With nowhere else to run, she came here.

But the sea and sand brought no comfort. Maybe it was Slate’s quiet presence. Maybe it was everything that’s happened. Maybe it was the void inside her where she used to be, that she doesn’t know how to fill.

But the words wouldn’t come.

Something calls her back from the brink just before she can let herself fall. She’s not alone on the Darkest Day anymore, and she’s not the only one haunted. She doesn’t have to face it by herself this time. Neither does he.

They whisper of things lost, things past, as stars glitter above and the heavens turn. Her anxieties slowly start to ease, the pain of regret sinking off her shoulders. Neither of them had anyone left from their broken pasts. But…

“We have each other now,” he finishes quietly. “And… I love you, Cas.”

She stills. She doesn’t deserve it. He’d been loyal to her even when she hadn’t deserved that much, and since then…

But she’d hurt him. She’d hurt others. She’d lashed out and pushed everyone away and she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven for it, much less loved in spite of it.

And for so long, she hadn’t had anyone, hadn’t wanted anyone. Even before the anger and bitterness set in, she’d been far too hurt to trust. Nowhere near healing and nowhere near wanting to.

She might not be the person she wanted to be four years ago. The words for all that has happened may die on her tongue. But she’s healed, a little bit, enough. She wants to let herself trust again. To let people care about her, to care about them back.

And it’s not like she doesn’t. There was no more bitter terror than almost losing him.

She can’t put into words the past four years and what they’ve done to her. But she can find the words to say that she loves him too.

And whatever happens, they’ll face this together.