VoK Prompts

Prompt S7 - Choose a song, and write or draw an in-depth breakdown of how it applies to your lion and their life, story, relationship,ect. Lyrics do not count towards word minimum.
Word Count - 1000/1000 + 1030/1000
Points: 8

Song: Voices by Motionless In White

Someone once told me reality is whatever you want it to be. Someone else disagreed, saying the division between reality and imagination is what makes the world spin, and an argument broke out. I don’t remember where I stood in this skirmish, but probably because I didn’t even understand what reality was and what it was supposed to be. It’s always been like that. It’s impossible to know something is off when you’ve never been right. But that’s beside the point. You see, this argument is not what’s important. There were hundreds, thousands, no, millions of arguments. Someone was always arguing with someone else. The only issue is, we don’t have voices. Oh, and it’s just me. I’m the “we.”

I’ve never told anyone because, well, how could I? And who was there to tell?

Ever since the beginning, it’s been me. Us. But just me. I never minded because I’d never known anything else. I didn’t miss anyone because I had never known anyone. See, I didn’t feel weird because I didn’t know there was a normal if not what I felt.

My environment was perfect for us to thrive. In the silence, the voices from within are all the more louder and that much harder to ignore, but why should I ignore them? They didn’t hurt anything, they kept me company, and I didn’t know anything different.

Don't ask where they came from because I will never know. They were always there, like me. They had no beginning and have no end, as I believed I had. I never contemplated such pointless things, though, because what was the need? If I had no beginning and no end, then why should I consider this? Even this thought would never reach me. In fact, I'm not sure I ever thought about the others, nor myself. We were just there, and that was all that mattered, or didn't matter. Sure, you could say I was carefree.

Now, if you’re worried about one of the others taking over this, don’t be. While they say I’m crazy, I’m in control. Most of the time.

So, I guess I should confess. It’s not always this easy. It’s a fight I can’t always win, a war that’s always raging. See, while I once only knew silence, now it is my nemesis. In every way, silence means something has gone wrong, is going wrong, or is about to go wrong. You can’t argue that. It’s the same way with my voices. It’s always been this way, I just didn’t realize like I do now. Something has always been wrong, it just took a catastrophe for me to notice. The type of catastrophe that gives and takes. A revelation and a madness. A revelation about the madness that makes the madness real.

Let me tell you a story. Let me sing you a song.

Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They're pulling me under

I told you that the voices didn’t bother me, and that was true. Was. Before the incident. Before I woke up somewhere I shouldn’t be. But that’s a different story. You see, this was after I heard other voices. Real voices. Although I couldn't understand them, these new voices made me begin to doubt everything I ever knew, for better or worse. They made me question everything. If there were other voices out there, then what had I been hearing my entire life? If there were other creatures, other worlds, then who was I? Where did I belong. My wretched voices yelled screamed these with ceasing, driving me to insanity. What’s worse, I had no means to express myself. No way to ask if this was supposed to be happening. My insanity was trapped inside me, and I felt as if I was going to burst.

I've swallowed myself but the fever remains
I'm numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain

I tell you, nothing helped, and I tried everything. Meditation, self-harm, sleeping, praying, freaking exercise, everything, but the voices were always there. Even when they weren’t asking their questions, their presence messed with me. I was lost in every way in this strange world with no escape in sight, but that’s when they found me.

If I showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth, would you dare me to lie?
I keep it all inside because I know that man is every thing but kind

I despised them. More confusing creatures just mocking my existence. I didn’t belong with them, but they persisted. Now, don’t go thinking I became soft, I just found other ways. They promised me rest, protection, nourishment, and companionship for nothing in return. Such fools. Even in my craze I understood that. Every voice inside me cackled with glee.

The weirdest part? Why, these strange creatures trusted me. Can you imagine? A monster like me who can barely distinguish between the past and present, real and imaginary, and they trusted me. I wasn’t bound or watched, but instead smiled at and accepted. This wasn’t right. Again, I may have been psychotic, but I could see right through this. They wanted something from me, I just hadn’t figured out what.

While I mulled this over, I observed their ways and hid my own. Two could play at this game. Every day I awoke, ate their bland offerings, and shifted into the shadows. Here, I saw how they moved: there were the awkward and the bold, the powerful and the meek, but they all had their duties and their jobs. I saw how they talked: whispers and shouts, laughs and wails. I learned their language although I couldn’t use it. Most of all, I saw how they thought. I saw the fear and the pride, the elation and the depression. My favorite was the fear. There was nothing like it. It made me feel good. I suppose that’s how I earned my reputation. Anyway, all this watching is how I realized that things were not what they seemed. I was not who I seemed, or so the voices told me.

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under
Voices

Yes, the voices thought it before I did. They told me before I could put words to it. Smart ones, they are. But to say I denied it would be an understatement. I fought it, hard. I didn’t want to believe it, and gosh I wish I would have kept fighting, but that’s not my truth. I still fight it to this day, that is, when I can. Giving in to the voices was the hardest part, the worst part. I will never be free now that I’ve heard and believed their deceit.

Out with it, huh? Well, they told me I was a monster. A beast. An alien, but this I already knew. They told me that I was a pet. A pet to this strange creatures. They would tame me, and they would tame me and use me. The voices said that I was better than them, that I was more. Even in my suffering, that part wasn’t hard to see. I was unlike these creatures, and that surely had to be a good thing. These voices told me to run away. Take what I could and run before I was trapped.

Guess what? I did. And what I couldn’t grab I burned. Yes, you heard correctly. I was insane. I ran blindly from the screams and shouts with all that I could carry, and let me tell you, even if I regret everything else, the pure fear I saw then has never been matched.

If I told you the truth, you'd beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you'd own the bank

Anyway, I ran for days, and at first it felt good. The voices cheered me on, and the adrenaline and glee propelled me. Soon, though, the voices quieted. That alone wasn’t the issue, but the effects were. You see, my world had never been silent. Quiet, sure, but never totally silent. This silence was truly deafening, and although my madness left with the voices, the silence was worse. It brought clarity, and this clarity brought guilt. Now, I was truly a monster. Before, I had just been a stranger. The lions (for that’s what the creatures were) had treated me with the utmost compassion and hospitality, and I had destroyed everything they knew. Me. Not the voices, me. I was the monster.

The shame is what stopped my running. I thought for sure that they would come for me and destroy me, and I almost wish they would have. It would have served me right. Alas, though, I knew better. They owed me nothing, I was nothing to them but a burden. They had no reason to find me because they knew I would be done for on my own. They had tried, but they were finished with me. I also knew that I would never get a second chance with anyone. And it was all my fault.

Next came the humility and sorrow. It handicapped me. I lied down where I had stopped and stayed, willing death to come for me, but instead came the next best thing. The voices returned like a whisper in the night. Instead of despising them, though, I embraced them. They were part of me, and they chased away the silence, for which I was thankful. Although I hadn’t noticed, they completed me. I needed them, and was lost without them.

As it turns out, this new outlook is all I needed, anyway. The voices, bolstered by my gratitude, murmured words of encouragement. They offered wise words of advice and sound knowledge from somewhere deep inside me. They gave me strength, and I ran once more. The only difference is that this time I was running towards something, not away. I was going back, but not to a refuge or prison, to a home. I had my doubts that I would be accepted, but the voices urged me on.

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the wicked, I praise not the blessed

I stumbled into the pride for the second time with a broken soul and hope-filled heart. I wasn’t perfect or good in any way (let’s hope I never do become thus), but it was so much better than the first time. The lions must have seen this, too, because their hatred was gone instantaneously, as if it had never been there at all. I couldn’t believe it, but the voices could.

As I reentered the embers of my destruction, there was no avoiding my past, but I no longer wanted to. I was changed, and the pride saw this without me saying a word. They didn’t doubt me anymore, and I found that I had no urge to doubt them. I wasn’t completely ready to be part of the pride, and they weren’t ready for me to be. For now, I simply had to try and to exist, which was all I could do. I knew time would heal all of our wounds and level all of our worries.

I don't want to live so calloused and frozen, ugly and hopeless
I don't want to live forever, I just want to live right now
You can't take me, from me

Of course, this wasn’t a happy ending. I had my deeds to account for, but I did what I could. I helped rebuild the pride (and myself) alongside my new family even before they were such. As I did, their unease melted away. They began to look at me in a new light, and I them. In all honesty, they accepted me before I had even fully accepted them. No matter how cliche it may sound, I was a new person. I had a place where I belonged and a family that embraced me, no matter how unlikely it may have seemed at first, and for that I will always be grateful.

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind

They will never understand what is inside me, but that doesn’t matter. I am who I am, and I am not ashamed. No one needs to know. It is my burden and my joy, and there is no reason I should share that with any other. I have begun to discover other things, too. Secrets for me to hold and cherish, but that’s for me to know and for you to, well, not know.

This isn’t over, though. My story is still being written. I have my ways and my pride has theirs. I will keep to mine as long as they keep to theirs. But things are changing. The voices, they have begun to mutter strange things. They tell me that I will face great opposition, but to keep my head about me. Whatever comes, I will be ready. From the shadows, I observe. I see everything. Nothing can hide for long. Everything will come to the light in due time.