Support Your Local Mafia

Orange was surprised when Lausac jumped into the game headfirst – perhaps more surprised than he should have been. Pretend murder was still kind of like murder, after all.

”Easy. Let’s lynch LeFleuris.” he spoke up as though it was the most obvious solution in the world.

”You’ve reached a decision already?” the accused smiled. ”Care to share your reasoning?”

”You’re the shiftiest bastard in the room. Pretty obvious that you’re maf.” Lausac explained, rolling his eyes.

”Umm… that doesn’t make any sense, dumbass. Drew said the roles were randomly assigned.” Flann criticized.

”Let’s lynch Flannie, too.”

Flann’s glare intensified. Orange could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

”I say we lynch Lausac!” she shot back, ”Only a member of the mafia would start accusing people so fast!”

”Seems like typical Lausac to me, honestly.” Venith shrugged, taking a sip of her tea. ”Impulsive, idiotic, eager to incite conflict…”

”You wanna say that again, you b-“

”If anything, you’re suspicious for trying to out him.” she continued, much to Flann’s alarm.

”W-What? No, that’s not it at all!” Flann panicked. Before she could attempt to spit out a pitiful defense for herself, LeFleuris returned to the conversation.

”If that’s the case, then you’re awfully suspicious for accusing her of being suspicious.”

”Which makes you suspicious for being suspicious of Venith being suspicious for being suspicious of Flann for being suspicious of Lausac!” Septicemia gasped, her shock quickly devolving into crazed laughter.

”And that makes you suspicious for suspecting LeFleuris for being suspicious of Venith for being suspicious of Flann for being suspicious of Lausac!” Chiro merrily joined in.

”Gaaah! How could you accuse me like that!” Septicemia cried. ”Now I’m gonna suspect you, you meanie!”

”Wait. We’re missing an important detail.”

Everyone in the room eagerly turned toward Mariellu.

”We mustn’t forget that Flann was suspicious of Lausac in the first place for being suspicious of both herself and LeFleuris.”

”Right!” Merah chimed in, ”Then Septicemia is suspicious for being suspicious of Chiro for being suspicious of her for being suspicious of LeFleuris for being suspicious of Venith for being suspicious of Flann for being suspicious of Lausac for being suspicious of her and LeFleuris!”

”Enough. This is getting out of hand.” Valence scolded, nearly getting out of her seat. Orange was relieved. All of this suspiciousness was starting to hurt his mind.

”She’s right, you know.” LeFleuris agreed. Valence grimaced, but temporarily put aside her distaste for LeFleuris’ existence for the sake of progress. ”Going around in circles is hardly productive.”

Orange nodded. ”I agree. Like Flann said, all of the roles are randomly assigned, and we haven’t had a night session yet. That means there’s no way anyone can know anyone else’s role right now. Whoever we lynch today is going to be lynched based on… well, baseless guesses.”

”Couldn’t we just... not lynch anyone?” Merah asked, wringing his hands.

”You can!” Hadris nodded. ”Not a very exciting decision, sure, but there’s nothing in the rules against abstaining from lynching.”

”Perhaps we should consider that option, then.” Elemon said, perhaps a bit too quickly.

”I’m not sure that’s the best choice.” Venith advised. ”If we decide against lynching anyone, then we lose the chance to kill anyone in the mafia. Essentially, we would be giving them an extra turn.”

”Is that so bad?” Septicemia sighed, head hung. ”We’re all gonna die eventually…”

Orange ignored Septicemia – a common occurrence for anyone around her – his attention instead fixed on Venith. ”Well, not exactly. At this stage in the game, the innocents outnumber the mafia by a lot. So if we lynch someone, we’re more likely to kill a villager or someone useful.”

”Hmm… I see. A troubling dilemma, to be sure.”

”Personally, I still think we should lynch someone.” LeFleuris began.

”Maaaaaaaf.” Lausac whispered. Loudly. So it wasn’t actually really a whisper.

Flann rolled her eyes, ”Don’t you think we should hear him out, first?”

”Doesn’t matter.” Lausac shrugged, leaning back in his chair, ”My gut says he’s maf, and nothing’s gonna convince me otherwise. I’d bet my ass on it.”

”Would you?” LeFleuris leaned in, utterly undaunted. If anything, Lausac seemed to be encouraging him. ”Would you really bet your ass on that?”

”You bet your ass I would.”

”I’ll take that bet.”

Septicemia blushed, fanning herself. ”Oooh, I like where this is going.”

”I do not.” Valence sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

”Neither do I.” Orange frowned. ”I really don’t think you should be betting your ass on this kind of game, Lausac…”

”My ass is none of your business. I think I can handle this, thanks.”

”Err… well, I mean, I’m not trying to doubt you or anything, but… well…”

”Oh, come on, Orange! You’re not siding with him, are you?”

”T-That’s not what I meant! I mean, everyone’s roles are randomized, and he’s not really acting any differently than usual, so you shouldn’t start making bets you might regret!” Orange attempted to explain. LeFleuris watched their banter silently, visibly entertained.

Flann shook her head. ”You shouldn’t bother trying to reason with him, Orange. If he wants to hand his ass over to LeFleuris, then let him!”

”I believe she is correct.” Mariellu agreed. ”I presume matters such as this are sacred and mysterious… we cannot begin to fathom the depths of their desires.”

”That’s enough.” Valence boomed. ”Do as you please with your asses, but we need to return to the matter at hand. Namely, who will be lynched if we choose to lynch at all.”

”Yes, I agree.” Amelano spoke up, his voice dark and dramatic. ”Why waste breath on a petty battle when there is a war to be fought? You fools are concerned only with your worthless asses, not of our ultimate fate in this cosmic game!”

”…What?”

Chiro rubbed his chin, turning toward the group after staring at Amelano for a while. ”Well, if I’m understanding him correctly, I believe what he’s trying to communicate to us is that we should stop talking about butts.”

”Your plebeian translation is acceptable.”

”Very well, then. I suppose you’ll allow me to continue, now?” LeFleuris asked rhetorically, glancing at Lausac.

”Whatever, maf.”

”Wonderful. To elaborate, I believe it would be beneficial to eliminate a player who would serve as an inconvenience to all of us, regardless of alignment.” he explained. ”A certain player who is terribly unreadable in a game where reading people is all that can truly be relied on.”

”Huh?! An unreadable player?!” Septicemia exclaimed. ”I wonder who you’re talking about…”

Her expression turned stone cold as she pointed straight across the table.

”Elemon Ohod!” she shouted, ”It’s you, isn’t it?! You’re the murderer!”

Elemon jumped – a sight seldom witnessed – appearing confused.

”I… fail to understand.” he stuttered, unsure of how to respond. Orange couldn’t blame him.

”Don’t play dumb, I know all about you!”

She looked like she was about to lay it all down – though exactly what “it” was, no one could be sure – when her expression changed.

”Mmm… maybe I don’t. What were we talking about again?”

”Lynching you.” LeFleuris answered.

”Oh, I see, I see…”

Septicemia’s eyes widened. She clapped her hands onto her face, which was contorted into something resembling horror.

”Wait, you want to lynch me?! That’s…. that’s… that’s such an honor!” she swooned. ”Who’d’ve thought anyone would want to pick me first? Ohh, I’m turning red! Please excuse me if I cry!”

”Oh, I get it.” Orange thought out loud, ”Septicemia’s multiple personalities would make it really hard to tell when she’s being suspicious, and we’d never be completely sure if she was telling the truth about something or not. So lynching her now would probably save us some trouble down the road, right?”

”Precisely.” LeFleuris confirmed. ”And I’m sure that’s something we can all agree on, correct?”

Everyone looked at each other, nodding.

”I’m still sure you’re maf, but whatever. Might as well kill someone now and get this over with.” Lausac grumbled.

”I really wish we didn’t have to kill anyone… but I think this is everyone’s best interest!” Merah nodded.

”Then it’s settled! The first victim of this cruel game will be poor Septicemia!” Septicemia announced dramatically, tears welling up in her eyes.

”Wait.”

The group turned their attention to Mariellu.

”We haven’t gotten a vote from Loligo. I understand her vote won’t make any difference in the end, but…”

Chiro folded his arms. ”Yes, I agree vehemently! For the sake of completion, Loligo needs to tell us what up!”

Somehow, they had all been so caught up in discussing suspicions and asses that they had neglected to notice that Loligo had been asleep for the entirety of the game. Mariellu gently prodded her, but all she did was mumble something about breakfast. Septicemia decided to take matters into her own hands, grabbing Loligo by the shoulders and shaking her violently.

”Oh God, wake up! They’re gonna kill me! Oh God, they’re going to kill me!” she screamed. Loligo woke up and promptly head-butted her, scanning the room as she ignored Septicemia’s whimpering.

”What, we starting?” she yawned.

”We started thirty minutes ago.” Mariellu informed her.

”I knew that, dumbass. I kicked it when everyone started spouting dumb bullshit. I mean, we at the good part yet?”

”We’re at the part where I get lynched!” Septicemia gleefully told her.

”Kickass. Then let’s kill this bitch so we have some shit to go off of already.”

”Wonderful! That settles it, then! By unanimous decision, Septicemia is sentenced to death!” Hadris announced. ”Any last words?”

”Yeah, see you bastards in Hell!” Septicemia cackled as the floor opened beneath her. As her laughter faded, an empty chair rose back up, leaving no sign that anyone was ever there.

”W-When did you set that up?” Orange asked anxiously.

”Y-Yeah, and where does that lead…? Is she gonna be okay…?” Merah added on, hands clasped close to his chest.

”Well it wouldn’t be much fun if I gave all of my secrets away, now would it! You’ll just have to find out for yourselves!” Hadris chuckled. Orange could feel himself beginning to sweat. He had heard all sorts of rumors about this sort of thing. Party games that no one came back from, secret rooms in the basement where you could hear the cries of the fallen amongst snack crumbs and deflated balloons… the idea of losing became even more worrying.

”Anyway, congratulations! You all just lynched one of the spies!” Hadris clapped, much to everyone’s surprised.

”Aww, shit… maybe I shouldn’t have slept through the whole thing.”

”Wait, sir, which spy was it? The sane or insane one?” Valence asked, struggling to mask her defeated look.

”Can’t say! You’ll all just have to figure that out! Now then, let’s move on to the night segment, shall we?”

Before Orange could start theorizing or even ask how the night segment was going to work, he blacked out. When he woke up, there was one more person absent from the table: Valence.