Prompt Shop Bop

"Nightmare" - Akilia

by Natewantstobattle

"In the back of my mind
"I've been trying to chase a monster this whole time"

Since her mother returned as a spirit and led Akilia to the Isle of Roses, Akilia has dedicated her everything for one goal: taking the pride from Nasaba and becoming its new leader. Her mother has been pushing for it, egging Akilia on as she tries again and again to convince her daughter that Nasaba is not meant or fit to lead the pride. As hard as she's tried to paint him to be a monster, Akilia has never fully believed it, and yet she's chased after him anyways, determined to fulfill what her mother has promised her is her destiny. She's meant to lead the Isle of Roses; she is meant to be their salvation, to be the one that makes them into a "proper" pride. And so Akilia has thrown her everything into trying to accomplish this goal, taking up a role that meant actively lying to her pridemates because she believed it was a necessity. After all, why would her mother lie to her? If Akilia had a divine purpose to fulfill, and her mother was going to lead her to fulfilling it, she would do whatever it took, even if it meant fighting against someone who she wasn't sure ought to be fought against, because to oppose a purpose that someone was ordered to do by the ancestors made you the enemy, didn't it? Even if he didn't mean to be, Nasaba was the enemy because he would be an obstacle hindering Akilia from accomplishing the goal given to her. And if someone was the enemy, didn't that make them a monster?

"But I couldn't see the monster was me"

But, when the dust settles and Akilia finally finds herself in charge, it's not going to be the site she's expecting. Her pridemates aren't tripping over themselves to thank her for the actions she took; beyond the supporters she'd gotten before enacting her coup, many are neutral or even disapproving, and some even opt to leave the pride. Leading isn't everything she pictured it to be, especially when her mother is lurking in her ears, trying to push her to implement a system for the Isle of Roses that even Akilia cannot see as being better for everyone. When she finally is forced to confront her mother, Akilia realizes that Nasaba wasn't the monster...she was. Her and her mother had never been the heroes; she had been led to become a villain. The revelation sends her reeling, because everything she did was for what she thought was a good cause. Suddenly, Akilia is forced to come face to face with the horrible things she did in some stupid attempt to garner her mother's love. She fell hook, line, and sinker for the lies her mother fed her, so caught up in the idea that she could finally see her mother be proud of her. She lied to her pride about being fit to be oracle, faking a connection to their ancestors and advising them in situations she actually had no right to guide them with. She pronounced Laani as cursed at her mother's bidding to ensure she wouldn't be a problem, not even considering that maybe the reason her mother would want Laani to be out of the way and considered an unreliable source by the pride because she threatened to expose the truth behind Akilia's mother's actions. She covered up the truth behind a murder, despite putting the pieces together, and let an innocent lion take the fall for it so that she could gain the actual murderer as an ally for her eventual coup, all because her mother insisted she'd need allies to succeed. She had sent a good leader away, usurping his position all because she'd been fooled by the idea that she could have been chosen to save a pride from self-destructing by leading them the "right" way. What she'd done...how could anyone even forgive that? How had she actually believed anything her mother told her? Was she really that naive? How had her judgement been so clouded by the idea of gaining her mother's favor that she hadn't seen all the red flags and warning signs that what she was doing was wrong?

"Now I've run out of tears"

When everything is finally brought to light, it truly devastates Akilia. For the first time in what feels like forever, Akilia is able to force her mother from her mind, blocking out the sight of her and the sound of her voice. And when she has the time to be alone, she breaks and cries. She cries and cries and cries, because suddenly everything she was so certain of has been completely destroyed. Everything she ever thought she knew has been decimated, thrown in her face like some cruel joke. She was the villain all along, and it takes everything out of Akilia, because all of this time, she'd been so certain she was doing the right thing. And now? Now she knows that instead she made a terrible mistake, and she doesn't know how to fix it. So instead she cries until she has no tears left to offer the universe, because she needs that time to just give the only thing she can give the world that she hurt: her guilt. And when it's all said and done, Akilia finds that she's run out of tears, and she doesn't even know how to feel moving forward. Everything has been turned upside down, and now that she has finished crying, she has no idea what she's supposed to do. Is she angry at her mother? Afraid to admit the truth to the pride and admit that she was wrong to everyone that had tried to say as much when she originally was trying to take the pride over? Ashamed that she could fall for such a ridiculous lie? Sad to know that she had been played by her mother all along? Happy to know the truth sooner rather than later and to be free of leading in the shadow of her mother? She feels everything and nothing, only knowing that she can't keep crying.