Prompt Shop Bop

"I Am Not Nothing" - Akilia

by Beth Crowley

"I'd lie awake in bed just staring at the ceiling"

Akilia is an expert at keeping herself up at night, dwelling on things that happened, things that might happen, and everything in between. She often finds herself laying in her den, long after Laani will have drifted off to sleep, staring up at the ceiling and considering what the future holds for her. Granted, she doesn't always stay up of her own volition; her mother frequents her nighttime solitude to offer up her own thoughts on situations. Sometimes, it's simply her own reflection and observations, but more often, Kilia comes to talk about plans for the future. There is plenty of talk about general decision-making and how to ensure Akilia maintains her position in the pride as an Oracle, which she still has yet to really accept is her faking a connection to the ancestors (because she technically is talking to the ancestors, since Kilia is dead but Akilia is still in communication with her) instead of having a genuine ability to speak with them, but even more than that, there is discussion about how Akilia is going to take down Nasaba. Most notably, Kilia speaks with her on how to go about eliminating the King of the Isle of Roses, insisting that he must die for the sake of the pride. It's something that the two of them still do not agree on; despite her mother's insistence, Akilia doesn't want to kill Nasaba, because it doesn't feel right to kill him when he doesn't realize he is hurting the pride. 

Even when she sends her mother away, insisting that Kilia is disturbing her and that Akilia needs to get enough sleep to do her job within the pride to a satisfactory level, Akilia often finds herself still awake and dwelling on what she is going to have to do, the reality of the situation still never fully sinking in. She just keeps finding herself staring at that ceiling, contemplating what her future holds and whether or not she will actually be able to go through with it when the time comes. She consistently grapples with herself and what her mother wants, knowing that she is expected to kill Nasaba to become the leader of the Isle of Roses, that she has to in order to fulfill her destiny and save the Isle of Roses from unknowingly destroying itself due to the system Nasaba has instituted, but being unable to fully commit to that aspect of the plan, not approving of Nasaba's way of leading (mostly because of her mother's goading and insistence on pointing out all the flaws in his decisions, as opposed to Kilia's own beliefs and practices, which she wants Akilia to make a reality as the new laws for the Isle of Roses once Nasaba has been eliminated) but also not believing that he deserves to die because he made mistakes. She knows if he doesn't, he will continued to be a thorn in her side, and will press to try and fight back against her and question her authority; her mother constantly reminds her of this fact. But, no matter how hard she tries, she can't shake that small guilty conscience in the back of her head that keeps questioning what her mother instructs her to do, and consistently keeps herself up at night wrestling with that decision.

"Wondering if things would get worse"

The question always lurking in the back of Akilia's mind, even if it doesn't make herself known to her, is a simple one: is her mother's plan really going to make the Isle of Roses a better pride, and is Nasaba's death really a sacrifice that must be made for the sake of the greater good? Nasaba has a family, has friends. He was the one that formed the pride and brought it together, giving life to the Isle of Roses. Without him, Akilia wouldn't even have the chance to fulfill her destiny, and her entire future could have been destined to play out in a very different fashion, if her destiny wasn't just completely disregarded with her having no chance to achieve what she was born to do. Is it right that he has to die so that Akilia can take what he created it and shape it into something more suitable? Despite her mother's insistence and Akilia's failure to voice many of her opinions on the matter due to her fears about challenging her mother (and the fact that she is still clinging to that idea that she now has a new chance to make Kilia proud and prove that she is a good daughter and can actually do something right), Akilia does have several concerns about the plan that Kilia intends for her to enact. In spite of everything her mother says, Akilia cannot shake that feeling in her gut that insists that, should she go through with their plan, things will go wrong. When she stays up at night, contemplating whether or not she can (and will) go through with killing Nasaba, it often comes down to her weighing the pros and the cons of each decision. 

Though she would never admit it to her mother, she has even found herself considering completely disregarding her destiny, in the process either coming clean about everything to Nasaba (and potentially the rest of the pride) or continuing to be the Oracle with or without her mother's help without telling anyone what she initially came to do. Despite everything, Akilia never comes out of these sessions of contemplation with any proper decision. The worst part is that, when she does accomplish what she sets out to do, despite ultimately refusing to kill Nasaba and intending to simply exile him, he still ends up dead due to the actions of one of her supporters. On top of that, the Isle of Roses does not improve, but instead sees a decline in its atmosphere as the pride mourns the loss of its previous leader. Akilia will be forced to realize that her concerns were merited, and that her mother manipulated her into molding the pride into what Kilia deemed to be the proper way for a pride to be run.