Prompt Shop Bop

"Good Enough" - Kataa

by Little Mix

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"I am the diamond you left in the dust"

People always say that everyone is special. Everyone is unique. In essence, everyone is a diamond. But Kataa? Kataa never got to feel like that. Msaliti, her mother, hates her. Pango, her father, didn't choose her. And Cleopatra? Cleopatra got everything Kataa wanted. Her parents adore Cleo. Msaliti wishes she could've kept her instead, because she was the one who could remind Msaliti of Pango despite him leaving her, but Cleo was the one who her father chose to take back with him and chose to rescue from Msaliti. What did Kataa get? She got left in the dust. She was forgotten by her father and scorned by her mother, because in comparison to her sister, she was nothing. Cleo was a diamond and Kataa was worthless when put up against competition like that. It left her distraught, because Kataa quickly learned that she couldn't hold a candle to Cleo, even when Cleo wasn't around.

"I am the future you lost in the past"

Kataa wasn't even given a chance to prove what she could be. She had no chance to prove to Pango or Msaliti that she could do things, maybe even do things better than Cleo. Any potential future she had was completely discarded by them, being left in the past to be forgotten. The idea that she could prove to be anything was lost on them; after they decided that she was never going to compare to her sister (because surely that had to be the conclusion they reached, or else why was Kataa treated the way she was?), they forgot about her being able to do anything else and become anything new, instead abandoning her to always be stuck as what she already was: a disappointment.

"Seems like I never compare"

No matter what Kataa tries to do, she never can seem to compare to her sister. No matter how far she runs, how much she fights, how much she hunts, Kataa cannot ever seem to stand on equal footing with Cleo, despite barely even seeing her. Msaliti makes sure to remind her of that fact any time Kataa tries to impress her. No matter how desperately Kataa clambers for her mother's attention and affection, she always falls short, and it hurts. She just wants to be looked at as an equal to her twin sister; at this point, she doesn't even want to be her superior. Just being an equal to her in one thing would be enough, but Kataa can't even seem to get that close.

"Wouldn't notice if I disappeared"

The rejection Kataa has experienced has made her wonder more times than she can count if anyone would notice if she disappeared. Her name literally means "reject." Before she'd even done anything to deserve it, her mother had decided that she hated her and did not want her as a daughter, and did the minimal requirement to take care of Kataa, probably so that her pridemates didn't all turn on her for treating her own daughter so terribly. Even among her pridemates, Kataa often feels like she is just another member of the crowd, forgettable. Would anyone notice if she left? She doesn't know whether she envisions leaving as her death or as her choosing to find her own place in the world; the most conclusive thought she can draw on that is that which one she is imagining the scenario with fluctuates depending on her mood. Whatever the case, it's a thought that disturbs Kataa, often keeping her up at night, because the more she dwells on the idea, the harder it is to try and convince herself that anyone would. Each time she comes to the conclusion that no one would faster and faster, and that hurts. Kataa doesn't want everyone to not care, but she doesn't know how to capture their attention. As a child, she was crazy, but now, all the crazy seems to have bundled itself up and hidden itself away inside of her. Instead of her hatred being directed outward, despite her lashing out, most of her hatred over how she has been treated gets directed inwards instead. Kataa hates to think that people would notice if she disappeared, but she hates even more the fact that she's not sure she would even notice if she left to find somewhere else, because nothing seems to be important in her life currently.

"You stole the love that I saved for myself"

All cubs instinctively expect their parents to love them, especially their mothers. Kataa thought the same, but quickly was taught otherwise. The love she instinctively knew she should be receiving from her mother was stolen from her. Msaliti had no affection for her daughter. There were no kind words when Kataa got hurt. No comforting kisses when she woke up from nightmares. No soft lullabies when she couldn't sleep. No afternoon snacks when she got hungry before it was meal time. Everything Kataa would've expected a mother to do was never done by Msaliti. Instead, she received criticism and disinterest; even when she tried to show off to her mother by doing things like jumping high or catching butterflies, her mother had no interest in what she could do. To her, Kataa was nothing.

"And I watched you give it to somebody else"

But her mother didn't just steal away the love that Kataa should've gotten had her mother been normal. Instead of simply being rejected by her, Kataa was forced to watch as the love that she should've received from Msaliti was all poured out on Cleo, despite her mother almost never even getting to see her. It was as if every motherly thing that Msaliti could do was doubled for Cleo at the expense of Kataa never getting to experience it. Cleo was supported. Cleo was praised for everything she did. Cleo was not held accountable for every single mistake she made. Cleo was perfect. And Kataa grew to despise her sister, because how was it fair that before either of them had a chance to show what kind of people they were, their parents had already decided their opinions on them. It was unfair, how Kataa had to watch as Cleo got everything that Kataa had always wanted.