Prompt Shop Bop

"Good Enough" - Kataa

by Little Mix

"Am I still not worth that much?"

Despite it making it that much easier to cut off ties with her, Kataa couldn't help hurting over the fact that Msaliti made no efforts to acknowledge her wrongdoings or fight for Kataa not to sever their relationship. Instead, all Msaliti did was defend herself and try to make Kataa feel even worse about herself. In her mother's eyes, their relationship wasn't worth fighting for even to keep Kataa trying desperately to please her. As toxic as it was, to learn that not even that behavior could make her mother feel any endearment or even attachment towards her was still devastating. It was like a slap to the face, one last reminder that Kataa was not worth her mother's while and never would be. If she didn't have the friends and support that she did, Kataa probably would have been much more hurt by her mother's behavior. She knew all along that she had little worth in Msaliti's eyes, but she had thought that she at least was worth something. Even if her mother didn't care for her, surely having her daughter grovel towards her in a desperate bid to get attention would mean Msaliti at least cared for Kataa's attention. Instead, Kataa just got the full confirmation that, to her mother, she was absolutely worthless. It took much of the satisfaction out of finally cutting ties with her mother, because the blow didn't even seem to hurt Msaliti's pride beyond the fact that she was getting called out for not being the angel that most of the members of the Isle of Roses seemed to think she was. To have your daughter mean so little to you that her laying out in no uncertain terms that she wanted nothing to do with you should have some sort of impact on someone, and yet, in the case of Kataa's mother, it didn't even seem to phase her. That was the worst part of confronting her mother: learning just how little she was actually valued by her.

"I'm sorry for the way my life turned out"

For the longest time, Kataa was sorry for the way her life turned out. To some extent, she still is, though not for the same reasons. Kataa was always sorry that she was a disappointment. Despite her mother hating her ever since she could remember, the poor lioness was certain that it truly was her fault, somehow, and that if she could do whatever she needed to rectify that (not that she knew how to rectify it), her mother would be happy with her. However, once her friends opened her eyes and she took a good, long look at her reflection, Kataa found she didn't like how she turned out for an entirely different reason. She had become spiteful and cruel, lashing out and hurting those around her because she was angry and hurt. Kataa hated what she had become, and since then, has been striving to fix herself as much as she can. It's not easy, overcoming all the damage her mother's actions caused, however, slowly but surely, Kataa is pushing herself to become someone she can be proud of, even if her mother is not. Once upon a time, an apology for how she turned out might very well have been a legitimate one, but now Kataa knows better, and if she made that apology to Msaliti, it would be much more sarcastic than sincere, a jab at the fact that, despite Msaliti's best efforts and disapproval, Kataa has continued to thrive, and she is happy with how her life has unfolded since she began making improvements on her character.

"Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now"

Before Kataa stared to work on improving herself, she barely smiled. When she did, it was never a truly genuine action on her part; there was always some lingering pain or anger there, a harshness that the cheerful facial expression could not dampen. Since she has chosen to move past her mother and any attempts to garner her affection, however, Kataa has found herself actually smiling. She didn't even realize that she lived in such a perpetual state of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, only really smiling or feeling any joy if Msaliti showed even the most remote of interests in her, but now, Kataa feels like a whole new world of opportunity has been opened up to her. When her happiness is not completely dependent on a worth assigned to her by a cruel lioness whose qualms against her are completely arbitrary, Kataa found herself being nicer not only to others, but also to herself. The impossibly high standards both she and her mother had imposed on her (even if Msaliti wasn't actively doing so) were lifted, and Kataa could suddenly breath freely. She is now free to simply be happy, and Kataa is not going to let her mother take that freedom away from her ever again. If she were to apologize to her mother on the matter, it would never be a genuine apology. She is not going to be sorry for the fact that she is happy for the first time in her life, at least for the first time consistently in her life. No matter what Msaliti does, Kataa is not going to let her take that smile away with her cruelty. Kataa is able to wear a smile proudly, knowing that in that case, she really has bested her mother, whether Msaliti will acknowledge it or not. Despite everything her mother has done, Kataa has still managed to find happiness in her life; she is wearing a smile now, and she has become a much more pleasant lioness to be around. Even if Msaliti never intended to have the control over her daughter that she did, by smiling and continuing to live her life despite knowing her mother will never be proud of her, she has lost the leverage she once had over her daughter. Kataa may not be good enough for her mother, but she will be happy in spite of her. That act alone is a small victory over her mother.