Gutterbird's Links
Romeo is... fucking persistent. I elbowed him in the ribs on instinct the first time I met him, since he wouldn’t stop fucking grabbing at my face, but if anything it’s just seemed to spur him on. Ugh, whatever, I’m not gonna stop you if you’re so dead set on being around me.
Gutter is, like, SOOO cute!! The way he acts like he hates it when I pet his ears or gush over his cute little feet paws is to die for!!!! Waaa, they say good things come in small packages, and when it comes to Gutzywutsy, it’s so true!!! Short kings rise!!!
Ricky is sort of annoying. The way he just goes with the flow constantly pisses me off, how can anyone be that calm all the time? He talks a lot about it all being about the here and now, but what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are you telling me not stressing the fuck out all the time about the future isn't normal? What the fuck?
Gutter's a feisty one! I made the mistake of leaning down to talk to him better once, and he brained me hard as all get out with his own head. I had a bump on my forehead for a week, but I sure learned my lesson! He stops in every once in a while for lessons, and while he's a slow learner, I can tell he's trying. His nails get in the way a whole lot, though.
My dentist. I have this creepy fuck on speed dial, since I clench my jaw too fucking much. Way too handsy with me in public, but I’ve given up telling him to stop by now. Ugh.
My most loyal client! I see Gutterbird extremely often, he has a knack for breaking his teeth. Treating him fills me with delight, and I can recognize his phone number instantly now. It’s fascinating to watch his teeth refill slowly after I install them surgically. He’s just... fascinating.
My husband... I adore him, and I’ll never know why the fuck he puts up with me. I try not to dwell on shit like that, though, because in the end it doesn’t matter. What matters is he’s here... and that I love him.
MY HUBBY!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!! He cares so much about me and I appreciate that a whole lot! [KISSY NOISE!!!] He bites sometimes, but that’s okay! Nothing wrong with being a little feral! :]
I see this guy in two places: my social media feed, and in my favorite coffee shop. The difference between how he looks in those places is fucking insane. Dude’s gonna drop dead apparently, or at least he fuckin’ looks like it when I see him in real life. I’m feeling it. I’d look like that if I had to deal with Zipper, too.
You can really hear Gutterbird from a mile away! I’ve never heard a louder step in my life, but that’zzzzzzz whatcha get when you’re solid stone! But, yeouch, I’d never wanna be on the receiving end of a hit from this guy, you see those claws?! Zipper came home sporting the biggest bruise I’d ever seen after a run in with Gutterbird, so I think making him mad would mean pushing up daisies! Yikes!
Holy fuck, this dude is annoying. He tries to sneak up on you to ambush you into a sales pitch, but that’s pretty fuckin’ hard to pull off when you wear shoes that squeak with every step, ain’t it? One time he tried to rub something on me and I shoved him into a trash can, so there’s that. He didn’t learn his lesson.
Gutterbird’s a real stony guy. Haha! Get it? Stony?
Dude threw me through a trash bin in broad daylight. What a tough customer! I’ll get ‘em next time, though.
Blitzen’s alright, for someone who’s attached to Romeo at the hip. He can be a little obnoxious, but whatever, who can’t? We don’t talk often, but when we do I enjoy myself. He gives off the appearance of being a gigantic doofus, but I feel like that’s on purpose. Whatever, we’ve all got our secrets.
Gutterbird’s one stone-cold dude! HA! Oh, man. Comedy gold.
This guy gets me. Maybe a little too fuckin’ much, actually, we only get along in small doses. Just because I understand him doesn’t mean I need to like him. Is this what I seem like to other people? Moody, brooding, an emo little fuck? Christ. But, hey, I’m taller than him. It’s the little victories.
Fucker.
Boisterous, loud, carefree. All shit I hate dealing with in other people. Why aren’t you worried about anything? You should be, considering how much money you spend jumping from one hair-brained scheme to the next. So much money... I’m stressed just thinking about it, fuck. Even when I tell this dude to get lost he drags me along to wherever he’s going, so I guess he likes me, somehow. Is he oblivious or just being annoying?
Smile a little, sweet thing! You’re gonna give yourself wrinkles and gray hair! Maybe I should teach you how to live a little, eh?
Flake’s fine. Could use another couple of jackets, though, the guy’s always fucking blue in the face from how cold he is. See a doctor, Jesus Christ. I barely know him, but I’m worried that he’s gonna keel over.
Mhmmm... Hhhh... Gu-Guh! Gutterbird is ssssort of... scary...
Even if Sol is too energetic for me to handle for long periods of time, I like him. He returned my cat when it got out the front door, so he’s good in my book. I think him and Flake are a thing, which is interesting, since he’s a robot. Maybe that makes me a fuckin’ hypocrite, oops. Whatever, Sol can pet my cats if he wants, ain’t that proof enough I like the guy?
Gutterbird can be a bitch sometimes, but that’s okay!! I like his cats a lot! He has so many...
Jeremy’s a pushover. I’ve seen the dude get insulted right to his face and he just took it, so that pissed me the fuck off. Once I finished with threatening that worthless douche I gave Jeremy a good talking to about having a fuckin’ spine, but I can tell he isn’t interested in that. Seeing him be so nice constantly is disorienting... don’t you just want to go ape shit?
Gutterbird is a character, alright! I can really tell he cares a lot, but the way he expresses this care and compassion is a bit rougher than it needs to be. Nevertheless, I really appreciate him! He’s stuck up for me more than a handful of times, and while I really am thankful, he tends to follow it up with a lecture about how I need to do it myself... Ah...
Bruce stays out of my way, and I can respect that. Hangs with Jeremy, which is good, because the dude needed an attack dog. We’ve never spoken, which is fine with me. I’m in no rush to change that.
I couldn’t tell ya’ the first thing about Gutterbird.