Zipper's Links
My boyfriend! No idea how I landed a catch like Toby, but that must be tha’ irresistible Zipper Charm working its wonders! ;) I’ve always thought Toby was a real sight fer sore eyes ever since I first saw ‘em, and man, what a guy! He’s a bleedin’ heart alright, his past says it clear as day. Nicer than anyone I’ve ever known, opened his home up ta’ me when I was eatin’ garbage off tha’ streets. What a guy, indeed...
Zipper is my... boyfriend. Woah! Jeez, that word makes me feel young again! Yeah, he’zzzzz a bit much sometimes, and he can be a rascal, but he’s my rascal. I wouldn’t have him any other way, despite what everyone else may say, Zipper’zzzzzz a good guy. A... great guy, really, uhm.... Shucks! It get hot in here?
Gutterbird’s a real stony guy. Haha! Get it? Stony?
Dude threw me through a trash bin in broad daylight. What a tough customer! I’ll get ‘em next time, though.
Holy fuck, this dude is annoying. He tries to sneak up on you to ambush you into a sales pitch, but that’s pretty fuckin’ hard to pull off when you wear shoes that squeak with every step, ain’t it? One time he tried to rub something on me and I shoved him into a trash can, so there’s that. He didn’t learn his lesson.
Ricky’s a cool dude! I’m banned from enterin’ his guitar shop though, somethin’ about releasin’ a fuck ton a live pigeons in his store bein’ against the rules er whatever. Blah! See if I care, but tha’ fact he opted to catch ‘em by hand instead of buyin’ my handy-dandy bird catchin’ tool really rustled my jimmies. Who does that ta’ a guy?! Spent all day catchin’ birds fer nothin’.
Sure is something. Not sure if that “something” is a good something, but hey, it’s something. This little guy released a flock of birds in my store, so that earned him a lifetime ban. Probably one of the most interesting days of my life, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it.
Romeo might look like he’s harmless, but he’s got tha’ meanest right hook I’ve ever felt, goddamn. Caught me diggin’ through tha’ bins behind his bakery once er twice, gave me tha’ pummelin’ of a lifetime. You know what it’s like ta’ get yer ass handed ta’ ya’ by guy who looks like they sneeze glitter? I do.
Haven’t you learned your lesson, you disgusting bottom feeder?! If I see you around my shop again without your big, strong, handsome, perfect man to keep you in check I will put you in the ground!!!! I’m watching you, bitch!
Between Blitzen and Romeo, ya’d think that this beef cake would be tha’ one ta’ throw all tha’ punches. Nah, Blitzen’s harmless as a leaf, blows past me with a “no thanks, bro” everytime. I ain’t gonna press ‘em fer more, since I’m afraid he’d sick that demon of a boyfriend on me.
Zipper makes Romeo puff up like a fuzz ball, but to me the dudes just a nuisance. Nothin’ to get my jimmies rustled over, but sometimes I do want to dribble him like a basketball 🥴
Creepy as fuck! Tried ta’ sell ta’ this guy once, almost pissed my damn pants when he leaned down right inta’ my face and just... looked at me. Nope, nope, fuck that. Never again.
Smells like garbage, looks like garbage, has a personality like garbage. My, I’ve never seen such a consistent man before.
Drake’s a riot! I know ‘em through Toby, and I don’t think he likes me very much. Er at least, he ain’t a fan of my shoes! Everytime I take a step around ‘em his eye twitches. These’re my favorite pair! I ain’t wearin’ nothin’ else! Cause they’re my only pair.
I’m going to rip your feet off and force you walk around on your useless little nubs if you don’t take those stupid fucking shoes off, holy shit.
Bombay’s a sucker! I ain’t never seen someone come back fer more before this guy rolled inta’ town. He’s always buyin’ stuff offa’ me, somethin’ ta’ do with a new career calling er whatever. A dollar’s a dollar, and I ain’t arguing with someone who wants ta’ give me a dollar.
Zipper’s got a lot of random things to buy, which helps a lot when I don’t wanna buy stuff I need online! Never hurt to support a small business.
Hey, kid, ya’ wanna buy a second-hand space heater? Basically brand new! I mean, once ya’ replace tha' whole plug.
Ssssstay awuh-away frrrrrooom me!
*Zipper whistles a long, cat calling whistle.*
Ya’ got any spare parts ya’ don’t need? C’mon, don’t be stingy.
Don’t make me use my incinerate function! Pest!!
Prolly tha’ most gullible guy I’ve ever met. He’s sweet and all, yeah, but sweetness don’t get ya’ so far when yer as trusting as Jeremy is. Barely even had ta’ lie ta’ tha’ guy, and I damn woulda made my sale too if that brute he makes out with hadn’t come outta left field and slammed me inta’ a wall.
As much as I sympathize with Zipper, it’s hard to deny that he’s... uhm... Quirky. It’s got to be a sad existence, though... with the ire of everyone in town, I just can’t fathom how much it had hurt to be alone at night for all those years... thinking about all the bad things everyone has ever said about you. He’s got to have some reason for being so... morally compromised, one that he couldn’t of given up on. It must have been so hard...